Recap: The Walsh family has just moved to their new house in Beverly Hills. It's the first day of school in a new city; Brandon is being woken up by his alarm, and Brenda is trying to pick out an outfit and later complains to her mother that she doesn't have the right clothes or hair. That's true enough, but Brenda hasn't yet had her California makeover. Brandon and Brenda drive to West Beverly High in a shitty little brown car. The car, and the fact that it's co-owned by the two of them is an inconsistency in later episodes, but this pilot is filled with minor inconsistencies like this so I'm just going to let them all go. What I can't let go of, however, is the bizarre spectacle of the valet parking service that West Beverly High offers to its students. And it's pretty dumb because there appear to be open parking spots all around. Wouldn't it just be faster and more convenient to pull into a spot instead of handing over one's keys to a valet? We get a whole montage of students arriving in expensive cars like BMWs, Mercedes and Corvettes, while the teachers show up in beaters like Chevettes and Pintos. As Kelly Taylor pulls up in her convertible BMW, she's greeted by Steve Sanders, who demands to know why she hasn't called him all summer. Then jokes that during her recent nose job, they took a foot of her nose off. It's probably stupid insensitive remarks like that that ended your relationship, Steve. Kelly then almost runs over Scott Scanlon, a dorky freshman who blows his head off by accident in Season 2. The city bus pulls up, and we get our first glance of Andrea Zuckerman. Blech. She's attending West Beverly High illegally because she doesn't live in the proper school district. If I'd have been there, knowing what I know, I'd have blown the whistle on her and cheered while they steel-toed her ass back to Van Nuys. Ever since this pilot, I have hated Andrea Zuckerman and all of her smug awfulness with the intensity of a thousand suns. Brenda and Brandon are in the Vice Principal's office, going over their school records from Minneapolis. The VP is impressed with their grades, but warns that West Beverly is a tough school and that the students are very competitive. Nice warm welcome. David Silver and Scott Scanlon are ambling around the campus, and Scott complains that he can't find his locker. David, on the other hand, is more interested in checking out the babes and eyes one who's poured herself into a tight green dress. Chemistry class. A fat and disheveled teacher warns the students to choose their lab partner carefully because they'll be partners for the rest of the semester. At that moment, a fat chick walks in and everyone turns away from her in horror as if she's Quasimodo. She's not thin, cute or fashionably dressed so no one wants to be her lab partner. And just as Quasimodo is eying the empty chair beside Kelly, Kelly spots Brenda entering the classroom and waves her over as though they're friends, and so they become lab partners. The sad plight of Quasimodo is never resolved. Brandon walks into his Spanish class and takes the only vacant seat, which happens to be beside Steve Sanders. The teacher declares that the entire class will be conducted in Spanish, and asks those who don't understand to please raise their hand. Everyone just stares at her blankly until Andrea, sitting in the front row like the insufferable brown-noser she is, raises her hand with the most self-righteous, pompous ass look on her face that makes me want to smack her. And then everyone else in the class follows suit and raises their hands as well. The Blaze newsroom. Brandon walks in looking for Andrea. He greets her with an "hola" because he recognizes her from Spanish class, and she snaps back with a hostile retort. He tells her he wants to write for the paper, and that he used to be the sports editor at his school in Minneapolis. She gives him two options: 1) cover a story about toxic waste disposal, or 2) cover the upcoming women's water polo match. Brandon assumes he's having a normal conversation with a mentally stable person and chooses to cover the water polo match. Andrea immediately looks disgusted and announces that he's just failed her first test. The hell? Apparently, whenever boys say they want to write for the school paper, Andrea administers a bullshit test and offers these two options. And guess what? Without exception, every guy has chosen the water polo story. No duh. And then she yammers on and on about maintaining the standard and integrity of the paper, the long hours, the deadlines, blah, blah.. For someone who's attending this school illegally, she's pretty damn uppity. Brandon gets up with a dazed, uncertain expression on his face and I just want to yell, "Run, Brandon! Run far far away from The Blaze and don't ever come back!" Lunch outside on picnic tables. Brandon looks for somewhere to sit and eat, but no one will make eye contact with him. When he sits down at one table, the people who were sitting there actually get up and leave! I bet if Quasimodo had been in this scene, she totally would have invited him to sit with her. Kelly and Brenda arrive for lunch. Kelly is educating Brenda about the intensity of the school, and how it's filled with rich kids. Correction, Kelly: they're the kids of rich parents. The kids themselves didn't do anything to earn that money. Brenda and Kelly sit at a table with Donna Martin and two extras. David and Scott are each juggling food trays and a large stack of books. Don't they have lockers to store their books? Oh, that's right, Scott's too dumb to find his locker. A group of jocks notices them and one of them throws a football at Scott, and all of his stuff goes crashing to the ground. It was actually pretty funny to watch. A plane flies by with a sign advertising a back to school "jam", and helpfully provides the address. Freshman, however, are barred. The invitation was offered by a girl named Marianne Moore, a rich and obviously completely insane party girl. In the car on the way home, Brenda and Brandon are recapping their day. Brandon tells her it was hard not to know anyone, and that he thought people were afraid to say hello. Actually, it looked a lot more like they were too snobbish, unfriendly, and self absorbed to give him a second thought. The twins agree that they want to go to the "jam" that evening, and Brenda announces she's planning to go with some girls she met at school. Brandon agrees to meet her there. Kelly pulls up in front of the Walsh house and honks for Brenda. That's so damn rude and lazy. Mama Walsh accompanies Brenda to the car so she can meet the girls, who openly laugh and remark how embarrassing it is to find themselves in the presence of someone's mother. Mama Walsh asks Kelly what time her curfew is, and Kelly looks confused, as though she's never heard the word before. And so Mama Walsh negotiates directly with Brenda, and they decide she has to be home by 12:15am. That was totes embarrassing. At the party, Kelly is complimented by a random guy, which thrills her. Thanks to her new nose job, she is looking fantastic. Brenda waves at Brandon, who's standing beside Steve...and Kelly takes notice of him and thinks he's cute. Brandon, in turn, thinks Kelly is cute, but Steve's reaction is unenthusiastic and he tells Brandon he recently dumped Kelly. David and Scott show up at the party, despite being freshmen. David spots Kelly, is instantly smitten and tries to get closer to her. Poor Scott then gets pushed into the swimming pool and everyone laughs. Brandon wanders around the grounds and comes upon a girl in a gazebo wearing a maroon velvet dress with a big sash in front and black tights. She looks unhappy, and he starts chatting with her about how badly the party sucks. She agrees, calls him sexy, and invites him to dance. She declares how much she hates these parties, but that she has no choice but to attend since it's her house. Well, she did send up a plane with the sky written invitation, did she not? Her parents insist that she be social, and apparently the only way to accomplish this is by hosting a "jam" at her house and inviting 1,000+ classmates. Brandon is smitten by the nut and tells her he wants to call her, and she writes her phone number on his forearm with lipstick and warns him not to smudge. Marianne is weird. As people start to leave the party, it's clear that Steve is too drunk to drive his Corvette home. He spots David Silver and persuades him to drive him home...but David is anxious about doing this because a) he doesn't know how to drive, and b) he doesn't have a driver's license. Somehow, though, he manages to safely arrive at Steve's house. He helps him inside, but doesn't properly put the car in park and it coasts backwards and smashes into another car. David panics and flees. Chemistry class. Kelly is doctoring a fake ID for Brenda so they can get into clubs. The fat, disheveled teacher, who looks like he's about to keel over from a heart attack, yells at them for not paying attention. He seems like a really mean, crappy teacher. After school, Kelly suggests using the new fake ID to get into a club called the Blue Iguana. Brenda easily succumbs to peer pressure and agrees that this is a fabulous idea. Opposite of fabulous, however, is whatever's going on with Kelly's outfit in this scene. I'm not even sure how to describe her multi-colored pants...so I'm just going to leave it at that. The rich, unhappy party girl, Marianne, is eating sushi alone and wearing headphones. Incidentally, it looks like she's wearing the exact same outfit she wore at the party. Brandon joins her and jokes about going to Paris for the weekend and she thinks he's serious, not realizing that not everyone is spoiled enough to have the resources to jet off to Europe for a couple of days at a moment's notice. Eventually they agree to go on a local date. The Blaze newsroom. Brandon asks Andrea for advice on a nice restaurant to take a girl out to dinner, and in response she bitches him out for not submitting his article on toxic waste disposal. Wait - that was a real assignment? I thought it was part of her asinine litmus test on how to tell if a boy was serious about writing for the school paper. We also learn that Andrea didn't go to the "jam" because she wants to focus on getting into an Ivy League school. Because apparently you can't do both. My best guess here is that Andrea realized no one at the party would want to talk to her, and she'd end up in a corner snarling to herself. She eventually suggests a restaurant for Brandon's date, but then looks all bummed out and jealous. Andrea really needs to make up her mind and decide if she's going to be a full-on bitch and deal with the consequences, or just be nice to the guy she's crushing on...because right now she's acting very bipolar-ish. Brenda and her gal pals arrive at the Blue Iguana with their fake IDs. Brenda is allowed in, but Kelly is barred. This leaves Brenda wandering around the club by herself, and soon she's being ogled by an older man. Hey, it's Maxwell Caulfield from Grease 2, and also that terrible Dynasty spin-off! He approaches Brenda and offers to buy her a drink. As the two get acquainted near the bar, she learns that he's a lawyer in his mid 20s. Brenda lies and tells him she's a sorority girl, and that everyone in her sorority transferred to L.A. from Minnesota State. Maxwell Caulfield totally buys the implausible story...or maybe doesn't probe too deeply 'cause he's mostly interested in getting laid. Brandon is on his date with Marianne, riding with her on a motorcycle in the dark. A horrible erotic sounding song is playing in the background, and it really sounds like it should be in a porn movie. And then suddenly the two are in a hot tub, drinking wine or champagne. Marianne points out that Brandon has a hairless chest - hee! - and then moves in to give him some serious tongue kissing action before suggesting they get naked. (The porn music really would have fit a lot better in this scene.) Brandon gets a little wigged out and tells her she should hold out a little...like, maybe longer than the first date. Marianne is thrown by this, and assumes she has to put out in order to prove that she's not a bore. Hmm...acting the slut with every Tom, Dick, or Brandon doesn't necessarily guarantee an outgoing personality, but it does suggest that this girl has some serious self esteem issues. Brenda goes with Maxwell Caulfield to his apartment, which seems like an insanely stupid thing to do with a strange man you just met at a bar. He looks thrilled that he's about to get lucky and kisses her in front of a wall of bubbles. He starts to undress her, but she swiftly rebuffs him. He looks pissed off, but agrees to drive her home to the sorority house she pretends to live in. He gives her his number, but Brenda claims she doesn't have a phone - another ridiculous lie he doesn't seem to question. At this point, he should probably be at least a little suspicious that Brenda may not be levelling with him about everything. Brenda calls Kelly at 6:00am, and tells her all about her evening with Maxwell Caulfield. Afterward, Kelly's mother comes to her room to complain about the phone ringing so early. It's a different actress who plays her mom in later episodes - and it's a good thing 'cause this woman doesn't seem very well cast in the role. At school the next morning, Kelly laughs at Steve for getting his car smashed up. She tells him that she witnessed a geek driving him home, but as for which geek it was...she isn't sure. Chemistry class. The fat, disheveled teacher is giving the class a pop quiz. He's playing classical music and acting like a mental patient. Kelly and Brenda obviously didn't study so, they don't know the material...and guess their way through the quiz. Spanish class. A delivery of flowers arrives for Brandon. He has to sign for them and discovers they're from Marianne. Andrea looks sullen and resentful, while Steve is impressed. I am puzzled because it's a little weird for a girl to have flowers delivered to a guy, much less after only one date...and in front of an entire classroom of people they both know. The Blaze newsroom. Andrea is presiding over the work of running the newspaper. During a chat with Brandon, she brings up his date the other night and criticizes Marianne by calling her stupid and rich. Marianne may be stupid and rich, but Andrea is petty, judgmental, and has a black heart. Brandon defends his new lady love, but Andrea is incapable of having a conversation that isn't tainted with her jealousy and insecurities. Steve is trying to track down the geek who was responsible for smashing up his car the night of the party, and he's offering a reward of $50. Why he's bothering with a reward, I don't get. Just file a claim with your car insurer, Steve. David Silver is frightened and tries to disguise himself in a silly hat and glasses. While talking to Scott he realizes that the baseball cap he was wearing the night of the party is still in Steve's car. A doomed caper is imminent so that these two dorks can try to retrieve the incriminating evidence. Brandon is jogging during gym class. A couple of guys in the class are intrigued that he received flowers from Marianne, and they want further details. Brandon suddenly turns into Bravado Brandon and makes it sound like he nailed Marianne, and invites the guys to "use their imagination". Ew. And then word travels faster than the speed of light. Suddenly Brenda knows all about it! And she tells Brandon that the whole school knows about it! Even the school DJ is gossiping about it on the air! All over campus there are groups of kids huddled together, whispering and surreptitiously staring over at Brandon. Brandon encounters Marianne in the hallway, and she punches him in the stomach and tells him she can't trust him anymore. It seems like a giant overreaction for a girl who was well on her way to riding Brandon's baloney pony in the hot tub before he put a stop to it. As she stomps away, she announces that the next big party will probably be at her house. Was that an invitation, or should Brandon wait for another sky written message? Spanish class. Steve calls Brandon a legend, and then Andrea appears out of nowhere and completely flips out. She reprimands Brandon for the whole Marianne thing, even lapsing into Spanish for dramatic effect. Her reaction might make a dose of sense if she were Brandon's girlfriend and he was cheating on her, but she's NOT his girlfriend (or even a friend for that matter), so it doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Why he doesn't just tell Miss Fatal Attraction to go pee up a rope is beyond me. David and Scott break into Steve's Corvette to retrieve Scott's baseball cap, but the car alarm goes off and Steve is alerted by a beeper he carries around with him. He runs out to the parking lot to catch the thieves in action. David admits that the damage to the car was his fault, and Steve responds by chasing him around the car a few times. While he's being chased, David offers to pay for the damage but Steve points out that he has insurance. Exactly, dumbass. Brenda is practicing speaking in front of the mirror, getting ready for her date with Maxwell Caulfield. Brandon catches her, and the two talk about the rumor he inadvertently started about Marianne. When he says he feels like a jerk, Brenda is pleased that he feels some remorse about it and wants to atone for it. And then Brenda shares with him that she likes her new fella so much it's scary. What's scary is that this guy can't guess that he's actually dating a teenager despite the many obvious clues that would lead most people to deduce that something is seriously amiss. Brenda and Maxwell Caulfield are at dinner with another couple. Brenda tells everyone she's studying astronomy, so the guy of the other couple asks her what a black hole is. After looking panicked, she stammers for awhile but is able to fake it admirably and describes a black hole as "a hole that is black". Everyone at the table is satisfied with her demonstrated expertise on the subject, and so the charade continues. After dinner, Brenda and Maxwell Caulfield make out in his car, but she quickly bails on him. He urges her to spend the night with him the coming weekend. Brandon is doing an interview with the school's DJ, who is super annoying. By the way, is it a normal thing for a high school to have a full on DJ booth...or its own radio station for that matter? I thought the whole thing was nothing more than a PA system across the campus, but then we see that Marianne is listening to the interview on her car radio. Anyway, Brandon is defending her honor and denies that anything sexual happened between him and Marianne. It is a lot of personal information that probably no one really needs to be in the know about. Chemistry class. The fat, disheveled teacher is playing classical music again, ambling around the classroom as though he forgot to take his meds. Brenda and Kelly are discussing her dinner date with Maxwell Caulfield, and the teacher walks over to them and accuses them of cheating on the last test. He is starting to seriously creep me out. Brandon encounters Marianne at her locker and once again apologizes for his douchebaggery. He wants a second chance with her on Friday night, but she declines because she's planning on staying home instead. And that is the last we ever see or hear from this rich party girl turned homebody, and I'm pretty glad about that. Brandon stops Andrea in the hallway and asks her if she heard him on the radio clearing up the rumor about him and Marianne. Naturally she's totally bitchy to him and snaps that she never even listens to the school radio station. I don't think that's actually possible since it always seems to be blaring in every hallway of the school, as well as on the outdoor speakers. Andrea is in a rush and tells Brandon that she has to get home. Intrigued, he covertly watches her waiting for the bus, jumps into his car and follows her bus, then watches her get off in a crap neighborhood in the Valley. He pulls up beside her, and of course she's very angry that he discovered where she lives, and is afraid that people will learn that she doesn't live in a school district near West Beverly High. Brandon apologizes about the Marianne incident yet again - talk about beating a dead horse - and Andrea is finally in a forgiving mood and invites him inside her house. Blech, Brandon!Blech. Brenda and Maxwell Caulfield are on another dinner date at an expensive restaurant. Brenda decides to come clean on all of her lies and the truth quickly comes tumbling out of her mouth. She has a telephone after all and can give him her phone number; she doesn't live in a sorority house; she isn't in college; and - the coup de grace - she's a junior in high school and is sixteen years old! Maxwell Caulfield is shocked by her admission, and then gets all bitchy about being duped. Brenda starts crying and apologizes, but he's not moved and threatens to sue her parents. Wuh? The man's a lawyer and he wants to initiate a lawsuit that would draw attention to the fact that he's been dating a teenager and almost committed a felony? Brenda tearfully tells him that he's treating her badly and that she had decided she was going to sleep with him that night. That should have been his cue to run far far away instead of continuing to argue with a sixteen year old about feeling deceived. After he drops Brenda off at her house, she dashes out of the car and runs into her house and into the comforting arms of Mama Walsh. Brenda enters Brandon's bedroom wearing an oversize blue pajama top and white socks. She refuses to tell him about her bad date, and instead moans about how much she misses the less complicated Minneapolis. "Are we going to make it here?" she inquires with uncertainty in her voice. After some needless prattling, Brandon comes to the conclusion that the people in Beverly Hills haven't cracked the meaning of life...so I guess we can take that as a yes. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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Recap: Brenda and Dylan are being detained at the U.S./Mexican border because stupid Brenda forgot to bring any ID with her when she sneaked (snuck?) off to Baja with Dylan. The two are being held in what looks like a small interrogation room, and she's lamenting her lamentable stupidity. Dylan urges her to chillax, but she's distressed by the phone call she just made to her parents. Apparently, Papa Walsh was too angry to even get on the phone with her, and she's worried that he's going to yell at her as soon as he sees her. Dylan's like "Yeah so?" and pretty much guarantees that Papa Walsh is going to yell at her since, according to his shallow wisdom, yelling is what parents do when they're mad. He then reminisces about the weekend they just had and tells her that their trip to Baja was well worth a furious Papa Walsh. Brenda agrees that it was perfect...up until she blew it. Papa Walsh has arrived at the border inspection station with Brenda's birth certificate. The INS officer apologizes for dragging him all the way there, but explains that he had no choice but to follow the INS's strict rules and regulations. The two walk down a hallway and the officer brings Papa Walsh to the room where Dylan and Brenda are being held. When Papa Walsh opens the door, the two are locked in an embrace and playing kissy face because that's appropriate when you're being detained at a border inspection station. Papa Walsh gives them a terse hello and ignores Dylan's attempts to explain how Brenda ended up in Mexico for the weekend without parental permission. Papa Walsh brusquely tells them he just wants to get the hell out of there and promises to berate them later. Brandon is riding home on his bicycle. He notices Dylan's Porsche in the driveway, and when he enters the house he can hear his father yelling at Brenda and Dylan in the living room. Papa Walsh is ranting about how he (Dylan) broke a trust after he (Papa Walsh) opened his heart, his home, and his teenage daughter to the lad. He then turns to Brenda and yells at her for lying to him and her mother about spending the weekend at Kelly's house. Papa Walsh notices Brandon lurking in the doorway and sternly asks him if he was part of this...and when Brandon answers by looking guilty and sheepish, Papa Walsh takes that as a yes. Mama Walsh feels especially foolish about being deceived and suddenly realizes that Kelly must have been in on the trickery as well, and announces that she's going to call Jackie and tattle on Kelly for lying to her about Brenda spending the weekend at her place. Not sure what that will accomplish. Brenda pleads with her mother not to make the call, but to no avail. Papa Walsh orders Brandon to skedaddle so he can rebuke Brenda and Dylan some more. He tells them that their relationship has gone too far, and that it's time to give it a break already. Right?? Dylan decides that he's been yelled at enough for one day and sullenly announces that he's going home. He defiantly kisses Brenda on the forehead and gives Papa Walsh the stink-eye as he tells her he'll see her at school tomorrow. After he slouches out of the house, Brenda bitchily tells her father that he can punish her all he wants, but the Baja trip wasn't Dylan's fault. In fact, he didn't even realize that she hadn't gotten permission to go until after they arrived in Mexico. True enough...but I do think it should have been a reasonable assumption on Dylan's part. Kelly's house. Jake is working in the backyard when Kelly strides over to him and tells him he's looking smokin' hot. She leans in for a kiss, and he half-heartedly returns her kiss as his eyes dart around nervously. Kelly assures him that Jackie is inside, and he tells her she's living dangerously. She then decides to share her innermost feelings with Jake, saying stuff like she can be herself whenever she's with him and that she can say anything to him and know that he'll understand. Her awkward soul-bearing comes to an abrupt halt when Jackie emerges from the house, looking very pissed off and decked out in a hideous multi-colored maternity moo moo. She informs Kelly that she just spoke with Mama Walsh and pointedly asks her daughter if she lied to her about Brenda spending the weekend at their house when she was really in Mexico with Dylan. Kelly mumbles "Yeah" but insists it wasn't her idea. Jackie orders her to call Mama Walsh and apologize, so Kelly bids a flirty adieu to Jake and heads inside to make the apology call. West Beverly High. Kelly sarcastically thanks Brenda for ratting her out to Mama Walsh, but Brenda points out that there's a huge difference between ratting someone out and getting caught. Either way, Kelly is annoyed that her mother yelled at her as though she were a child...and in front of Jake! Brenda is as unaffected by this as she generally is with other people's problems, and responds by announcing that she and Dylan aren't allowed to see each other anymore. The Blaze newsroom. Brandon enters the newsroom and finds a mopey Ahn-drea. When he asks her what's wrong, she tells him she's fine...but when he probes a tiny bit, the floodgates of her troubled emotional state open and she starts rambling about how she thought she'd made real friends at West Beverly High. She didn't expect to be one of Jackie's bridesmaids (God forbid), but she did expect to at least get an invitation to attend the wedding. Brandon is surprised to hear that she was excluded from the wedding of the century and tells her there must be some mistake. Ahn-drea moans about how she's been deluding herself into believing that she and Kelly were friends, and there's a catch in her voice as she says this. Brandon offers to talk to Kelly and force her to extend a wedding invitation to Ahn-drea, but Ahn-drea tells him that at this point she wouldn't go even if Kelly asked her to. I would consider that a win-win. The Peach Pit. Nat tells Brandon that he offered to bake pies for the wedding, but Jackie turned him down, and he's miffed and wonders why his pies aren't good enough for the swanky wedding. Maybe your pies suck ass, Nat. Ever think of that? Dylan enters the diner and shuffles over to the counter. He asks Brandon how things are going at Casa Walsh these days, and Brandon tells him that he's spending as much time as possible away from home...then irritably tells him not to ask him to lie for him and Brenda again. Dylan lays the blame for the Mexico thing at Brenda's feet, but Brandon gets all judgey about their actions and tells him he totally gets why Papa Walsh is so pissed off at them. Dylan launches into a story about how his father's wife didn't like him and told him that he was persona non grata in his own house. He then glares at Brandon and asks him if he's persona non grata at the Walsh house, and Brandon's like "D'yuh." Dylan coldly tells him he just wanted to hear him say it. The Walsh house. The atmosphere is tense at the breakfast table. No one says a word except Papa Walsh when he asks for someone to pass him the salt. Brenda later remarks to her brother how their parents "excel at overkill", but Brandon snarks back that she got off pretty easy. She then whines about how they won't let her prove she's responsible 'cause they're not allowing her to make any decisions, and Brandon expresses his annoyance that he's taking the heat for her dumbass decision to sneak off to Mexico, which he thought was wrong in the first place. West Beverly High. Brenda and Dylan are sucking face as though they've been apart for a year. She tells him they'll be able to see each other at Kelly's house; Mama and Papa Walsh are allowing her to go to the wedding rehearsal and the dinner afterwards. When she invites him to come along, Dylan tells her that it wouldn't make much sense for him to go to the rehearsal if he's not planning on going to the wedding. Actually, it wouldn't make much sense for him to go to the rehearsal or the rehearsal dinner if he's not actually a member of the wedding party. Brenda tells him he has to come to the wedding since he's an invited guest, but Dylan doesn't want to deal with Papa Walsh and tells her that maybe the two of them should keep their distance for a little while - meaning he wants to keep his distance from Papa Walsh and from her. Brenda looks stricken by his words and moans how she can't believe this is happening. She announces that she doesn't want to go to the wedding if he's not going to the wedding. But she's a bridesmaid! How is Jackie going to find a replacement bridesmaid who's slim enough to fit into Brenda's grisly pink pom-pom dress at this late date? Dylan moodily tells her to tell her father about her change of plans, then slouches off down the hall. Kelly's house. As Jackie works on the details of her wedding, Jake comes inside to tell her that his work is done. She rushes off to go write him a check. Kelly has overheard the conversation and confronts Jake about his imminent departure without even saying goodbye to her. He tells her has things to do - ouch - so she pouts and says she'll miss seeing him around the house. He promises not to stop being her friend just because he finished the job for her mother, but she reminds him that they were acting like a lot more than just friends when they shared those two awkward kisses the other night. She boldly invites him to be her date for the wedding, but Jake tells her it's not a good idea...and also that he's the last person she should be bringing home to mom. She leans in to kiss him, but he backs away as though she has the plague. Jackie re-enters the room with Jake's check and thanks him for a job well done...and a few seconds later he beats a hasty retreat, leaving behind a distraught looking Kelly. Wedding rehearsal. Kelly is recounting for Brenda how she invited Jake to be her date to the wedding, but that he blew her off and then fled the house. Brenda condescendingly tells her that Jake is nothing more than a fantasy to her, which is probably why she likes him so much. Kelly sarcastically thanks Brenda for her support, and when Donna asks what's going on, Kelly snarks that Brenda basically called her a fool for ever thinking there could be anything between her and Jake. Brenda ignores all of the non-Brenda burble and breaks the devastating news that she doesn't think she and Dylan will be able to make it through this latest crisis. This brings Kelly to the breaking point, and she snaps that she's so sick of hearing Brenda talk about Dylan ad nauseum. You and me both, sister. She asks Brenda if it's ever occurred to her that other people have relationships they take seriously. Um. No..? Brenda bitchily asks how anyone could possibly compare the enduring love story between her and Slouchy to the frivolous kissing encounters between Kelly and Jake...and for good measure, she throws an insult Donna's way by hissing that Kelly and Jake aren't even "up there" with Donna and David. Bwahahaha! Donna, who's acting slower on the uptake than usual in this episode is all, "Wuh?" so Kelly rants to her about how Brenda is being a self-centered bitch. Hee! Jackie overhears this delicious drama and reprimands Kelly for her outburst. Brenda sourly announces that she's going home, and Donna follows her inside the house like a meek lapdog. Kelly tries to explain to Jackie that no one cares about or is even acknowledging her lustful feelings for Jake...but a sudden crisis makes it impossible to explore the issue further. Donna runs outside to announce that it's raining in the living room! Apparently some plumbing issues have caused an improbable flood in the Taylors' living room. The Peach Pit. Kelly tells Donna and David that tree roots are the cause of the plumbing problems at her house, and that the water has been shut off until a plumber can sort through it all. Brandon, who's working yet another shift at the Pit, sympathizes with how stressed out Jackie must be. Kelly tells her friends that Jackie isn't having any luck finding a hotel that's willing to host a wedding with one day's notice...much less one that will allow her to use the catered food she's already paid for. Donna says she'd offer Jackie and Mel the use of her house - actually, that would be her parents' house - but since her folks are on the outs after Felice's slutty two-timing a couple of episodes ago, it might not be the best time to ask them to host a wedding. Ahn-drea enters the diner with a big dumb smile plastered across her big dumb face. She's clutching a wedding invitation and explains to the gang that her mother had been carrying it around in her purse for two weeks before she remembered to pass it along to her. Kelly remarks that she wondered why she hadn't heard from her...and Ahn-drea tells her she didn't think she was invited. Kelly asks her if she really thought they'd leave her out, and Ahn-drea beams with the joy of feeling accepted while Brandon looks on approvingly. Blech. David warns Ahn-drea not to get too misty-eyed about being invited to the wedding, since there might not even be a wedding if Jackie isn't able to find a venue. Brandon suddenly gets a wonderful, awful idea and tells Kelly he'll ask Mama Walsh if she wouldn't mind having Mel's and Jackie's wedding at Casa Walsh. After all, Mama Walsh loves having people over. Mama Walsh totally freaks out when Brandon inquires about the wedding being hosted at their house. Brandon assures her that he only committed to inquiring...and now that he has, he understands that the answer is a resounding NO! Papa Walsh remarks that he doesn't even think their house is big enough to host such a large affair. The phone rings and it's Jackie, calling to thank Mama Walsh for offering their house as a venue for their wedding. Mama Walsh doesn't set her straight, and caves almost immediately. She ends up telling Jackie that it's no problem for her to have the wedding at their house. A dismayed Papa Walsh reacts by backwashing in his coffee, while Brandon just looks aghast. When Mama Walsh gets off the phone, she sheepishly admits that she couldn't say no. Papa Walsh glares over at Brandon, who just laughs nervously. Shortly after that, wedding stuff begins to make its way to the Walsh house. Mama and Papa Walsh stand on the front lawn and watch helplessly as endless deliveries of furniture, flowers, and catered food suddenly arrive. Jackie spots the two of them and rushes over to effusively thank them for their graciousness. In the kitchen, Steve is grumbling that Jackie and Mel better have a long and happy marriage 'cause he's still schvitzing from helping the delivery men carry all the wedding stuff to the house. He reaches for an hors d'oeuvre but gets his hand slapped by the caterer. Mama Walsh bustles into the kitchen and asks where Brenda is, and Brandon tells her that Bitchy Lazy Bones is still in bed. When the caterer looks the other way, Brandon loads up on wedding hors d'oeuvres for him and Steve. Brenda's room. Brenda is laying in bed looking glum. Mama Walsh enters her room and urges her to get her ass out of bed and pitch in, but Brenda sulks that she's not in a partying mood. Mama Walsh says that regardless of how upset everyone is about the whole Baja thing, at some point they're all going to have to get over it. Brenda starts whining about how Papa Walsh won't even let Dylan in the house, but Mama Walsh tells her that she agrees with his opinion that the two of them need to give it a rest with their noxious relationship. Brenda professes her love for Dylan and informs her mother that he's not coming to the wedding - in fact, he probably won't ever want to come to the house again. Brenda asks Mama Walsh if there's anything she can do, and Mama Walsh stares into space looking contemplative. Brandon and Steve are building a fountain out of champagne glasses when Mama Walsh enters the kitchen and abruptly stops them before they destroy all of the glassware. She hands Brandon an envelop and asks him to deliver it for her. The Peach Pit. Brandon delivers the envelop to Dylan, who's sitting at a table, brooding. Inside the envelop is a letter that Mama Walsh wrote to him, acknowledging that the situation may have gotten out of hand. She promises him that if he can find it within himself to take the first step and come back to their home, she'll do her best to make it easy for him. Or something mushtastic like that. Dylan stares into space looking contemplative. Donna and Kelly arrive at the Walsh house carrying their garment bags with the fugly bridesmaids dresses inside. Steve bitches at them for not being around earlier to help the menfolk carry in all the chairs and stuff. They tell him they were busy beautifying themselves and getting their hair done. Kelly then instructs Donna to wait downstairs until she clears the air with Brenda. Brenda's room. Kelly enters, and the two stare at each other awkwardly and exchange brusque hellos. The ice is quickly broken when Kelly apologizes and Brenda apologizes immediately afterward. That done, the two hug it out, and Kelly needlessly explains that Jake really meant something to her, and that she developed so many feelings for him so quickly...and Brenda apologizes for being so self-centered. She then asks her where Donna is, and Kelly tells her she's downstairs, waiting for the smoke between them to clear. Brenda says she'll go and fetch her, and just as she's descending the staircase, the doorbell rings. Mama Walsh answers it, and it's Dylan slouching in the doorway. Brenda is surprised but happy to see him, and he explains that he came over as a way of "taking the first step". He then goes upstairs to have a sit-down with Papa Walsh. Brenda hugs her mom and tells her she loves her. Master bedroom. Papa Walsh is watching television when Dylan comes a knockin'. Papa Walsh invites him inside and promptly starts rehashing his previous lecture about how Dylan needs to take responsibility, blah blah. Dylan tells him he's being too harsh, but Papa Walsh begs to differ. He thinks he's been very tolerant of Dylan's alcohol issues, not to mention Brenda's fake pregnancy scare during the season premiere. However, despite Brenda's feelings for him, at some point Papa Walsh has to draw the line. Dylan asks if he's really such a bad person, and Papa Walsh rails once more about how he broke a trust. Sigh. He really is starting to sound like a broken record. He tells Dylan that after the wedding, he doesn't want him seeing Brenda anymore, and this gets Dylan mad all over again and he storms out of the room. When he runs into Brenda downstairs, he keeps quiet about Papa Walsh's edict. He kisses her and tells her he's going home to get dressed up for the wedding. In the upstairs bathroom, Kelly, Donna, and Brenda are wearing their godawful pink pom pom bridesmaids dresses and putting the final touches on their makeup. Brenda dreamily describes what her fantasy wedding will be like when she marries Dylan...or whoever the groom might be. As for Donna, she either wants a traditional church wedding or a bungee jump themed wedding. Kelly has no opinion on their inane chatter and leaves the bathroom to check on the bride. Jackie's in one of the bedrooms, crying. She's terrified that she's making a big mistake marrying husband #4 (she is), and wonders if maybe she and Mel should just shack up instead of marrying (probably). She stares beseechingly at Kelly and asks her if she likes Mel...adding that Kelly is the most important person in her life. Kelly unconvincingly tells her that she likes Mel and tells her that she's doing the right thing by getting married 'cause Mel asked her to marry him, and that must mean he knows what he's doing. That was a completely nonsensical answer, but OK. Jackie gives herself a final once-over in the mirror before declaring herself ready to say her I do's. During the ceremony, Brenda fantasizes that it's really her and Dylan standing at the altar getting married. After that disturbing reverie, the minister pronounces Mel and Jackie husband and wife, and everyone claps while they kiss. Kelly hugs Jackie as David hugs Mel...and Jackie walks down the aisle with her new husband and exclaims, "Let's party!" As everyone starts boogying on the makeshift dance floor, Steve stands off to the side with Kelly. He tells her it'll be nice for her to have a dad around, even if it's David's. He then grits his teeth and asks how it's going with Joke. Kelly corrects his deliberate mispronunciation of Jake and tells him that nothing's going on; in fact, he's not even at the wedding. Steve declares that it's over between the two of them, and she's like, "D'yuh" and reminds him that she dumped his ass long before the pilot episode. Regardless, he still vows to put his two cents into whoever Kelly dates, and she tells him she wouldn't have it any other way. In practice, that could get really annoying, Kelly. David then comes over to ask Kelly to dance, and Steve wanders off to ogle some single gals who might welcome some attention from a 'fro sporting assbag. Brenda and Dylan are dancing, and she tells him that she's so happy he came to the wedding. Dylan, however, isn't so sure it was a good idea, since Papa Walsh keeps glaring over at him. He then tells her how badly things went during their conversation earlier that day, and describes how he tried to apologize to Papa Walsh...but instead of accepting his apology, Papa Walsh just kept hitting him with stuff from the past. Dylan is very hurt that Papa Walsh shut him out because of a mistake, er...broken trust, and says that the only other man who's ever made him feel this lousy was his felonious father. David is dancing with Kelly, amazed that she's now his step-sister. Kelly ribs him about what a geek he used to be before he became cool. Wuh - David's cool? When the hell did that happen? Jake suddenly appears out of nowhere and asks David if he can cut in...and Kelly's surprised, but happy to see him. As Kelly and Jake dance, he calls her a very dangerous girl and that he doesn't think his pecker should be as hard for her as it is. She assures him that she's not a kid - and he interjects and says something like she's a girl, but not yet a woman...just like the name of that coming-of-age Britney Spears song. Jake yammers about how she's very bright, extremely sexy, and also that he should be arrested for what he's thinking now. He then mumbles nonsensically about how he's here and real...but that she doesn't really know him, or realize what she's getting herself into. Unwilling to be talked out of diving into a relationship that sounds like a bad idea from the get-go, Kelly tells Jake that she's willing to take her chances, and the two kiss. Ahn-drea tells Brandon she thinks the odds are with this marriage succeeding. That goes to show how much she knows. Ahn-drea then laughs at herself for being so silly and feeling like she doesn't belong. She says that she's always questioning if people like her, which she definitely should considering her manic, often off-putting personality. Brandon doesn't know how to retort to her self-deprecating drivel, so he tells her that she's Ahn-drea Zuckerman, and (thankfully) there could never be another Ahn-drea Zuckerman. She then asks him to dance, and they both laugh at the frightening prospect. Mel and Jackie go upstairs to change into their honeymoon outfits. David wishes them good luck and presents them with the wedding gift he purchased for them: the diamond earrings. Mel assumes he bought them for Jackie, so David then has to explain that one earring is for each of them. Mel and Jackie look at each other in confusion and then laugh at the absurdity of his stupid gift. The dance is still in full swing while Dylan stands by the bar and broods. Fuuuuuck, his constant moodiness is such a chore. Jake comes over to judgmentally remark that drinking has never been one of his better habits, and Dylan snarls that he's only drinking a coke. He then turns the tables and rags on Jake for being such a wanderer, and warns him about messing with a sweet cherub like Kelly. Inside the house, Brenda confronts her father and angrily asks him what he said to Dylan that upset him so much. Papa Walsh tells her that all he did was express to Dylan how he felt...but now thinks he may have overreacted. Brenda wants him to kiss and make up with Dylan and informs him that he's slouching over by the bar. Papa Walsh approaches Dylan and tells him that he was just talking to Brenda, and that she got him thinking that maybe he was too harsh earlier. He apologizes about his temper getting the better of him. Dylan politely accepts his apology and the two wish each other a pleasant night and move past their differences. Haha! Just kidding! Instead, Dylan decides this is the ideal opportunity for him to start yelling at Papa Walsh about how hurt he is, and how he trusted him like a father with his feelings. He then eggs Papa Walsh on to take a punch at him, but since Papa Walsh is a grown man who doesn't resolve conflict with violence, no punches are thrown. After a few more tense words, Dylan grabs a bottle and smashes it against the wall of the house. Papa Walsh angrily orders him to go home, and Dylan agrees to leave after declaring that he wants Papa Walsh's hands off of his money. Papa Walsh gets really upset and stands there breathing deeply as if he's going to keel over from a heart attack or something. As rice is thrown, Mel and Jackie head toward their limo. Jackie throws her bouquet, and Ahn-drea catches it. Blech. Everyone claps and waves goodbye to the newlyweds. An angry, drunk looking Dylan is striding purposefully toward his Porsche. Brenda demands to know where he's going, so he tells her that things are sucking very badly between him and Papa Walsh. He then continues to storm off and from a distance, Brandon watches all of this with a look of dismay. Papa Walsh orders Brenda to let Dylan leave, so she stands on the front lawn, watching tearfully as Dylan hops into his car and drives off with tires squealing. Good riddance, douchenozzle. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Brenda is over at Dylan's house, and despite the pile of books and papers strewn across the living room table, the two are dry humping on the couch instead of studying. In mid dry hump, Brenda whines about her curfew, so Dylan advises her to just forget about her curfew...and while she's doing that she should consider coming to Baja with him this weekend. Brenda tries to explain to her slouchy beau that it's highly unlikely her parents will allow her to go to Mexico, but Dylan just looks confused and doesn't understand why she wouldn't be allowed to go to Mexico if she's allowed to come to his house all the time. It's probably the whole foreign country thing, Dylan. Dylan urges Brenda to ask her parents for permission to go to Baja and points out that they'd only be gone for a day and a half: Saturday morning to Sunday evening. She agrees to ask, and then tells him that she should be getting home so she can make her curfew...but instead, the two resume their dry humping and subsequently lose all track of time. The Walsh house. It's well past curfew by the time Brenda arrives home. She sneaks inside the house, but before she can make a break for the staircase, Papa Walsh flicks on the lights and ambles into the foyer with a grim look on his face and a blue bathrobe over his pajamas. He asks her what the point of a curfew is if she never follows it, and she retorts that she's been wondering the same thing herself. That's pretty cheeky talk for a girl who's about to ask for permission to spend the weekend in Mexico with her boyfriend. Papa Walsh makes it clear that he expects her to be home at a decent hour on school nights...and he also thinks she's spending too much time with Slouchy. Brenda argues that he's treating her like a child and doesn't get why missing her curfew is such a big deal. Papa Walsh tries to reason with her, saying that he really doesn't expect a whole lot from her. No shit. This softens Brenda's bitchitude and she asks/tells him, "I always do the right thing, don't I?" Um, no. You don't. But Papa Walsh seems to agree with her assertion because he bobs his head up and down. West Beverly High. Donna mumbles something to Kelly about bridesmaids dresses, but Kelly just gets prickly, as she now does any time anyone brings up anything wedding related. The two run into David, and he's excited about the hot wedding gift he just purchased for Mel and Jackie. It's a pair of diamond earrings; he explains that one earring is for Jackie, the other for Mel. When Donna points out that Mel doesn't even have a pierced ear, David assures her that he will, in fact, have a hole in his ear by the time the wedding rolls around. No one comes out and tells him this is a pretty dumb idea for a wedding gift, but it really is a pretty dumb idea for a wedding gift, particularly for two middle-aged people. As for Kelly, she's just generally irritated by the upcoming event and tells David and Donna that she's heard enough wedding talk and stomps off. Dylan meets up with Brenda at her locker and wants to know if she asked Papa Walsh about going to Baja for the weekend yet. She tells him she hasn't found the right time, so he suggests they join forces and ask together. Kelly appears and brings up the plans that she and Brenda had made to hang out and watch movies at her place all weekend. Brenda tells her they may have to do it another time, so Kelly starts bellyaching about how she needs an escape from having to hear all of the horrible wedding planning that's going on around her. Poor cherub. Brenda explains that Dylan invited her to go surfing in Baja with him for the weekend, so Kelly looks amused and asks if Mama and Papa Walsh are allowing her to go...and Dylan chimes in and snarks that Brenda hasn't even asked them yet. Kelly has grave doubts that Brenda will get permission to go to Baja, but she's also a good sport about Brenda possibly bailing out on their weekend plans so she can go surfing with her boyfriend. The Walsh house. Dylan is over for dinner so that he and Brenda can ask about Baja. Mama Walsh starts the pre-dinner chit-chat by saying that Jackie told her how unhappy Kelly seems about the upcoming wedding. Mama Walsh suggests to Brenda that while she's spending the weekend with Kelly, maybe she could do something to snap her friend out of her sulky misery, and this gives Brenda the perfect opening to tell her parents that she's not spending the weekend with Kelly after all - instead she's made plans to go to Baja with Dylan! Mama and Papa Walsh look shocked, then doubtful that this is something they could ever consent to. Papa Walsh goes so far as to refer to it as Brenda running off with her boyfriend to a foreign country. The two then excuse themselves so they can discuss it privately in the kitchen. Mama Walsh tells her husband they should let Brenda go, considering she's seventeen years old. Papa Walsh, however, doesn't like the idea at all. When everyone regroups at the dinner table, Dylan tells the Walshes about the motel he usually stays at whenever he's in Baja and how it's very clean and safe. He promises them there's nothing to worry about, and that he'll take good care of Brenda. Papa Walsh finally relents, but he makes Brenda promise that she'll be careful about what she eats. He also tells her that he expects her to behave like a mature adult. You're funny, Jim. Brenda happily springs up to kiss her father then tells him she loves him, just as any spoiled rotten teenage girl who's gotten her own way would. Dylan remarks that the only thing left to do is for him to teach Brenda how to surf. Egads! Beach. Dylan and Brenda are disappointed to find that the local beach is closed due to bacteria in the bay, so it looks like the first surfing lesson will have to wait. They decide to go get some breakfast when a guy on a motorcycle suddenly rides by. Dylan exclaims that he can't believe it. It's Jake Hanson, the human link between Beverly Hills, 90210 and its trashy spin-off, Melrose Place. Jake is the guy who taught Dylan how to surf! And how to pick up girls! Dylan runs over to hug him, and the two quickly get caught up on their lives. He introduces his old friend to Brenda, and she mentions that the two of them are planning to go surfing in Baja over the weekend. Dylan then urges Jake to stop by the Peach Pit since he's there almost every night for dinner. Yeesh...I'm surprised his gut hasn't rotted out yet. The Peach Pit. Brenda and Dylan are dining as Brandon works the dinner shift. He advises his sister to learn at least a little Spanish before heading to Baja. Ahn-drea, who's seated at the counter, butts into the conversation and declares that she's always wanted to go to Baja...and Brenda and Dylan exchange looks of veiled horror and grit their teeth at the thought of Ahn-drea and her prattling motor mouth tagging along with them. Ahn-drea says how great it'd be if the whole gang went to Baja, like when they all went to Yosemite during the Camping Trip episode...though, as I recall, that trip was a disaster and not fun for anyone. Dylan responds with a curt no - haha! - and Brenda explains to the crestfallen dimwit that Dylan is trying to keep the trip romantic. Across the diner, Steve is expressing his disappointment to David and Donna that he's not allowed to bring a guest to Mel and Jackie's wedding. He then makes a bitchy crack about how Mel should pack light when he moves into Jackie's house, since it's obvious she likes weddings more than marriages. Meow, Steve. Donna defends Jackie's honor and insists that she's changed a lot. Jake Hanson enters the diner, and Nat greets him like a long lost brother. Dylan and Brenda saunter over to say hello, and Brenda introduces him to the gang (sans Kelly, who's not there). They all sit at a table together, and Jake regales everyone with bullshit stories about various jobs he never actually had...'cause in reality, he's in desperate need of some work so he can afford the rent for his Melrose Place apartment. Heh. When David informs him that his dad's fiance is looking for a house painter, he immediately perks up and says he's interested. Brenda then tells Dylan they need to go; apparently they have plans to watch The Grapes of Wrath at his house. Dylan's house. After watching the film, Brenda and Dylan fall into a deep sleep on the couch. By the time Dylan stirs and wakes Brenda, it's 4:00am. Brenda is freaked out about the late hour and orders Dylan to drive her home immediately. The Walsh house. Brenda sneaks inside and manages to tiptoe up the stairs before Papa Walsh hears her. He calls out her name and appears in the hallway, looking angry about the late/early morning hour...and he's not buying the excuse that she fell asleep. He lowers the boom and tells her that since she's not behaving like an adult, she can't be trusted to go to Mexico. When he tells Brenda she blew it, she stares into the darkness with a stricken look on her face. Jackie's house. Jackie, Mel, David, and Donna are going through the guest list for the wedding. Kelly's in the room too, but she's reading a magazine and is purposely staying disengaged from all the wedding talk. So far 167 guests have RSVPed. Donna sadly tells them they can subtract one person from that count, since her father has said if her mother is going then he's not going...and vice versa. Donna remarks how weird it is to hear about the planning of one wedding when her parents are on the verge of divorcing. Kelly suddenly interjects to make a random snarky comment about the wedding, then storms out of the room. Jackie looks troubled by her daughter's bad attitude, but Mel assures her that Kelly will come around eventually. Dress shop. Donna, Brenda, and Kelly are in fitting rooms, changing back into their clothes. Brenda's telling them how her trip to Mexico got nixed by Papa Walsh. Kelly asks if she'll still be able to come to her house to spend the weekend, which prompts Donna to suggest that Brenda could simply tell her parents that she's going to Kelly's house, and then sneak away to Baja with Dylan. Brenda doesn't like the idea of lying to her parents, but Donna assures her that she won't get caught if Kelly uses the foolproof "Brenda's in the shower and she'll call you right back" trick. The three finish dressing and emerge from their fitting rooms, each carrying a garment bag. Kelly's unsure she wants to be part of Brenda's deception, so Brenda pleads with her to go along with the ruse. Jackie enters the fitting room area and tells the girls that due to her pregnancy weight, she can no longer fit into her wedding dress...and since she has to wait around for the seamstress to take her expanding new dimensions, she asks Kelly to run home and give the new handyman his paycheck. Kelly agrees, but grouses about how the wedding is ruining her life. A fed up Jackie pulls her aside and tells her that she's getting tired of her sulky bitchitude. She's tried to be understanding, and even asked Kelly's best friends to be bridesmaids because she thought that would make her happy. Kelly gives her mother a sarcastic apology, and when Jackie demands a sincere one, Kelly walks out on her. Kelly's house. Jake is working in the backyard when Kelly walks over to him with a check in hand. When she notices how hot he is, she immediately becomes smitten. After they flirtatiously introduce themselves to each other, Jake probes about her mother's marriage. Kelly tells him it's her fourth marriage, and he quickly apologizes for getting too personal. But as Kelly hands him his check, she saucily tells him that she's A-OK with him getting personal with her. Mmm hmm.. The Peach Pit. Brenda tells Dylan that she really wants to go to Baja with him, but she isn't sure she can go through with the brazen deviousness of lying to her parents and telling them she's at Kelly's house. Dylan tells her to get the cajones to declare to her parents that she's going to Mexico and then go...but Brenda argues that her parents will kill her. Dylan urges her to take a stand against them treating her like a child, advice that suddenly gets her all riled up. She angrily declares that she deserves the same rights and privileges as Brandon...then says she's officially made up her mind. She's going to Mexico whether her parents like it or not. My guess is that they'll not like it. The Walsh house. It's the crack of dawn and Brenda is packing a bag. Brandon sleepily enters her room through their shared bathroom and asks her if she's running away. She tells him that she's going to Kelly's house for the weekend, but he doesn't buy that bullcack and says he knows she's really going to Baja with Dylan. Brenda pleads with him not to blow this for her, so he agrees to cover for her...but is doubtful she'll actually get away with it. Dylan quietly pulls up in the driveway to pick her up, and Brenda slips out of the house. Later that morning, Mama Walsh is surprised by how early Brenda left for "Kelly's house", and Papa Walsh is also puzzled by the early hour of his daughter's departure. These two Minnesota bumpkins truly are hopeless. Brandon then launches Operation Cover-up by telling his parents that Brenda had mentioned something about going to an early morning flea market, so Mama Walsh assumes that the two girls are looking for a wedding gift for Jackie and Mel. She wonders aloud what she and Papa Walsh should get for the happy couple, and when she says she'd like to call Brenda and Kelly for some possible suggestions, Brandon hastily tells her that they're probably still at the flea market...after which they're going to a movie. Mama Walsh decides she'll call over there later. Papa Walsh asks Brandon if he thinks he was too hard on Brenda, and Brandon's like, "Hell, no." But Papa Walsh second guesses his refusal to give his daughter a second chance and now thinks he should have allowed her to go to Baja. Oh the irony. Kelly's house. Jake is working in the backyard when Kelly flounces over to bring him a drink. She's dressed in a short skirt and cute top, and her hair has been carefully styled into a soft, bouncy 'do. Jake invites her to stay and help him with his carpentry so they can flirt with each other again. He asks her to hand him a level and she's like, "What the hell's a level?" She asks what he's building, and he tells her it's a wedding canopy that Jackie designed. Kelly grumbles that her mother is making way too big of a production out of her wedding - her fourth - but Jake disagrees and thinks that since Jackie's the bride (and signing his paychecks), she's entitled to have some fun. He tells Kelly, albeit in a diplomatic way, that she's acting like a spoiled brat and should focus on the positive things coming her way. Kelly does admit that she's overwhelmed at the thought of having a new stepfather, stepbrother, and baby all at the same time. Baja. Dylan and Brenda arrive at the motel in Baja. Dylan is surprised that Brenda actually took a stand and came on the trip, then gets annoyed when he learns that she lied to her parents and told them that she'd be spending the weekend at Kelly's house. She insists that everything's cool, but she's going to need to make a phone call soon...and they find a phone booth so she can call home. Brandon happens to answer and lets her know that their parents bought her lie. He also gives her a heads up that they think she went to a flea market that morning. He then asks Mama Walsh if she wants to talk to Brenda, but she declines. Hmm, that's weird - didn't Mama Walsh just say two scenes ago that she wanted to talk to Brenda about wedding gift ideas? Brenda giggles at how easy it is to scam her clueless parents. Brenda and Dylan go inside the motel to check in. Dylan calls out, "Rosalita!" and a middle-aged Mexican woman appears. She and Dylan greet each other warmly, and he introduces her to Brenda. Rosalita then has some kind of a brain fart and starts wondering aloud about another girl Dylan once brought to Mexico...someone named Stacy. Brenda instantly fumes at the mention of another girl and demands to know when Dylan brought this Stacy to Mexico. He tells her it was last summer...when she dumped him after her fake pregnancy scare. An oblivious Rosalita starts the process of checking them into their room, but Brenda snarls that they're not staying and storms out of the motel. Dyan chases after her like a hopeless lapdog. Kelly's house. Kelly is nuking some leftovers when she gets a call from Mama Walsh, asking if she and Brenda found anything good at the flea market. Even though no one thought to give Kelly a heads-up about the latest development in Operation Cover-up, she plays along and covers for Brenda. Mama Walsh then asks to speak to Brenda, so Kelly does some quick thinking and tells her that Brenda went out to get some Thai food, but that she'll be back soon. Baja. Dylan begs Brenda not to spoil their romantic weekend by being angry about Stacy, but Brenda bitchily declares that the weekend has already been ruined. Dylan tells her he wants to take her to a nice little cantina, but Brenda just sighs and tells him she "doesn't know anymore". The phone at the motel rings, and Rosalita answers it and tells Brenda that it's for her. It's Kelly, dutifully calling to let her know that she needs to call Mama Walsh right away. Kelly's house. Jake enters the kitchen and announces to Kelly that he's finished work for the day. He asks her if he can have a soda, and she gets him one out of the fridge. He asks her what she's doing home alone on a Saturday night, so she pretends to reluctantly admit that she doesn't have a boyfriend. She then invites him to stay for dinner and he accepts, adding that he's starving. When she's finished nuking the lasagna he remarks, "Smells great." Kelly assumes he's talking about the food, so the cheeky lad clarifies that he was referring to her body scent. The Walsh house. Brenda phones home, pretending that she's calling from Kelly's house. Mama Walsh asks her if she has any good ideas for a wedding present for Mel and Jackie and thinks maybe glassware might be the way to go. That settled, Mama Walsh asks what her evening plans are, so Brenda tells her that she and Kelly are going to eat the Thai food she pretended to buy and then rent a movie. Baja. Dylan asks Rosalita for two rooms, and this pleases his irate girlfriend. He then warns Brenda that she's not going to want to go to any of the local eateries by herself, and she barks back that maybe she does. Ah the joys of dating an infantile sourpuss. Kelly's house. Kelly and Jake are eating lasagna and chatting. He tells her he'll probably be finished his work project at their house in about a week. Kelly remarks that maybe it's a good thing her mother made such a production out of the wedding since it brought him into her life. He broaches the subject of Jackie's pregnancy and predicts that even though Kelly is being an obnoxious ingrate at the moment - he uses the phrase "tough cookie", which made me cringe - once the baby comes she'll be cooing and cuddling the little bundle like no one's business. The doorbell rings, and Kelly opens it to find Steve on her doorstep. He tells her he was driving by, saw her light on, and decided to drop in unannounced for no particular reason. She tells him it's not a good time, and the situation gets uncomfortable when Jake appears in the foyer. Kelly tells Steve that she made Jake some dinner after a long day's work, and after guffawing at the notion of Kelly cooking, Steve asks if there are any leftovers for him. She tells him the food's all gone, so Steve says he doesn't want to be in the way and then leaves, looking despondent. Kelly explains to Jake that she and Steve used to go out, but that they're just friends now...despite his persistent boner for her. The two then have a really awkward kiss, which is followed by another really awkward kiss. Jake abruptly says goodnight and that he'll see her in the morning, and as soon as he leaves, Kelly lets out an excited little squeal. Baja. Dylan and Brenda are eating dinner, but the mood is hostile. Brenda is still sulking about Stacy, and Dylan is getting fed up with all the sulking about Stacy. A local man playing a guitar comes around to serenade them with a Mexican rendition of Feelings. The song makes Dylan laugh, and this makes Brenda break down and laugh as well. Soon they're both laughing heartily at the poor man, and Dylan adds insult to injury when he starts belting out an English rendition of Feelings. Now that the frostiness between them has melted, Brenda apologizes for acting so cunty earlier. Dylan apologizes too, and they toast to a wonderful weekend in Mexico. The Peach Pit. Sad Sack Steve strides up to the counter and orders himself a chocolate and a vanilla in order to drown his sorrows. He whines to Brandon about how he used to be able to go to Kelly's house at any hour and get a doink on demand, but tonight she had Jake there. Brandon half-heartedly tries to comfort him by assuring him that when Jake breaks her heart, which is inevitable, she'll probably come crying to him. Steve no longer wants to play the role of chump, so Brandon swiftly shifts gears and tells him that that's good. He encourages Steve to finally move on from his prepubescent crush so that he (Brandon) doesn't have to keep hearing the same mopey shit over and over again. But Steve then backpedals and bellyaches about how he can't move on because he's still in love with Kelly. Kelly's house. Mel and Jackie return home from Lamaze class. Mel says he found it educational, but Jackie thinks the class was boring. Kelly giggles at their banter, and Jackie is stunned to see her daughter in a rare good mood. They hug goodnight, and while she's doing that, the baby kicks. Kelly is moved and gives her mother another hug. Baja. Dylan and Brenda are dancing the night away and having a wonderful time. She tells him she'll never forget this night, and the two of them suck face for what seems like a really looooong time. After surfing the following day, Brenda marvels at how warm and clean the water in Mexico is. She's also smugly pleased with herself 'cause she was able to stand on her surfboard for several seconds. Dylan panders to her by telling her she was great, and they kiss again. However, the time has come for them to say "Adios, Mexico" and head back to the States. U.S./Mexico border. Dylan is asked to pull over as part of a random check, and the border patrol officer asks to see his ID. Dylan hands over his driver's license and invites the officer to search his car if he wants. The officer says that's not necessary, but asks to see Brenda's ID. For some reason, the idiot didn't think to bring along any ID...despite the fact that she was knowingly crossing an international border. The officer explains that because of a recent INS crackdown, there are a lot of strict regulations, so he's required to ask for some form of ID. Brenda pleads with him to allow them to go through because she has to get home, but the officer says he can't do it...and when he finds out she's under eighteen, he informs her that she'll need to arrange for a legal guardian to come to the border with her birth certificate to prove that she's an American citizen. He then ominously suggests that maybe she's not really an American citizen, but Brenda assures him she is...but that if they call her father she'll be one dead American citizen. Regardless, it looks like she has no choice but to call Papa Walsh and wait for the shit to hit the fan. Awesome! Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: This is the episode that features Color Me Badd, a four member R&B group that was part of the hideous wave of '90s boy bands. Unfortunately - well...for them - their music never really took off and the band enjoyed only short-term success in '91 and '92. Incidentally, I looked up "Boy Band" in Wikipedia and noticed that the entry doesn't even mention Color Me Badd. The article references bands like the Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, 98 Degrees...even O-Town. O-Town! Yikes. That's gotta hurt. Anyway, this episode opens with a music video in which Color Me Badd is performing one of their "hits" as they amble along a beach. The video is then playing on a television set, which is mounted near the counter inside the Peach Pit. It's being watched by Donna, David, Brenda, and Kelly. Donna dreamily refers to it as "the greatest video in the history of videos", which has to be the grossest overstatement in the history of overstatements. She asks Kelly who her favorite band member is, but since Kelly isn't into the band enough to be able to distinguish between the four members, she can't offer any kind of informed response. Donna desperately wants to attend their upcoming concert that will be aired on pay-per-view, but David informs her that the live event is invitation-only. She then suggests trying to win free tickets through the local radio station, but Brenda douses her spirits by telling her that that's a long shot. David magnanimously offers to use his non-existent clout as a pretend high school DJ to ask real life radio DJs to comp him four free tickets so they can all attend the concert, but Kelly and Brenda just laugh at his pomposity...and I laughed too. Donna's house. It's a very rainy afternoon, and Donna, Kelly, and Brenda are on different phones, trying to win free concert tickets via the radio station. Despite Donna's excitement about the band, Kelly's not into it and doesn't much care about seeing Color Me Badd perform live. She says she'd just as soon watch the concert on TV...if at all. Felice Martin enters the room to announce to Donna that she's on her way out to attend a planning meeting for a hospital charity. She adds that the meeting could go well into the night. Mmm...do charity meetings typically go well into the night? No, I don't think they do. Sounds like someone's up to no good. Felice wants Donna to convey her cover story to Dr. Martin, should he happen to call from his medical convention in Houston - but Donna's barely listening, so she's just like "Yeah, whatever" and reminds her mom that she's spending the night at Brenda's.The three girls suddenly shriek, and each of them frantically redials the radio station, trying to be the next caller. Felice gets haughty and rebukes Donna for not paying more attention to her, so Donna impatiently explains that they're trying to win free tickets for a concert that night at The Whiskey. Since I'm not an L.A. girl, I Googled the name of this club and learned that Donna is referring to the Whiskey A Go-Go, a popular nightclub on the Sunset Strip that regularly features live music. The mention of this club gets Felice gets all judgey, and she snootily makes it clear how abhorrent and seedy she thinks it is for a teenage girl to hang out on the Sunset Strip on a weekend night. After successfully dampening the mood for Donna and her friends, Felice leaves for her booty call charity meeting. Donna is disappointed when the radio DJ announces that someone else has won the last of the free concert tickets. She sarcastically thanks her stupid mother for her annoying interruption. The Walsh house. Brandon, Steve, and Dylan are hanging out in the kitchen, bored. They're so bored that Brandon and Steve are tossing a grapefruit back and forth, while Dylan is seated at the kitchen table, scouring the newspaper in an effort to find something interesting for the three of them to do. Mama and Papa Walsh enter the kitchen to announce that they're headed out to a museum lecture and then lunch. After they leave, Steve proposes going on an adventure and hitting the road...to Vegas! Brandon and Dylan aren't into that idea, so Dylan checks the newspaper again and becomes intrigued by an ad for massage services. Steve, however, becomes even more intrigued by an ad for female strippers. His eagerness to see a pair of boobs prompts Dylan to derisively ask if he's never seen a naked woman before. An unperturbed Steve reads the ad aloud. It features Brandi, a stripper with a cliche stripper name. He excitedly rushes over to the phone and makes the call to book her services. Donna's house. Donna, Brenda, and Kelly are hanging out in the living room, doing their nails and gabbing. Suddenly, David nonchalantly strolls into the room asks them whassup. Kelly asks him how the hell he got inside the house, and he tells her the housekeeper let him in. David tells them they should be glad to see him 'cause he has an amazing piece of intel: Color Me Badd is currently staying at the Bel Age Hotel! Squeal! David found out from his father, who's the dentist of the band manager, who for some reason blabbed to his dentist where the band was staying. Kelly's unimpressed by this information and asks what they're supposed to do...go to the hotel and try to hang out with the band? David nods and is like, "D'yuh." Brenda likes the sound of this half-baked plan, and Donna is proud to have a boyfriend with an in. Bel Age Hotel. David, Donna, Brenda, and Kelly are standing in front of the hotel, huddled together under a pair of umbrellas. They're dismayed to find themselves standing alongside a crowd of groupies who apparently had the same in as David. Suddenly a limo pulls up to the hotel, and the crowd screams excitedly and knocks down barriers to get closer. Security guards manage to hold back the enthusiastic admirers as the four members of Color Me Badd climb out of the limo and dart inside the hotel. David, Donna, Brenda, and Kelly attempt to follow them, but a security guard bars them from entering the hotel and tells them that only registered guests are permitted inside. Kelly is quickly losing interest in the mission and wants to go home, but David is determined to make it work. He tells the girls to wait in front of the hotel, then wanders off to put some kind of harebrained plan into motion. The Walsh house. Steve moves furniture out of the way, readying the living room for Brandi's strip-tease dance. Dylan rolls his eyes and calls him "a piece of work", while Brandon is stressing about having a naked stripper shake her naughties in his wholesome parents' home. The doorbell rings, and Steve can barely contain his excitement as Brandon answers the door, but he's surprised and dismayed to find a beaming Ahn-drea on his doorstep, wearing a bright yellow raincoat and matching hat. She's barely inside the house when she starts prattling about her many ideas for improving The Blaze, and figured that since it's storming outside, it would be the perfect Saturday for the two of them to put their heads together and brainstorm. Good. God. There is so much wrong with Ahn-drea showing up unannounced on Brandon's doorstep on a Saturday afternoon to discuss the school paper, I don't even know where to begin. When she steps inside the foyer, she notices that Dylan and Steve are over...but instead of getting a clue, she hands Brandon her rain-clothes to hang up. Bel Age Hotel. Brenda, Donna, and Kelly are feeling increasingly stupid standing in front of the hotel in the rain. Kelly's ready to bounce, and Brenda assumes that David has been arrested, which worries Donna. A minute later, David suddenly reappears and hands out room keys to each of the girls. The four head toward the hotel entrance, where they flash their keys at the security guard, and he happily allows them inside. As they make their way through the lobby, David annoyingly boasts about how easy it was to get a room with his "plastic". They head over to the elevators, and when the elevator doors open, Donna is startled to see her mother step out. Felice asks her what she's doing at the hotel, so Donna makes up a weak story about how David and his father had to check into a hotel for the night because their house is being fumigated. Felice then spins her own yarn about how her twelve hour committee meeting is taking place at the hotel, and they just broke for lunch. Donna assures her mother that they're just stopping in for a few minutes and will soon be on their way. That settled, Felice continues on her way and walks down a corridor...and Donna stares after her with a look of puzzlement. The Walsh house. Steve's penis has drooped into a flaccid lump of flesh now that it's clear Ahn-drea has no intention of leaving any time soon. He tries to call Brandi in order to cancel the strip-tease, but he can't get a hold of her, which means she's already on her way over. Ahn-drea's keester is firmly parked on the Walsh's couch and she's casually leafing through a magazine, oblivious to how desperately Brandon, Steve, and Dylan want her to take a hike. Brandon tries to interest her in going to the Tar Pits Museum, but she tells him she's already been there. Strike one. Steve and Dylan strongly suggest that she pay another visit to the Tar Pits Museum...as in, right fucking now, but she refuses to budge. Strike two. When Ahn-drea leaves the room to refresh her glass of water, Steve beseeches Brandon to get rid of her. Dylan argues that they can't very well tell Ahn-drea to leave because they're expecting a stripper to arrive any moment...and Brandon wryly remarks that if Ahn-drea ever discovered they'd hired a stripper to perform a private sexy show, she'd probably write a four part series about it, and then make it the cover story of her stupid Blaze. Haha! I bet she would, Brandon. I bet she would. The doorbell rings, and Ahn-drea takes it upon herself to answer the door. It's Brandi, an attractive brunette who asks Ahn-drea if she's ready to rock and roll. In a word, Brandi: no. Brandon, Dylan, and Steve rush over to the foyer and introduce Brandi to Ahn-drea as "Cindy's niece" and Ahn-drea easily buys this lie and asks Brandi if she's from Minneapolis. Brandi sees the three guys nodding frantically, so she answers, "Sure!" Brandi removes her jacket to reveal a cute halter dress...and as Brandon ushers everyone into the living room, he remarks to Ahn-drea that Brandi came by to help him with his genealogy report, 'cause yeah that's totally plausible. Bel Age Hotel. David, Donna, Brenda, and Kelly are gathered in the hotel room that David just booked. Kelly's wearing the plush bathrobe she found in the bathroom, but a nervous David snatches it off of her after snarling that the hotel charges for everything. Brenda is reading the room service menu, marveling at the outrageously high prices, and David snatches that out of her hands 'cause he wants the four of them to focus on the task at hand: finding Color Me Badd's hotel room and then becoming life-long friends with them. Donna is still stressed about lying to her mother, and bellyaches about how Felice will kill her if she ever finds out. An exasperated Kelly says she always claims her mother's going to kill her, so she challenges her to let Felice kill her and get it over with. Brenda calls the front desk and makes a lame attempt to reach the band by asking for them by name, and not surprisingly she has no luck getting through. David calls the front desk and asks for the room number of Freddie Kramer, the manager of Color Me Badd. The operator tells him she can't give out the room number, but instead connects him to the room - but this too proves to be fruitless when Freddie immediately hangs up on him. David tells the girls they're going to have to "do some detective work" in the lobby. This makes Donna fret about running into her mother again, so Kelly and Brenda promise to be her lookout. Hotel lobby. David, Donna, Brenda, and Kelly all look ridiculous as they skulk around the lobby. They quickly spot a grubby looking guy that David frantically points at. Maybe it's Freddie. The four trail after him and observe him as he gets into the elevator and takes it all the way up to the penthouse floor. The four teens get into the next available elevator, but their hopes of meeting the band are dashed when they realize they can't access the penthouse floor without a penthouse floor key. No duh. David says they're going to have to revert to Plan B, which is to immediately formulate a Plan B. At this point in the recap, I'd like to comment on the unimaginably tight, red and black short shorts that Donna has elected to wear during this senseless hotel caper. All I can say is yikes...as well as: I know you're really skinny, Donna, but you don't always have to wear clothes that go so far as to showcase your butt cheeks. The four are now on the maintenance floor of the hotel. David and Brenda run on ahead, searching for a staircase that will magically lead them to the penthouse floor. Kelly and Donna hang back and notice that a housekeeper has just placed her set of master keys on top of a laundry cart, and to move the storyline forward, Kelly impulsively grabs the keys, and she and Donna dart into the nearby service elevator. She uses the keys to access the penthouse floor then tosses them back onto the cart - but Donna suddenly gets cold feet and worries about getting arrested, so she opens the elevator doors and exits. Kelly, however, is feeling adventurous, so she decides to go for it. She gives Donna a playful goodbye wave and heads up to the penthouse floor. David and Brenda are climbing a back staircase, but all the doors leading to room floors are locked so they're getting nowhere fast. Eventually, they go through an exit door and end up getting locked outside in the rain. Donna, meanwhile, is making her way through the hotel when she hears her mother's voice, telling someone she's ready for dessert. As Donna turns around, she witnesses Felice kissing a strange man just before she allows him to pull her into his hotel room for a little afternoon delight. My first instinct was to dry-heave, but upon further reflection I've decided I actually like seeing Felice all tousled and loosened up for a change. Donna rushes back to her hotel room in tears and attempts to reach her father by phone in Houston. When he's unavailable, so she leaves a message for him to call her asap. The Walsh house. As Brandon and Steve prepare snacks, they agree that they've got to figure out a way to give Ahn-drea the heave-ho so that Brandi can start stripping as planned...and Brandon adds, "Before they bond for life." In the living room, Brandi is telling Ahn-drea all about her studies at UCLA and that she can only study part time 'cause she has a five year old to raise and support. Ahn-drea is impressed and asks her how she's able to make ends meet, and Brandi cheekily answers, "You'd be surprised." Brandon and Steve, who have just entered the living room with the snacks, laugh nervously. Brandi goes on to tell Ahn-drea that she does a lot of office temp work, and that she also works parties. Brandon hastily interjects and clarifies that by "working parties" she means party planning stuff...as opposed to naked dancing stuff. Bel Age Hotel. Kelly has made her way to the penthouse floor, and is tentatively walking down the hallway. She nearly collides with a spacey groupie who's wearing a bra top, feather boa, and silly beret on her head. Beret Girl grumbles, "Whose are you?" and Kelly's like, "Uh, no one's. Whose are you?" Beret Girl tells her she's no one's yet, but that she'll happily doink any of the band members, or all of them. Gross. Kelly self-righteously explains that she's not a groupie in the willing-to-have-sex kind of way. She and her friends are really just interested in meeting the band and chit-chatting with them. A police officer steps onto the floor, so both girls quickly scatter. Kelly hides in a vending machine nook - and, by carefully scripted coincidence, Bryan Abrams (of Color Me Badd) is standing in front of the soda machine. He's having problems with his wrinkly dollar bill, so Kelly offers him a fresh one...and it's only when they introduce themselves to each other that Kelly realizes he's a member of the band. She briefly acts star-struck, but is promptly interrupted when a guy with a British accent appears in the nook and asks Bryan if he's OK, then scolds the singer for getting his own soda when he has people to do that sort of thing for him. Bryan retorts that sometimes he likes to get his own sodas, and so the British guy leaves. Bryan asks Kelly if she'd like to have a free ticket for their concert that night, and she declines. Wait - wuh? Wasn't this part of the purpose of the whole mission? When Bryan tries to convince her to accept the free ticket, she tells him she has three friends who'd also like to come...so could he pony up tickets for them too? He agrees to the cheeky demand and remarks that he too has three friends. Kelly then tucks her hand into the crook of his arm, and he escorts her to his hotel room. Brenda and David return to their hotel room, and both are soaking wet. Brenda's inner bitch is out in full force, sniping at David for not knowing what the hell he's doing. As they bicker like an old married couple, Donna is sitting on the bed, hugging a pillow against her and looking despondent. Brenda asks her where Kelly is, and Donna tells her that the last time she saw Kelly, she was on her way up to the penthouse floor to meet the band. Brenda's excitement about their mission is reignited by this latest development, and she wants to catch up with Kelly. Donna, however, is in no mood. She just wants to go home and sob over her mother's infidelity. Kelly is chillin' with all four members of Color Me Badd. With the possible exception of Bryan Abrams, they're really not a very attractive group...even by '90s boy band standards. One of them remarks that Kelly being in their room reminds them of the time they met Bon Jovi - but that it's cool 'cause they remember what it's like to be fans. Actually, Kelly being in their room reminds me of the Facts of Life episode when Tootie snuck into Jermaine Jackson's hotel room so she could give him a birthday present after his concert. By the way, that entire episode - entitled "Starstruck"- is on YouTube and it's a major hoot if you like watching retro dreck. Kelly tells Color Me Badd she's not so much a fan of their music, but since she doesn't want to get thrown out of their hotel room, she swiftly backpedals and assures them they're great - she's just not a crazy groupie. That said, she wanks them a little by asking what it's like to have fans. Bryan tells her he loves it, but another of the bandmates finds it scary. The guy with curly mop hair says he finds it easier to stay hidden than constantly face a throng of screaming women. Please. It's hard to believe that a guy with that unsightly 'fro would be getting a whole lot of tail...band or no band. The four then lament how they can't even go to a mall anymore without being mobbed. Awwww...something tells me that none of these guys has that problem today. Donna insists to Brenda and David that she no longer gives a rat's ass about meeting Color Me Badd. David, however, wants them all to stay the course and assumes that Donna's just afraid of running into Felice again. Donna barks back that he's driving her crazy for not letting go of this ridiculous plan. The phone then rings, and it's Dr. Martin calling. Donna refrains from telling her father about what she witnessed, and just tells him she called to say hi. After the brief conversation, she hangs up and tearfully tells Brenda and David that she caught her mother making out with another man, and that it's clear she's having an affair. The Walsh house. Brandi is now detailing her entire life story, telling the teens how she met her husband in the Peace Corps...and just as all hope for a naked stripper dance is slipping away, Ahn-drea finally finally announces that she has to get going. Hurray! She tells Brandi she enjoyed meeting her, and the instant her ass is out the door, Brandi rhetorically asks the guys if they're ready to rock and roll. She brings out her little ghetto blaster and starts playing I Wanna Sex You Up (by, who else, Color Me Badd), and begins a very PG version of a stripper dance. Steve's into it, but Brandon finds it too weird to watch her get naked after involuntarily getting to know her as a person all afternoon. He turns off the music, and a reluctant Steve agrees to pay up and say goodbye to his new stripper friend. As they walk her to the foyer, they run into Mama and Papa Walsh, who have returned from their museum outing. Brandi introduces herself to them as Cindy's cousin, which perplexes Mama Walsh. Steve and Dylan wisely beat a hasty retreat, and Brandon lamely explains to his parents that Brandi is a cousin of Cindy Sanders, a non-existent member of Steve's extended family. Bel Age Hotel. After Donna drops the bomb that Felice is knockin' boots with a man other than her husband, Brenda and David begin to question Donna's eyewitness account 'cause their brains are having difficulty processing the idea that Felice is actually capable of engaging in sexual intercourse. Brenda suggests that perhaps Donna misinterpreted the kiss...or the way Felice eagerly followed her lover into his hotel room. Donna assures them she knows what she saw, and sadly wonders if this affair means that her whole family is now going to have to change. David suggests that maybe Donna's parents have an open arrangement in their marriage, but this notion icks out Donna too much for her to seriously contemplate. Now that Donna's heart is no longer in the mission to hang with Color Me Badd, the three of them decide to leave the hotel. While they're at the front desk, checking out, Brenda gets a call from Kelly. She proudly tells Brenda she's shootin' the shit with the band, and that they're such cool guys. She also reports that she scored free tickets for all four of them for tonight's concert. Brenda's impressed, but tells Kelly they're not going to be able to go because Donna is too distraught over catching her mother dallying with another man. Kelly half-heartedly offers to leave the penthouse suite in order to be with Donna, but Brenda encourages her to attend the concert without them, so she's like "OK!" Well, why not? It's not like there are going to be unlimited opportunities to see Color Me Badd in concert. As Donna, David, and Brenda head out, Felice suddenly appears in the lobby. She bitchily asks Donna what she's still doing at the hotel, so Donna turns the tables on her and asks her what she's doing there. She then tells her that she saw her kissing a strange man. Felice struggles to maintain her composure and declares that this isn't the place to discuss her philandering. Donna ignores the edict and brazenly asks her if she's having an affair, but Felice haughtily tells her she won't allow her to speak to her this way and stubbornly refuses to answer the question. Donna gives up and turns to walk out of the lobby, teary-eyed. The Walsh house. Mama and Papa Walsh are sitting at the kitchen table, working on a puzzle together. Donna and Brenda arrive, and Mama Walsh mentions to Donna that her mother called looking for her. Donna makes a smart ass remark, and it doesn't take much prompting before she blurts out that her mother is having an affair. Mama and Papa Walsh are shocked, and Donna wonders aloud if she even has a family anymore. Mama Walsh comforts her and tells her she doesn't have to figure all of this out right now. The doorbell rings, and Mama Walsh opens the door to Felice, who acts all breezy and nonchalant about trying to track Donna down. Donna enters the foyer and Mama Walsh discreetly gives the two of them their privacy. Felice wants the two of them to go home and talk about her philandering there, but Donna's too angry to do her bidding. She calls her mother a hypocrite and invokes the way she blathered on and on about abstinence in the Everybody's Talkin' 'Bout It episode. Felice tries to shush her, but this only makes Donna talk louder. Mama and Papa Walsh and Brenda are in the kitchen, pretending not to eavesdrop on their juicy argument. Donna accuses Felice of doing everything for appearances, and declares that she's no longer going to shut up or hide her anger for appearance's sake. Felice huffily says she won't talk to her until she calms down, so Donna's like "Fine!" and tells her to leave, then runs back into the kitchen and falls into Brenda's arms, sobbing. Mama Walsh goes out to the foyer to talk to Felice, who still tries to act breezy. Felice chalks up the conflict to a mother-daughter fight, and Mama Walsh graciously tells her it's fine with them if Donna stays at their house until she calms down. Felice agrees and leaves by herself. Donna comes into the foyer again and Mama Walsh gives her a sympathetic hug, insisting that her mother loves her, and that her sleazy two-timing ways have nothing to do with her love for her. Donna looks doubtful, so Mama Walsh recalls the story about how her ex-boyfriend came to town during the Seventeen Year Itch episode and that she almost hooked up with him. Of course, she didn't end up doing anything other than a little harmless kissing action...but the point of the story is that even though she had a momentary desire to doink another man, it had no effect on the love she feels for Brenda and Brandon. Donna's house. A depressed Donna is moping on her living room couch when a chastened looking Felice enters the room and turns on the lights. She sits next to Donna and acknowledges that she has every reason to be angry with her...but assures her that she still loves her husband. The reality of Donna discovering she's getting it on with another man is the worst nightmare imaginable, and she regrets doing something that has destroyed Donna's faith in her. The two finally hug it out, and Felice apologizes for hurting her and promises to tell her husband about the affair. She says she'd never expect Donna to keep a secret like that, which is pretty funny 'cause Donna is totally incapable of keeping any secret - including this one, which she's already blabbed to David and Brenda, and Mama and Papa Walsh. The doorbell rings, and it's David who's come by to see if Donna wants to escape to the Peach Pit for awhile. Donna grumbles that she just wants to be alone, but her mother encourages her to get out of the house. She then remarks how lucky Donna is to have such great friends. Hmm...I think I like Adulterous Felice a lot more than Self-righteous Monogamous Felice. Donna agrees to go out and thanks David for coming by to check on her. On their way out, she tells him she finally understands what it's like to have problems, as well as a major storyline on her daddy's hit show. The Peach Pit. Brandon is working the evening shift and serves up Nat's crappy diner food to Donna, David, and Brenda. Kelly then breezes in, fresh from the Color Me Badd concert. She gabbles about how much she enjoyed the show...but because she was so worried about Donna the entire time, she thought of a way she might cheer her up. She tells everyone that she met a bunch of guys, and that they're really nice...and after the concert, they asked her if she knew of a good burger place, so naturally she brought them to this dump. To the gang's surprise, the "bunch of guys" turn out to be Color Me Badd. As the four of them step inside the diner, a shocked Donna stares at them with a wide-eyed expression that's even more wide-eyed than her normally wide-eyed expression. Kelly introduces the band members to her friends, and cheekily informs Color Me Badd that they're going to have to sing for their supper. They're game, as they damn well should be considering that Season 2 episodes of Beverly Hills, 90210 regularly attracted a minimum of seventeen million viewers. They each pull up a chair and start singing - a cappella - a ghastly song entitled I Adore Mi Amor. And if that isn't Badd enough, there's a particularly blechy moment when one of them kisses Donna's hand during the performance...but it does cause her sadness to temporarily melt away, and she looks sufficiently cheered up as she cuddles next to David. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: Brenda and Dylan are in the Walsh's living room, studying for their midterm exams. Well, Brenda is studying...while Dylan is draped across the couch, looking bored as he lazily fondles her hair. Brenda admonishes him for goofing off and constantly distracting her with his bedroom eyes when they're both supposed to be studying. Dylan accuses her of being obsessed with studying, which she denies because of all the time she's spent playing kissy face with him during her allotted study time. What a completely nauseating argument. Brenda suddenly gets up, packs up her books, and announces that since they're not getting anything accomplished in the living room, they're going to have to relocate to a public place. Somewhere well lit so they won't be tempted to dry hump each other. Dylan doesn't look pleased and grumps, "Not the library!" The Peach Pit. Brandon is working the evening shift, reciting facts aloud as he waits on customers. Most of the gang is also there studying. Nat declares that he loves midterm exams because after the library closes, everyone heads straight over to the Peach Pit. Kelly, who's not so much into studying, approaches the counter and asks Nat for some change so she can pick out a song from the jukebox. Nat tries to open the cash register, but it keeps jamming. Brandon then comes over to give it a hard whack, and the drawer finally opens. This seemingly insignificant detail will be important to us later. Sort of. Brenda and Dylan enter the diner. Dylan scoffs at the idea of studying in a noisy diner and tells Brenda it's doubtful that they're going to be able to get any work done. But she insists it's possible, then tells him that she needs to consult with Ahn-drea about something. She bossily orders him to find them a table and order her a coke. At closing time, everyone starts packing up their stuff to head home and call it a night. Steve and Ahn-drea leave together, which is weird...but I'll assume he's giving her a ride home and leave it at that. David, Donna, and Kelly all leave the diner as well, so the only customers left are Brenda and Dylan. Brenda wants to stay so she can finish up the last chapter in her book, so Dylan agrees to help Brandon with some recycling stuff in the alley behind the diner. They give each other a long, blechy, drawn-out kiss while an icked out Brandon waits. Just as Brenda resumes her studying, the little chimes on the Peach Pit's front door rattle as someone enters. The noise startles Brenda, but she's relieved to see it's just Ahn-drea. Steve apparently forgot his CliffsNotes, so she came back to retrieve them for him. She and Brenda banter for a minute, then wish each other a good night. In the alley, Brandon and Dylan are amusing themselves by tossing and juggling empty soda cans. Back inside the diner, Brenda is engrossed in her reading when the chimes on the door rattle again. She assumes it's Ahn-drea again...but when she turns around, she's stunned by the sight of a stenchy looking guy holding a rifle. He points it at her and ominously warns, "You do what I tell you, and you won't get hurt." As he edges closer, Brenda begs him to put the gun down. He asks her if anyone else is there, and she tells him that her useless brother and boyfriend are outside in the alley. He aims the rifle at her again and warns her that if she screams, she'll die. He orders Brenda to open the cash register, so she rushes behind the counter. He impatiently smashes up all the dishes and glassware sitting on the counter with the length of his rifle, which totally freaks out Brenda even more than she's already totally freaked out. She struggles to open the register because, as we now know, the damned thing is prone to jamming. But after whacking it hard a few more times, it finally opens. The gunman orders Brenda to put the money into a bag, and she does so while weeping. When she hands the bag to him, he gets a crazed look on his grisly face and mutters that she's kind of cute. Ew. This only makes Brenda cry harder, so he pokes at her with his rifle and orders her to thank him for complimenting her cuteness. After she wails a thank you, he instructs her to get on the ground and start counting...then warns her to forget she ever saw him. Brenda starts counting and the creepy gunman disappears. Brandon and Dylan, meanwhile, have finished their inane game of juggling soda cans and go back inside the Peach Pit. They're shocked by the mess of broken dishes and glassware, but even more so by the sight of a badly shaken Brenda huddled on the floor behind the counter. Minutes later, the police arrive. They take Brenda's statement as Dylan and Brandon look on with guilt-ridden sheepishness. The detective suggests that the robbery probably wouldn't have happened if the front door had been locked. No duh. Nice going, Brandon. Nat mumbles something about how he was going to get security cameras, but didn't...so that's also not helpful. Nat tells everyone that the most important thing is that no one was hurt...but Brenda just hangs her head in shame and apologizes to him for giving the gunman all of the money in the register. In his usual folksy way, Nat assures her it wasn't her fault. The detective is pretty pessimistic about being able to catch the gunman, but tells Brenda that she did everything just right. Suddenly, Mama and Papa Walsh burst into the diner looking overwrought. They rush over to Brenda to hug her...and while they're doing that, Dylan goes over to the table Brenda was sitting at and, to everyone's horror, remarks that her purse is missing. Oh no! The Walsh house. Due to the theft of Brenda's ID, Papa Walsh announces to his family that the locks will be changed the following day, and Mama Walsh suggests installing an alarm system. Uh, sorry, Walshes...you already did the alarm system storyline in the Ashes to Ashes episode and it turned out to be a complete fiasco. Dylan tells the Walshes he highly doubts the gunman will show up at the house, and Brandon promises Brenda that they'll never leave her alone ever again. Brenda brushes off the entire incident, breezily declaring that she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, and Mama Walsh non-sequiturs that this might be a situation that a certain Mr. Pony could help out with. She then provides the background details regarding the origin of Mr. Pony, and we get some fake flashbacks from Brenda's childhood. Here's the story in a nutshell: Mr. Pony is a little stuffed horse that Papa Walsh bought for Brenda after she fell off of her actual horse and was too afraid to ride anymore. Somehow this stuffed toy was instrumental in helping her overcome her fears about falling and gave her the courage to get back on her horse. As Brenda gets ready for bed, Mama Walsh enters her room with Mr. Pony in hand. Brenda is happy to see her childhood toy again and clutches him as she crawls into bed. Mama Walsh assures her that they're there for her if she needs them, and then gives her a hug. Brenda hugs Mr. Pony close to her and falls asleep. Hours later, she dreams that she wakes up and walks into her bathroom. As she stands in front of the sink, she hears a rifle cock and sees the stenchy gunman behind her. She wakes up in a cold sweat and hugs Mr. Pony tighter. The next morning, Mama Walsh shows her husband a brochure for a crisis hotline. I hope it's not that godawful Rap Line that Ahn-drea volunteers for 'cause those amateurs don't know what the hell they're doing. Papa Walsh just kind of shrugs and cautions his wife against pushing Brenda into any kind of counseling. He thinks it's enough that she has lots of people around her who love and support her and tolerate her bitchitude. As if to prove his point, Brenda bounds into the kitchen a few seconds later, ready for school. When her parents ask her how she slept, she fibs and tells them she slept great. West Beverly High. Donna is aghast when she hears that the Peach Pit was robbed and that Brenda was held up at gunpoint. She tells Brenda that if it had been her, she definitely would have peed herself. Steve suddenly appears in the hallway and asks her how she is, remarking how blown away he was when he heard that the diner had been robbed...and Brenda flippantly quips about how happy she is that she wasn't blown away. Badoom bah! Brenda then spots Dylan at his locker, sneaks up behind him, and jabs her finger into his ribs as though it's a gun. Oh dear...someone isn't dealing with her post traumatic stress very well. Dylan is very concerned about what Brenda must be going through after her ordeal and remarks that he'd love to go after the gunman and kick his ass. He apologizes for not being inside the diner when the robbery happened, but she assures him it wasn't his fault and kisses him...but as they kiss, she has a flashback of how the two of them kissed in the Peach Pit just prior to the incident. The image of the gunman flashes in front of her, and she gets spooked by the sound of the school bell. Study hall. Brenda is trying to focus on studying for her midterms, but she keeps hearing the rattling of the chimes that were on the Peach Pit's front door, along with the voice of the gunman. Ahn-drea suddenly enters the classroom and seats herself beside Brenda. She tells her that she was at the police station, filing a report about the robbery, and recounts how the cops doubt they have the smarts to catch the guy. She continues to prattle endlessly about the case until Brenda finally snaps at her to shut the fuck up. She says she'd like to forget about the robbery, but can't do that when everyone keeps yapping about it. Ahn-drea looks taken aback, then meekly apologizes and (mercifully) stops talking. The gang is gathered in the hallway, and everyone is discussing the general suckiness of having to study for midterms. Kelly announces that she's going home to take a long hot soak, and Brenda agrees that that sounds like a great idea. Steve inquires if he can join them and make it a threesome, and he says it jokingly, but it's still ew. Brandon remarks that he has to work the afternoon shift at the Peach Pit, and a fearful looking Donna asks him how he can go back there after it was held up. Brenda tells her she shouldn't avoid the diner, 'cause it's unfair to punish Nat for circumstances beyond his control...and the gang takes that under advisement and agrees to continue frequenting the diner. As Brandon heads off, Ahn-drea rushes after him. She tells him how worried she is that Brenda isn't handling the aftermath of the robbery very well, and this is evidenced by the fact that she doesn't want to talk about her ordeal. Brandon suggests that maybe Brenda doesn't want to talk about it with her. Hee! Ahn-drea isn't put out by that delightful zinger and tells him it's imperative Brenda talk about the robbery with someone...even if it isn't her. The Walsh house. Brenda's swift descent into madness becomes apparent when she goes on a cleaning frenzy and starts piling her clothes all over her room. When Brandon asks her what the hell she's doing, she tells him she's sick of studying, so she's doing this instead. Brandon ignores this red flag and tells her she's a very strong person and that everyone is totes impressed by how well she's dealing with the trauma of nearly getting shot. He then shares with her that Ahn-drea is worried because being held up at gunpoint is a real shock to the system - but Brenda blows that off too and tells him she doesn't want to burden anyone...nor does she want their pity. That night, Brenda has another nightmare. She dreams about how she kissed Dylan in the Peach Pit the night of the robbery and begs him not to leave the diner - but he leaves anyway, and the gunman enters and orders her not to scream. She then screams and wakes up in a cold sweat, looking terrified in her dark bedroom. Mr. Pony is definitely going to need some reinforcements. The next morning, Mama Walsh tells her husband she thinks Brenda has gone a tad cuckoo. When they go up to her bedroom to investigate, they find Brenda frantically piling her clothes everywhere. Papa Walsh reminds her that she has midterms, and Brandon is worried he's going to be late for his midterms if he has to wait much longer for his unhinged sister to pull herself together. Brenda promises to be dressed and ready to leave for school within a few minutes. West Beverly High. Brenda is sitting in a classroom about to take a midterm. The teacher rings a little bell and barks, "Go!" which was just plain weird. I've taken many exams in my lifetime and have never seen a teacher ring a bell and yellgo. The sound of the bell causes Brenda to have another flashback about the rattling chimes just before the gunman entered the diner. She then has a hallucination/vision/day dream that the gunman shot Dylan and Brandon, and starts screaming. Everyone in the classroom is like WTF?! and turns around to stare at her like she's a mental patient. Dylan rushes over to her desk, and she covers her face and quickly bolts out of the room. Dylan follows her into the hallway and asks her what's wrong. Her mind is a jumble of confusion, and for a second she's convinced that Dylan and Brandon were shot by the gunman. Dylan calmly explains to her that no one was shot, and Brenda gets very wigged out by her crazy behavior. Dylan envelopes her in a soothing hug. The Walsh house. Brenda's laying in bed with Mr. Pony, looking despondent. Mama and Papa Walsh enter her room, and Papa Walsh gently asks her if she wants to come downstairs for dinner. She tells him she's not hungry. He heard about her meltdown at school, and tells her they're going to have to figure out how to deal with the trauma of her recent ordeal. He doesn't want her to pretend that everything is OK when it's clearly not. Brenda is mostly worried that her parents will be disappointed in her, but they assure her they're not...at least not about this. She tells them she thought the memories of the robbery would fade, but every little sound seems to bring it all back, and her visions get more gruesome each time. Papa Walsh is now forced to admit that their love and support may not be enough to see her through this particular crisis, and he suggests they get her some professional help. Brenda gets all weirded out by the idea of seeing a psychiatrist, but Mama Walsh assures her there's nothing to be embarrassed about. She even went ahead and made an appointment for Brenda to get her head shrunk the following day. Psychiatrist's office. Brenda is recounting for the psychiatrist what happened during the robbery, and also the psychological effect the ordeal has been having on her. The therapist, who seems really wooden and impersonal, tells Brenda that her reaction is normal, and that it has a name: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). She encourages Brenda to get all of her feelings and anxieties out in the open, and then urges her to think of a time and place in her life when she felt safe and happy. Brenda recalls riding her horse as a child, and uses that as her "happy place". But when Brenda closes her eyes and pictures herself riding, the gunman suddenly appears and puts a gun to childhood Brenda's head. Panicked, she tells the psychiatrist that he just violated her happy place...and that line probably shouldn't have made me burst out laughing. The psychiatrist promises her that they'll get rid of the bad man by the end of the episode. The Walsh house. The gang is in the living room, trying to figure out how to make it seem as though they're not all there to ask Brenda how her therapy session went. Ahn-drea thinks they should just be honest about their concern, but that idea goes out the window when they hear the Walsh family car pull up in the driveway. Everyone scrambles to pretend as though they've gathered together to play a game of Scrabble. Brenda and Dylan enter the house, and Brenda seems amused by the sight of everyone in her living room. She looks at the Scrabble board and remarks that the letters don't appear to form actual words, so Kelly breaks down and admits that they're here to see how she's doing. Brenda's not upset at them, and tells everyone she's feeling better and far less confused. David and Kelly each tell her that they've been to a therapist before and that it's really no big deal. The phone then rings, and it's the police! They picked up a suspect who matches the description of the stenchy gunman and want Brenda to come in and look at a lineup. This development causes Brenda to panic, and she tells her parents she can't do it, then scampers upstairs. When Brenda stops freaking out, Papa Walsh and Dylan urge her to consider going to the police station to look at the lineup. Papa Walsh points out that she'll be behind a screen, and Dylan guilts her by saying if she doesn't help to get the guy arrested, he could rob someone else. Brenda starts yelling at them about how afraid she was that the guy would kill her, and that she wants to go to the station, but she's afraid of that too. She rants loudly and nonsensically about wanting the freedom to be angry - blah blah - but then finally agrees to go down to the station. Police station. The detective who's been working the case comes out to escort Brenda to the room where she'll view the lineup, and everyone wishes her luck. As the suspects enter the room adjacent to the one she's in, Brenda studies each of them carefully. Hey, the fourth guy looks like the gunman! It is the gunman! Brenda stands up, stares at him intensely and positively identifies him as the perpetrator - and she barks at the police detective, "I want you to put him away." A victorious Brenda returns to where her family is waiting. The detective thanks her and tells the Walshes they have a very brave daughter. As the Walshes start to head for home, Brenda hangs back and asks who the gunman is, so the cop tells her he's a strung out seventeen year old. Come on. That guy looked a helluva lot older than that...but then maybe he's seventeen in the same way that the main cast members are all supposed to be seventeen during Season 2. Near the entrance of the Peach Pit, Brenda tells Dylan she isn't sure she can ever enter the diner again...but after a lot of encouragement, she finally goes inside. Nat is happy to see her, and very happy that she was able to identify the gunman. She and Dylan then join the rest of their friends, who are already seated at a big table. Brenda tells them it doesn't feel at all scary to be back there. The groups then whines and moans about having to take their midterm exams. The Walsh house. Brandon enters Brenda's bedroom to say goodnight. He sucks up once more and tells her it took a lot of courage to return to the Peach Pit. She retorts that she's gotten enough praise lately - no fucking duh - and that she's very tired, but is confident that she'll finally be able to get a good night's sleep. She then asks him to hand her Mr. Pony, which he does, and then he gives her a brotherly kiss on the forehead. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Nat is staring nostalgically at a bunch of framed photographs of old Hollywood that are hanging on the wall of the Peach Pit. Brandon, meanwhile, is playing a game of table hockey on the counter with Dylan and Steve. Brandon wins, but accidentally breaks a small bowl in the process...and Nat picks up the shards and snipes at Brandon for being so careless with his dishware. He then snappishly orders no one in particular to start cleaning up the place, then rhetorically asks if he has to do everything himself. After he stomps off in search of some Midol, Steve sarcastically jokes how the Peach Pit is L.A.'s newest fun spot...and Brandon tells his friends that Nat has been behaving like a little bitch for the past two weeks. At quitting time, Brandon goes to the back room to get his jacket and reminds Nat that they need to order some mustard. Nat gets all snarly again and snaps that he's been running the place for twenty years and knows what he's doing. By now, Brandon is fed up with Nat's bitchitude and challenges him to fire his ass if he's just going to bite his head off every time he opens his mouth. Nat immediately apologizes for acting like such a douchenozzle lately and assures Brandon that his problems that have nothing to do with him. He's struggling financially, particularly after shelling out so much money to remodel the diner several episodes ago. On top of that, the recession has been so bad for business that Nat is doubtful he can afford to keep Willie, his full-time cook, on the payroll for much longer. The Walsh house. When Brandon arrives home, Mama Walsh urgently reminds him that he's supposed to be attending the "preliminary meeting of the teen advisory board", which is already in session in the Walsh's living room. Brandon tells her he finds it impossible to get himself psyched about being a teen consultant for a new shopping mall, but Mama Walsh reminds him that he promised Papa Walsh he'd do him this favor, then lets viewers know that one of Papa Walsh's wealthiest clients is spearheading the development of the shopping mall. Brandon and Mama Walsh peek inside the living room to see how the meeting's going. The facilitator is a girl with dark fuzzy hair, and when she briefly excuses herself from the meeting, she spots Brandon in the hallway and gives him an appreciative once-over. Brandon immediately looks smitten, as he does anytime a remotely attractive female happens to stumble into his line of sight. Papa Walsh notices Brandon lurking nearby and urges him to join the group. The facilitator, whose name we learn is Marcie, returns to the living room, and she and Brandon engage in some flirty banter. Brandon is impressed when he learns that her father is Dixon St. Claire (of the St. Claire Development Company), and that he's Papa Walsh's heavyweight client behind the shopping mall project. From across the room, Brenda observes Marcie hitting on Brandon and remarks on it to Kelly. Kelly, however, is doubtful that an attractive college student who's also president of her sorority, would have the slightest interest in a teenage boy with barely any chest hair yet - but Brenda insists that she recognizes the tell-tale signs of a woman shamelessly throwing herself at her brother. West Beverly High. The gang is busily disseminating questionnaires about the proposed shopping mall to their schoolmates. Brandon gives a questionnaire to Ahn-drea, and immediately regrets it when she starts griping in her usual rambley way about why there needs to be another mall. Across the lawn, Brenda assures Donna, who's acting even more dim-witted than usual in this episode, that the questionnaire isn't a quiz...meaning there are no right or wrong answers. She explains that the developers merely want to determine the types of stores that Beverly Hills teenagers like the best. A light bulb then goes off inside Donna's big head, and she tells Brenda that her favorite stores are the ones that accept credit cards. Thank you, Donna. Now relinquish your BMW and start taking the special bus to school. Back across the lawn, Ahn-drea is railing about the negative impact that a new shopping mall is likely to have on the environment, and asks Brandon if the development company will be conducting an environment impact survey. As she babbles about traffic control and noise abatement, Brandon's eyes glaze over, and he asks her in a really fatigued way if she's planning on filling out the fucking questionnaire or not. Across the lawn, Kelly reports back to Brenda and Dylan about the feedback she's gotten back from the rest of the gang. Most of the suggestions are reasonable things like fashion and music stores, movie theaters, and coffee bars...but Steve also wants a Ferrari dealership. In a shopping mall. What a stupid wanker. Marcie shows up at the school and approaches Brenda, Kelly, and Dylan. She tells them that she's been to all of the nearby high schools, passing out questionnaires and gathering input. Kelly hands her the stack of completed questionnaires, and Marcie asks how Brandon is doing. Brenda tells her that he's across the lawn, discussing the questionnaire with Ahn-drea...which is the equivalent of beating his head against a wall. She derisively adds "it could take hours". Hee! Across the lawn, Brandon points to Marcie and tells Ahn-drea that if she has a problem with the new shopping mall, she can take it up with the fuzzy haired girl...and like the obnoxious, sucky baby she is, Ahn-drea retorts, "Maybe I will." Marcie invites Brenda, Kelly, and Dylan to attend a joint sorority-fraternity party on the university campus. Brenda and Kelly are definitely into the idea, and Kelly is especially impressed to learn that Marcie is a Tri-Gam, and reverently refers to the sorority as "the best in the west". The theme of the party will be Am I Blue? Marcie, who incidentally has to be somewhere in her early twenties, grins excitedly and announces to her new teenage friends that she's going to extend a personal invitation to Brandon. Dreamy as Brandon is, he's a junior in high school and therefore can't be older than seventeen...so this May-December hook-up could end up with some legal implications for Miss Marcie. The Peach Pit. Brandon arrives for his shift and is delighted to see that Nat hasn't given Willie the boot yet. He expresses his approval to Nat, who sardonically jokes, "Who needs to make a profit?" He then points out a framed photo of his father and reminisces about the old man's Hollywood connections...but then laments that nothing lasts forever. I wonder if Nat has ever considered the possibility that the Peach Pit is doing way suckier than it did during his father's day solely because it's now under his shitty management. The St. Claire Development Company is conducting a visual, 3D presentation of the proposed shopping mall to an enthralled audience. Afterward, Brandon looks over a scale model of the project and tells Marcie he's thrilled about the inclusion of an ice-rink, which was his suggestion. As Marcie rushes off to mingle with the gals, Papa Walsh strolls over with Art Peters, St. Claire's project manager...and during those few seconds, Brandon is looking over details of the plans for the new mall and suddenly looks troubled. He rudely blows off an introduction to Art Peters and tells Papa Walsh that he urgently needs to speak with him in private. Apparently, the location of the new mall is written all over the plans, and he's shocked with the realization that the Peach Pit will likely be torn down! Oh nooo!! Turns out Papa Walsh is fully aware of this, but he doesn't care enough about the demise of a failing diner to risk making a scene in front of his fancy rich client...and firmly orders Brandon to stuff a sock in it until they get home. The Walsh house. As they arrive home, Brandon is arguing with his father about how tearing down the Peach Pit will surely "rip Nat's heart out", and says it like it's a bad thing. Papa Walsh admonishes him for getting carried away - which he totally is - then sternly reminds him that this information is confidential. He cannot breathe a word of it to Nat, since it's possible that the development company may already be in negotiations with him. Er, OK...so the proposed location of the new shopping mall is written all over the development plans, which were accessible to every person who attended the 3D presentation that evening, but yet it's still considered to be highly confidential information? Whatever, writers. Papa Walsh stresses that millions of dollars are riding on this project, and that keeping quiet about it is not a request. An irked Brandon stalks off and heads upstairs to bed. Brandon's room. Brenda barges in, ignoring Brandon's warning that he doesn't want to talk. She lectures him about how a choice between Papa Walsh and Nat really isn't a choice. Brandon then extols the virtues of St. Nat and tells Brenda that he's such a swell guy he couldn't bring himself to fire Willie the cook. Please. That only proves he's too much of a gutless pantywaist to deliver bad news to an employee. Brenda points out that the development company will probably offer Nat a lot of money for the Pit, but Brandon argues that money isn't the issue; Nat loves the diner because his family built it. He pissily declares he wants nothing more to do with the teen advisory board and, by association, Marcie. He also tells Brenda that he no longer wants to go to the sorority-fraternity party...but then easily relents when Brenda reminds him that the rest of the gang is going. LOL. Sorority-fraternity party. The gang, dressed all in blue, enters a large house. They're greeted in the foyer by a weird-o named Mike, who acts like a mental patient who's been skipping his meds. When Steve inquires about a keg, Mike informs them that there's no alcohol at the party because: a) the fraternity is still on suspension for their last blow-out party, and b) the writers have already dealt with the issue of underage drinking in Season 1 and the made up U4EA drug earlier in Season 2 and don't want to beat the substance abuse issue to death. Marcie suddenly sneaks up behind Mike and tells the gang not to pay any attention to him, then invites them to check out the coffee bar. Brandon enters the house and has clearly ignored the party's recommended dress code and is wearing a red sports jacket. Mike complains about his non-blue outfit, but Marcie waves him away and tells him it's fine. As the gang starts to mingle, Brandon grimaces and remarks to Marcie how she'll probably want to dance with him - but she's also not into dancing and tells him that some people just weren't made to boogie. Brandon jokingly tells her he's in love. Kelly and Steve are dancing together. He's being very touchy feely with her, but she's totally not into it. She's too busy surveying the room for cute frat boys, and remarks to Steve that she could totally see herself going out with a guy in a fraternity...and Steve tells her he could totally see himself being in a fraternity. Give it up, Steve. Across the room, Brenda gushes to Dylan about the beautiful campus...but Dylan's not impressed with any of it. He hates the attitude of the frat boys and tells her that he has no intention of ever attending this university. Brenda wants to know why he's so down on the school, so he enlightens her about how his father threw a bunch of money at the university to buy respectability, hence the recently constructed McKay Student Center. Dylan then tells her that she's lucky to have an honest father like Papa Walsh, who's always such a straight shooter with no ulterior motives. Mmm hmm.. Marcie takes Brandon to a private room, which is filled with scale models of various building projects. The two smooch it up, and Marcie tells him that she thinks her father will really like him. She says that once the shopping mall project is approved, things will move very fast...and the fact that Brandon is "right in on the ground floor" makes it likely that her father will offer him a position in the company. I'm starting to wonder if Marcie doesn't realize that Brandon is still a teenager and several years away from needing a full time career type of job. She tells him she's in the mood to celebrate, so naturally he drives her over to the only diner in town...I'm sure you can guess which. The Peach Pit. Brandon gets behind the counter and, with running commentary, prepares a mega-burger for Marcie. Nat butts into the conversation and starts blathering about how Marilyn Monroe used to eat at the Pit all the time and really liked mega-burgers. That sounds like a giant load of bullcack, but OK. He then whines about how movie stars don't frequent the Pit so much anymore...they get the occasional celebrity, but business isn't nearly as good as it used to be. With that said, Nat wanders off dejectedly - LOL - and Brandon tells Marcie that the Peach Pit is on the chopping block because of the shopping mall project. She's surprised to hear that - but surprise quickly turns to anger, and she accuses him of bringing her here just to make her feel bad. Well, d'yuh. He explains that he figured maybe once she came into the diner, ate a mega-burger and got a feel for the dump - and she snarks, "I'll what? Talk to my father?" and Brandon's like, "Well, yeah. Sort of." She admonishes him for being a simpleton, thinking that her father would actually halt two years of research and development for a stupid hamburger joint that is, by Nat's own account, long past its heyday. She snarks that the real world doesn't work that way and storms off. The Peach Pit. The following day, Brandon arrives for his shift and encounters a depressed looking Willie. He then sees Nat sitting at the end of the counter, looking glum and dressed in a fugly, ill-fitting suit. Brandon approaches him and asks what's wrong, so Nat tells him that a developer has big plans for the neighborhood, which will likely mean the end of the Peach Pit. There's a meeting about it later, which is why he's dressed in his Sunday best. Brandon admits that he already knew all about it, but that Papa Walsh kept him muzzled 'cause it was confidential. Nat doesn't take issue with this and tells Brandon he understands that it's just business. However, he's not very confident that he'll get offered a lot of money for his property, and worries that he'll have to get a job at McDonald's. He should be so lucky in this recession. He suddenly decides to bail on the developer's meeting, since the Peach Pit will most likely be history whether or not he attends. Developer's meeting. Art Peters gives Papa Walsh a quick rundown of exactly how the meeting will unfold. Brandon suddenly enters the room, much to Papa Walsh's surprise. He asks his son what he's doing there, so Brandon tells him he wanted to meet the great Dixon St. Claire. He saunters over to the old man, who's standing beside his daughter Marcie...and she looks on nervously as her father and Brandon engage in an awkward chat. Dixon is actually pretty gracious, while Brandon behaves like a total dick, talking in passive-aggressive riddles about how history is his favorite subject in school. Sensing disaster, Marcie cuts the conversation short and tells her father that the meeting is about to start. She shoots Brandon a look of warning. Dixon St. Claire kicks off the meeting by thanking Marcie for organizing the teen advisory board. He proudly tells everyone that she didn't find one teenager who had a negative response to the proposed shopping mall. As that's happening, Ahn-drea quietly slips into the room and takes a seat. Blech. Suddenly, Brandon interrupts Dixon and blurts out, "There may have been one." He goes completely rogue and rises to his feet before announcing that he's having a lot of second thoughts about the shopping mall project, and says that the development company needs to hear what "the little guy" has to say before bulldozers start rolling in. Papa Walsh looks as though his balding head is going to explode, while Ahn-drea has that horrible smug look I always want to wipe off her face. Brandon then gets all preachy about how the city needs to save its history. After the meeting, Papa Walsh angrily reprimands Brandon for speaking out against Dixon St. Claire's shopping mall plans, and Brandon barks back that he did it to stand up for Nat. Papa Walsh snaps that Nat is a grown man who didn't even bother coming to the meeting. Good point. Brandon then reminds his father that he had promised to take care of Nat, and Papa Walsh retorts that the development company will surely offer Nat a fair price for the diner, not to mention that he'll have a permanent location in the new mall. Brandon grumbles that that will take years, and what is Nat supposed to do in the meantime? Frustrated, Papa Walsh barks at Brandon to get off his soapbox and consider how he may be damaging his relationship to a very important client. Brandon apologizes for that, but still doesn't agree with how St. Claire is railroading this project through, and refuses to keep his mouth shut about it. West Beverly High. Brandon enters a classroom and is stunned to find the gang making "Save the Peach Pit" signs and posters. Ahn-drea explains by telling him, "You don't have to fight this all alone, Ace." OMG, I fuuuuuuucking hate it when she calls him Ace. The others tell him they never would have agreed to be on the teen advisory board if they knew it meant tearing down the Peach Pit. David bursts into the room and announces that he's going to be broadcasting his pretend radio show live from the Pit that afternoon, and that he'll only play songs from Nat's jukebox. Not sure how that's going to help anything. Ahn-drea adds that The Times may be able to free up a reporter to send someone to the diner. Brenda appears in the doorway and tells Brandon she needs to speak with him privately, then lays into him for getting all of their friends involved in his crusade to save a crappy diner. She overheard their parents talking about the whole mess, and tells Brandon that Papa Walsh got chewed out by Art Peters after the developer's meeting. But as cheesed off as Papa Walsh was, he remarked to his wife that he was proud of Brandon 'cause he reminded him of grandpa. Brandon suddenly looks very thoughtful and returns to the classroom to tell the gang he needs to go and take care of something. Somewhere downtown. Brandon is on his way to see Art Peters to apologize to him for interrupting the meeting, and to make it clear that Papa Walsh had nothing to do with his outburst. He runs into Marcie outside the building, and the two have a nonsensical conversation about loyalties and an accusation that she's afraid of being her own woman...blah blah. The Peach Pit. Brandon enters the diner, surprised at how quiet it is. David isn't there DJing (yay!), and there's no sign of any reporters. When he asks Nat whaddup, he tells Brandon he sent everybody home because the St. Claire Development Company made him an offer he couldn't refuse. He now has enough money to give Willie a small severance, and is contemplating buying himself a boat and sailing away. That is, by far, the best idea I've ever heard come out of Nat's mouth. Sail far, far away, Nat. And when you're done that, keep on sailing. Brandon is pissed off that Nat caved to the developer and gives him a big guilt trip him for letting him down. He had assumed they were fighting for something important...something bigger than just the two of them. The Walsh house. Brandon has just finished making himself a sandwich when Papa Walsh walks through the back door. He comments that the sandwich looks tasty, so Brandon hands it to him and remarks that he's not hungry. He starts to stalk off sullenly when Papa Walsh stops him and asks him how long he's going to shut him out...and Brandon doesn't answer, but instead tells him that the development company offered Nat a bunch of money. Papa Walsh is like, "What's wrong with that?" and then cites the realities of living in the grown-up world: paying mortgages, bills, and putting food on the table. He points out that the shopping mall will create thousands of jobs. Well...yeah, but mostly minimum wage type jobs, Jim. Brandon gets all sanctimonious about how everyone has sold out, then storms out of the kitchen. Mama Walsh enters the room and clucks, "Poor Brandon" and Papa Walsh is like, "What about me?" so she explains that Brandon's upset because he lost a hero today...in Nat. Good grief. The Peach Pit. Papa Walsh stops by the diner to pick up a pie he had ordered in advance, and Nat boxes it up for him and gives it to him on the house. He then asks Papa Walsh if he wouldn't mind looking over the papers he received from the St. Claire Development Company. Papa Walsh agrees...and is stunned by the paltry sum the developers offered him, so he rushes over to the phone to call Art Peters to complain. Art explains to him that Nat stupidly accepted their first low-ball offer and didn't even try to negotiate a better price. What a dumbass. Art then says that it's probably a moot point anyway and orders Papa Walsh to come by the office so they can discuss it. The Walsh house. When Brandon returns home after a bicycle ride, Brenda informs him that the funding for the shopping mall project has just fallen through. She feels bad for Papa Walsh, but she's also happy that the Peach Pit won't be torn down and that she can continue to poison her body with Nat's diner junk food. Brandon assures her that she was right to stand by their father. Living room. A little later, Papa Walsh is guzzling a brandy, recounting for Brandon how the deal fell through. Art Peters was a real tool and accused Papa Walsh of not being a team player when he warned him that the funding might not be approved. Well that's just nonsensical. Anyway, Papa Walsh is fairly confident he won't get fired, and philosophizes about how he may never earn the big bucks, but at least he's learned how to play the game. He then refers to Brandon as a "chip off the old block" and says that grandpa wouldn't have it any other way. Brandon suddenly asks if Nat knows that the deal fell through. He doesn't. The Peach Pit. Brandon enters the diner and pretends he's there to help Nat clean the place out. Nat immediately gets defensive and explains how he never intended to sell the Peach Pit, but only made the decision to do so when the developer offered to buy him out. It's painful watching a grown man so desperately seek approval from a self-righteous teenager. Brandon advises him to auction off all the crap inside the diner, starting with the autographed celebrity photographs on the wall - but Nat doesn't like that idea and tells Brandon there's no price for stuff like that, which prompts a lame joke about how everything has its price. Nat laments how disgusted the gang must be with him, and is about to start wringing his hands when Brandon finally tells him that the funding for the shopping mall fell through. The Peach Pit will remain standing! Oh joy. Nat is elated and gives Brandon a hearty hug. After that, the gang and a whole schwak of extras stream inside the diner to congratulate him. Nat barks at Willie to fire up the grill. Poor schlub. I hope he's getting overtime pay. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Papa Walsh and Brandon are helping Nat carry a bunch of boxes inside the Peach Pit. Papa Walsh excitedly tells Nat he's got a good feeling about this, and that it's going to bring in a lot more traffic to the diner. Since it's unclear what the hell he's talking about, here's a spoiler alert: the thing in the boxes is a karaoke machine. Ugh. Papa Walsh is super enthused about it and encourages Brandon to invite "the whole crew" to rock n' roll at the Peach Pit's karaoke debut the following evening. Nat doesn't look at all convinced that this is a good idea...probably because it's not a good idea. The novelty of watching a parade of talentless pretend singers bellowing into a microphone alongside a karaoke machine tends to wear off very quickly. Cardio-funk aerobics class. The gym is filled with exercisers, many of whom are wearing ridiculous looking workout gear. Brenda and Kelly are aerobicizing in the back row, and there's a dorky guy in front of them who is hopelessly uncoordinated. He notices Brenda and Kelly behind him and awkwardly grooves in their direction. The instructor snaps at him to focus, so he snaps back that he is focusing. He then proceeds to abandon all focus and quickly introduces himself to Brenda and Kelly...and as soon as he's out of earshot, Kelly remarks that Dork Boy is cute. Brenda gives her a judgey look and haughtily tells her that they didn't come to cardio-funk class to meet guys. Actually, I think the gym is probably one of the better places to meet guys...and Kelly must agree with my sentiment 'cause she tells Brenda to "Speak for yourself." Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Hey, Dumb Betty from The Green Room episode is back! She's standing in front of the mic, telling the group what a hot mess her life has degenerated into. You may recall that when we last saw Dumb Betty, she was trying to surf while sloshed...and would have drowned if not for the heroic actions of Brandon and Brenda. Sometime after that, Dumb Betty hooked up with a deadbeat who became her boyfriend, moved in with him, and the two started drinking excessively together. A couple of weeks ago, the deadbeat beat her up, so she split up with him and has only managed to stay sober for one week. Yeesh. Her life really is a hot mess. Cardio-funk aerobics class. After class, Dork Boy saunters over to where Brenda and Kelly are packing up their exercise stuff. For some inexplicable reason, he's smitten with Brenda and lays on the schmoozy bullcack when he asks her if she's an actress, dancer, or Star Search spokesmodel. Brenda is forthcoming with him, telling him she's a high school student at West Beverly. He tells her that he used to attend Beverly High, but is now a college student at UCLA, studying pre-med. Brenda introduces him to Kelly, though he barely glances her way and proceeds to invite Brenda out for a bite to eat. Kelly makes a disapproving grunt, so Brenda tells him she can't go because Kelly is her ride. Dork Boy offers to give her a ride home, but Brenda declines. When he asks if he can call her sometime, she tells him that she has a boyfriend, but this doesn't seem to faze Dork Boy, and he says he's looking forward to seeing her at cardio-funk class again on Sunday night. Brenda hesitates, since it's obvious that she hadn't planned on aerobicizing twice during the weekend. But impulsively she tells him that, yes, she'll see him on Sunday night. Dork Boy happily skips off, and Kelly reminds Brenda that they only made plans to attend cardio-funk on Friday nights - when Dylan is at his AA meetings. Brenda breezily declares that she needs more exercise, which prompts Kelly to accuse her of using exercise as an excuse to explore a possible hook-up with Dork Boy. Brenda weakly denies it. Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Dylan approaches Dumb Betty, who remembers him from Season 1. She greets him warmly then asks about Brandon, and Dylan tells her he sees him at school all the time. Dumb Betty recalls how he and his sister saved her from drowning, and remarks how much she wants to get back into surfing again. Dylan informs her that he's planning to go surfing the next morning and invites her to come along. She's definitely into it. The Peach Pit. Nat and Brandon are assembling the karaoke machine when they hear a knock on the front door. It's Dylan. He stopped by to tell Brandon that he ran into Dumb Betty earlier. Brandon asks how she's doing, but then gets barked at by stupid Nat to resume helping him with the karaoke machine. That scene was kind of superfluous. The Walsh house. Dylan drops by unexpectedly, which surprises Brenda. He came to show off his ninety day sobriety chip to her, and she pretends to be impressed. Dylan then invites her to come to the next AA meeting with him, which happens to be on Sunday night. Brenda wavers, remembering that she promised Dork Boy she'd see him at cardio-funk...so she tells Dylan she has something planned. But when she sees the crestfallen look on his face, she quickly changes her mind and promises to come to the AA meeting with him instead. Dylan looks happy and thanks her for wedging him into her busy schedule. The two kiss goodnight. Ocean. Dylan arrives at the beach in his Porsche and finds Dumb Betty already there. She tells him how great it feels to be going surfing again, and thanks him for encouraging her to come out. After a montage of surfing clips that look suspiciously like they were lifted from Season 1, the two lounge on the sand together. Dumb Betty tells Dylan that she dropped out of school and now has a job at a hair salon, and that her goal in life is to attend beauty school to become a hairdresser. Do people really still call it 'beauty school'? They joke about her cutting his hair, and the interaction turns flirty when she runs a hand through his gel-encrusted mop. Mmm hmm...this doesn't bode well for a future relationship as platonic friends. The Walsh house. Papa Walsh is very excited to showcase his horrendous singing abilities at the karaoke debut at the Peach Pit that evening. He tells his family about his clients who claim that once people discover the fun of karaoke, they immediately become hooked. No doubt these "clients" are the karaoke machine resellers responsible for saddling Nat with the dumb thing. The phone rings, and Mama Walsh answers it. It's Dork Boy, calling for Brenda. She doesn't want to take the call, but Mama Walsh ignores her protests and forcibly hands her the receiver. Brenda has a brief, awkward conversation with Dork Boy as her family stares at her curiously. Based on her end of the conversation, it sounds like she turned down an invitation to get together with him. Ocean. Dumb Betty thanks Dylan once again for encouraging her to get out into the fresh air and go surfing. She asks him out to the movies for that evening, but he tells her he already has plans. She then whines about how it's so hard to be by herself these days, and he suggests filling the void by attending multiple AA meetings. Ouch. The Peach Pit. It's karaoke night, and the diner is packed. Nat gives Papa Walsh the honor of singing the first song with the karaoke machine, so he proudly struts over and starts crooning Do Wah Diddy...and it's so painfully cheese-tastic that even Mama Walsh looks completely mortified. After that embarrassing display, we get a montage of the teenage cast members each taking their turns singing badly and giggling. The novelty of karaoke has officially worn off for me, and I'm ready to see this torture machine tossed into the Peach Pit's dumpster asap. Dylan's house. After a raucous night of karaoke-ing, Dylan brings Brenda back to his place. He makes a beeline for the refrigerator and asks her if she wants something to eat. But Brenda just stands near the door, makes a face, and remarks how times have changed. She explains that normally when they step foot inside his house, they're so busy going at it that neither of them would be thinking about food. Ew. Dylan rewinds and walks toward her for a big smooch. She then notices that there's a message waiting on his answering machine...and it's from Dumb Betty, who tells him that she needs a drink really badly and that he should call her. Sounds like this girl is in dire need of her own AA sponsor. Brenda is annoyed, so Dylan explains that it's someone from AA who needs his help...so she tells him it's OK if he drops her off so he can spend the rest of the evening helping the distressed wino. Dumb Betty's apartment. Dumb Betty is relieved to see Dylan when he arrives. Her abusive ex-boyfriend, who is never referred to by name so we'll just call him Deadbeat, is in the apartment and refuses to leave. He's passed out in a sitting position, still clutching a bottle in his hand. Definitely not a keeper. Dylan jolts Deadbeat awake and tells him it's time to hit the road. Deadbeat assumes that Dylan is sleeping with Dumb Betty and is therefore the reason she broke up with him. He calls her a slut, at which point Dylan orders him to take his bottle and go elsewhere...and surprisingly, Deadbeat leaves without further incident. Dumb Betty hugs Dylan in a really needy, clingy way and tells him how frightened she is that the douchebag will return. The next day, Brenda and Kelly are jogging together around the Walsh's neighborhood. Brenda mentions the phone message that was left on Dylan's machine last night and tells Kelly she recognized the voice. She knows it's the girl who she and Brandon saved from drowning in Season 1, and she's really irritated at Dylan for not telling her. She's also paranoid 'cause she called Dylan late last night and he still hadn't gotten home yet. Kelly brushes off her concerns and assumes there's a simple explanation...and then cattily points out that it's not as though Brenda told Dylan about how she flirted with Dork Boy at the gym. Hee! Brenda gets all defensive again and denies engaging in any kind of flirtatious activity. The Walsh house. Papa Walsh wants to relive his fond memories of last night's karaoke debut and starts up with another round of "Do Wah Diddy". Mama Walsh orders him to shut it just as Brenda and Kelly burst in through the kitchen door after their jog. Brenda asks if Dylan called while they were out, and Brandon informs her that Dylan didn't call...but a certain Dork Boy did. Kelly is shocked to hear that Dork Boy is calling her. Brandon hands Brenda a message with Dork Boy's number on it...then asks who he is. Brenda explains that he's just some guy she met in her exercise class. Dumb Betty's apartment. Dylan ended up spending the night at Dumb Betty's apartment, and wakes up on her couch. She serves him a crappy looking breakfast, along with a soda in lieu of coffee. I guess she was all out. Dumb Betty thanks him for staying over and compliments his cuteness before leaning in for a kiss. Dylan returns her kiss, but then gently shoves her away. He tells her that making out right now would not be a good idea since she's supposed to be following a 12-step program, and therefore probably shouldn't be rubbing up against every guy who's nice to her. He then drops the bomb that he has a girlfriend, and Dumb Betty looks put out and immediately gets teary. Dylan apologizes and admits he should have told her this a lot sooner. No duh, Slouchy. Dumb Betty whines that she doubts she'll be able to get sober by herself and collapses against him in another clingy hug. Yeesh, this girl needs to be shipped off to a rehab center like yesterday. Cardio-funk aerobics class. Dork Boy shows up to exercise class with the hope of running into Brenda again. Kelly, who came by herself, informs him that Brenda had plans with her boyfriend. Dork Boy then makes some remark about how Brenda is fair game because she and Dylan aren't exactly engaged. He is annoyingly persistent, this Dork Boy. Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. As promised, Brenda has accompanied Dylan to his AA meeting. After it's over, she tells Dylan how surprised she is that the meeting didn't bore or depress the hell out of her. LOL. Also surprising to her was how personal people are willing to get in front of a large group...and then she remarks that Dylan has been unusually quiet this evening. Before he can respond, a gaunt looking guy named Ben (Dylan's sponsor), comes over to meet Brenda. As they exchange niceties, Dylan looks around the room for Dumb Betty, but she's a no show. But Ben is far less worried about her and advises Dylan to work his program and let Dumb Betty work hers. The Peach Pit. A horrible singer is karaoke-ing. Steve and Ahn-drea openly laugh at the woman, while David and Donna make disparaging comments. Mama and Papa Walsh drop by the diner, and Nat thanks Papa Walsh for bringing karaoke to the Pit. Business has been good, though this only means that the horror that is karaoke hasn't turned off enough of his customers yet. Kelly shows up at the Pit with Dork Boy. He insisted on tagging along with her so he could maximize his chances of seeing Brenda again. I'm starting to wonder how this pre-med college student has so much free time on his hands to be chasing after a teenage girl he barely knows...and, more disturbingly, why he chooses not to pursue women his own age. Kelly introduces Dork Boy to the gang...and after several minutes, Brenda and Dylan arrive. Brandon discreetly warns his sister that Dork Boy is presently in the diner, and when Dylan asks her who the hell that is, she tells him it's just a guy she met in her cardio-funk class. Dork Boy spots Brenda and rushes over to greet her, a move which does not go over well with Dylan. He mutters to Brenda that he's going to try to get a hold of Dumb Betty and slouches off in the direction of the pay phone. Mama Walsh comes over and gets an introduction to Dork Boy, then wryly points out Papa Walsh, who's once again making an ass of himself alongside the karaoke machine. Dork Boy is then somehow able to convince Brenda to join him in making an ass of himself. Brenda agrees, and the two sing Wild Thing together. Dylan, meanwhile, doesn't have any luck reaching Dumb Betty and isn't amused by the sight of his girlfriend karaoke-ing with another guy. He irritably motions for her to come over to him and informs her that he's going to swing by Dumb Betty's apartment to see if she's OK. Brenda isn't thrilled about that, but she tells him she understands. The instant Dylan leaves, Dork Boy eagerly offers to give her a ride home. Dumb Betty's apartment. Dylan arrives at the apartment and finds a drunk Dumb Betty, along with Deadbeat, who's also drunk. Dumb Betty starts raving nonsensically, blaming Dylan for her inebriated state 'cause he turned his back on her when she needed him most. Dylan tries to convince her to leave with him, but she refuses and instead orders him to get out. Deadbeat gets in the game and tells Dylan to leave and then takes a swing at him...but since he's too drunk to aim properly, Dylan ducks and easily knocks him to the floor. Dumb Betty rushes to Deadbeat's aid and screams at Dylan to get the hell out...and since his presence there clearly isn't wanted, he leaves the two guzzlers alone to self destruct. The Walsh house. Mama Walsh is peering out the window, watching Brenda and Dork Boy as they talk near the front door. She's curious what this means for Brenda's relationship with Dylan. Papa Walsh, who obviously couldn't care less about this pointless storyline, tiredly points out that the two are merely talking. Outside. Brenda thanks Dork Boy for giving her a ride home. He says he'll disappear from her life if she comes right out and tells him to get lost - but Brenda looks unsure and can't bring herself to completely sever ties. They kiss, but immediately afterward she tells him she shouldn't be doing this. She kisses him again, but then tells him she can't and that she's sorry for leading him on. Dork Boy takes it all in stride, but encourages her to consider dumping Dylan so she can start seeing him. She promises to mull it over. The next morning, Brandon enters Brenda's room to ask if her if she's getting up for school. She's lounging in bed, depressed and confused about her boyfriend situation...then confesses to Brandon that she kissed Dork Boy. Brandon's a little surprised to hear that, but doesn't think it's any big deal since she and Dylan aren't married or anything. Brenda, however, considers it to be a big deal and tells her brother she feels guilty for even wanting to kiss another guy. The Peach Pit. An old man is karaoke-ing to a Willie Nelson song, and it looks like the gang has finally had enough. Steve orders Brandon to give Nat an ultimatum: either the karaoke machine goes, or they go. They're prepared to boycott the diner if they have to endure one more horrific rendition of To All the Girls I've Loved Before. Brandon quickly relays the message to Nat, and he immediately caves in to their demands...and doesn't seem to mind being given an ultimatum by a clique of snooty, self-involved teenagers. He good-naturedly explains to Brandon that the Peach Pit is, at heart, a jukebox joint. More importantly, he knows he's not going to get any airtime if this group of teenagers suddenly decides to frequent a different restaurant. He does, however, ask a favor of Brandon, which is to break the sad news to karaoke-loving Papa Walsh. Cardio-funk aerobics class. After the cool-down, Dork Boy comes over to Brenda and asks her what she's doing later. Now that we're finally nearing the conclusion of this completely irrelevant, self-contained episode, Brenda has made a firm choice. She tells him that they can't see each other anymore, then blathers on for a little while about how she's young and should want to see a lot of guys...but at the moment she's only interested in spending time with a certain slouchy hipster. She explains how Dylan's behavior the other night may have appeared to be rude and shitty, but he had to leave abruptly because he was helping a boozer in need. Dork Boy sheepishly admits that he jumped to conclusions because he wanted to believe that Dylan wasn't good enough for her. Now that he and Brenda have parted ways forever, Dork Boy shifts his attention to Kelly. He informs her that Brenda turned him down for good and asks Kelly if she has a boyfriend. She says no, so he introduces himself to her as though he hasn't just made a total horse's ass of himself throughout the entire episode, chasing after Brenda. Kelly smiles and gamely shakes his hand, which I found a little strange 'cause I didn't think Kelly was the type of girl to settle for sloppy seconds. But then, she does hook up with Dylan in Season 3 and then dates Matt in Season 9 after he and Donna go on a few dates...so what do I know? Maybe she really is a sloppy seconds kind of gal. Dylan's house. Dylan and Brenda are seated together on the couch, each pondering the acts of infidelity they committed throughout the episode. Dylan apologizes for being so preoccupied with Dumb Betty, and Brenda tells him she knows it was the same girl she and Brandon had saved from drowning. I still don't see how or why that matters. Dylan tells her that Dumb Betty chose to reconnect with Deadbeat, and then spurned his efforts to help her dry out. He then asks Brenda if he needs to worry about Dork Boy, and Brenda tells him he doesn't...but admits to kissing him. This prompts Dylan to admit that he kissed someone else too. Brenda wonders aloud what's happening to them, and Dylan assures her he doesn't want anything like this to break them up...and as they cuddle, Dylan tells her their relationship is going to be A-OK. She may want to get that in writing. The Walsh house. Papa Walsh is wearing headphones and playing his little portable keyboard while singing Wild Thing...and it sounds a lot worse than when he sang along with the karaoke machine, since there's not enough background music to adequately drown out his voice. Mama Walsh and Brandon look on, realizing with dismay that this is how he has elected to cope with the sudden demise of karaoke at the Peach Pit. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: This episode opens with a nostalgic montage of baby pictures, which we soon learn are of Kelly. She was adorable! As Jackie flips through the old photo album, she remarks to Kelly that she can still remember how sweet it was to hold a baby in her arms...but moans that she's too old for that now. Nonsense, Jackie! You are a very spry forty-something. Jackie mentions that she has a doctor's appointment that day to confirm the pregnancy, and when Kelly asks her what Mel has to say about all this, she evades the question. When Kelly calls her out on evading the question, Jackie sheepishly admits that she hasn't yet told Mel she's pregnant. She knows he's happy that David is all grown up (sort of), and assumes that he's not interested in raising another child from scratch. Kelly still insists that Mel needs to know he knocked her up. The scene ends there, and I got the distinct impression that Jackie was seriously contemplating abortion. West Beverly High. Now that Donna finally has a boyfriend (David...bwahaha!), she declares Valentine's Day to be her favorite new holiday. Dylan has made romantic plans for Brenda and himself but wants to keep them a surprise, much to Brenda's annoyance. Much to my annoyance, Brenda spends much of her airtime this episode wearing Dylan down by continually pestering him to reveal these romantic plans. For now, though, she's willing to settle for a clue, so he relents and tells her that their Valentine's Day plans will involve lying down. Dreamy Donna imagines them spooning, so she chimes in about how sexy these plans sound. Dylan then gives Brenda a quick kiss and rushes off to class. Kelly, meanwhile, has been noticeably uncommunicative and mopey during the entire scene. When Brenda asks her what she thinks Dylan's romantic Valentine's Day plans could be, Kelly tells her narcissistic little friend that she really couldn't give a rat's ass. Hee! The trio amble over to Kelly's locker when David suddenly bursts into the scene. He reminds Kelly that he and his dad are coming over for Valentine's Day dinner and asks if it's OK to bring Donna along. Kelly gives both him and Donna a look of irritation and tells him no, it's not OK. In fact, she doesn't even think there's going to be a dinner. David is confused, but doesn't have time to pursue whatever's pissing Kelly off 'cause he has a radio show to do. After he leaves, Donna starts bitching at Kelly for always being so mean to David. Kelly tells her she has her reasons, and then looks so glum that Donna and Brenda order her to tell them what's irking her. Kelly gives in, but makes them pinky swear not to tell anyone what she's about to divulge. Donna and Brenda cross their hearts - which soon proves to be a completely meaningless gesture - and Kelly tells them that Jackie is pregnant. DJ booth. Donna enters and apologizes for Kelly being so weird. David tells her he knows why Kelly is acting so strangely. After asking Donna if she can keep a secret (she's just proven she can't), he tells her that Mel is planning to propose to Jackie on Valentine's Day. Donna gushes about how romantic that is, particularly under the circumstances. David looks at her blankly, so Donna says he doesn't have to play dumb because Kelly already told her about the baby. David (who's really not the sharpest knife in the drawer) still doesn't clue in and demands to know what's going on. Donna whines that Kelly will kill her because she had promised not to tell this secret to anyone...but then proceeds to tell David that Jackie has a bun in the oven, after making him swear that he won't tell anyone. David looks confused, which prompts Donna to lament letting the cat out of the bag. David is sure there must be some kind of misunderstanding, since his dad didn't mention anything to him about a baby. Donna suggests that maybe Mel doesn't yet know about the pregnancy. No he doesn't, and this would be a really good reason to now shut up about the whole thing. The Peach Pit. Steve tells Brandon that he hasn't decided whether or not to send Kelly a Valentine's Day card. He's interested in her, of course, but doesn't want to look as though he's been pining for her...even though anyone who knows him knows full well that he's been pining for Kelly since before the pilot episode. Ahn-drea is seated at the other end of the counter and notices that Nat is studying horse racing forms in the newspaper. When she asks to look at them, Nat hands them to her...and she marvels about how much money people can win by betting on horses. Nat tries to decipher the forms for her so she can make an informed choice when picking a horse, but Ahn-drea just randomly picks one based on its name. By this time, Brandon and Steve have joined the conversation, and Steve contends that winning horses can't be chosen on the basis of their names alone. Ahn-drea just shrugs and tells them she has a feeling, and that she's confident about her pick. Nat shares that he once had a girlfriend who could pick winners, but he never listened to her and has always regretted it. He doesn't want to make the mistake of ignoring a woman's intuition again, so he goes into the back room to place the bet. Brandon then asks Ahn-drea the name of the horse she picked, and she tells him Lovesick. Brandon says he knows she's lovesick for him, but right now he just wants to know the name of the horse she picked. Haha! Dr. Silver's dental office. David stops by to see his dad and gets ensnared in an annoying conversation with the overly interested receptionist about how much he's grown. When David finally manages to extricate himself from her stupid chatter, he goes to the back rooms to look for his dad. Mel is surprised, but happy to see his son and the two step into one of the examining rooms to talk privately. David asks him if everything is OK, and Mel tells him he couldn't be better. He shows David the ring he bought for Jackie, admitting that it's pretty extravagant, but says she's worth it. David just looks morose and sarcastically remarks that they're all going to be "one big, happy family". A puzzled Mel asks him if anything is bothering him, but David just says he wanted to be sure everything is all right with him. Mel assures him that he's very happy, and that this marriage is exactly what he wants. Kelly's house. When Donna tells Kelly that she opened her big fat mouth and told David about Jackie's pregnancy, Kelly gets angry and has a freak-out. Donna's weak defense is that she thought David already knew that Jackie was pregnant, but Kelly reminds her that she had been sworn to secrecy. As she stews, Donna betrays David's confidence and reveals that Mel is planning on proposing to Jackie on Valentine's Day...and Kelly's all, "Wha-at?!" Donna thinks it's incredibly romantic, and assumes that the two will live happily ever after. Kelly, on the other hand, moans that Mel's impending proposal has just made everything so much worse than she ever could have imagined. The Walsh house. Brenda proves herself to just as indiscreet as loudmouth Donna when she blabs to her entire family that Jackie Taylor is pregnant. She follows it up with "you didn't hear it from me", even though they did just heard it from her. Mama Walsh is thrilled for Jackie and wants to give her a congratulatory phone call, but Brenda stops her 'cause the pregnancy is supposed to be a secret...and the brazen irony of that statement flies right over her head. With her best friend's confidence now fully betrayed, Brenda puts the focus back onto herself and begs Brandon to reveal Dylan's Valentine's Day plans. Brandon refuses, and smugly tells her that when his friends ask him to keep a secret, he knows how to keep his mouth shut. She continues to bug him, but he just stares blankly at her and smiles. Kelly's house. Jackie is furious that Kelly told Donna and Brenda about the bun in her oven. Kelly apologizes, but points out that she's going to have to tell Mel eventually anyway. Jackie snipes back that she wanted to be the one to tell him...not have him hear about it through the West Beverly grapevine. And speaking of the West Beverly grapevine, Kelly blabs the secret that Donna had been sworn by David to keep quiet about, which is that Mel is planning to propose to her on Valentine's Day. Jackie is stunned, and then complains how this situation is even worse than she originally thought. She now assumes that Mel only wants to marry her because he feels obligated to. Kelly feels bad about telling her friends about the pregnancy, but Jackie ultimately takes the blame. She declares that she got herself into this mess, but she's now going to get herself out of it. The Peach Pit. Nat excitedly announces to Brandon and Steve that Ahn-drea's horse pick, Lovesick, won...and in the process refers to Ahn-drea as Brandon's girlfriend. She wishes. Brandon is adamant about Ahn-drea not being his girlfriend, and Nat tells him maybe he should reconsider that. I think maybe Nat should shut up and not give anyone any terrible ideas. Ahn-drea enters the diner and learns that the horse she picked won the race. Nat has made a handsome profit off of her intuition and wants her to pick another so he can make even more money. Ahn-drea studies the racing forms and makes her selection: Unrequited. Nat hustles into the back room to place the bet. Dr. Silver's dental office. Jackie shows up at Mel's workplace to dump him. She gets into an argument with the receptionist, but eventually gets fed up with the overly attentive woman and barges past her. Mel is in an examining room with a patient, performing a root canal. The receptionist follows her, but when Mel tells her that the "intruder" is Jackie - as in, his girlfriend - she mutters an embarrassed apology and returns to her reception desk. Mel asks Jackie if she's OK, and she answers by telling him that she knows he knows. Of course, he doesn't know and just stares back at her in confusion. Jackie tells him that while she appreciates what he's doing, she can't let him go through with it. She declares that their Valentine's Day dinner is off, and that he should be thanking her for letting him off the hook. She insists she's not going to marry him just because he feels some sense of obligation, and starts blathering about a woman's right to choose. She then informs him that she's made the decision to have the baby, but that she'll raise the child on her own because she doesn't want to see him anymore. Mel is completely bewildered at the mention of a baby and just stares at her, speechless. Jackie caps off her Three's Company-esque rant, heavily laden with numerous misunderstandings, by telling him she loves him, but that their relationship must now come to an end. She then leaves as abruptly as she arrived. The Walsh house. Brenda and Dylan are studying together. She starts hassling him again for details about their Valentine's Day plans, so he drops another clue: red and warm. Brenda guesses a red sweater, but Dylan tells her that what he has planned for the two of them is far more intimate than a sweater. A red woolen bra, perhaps? The Peach Pit. Nat's in a daze 'cause Ahn-drea's second horse pick has won! He tells Steve and Brandon that she has something very special. Steve, however, is skeptical about Ahn-drea's specialness...as am I. He proposes that they all go to the track together so that Ahn-drea can try picking the winning horses while Nat places their bets. Nat's reluctant to take them because they're minors, but when they scale down their bets to just $25 per person, he easily relents and agrees to do it...but only if they don't tell anyone. Kelly's house. Jackie's laying down, curled up with a teddy bear as she recounts for Kelly how the conversation with Mel went. Not that it was really a conversation in the "conversing" sense. She's upset that he just stood there and didn't try to stop her as she dumped him. Kelly suggests that maybe their breakup is for the best, but then asks her mom why she's willing to lose Mel for a baby she doesn't even want. Jackie tells her that she does want this baby, and that it's part of her. Kelly still doesn't get it, so Jackie tells her that several years ago, when she was a coke snorting party-girl, she got herself knocked up by a guy she barely knew, and opted for an abortion...and she doesn't want to go down that path again. Kelly says that she always used to wish for a brother or sister, and Jackie wryly tells her that she's finally gotten her wish. Race track. Nat, Ahn-drea, Steve, and Brandon arrive at the track. Ahn-drea looks over the racing form, but doesn't know which horse to pick. Nat sees an old friend, a creepy bookie named Duke who talks with a fake sounding New York accent...and the two hug hello. Eventually Ahn-drea chooses a horse named Grande Amore (translation: Grand Love), and creepy Duke wishes them luck. Dr. Silver's dental office. David arrives to talk to his dad again. He finds Mel in an examining room, slumped on a dental chair, deep in thought. He recounts for David how Jackie marched in and broke up with him...and that she's pregnant. When David tells him that the baby thing is old news, Mel is shocked and irked that he wasn't the first to know. He admonishes David for not telling him about it as soon as he heard...and his dismay deepens considerably when David tells him the full story about spilling the beans to Donna about the marriage proposal... Who then divulged this news to Kelly, Who then divulged it to Jackie, Who was upset that Kelly had revealed her pregnancy to Donna and to Brenda, Who went home and blabbed it to the entire Walsh family, Who all live in the house that Jack built. Despite having his personal life tangled up in the grapevine of a blabby high school clique, Mel isn't as angry as I'd expect him to be. But he does now realize that Jackie thinks he only wants to propose to her because she is pregnant, so he's ready to beg her not to break up with him. Race track. Ahn-drea's pick wins again, and everyone hoots and gives her a hug. She's now picked three winners in a row! Duke stops by to congratulate them, and then he and Nat go to the cashier to collect their winnings. A gleeful Ahn-drea can't explain how she keeps picking winners, even though it doesn't take a genius to deduce that all of the horses have names that could be used to describe her relentless, yet futile crush on Brandon. By this rationale, if there's a horse at the track named Pathetic Loser, Nat should place a bet on it. Kelly's house. Kelly answers the door for Mel, who's there to see Jackie. Jackie appears at the landing on the top of the stairs and barks at him to go away. She tells him she's having this baby whether he likes it or not, and then disappears into labyrinth of the second floor of her spacious home. A bewildered Mel asks Kelly what Jackie's problem is, and Kelly explains that her hormones are all out of whack. Mel tells her he doesn't want to lose his baby mama, and Kelly snaps that she's really mad about her world falling apart because the two of them couldn't keep their pants on. Hee! Mel admits that they should have been more careful, but insists that he loves Jackie. Kelly bitchily retorts, "Then send her a Valentine...but then again, I guess you already did." OK, what? That was a really nonsensical retort, but maybe Kelly's hormones are out of whack too. David and Donna are out riding bicycles together. David is quiet, still upset about the breakup of Mel and Jackie. Donna tells him this whole thing is her fault. Well, d'yuh. Of course it's your fault, idiot. If you hadn't told David about Jackie's pregnancy, and then later told Kelly about Mel's plans to propose to Jackie, none of this would be happening right now. Inexplicably, David tells her there's no reason for her to apologize, and that it all would have come out sooner or later. Donna doesn't grasp why everyone is so miserable about this. After all, babies are wonderful! She also thinks that since Mel and Jackie love each other, they should be together. Kelly's house. Kelly answers the door to David, who wants to talk to Jackie. Kelly tells him she doubts her mom will want to speak to him, but Jackie suddenly appears in the foyer and says she'll talk to David...and the two go off to have a private conversation. David tells her that when his dad was planning to propose to her, he was happier than he'd been in a long time. Jackie insists that she's not trying to hurt Mel, but she knows that he has plans that don't include raising any more children...and she doesn't want him to feel as though he has to marry her. David points out that Mel wanted to marry her long before he knew about the baby, a revelation which startles Jackie. Confused, she asks who told Mel about the pregnancy, and David tells her she revealed it to him herself when she went to his office and ranted at him like a lunatic. The Walsh house. It's finally Valentine's Day, but it's early evening and Brenda is once again getting on Dylan's case to tell her about his secret romantic plans. He still refuses to tell her what they are, which is totally fine with me since I still couldn't give even a tiny shit. Mama and Papa Walsh enter the kitchen, looking all dolled up for an early dinner on the beach. When Papa Walsh expresses concern that Dylan's secret Valentine's plans for his daughter may be illegal, Dylan assures them they're on the up and up, and that they'll be in a public place. He then tells Brenda he'll pick her up at 7:00pm and hastily makes a run for it. Race track. Ahn-drea can't figure out which horse to pick as the next winner...and Nat says he'll only place a bet if Ahn-drea is sure. She looks over the paper, and suddenly gets a fit of the giddies. Cupid's Wing! Hmm...no, that name does not fit into her proven logic for choosing winning horses. Steve and Brandon are so excited they want to throw in all of their earnings. Nat goes off to place the bet, while Steve and Brandon go off in search of food. Ahn-drea sees Duke standing nearby, so she goes over to talk to him. She tells him that she chose Cupid's Wing, and Duke tells her in confidence that it's a sucker's bet because the filly is supposedly a real loser. I don't know that I'd trust a word out of this shady man's mouth, but Ahn-drea immediately doubts her horse-picking ability and runs over to Nat to stop him from making the bet. She urges him to bet on a different horse. Nat looks conflicted as he goes to the cashier to place a bet...on which horse, we don't know. During the race it looks like Cupid's Wing is doing well...but then another horse swiftly takes the lead. Steve and Brandon get upset for betting on Ahn-drea's pick. Nat tells them to stop giving her a hard time because it turns out that Ahn-drea had actually chosen the winning horse! I guess that means he didn't bet on Cupid's Wing after all. Steve and Brandon look confused as Nat and Ahn-drea cheer victoriously. Mercifully, this dopey storyline wraps itself up when Ahn-drea's advice to all of them is to quit while they're ahead. Amen to that. Dr. Silver's dental office. A sheepish Jackie comes by to see Mel. Incidentally, she's looking fabulous in her tailored pink suit. She tells him she spoke with David and now realizes what a total ass she made of herself when she ended their relationship. Mel makes it clear that he's not opposed to having more children, and reminds her that they have a baby on the way who's going to need both of them. Jackie falls into his arms, happy at last. Mel then calls out to his nosy receptionist and asks her to get the small box from his desk. The ring! Mel falls to one knee and proposes to Jackie, and she happily accepts. The Walsh house. It's Valentine's Evening, and Dylan arrives bearing flowers and a gift. He tells Brenda he's taking her to a very romantic play called Love Letters. This confuses Brenda, since the clues he gave her about their evening together don't match up with going to a play. He then reveals that they'll be making a stop before they go to the play...but doesn't yet specify where they're going. Kelly's house. Kelly is showing Donna the Valentine's card that Steve sent her, and Donna ooohs and thinks it's sweet. Jackie enters the room to announce that dinner is almost ready, and Mel makes a toast: to new beginnings! To babies borne of love! Donna tells Kelly that it looks like everything will work out after all...and then makes the disturbing observation that when Mel and Jackie get married, Kelly and David will be brother and sister. Well, step-brother and step-sister. Kelly looks stricken and mutters, "Oh my God." Oh my God indeed. Hospital. Dylan's romantic Valentine's Day plans have now revealed themselves to us. Oh joy. He has brought Brenda to the hospital to give blood. The clues make sense now! Brenda, however, looks pretty disappointed until Dylan tells her the story behind their blood giving. When he was a little kid, he was in a terrible car accident and needed a lot of blood to save his life. And so he made a promise that when he got older, he'd give back...in the form of donating blood. And the reason they're doing this on February 14 is because the accident occurred on Valentine's Day. Boring mystery solved. In the final scene, the two are lying on cots next to each other. Brenda concedes that their blood giving is really romantic. They hold hands and wish each other a happy Valentine's Day. Fade out. The End. Thank goodness. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: The Walshes, plus Dylan and Ahn-drea, are in the living room watching the local news together. The commentator is covering a public rally that recently took place, and there's mention of the government wishing to administer a public health survey (hereafter to be referred to as "the sex survey") to teenagers in Beverly Hills. Ahn-drea squeals excitedly when she sees John Griffin in the news footage. When Papa Walsh asks who that is, she explains that John is the managing editor of The Blaze. That's weird...I thought Ahn-drea was the managing editor, editor-in-chief, and general overlord of The Blaze. The news footage also includes Ahn-drea and Mrs. Teasley, but not Brandon. He was at the event, but somehow all traces of him ended up on the cutting room floor. When the news program ends, Mama and Papa Walsh call it a night and go upstairs to bed. Brenda and Dylan throw all sense of polite etiquette out the window and start dry humping on the couch, leaving Brandon and Ahn-drea to fidget awkwardly and engage in strained, idle chit-chat. West Beverly High. Ahn-drea runs into Brandon carrying a flyer (or something) and remarks that she didn't realize the next Parent's Association meeting would be held at the Walsh house. Brandon too is surprised and says this is the first he's heard of it. John Griffin appears and taunts Brandon about not being included in last night's local news footage. He tells Ahn-drea he tried calling her last night to remind her to watch the local news, and she breezily informs him that she watched it at Brandon's house. John looks really put off by this, and I'm wondering what the deal is here. Is this guy actually interested in Ahn-drea? Could such a thing be possible? Donna and David are looking very cozy in the DJ booth. Brenda and Kelly stroll past and notice the two cuddling, and Kelly sarcastically dubs them "the darling duo". Brenda asks what her problem is, and Kelly explains that seeing David reminds her of Mel, which reminds her of the relationship her mother is having with him. Apparently she still doesn't get what Jackie sees in the nerdy dentist. The Blaze newsroom. Mrs. Teasley enters the newsroom with a weary look on her generally weary looking face. She has some bad news: the faculty has cancelled the sex survey the students were supposed to take that afternoon. In the next scene, Ahn-drea and John are in the outdoor corridor, and Ahn-drea is blathering on and on in her annoying, rambley way about how wrong the faculty is to have made the calamitous decision to cancel the sex survey. Steve strolls by to ask if it's true, and when Ahn-drea confirms it, he's very bummed that he's going to have to go to his English class after all. After he stomps off, John tells Ahn-drea that he's completely at her disposal if she needs any help with her editorial. Sweet Jesus, he really is into her. Brandon, Brenda, and Donna join them and praise Ahn-drea for the gutsy way she "gave it" to Mrs. Teasley. Brenda thinks it's unfair that the school's administration doesn't want to hear what they have to say, while Donna remarks that her mother isn't going to be too upset about squelching the sex survey, given what an uptight, uppity prude she is. Ahn-drea snaps that Felice Martin should know from reading the newspaper that countless teenagers are currently still getting pregnant and contracting STDs...and she's on the verge of another blathery rant, so Brandon tells her to take it down a notch. She barks back that people are dying and will continue to die of AIDS. Mercifully the bell rings, and Donna and Brenda flee. Ahn-drea looks over the survey and reads some of the questions aloud: Have you ever had sexual intercourse before? Have you ever used birth control? Suddenly, she has an idea of how to make the administration take them seriously: show up at tonight's Board of Education meeting and present an outrageous proposal involving condoms! Why, of course! That's just crazy enough to work! Board of Education meeting. Ahn-drea tells John, the only person masochistic enough to accompany her on this fool's errand, she's suddenly worried that coming to this meeting wasn't such a good idea. He tells her it's too late to back out 'cause her name is already on the agenda. From the front of the room, the board chair calls out Ahn-drea's name. She gets up, nervously walks over to the microphone, and then boldly proposes that the school board move to consider adopting a plan to make condoms available on the campus of West Beverly High. The room is suddenly filled with murmuring, oohing and aahing, and there's an undercurrent of oh no she diin't! To everyone's surprise, the motion is swiftly moved, and then seconded by a board member named Sheila Manners. Ahn-drea looks very smug and pleased with herself as she so often does when she gets her own way. The Peach Pit. John is recapping the events of the board meeting to David, Donna, and Brenda, and gushes about how Ahn-drea stood her ground...and that she's so brilliant, tough, and inspirational. Blech. This fawning kid is starting to nauseate me. Nat sticks his big fat nose into the private conversation and asks Ahn-drea when the condoms will be available at the school. Not really sure why he needs to know that. Ahn-drea tells him that right now it's only a proposal that's still on the table and it needs to be voted on. Also, she knows that not everyone in the Parent's Association will be on board with students having condoms available to them in school. For whatever creepy reason, Nat is fully supportive of Ahn-drea's condom proposal, and tells her that he hopes the board passes it. And then, two seconds later, he blurts out that if it was his daughter, he'd lock her in the closet until she was thirty-five...and then laughs maniacally. Fuck he's weird. As everyone chuckles, Donna grimly tells her friends that being locked in a closet until age thirty-five is exactly what her mother would like to do with her. Brenda suggests to Donna that she not tell her mother about the Parent's Association meeting, but unfortunately Felice Martin never misses a meeting. Plus she wants to meet Mama Walsh. Ahn-drea warns them that these meetings have a way of degenerating into violent chaos, but Brandon confidently tells his friends that nothing fazes Mama Walsh. The Walsh house. The house is filled with members of the Parent's Association meeting, and Mama Walsh is looking very fazed. She greets Mel and Jackie...and then gets her first introduction to snooty Felice Martin, who tells her how brave she is to host "one of these things". Ahn-drea makes her grand entrance, and Felice clucks at "the infamous Ahn-drea Zuckerman", and the bitchiness of her tone casts an awkward pall over that part of the living room. Mel calls Mama Walsh over, and introduces her to a douchetard named Bill Sloan, who's very irked by the presence of the teenagers. Mama Walsh defensively stammers that the teenagers are just her daughter and some of her friends, and that they'll only be observing. When the meeting is called to order, Bill Sloan starts ranting that he doesn't want his kids to be able to go to the school nurse and ask for a condom. Mel jumps in and argues that at least the kids would receive some instruction about using condoms. Bill counters that by saying that if he wants his kids to be instructed in the ways of the condom, he'll do it himself. That's right, Bill. I'm sure when your kids start having sex, they'd come straight to you for a supply of condoms, and ask you to give them instruction on how to use them. More than likely they'll just go to a damn drug store, buy a box of condoms, and figure out the rest themselves. Papa Walsh desperately tries to maintain order, but the meeting is fast deteriorating into a yelling match between Mel and Bill Sloan. When everyone finally quiets down, Felice Martin is given the floor. She snootily sneers at the claims that condoms are the best way to prevent disease, because somehow people continue to contract AIDS. From this she deduces that something isn't working, and suggests that maybe condoms aren't the answer. As the room buzzes, Felice declares that she's tired of kids being confused with all the mixed messages they're getting...and says that the only birth control method that works 100% of the time is abstinence. Everyone claps at Felice's good old fashioned values until Donna gets in the game and sasses her mother by blurting out, "What if they don't listen? Will you just shrug and say 'I told you so'?" (Uh, yeah, that would be my guess.) Donna announces to the group that a lot of kids at West Beverly High are having sex, but that they're just kids...though one can still hope that they have enough sense to make pre-coitus trips to the drug store to stock up on Trojans. After the meeting adjourns, the Walshes clean up the living room and discuss the meeting. They all agree that Bill Sloan is very uptight, but Mama Walsh explains that it's hard for some people to talk about sex. Kind of like when Mama and Papa Walsh had that really cringeworthy conversation with Brenda about sex when she thought she was pregnant during the Beach Blanket Brandon episode. Now that was awkward. West Beverly High. David is pleased to learn from Brandon and Steve that at the Parent's Association meeting, Donna was very vocal about the importance of students having access to condoms. David interprets this as a strong signal that he's about to get laid, and asks Steve when the shipment of condoms will be arriving at West Beverly. Steve irritably tells him to go to a drug store. My sentiments exactly. A crowd is forming outside the newsroom of The Blaze. John informs Brandon that the condom story has gone national, so Ahn-drea is now being interviewed by the press. Donna happens to stroll by, and David asks her how things between her and her mom are going. She tells him things are fine, but that sometimes a person just has to take a stand for what they believe in. David and his penis can barely restrain their excitement at what is being interpreted as an invitation for imminent sex, and he reminds himself to stop by the drug store on his way home from school. Mrs. Teasley pulls Brandon aside and rants to him about how Ahn-drea didn't clear the interview with any of the faculty members, and she's now proposing publishing the sex survey in the next issue of The Blaze. Egads! Brandon tells her that when Ahn-drea gets fired up about an issue, she becomes far more obnoxious than usual...and that's sayin' something. Mrs. Teasley wants her to tone down some of her passion, since it could jeopardize her position as editor of the school paper, and that would be a damn shame. A damn shame. I find it really strange that Mrs. Teasley, who's the fucking vice principal, is bitching about all this to Brandon instead of speaking to Ahn-drea directly. Nonetheless, Brandon agrees to help "tone down" Ahn-drea...which, much to my delight, ends up being more of a smack-down. Japanese restaurant. Mel, Jackie, David, and Kelly are out for dinner. Mel remarks how he saw Ahn-drea on the news the other day. Kelly grumbles about how sick she is of Ahn-drea's "condom crusade", and thinks that the issue of birth control is such old news. It so is. Jackie, who's suddenly suffering from suspicious stomach problems and can't finish her dinner, says that most teens aren't even ready to be involved in a sexual relationship. Kelly agrees, and doesn't think that the students at West Beverly need to have access to condoms at school. In fact, she thinks so little of them she predicts that the most moronic of the dimwits would just use them to create condom balloons. West Beverly High. David finally went to the drug store and bought himself some condoms. He runs into Steve and updates him on his recent purchase, then asks him if he needs any. Steve looks at Kelly in the distance, puts on a sad face, and tells David that presently he has no need of any rubbers. Kelly strides over to Brandon, who's hanging with Donna and Dylan. She immediately starts ranting to Brandon that she doesn't know what Ahn-drea is trying to accomplish with her stupid Blaze, but she wants to be left alone. It turns out that Ahn-drea asked her to write a personal journal about her sexual experience. Dylan immediately pipes up and tells Brandon he has no interest in doing that either. Donna also doesn't want to write a sex journal, but in her case there'd be no actual content since she has no sexual history...and won't for years and years to come. Like, a lot of years. Kelly snarks that Ahn-drea's latest directive is to get students to pass out condoms. Brandon is shocked. The Blaze newsroom. It turns out that Ahn-drea isn't actually proposing passing out condoms, but rather information packets about condoms. Well that's lame. Ahn-drea and John are very enthusiastic about this endeavor, but Brandon's pissed off because he wasn't consulted despite being on the editorial board. He pulls Ahn-drea out of the newsroom so he can berate her in private. He asks her why she's so obsessed with the issue of sex and condoms, and she tells him that since there's no guarantee the school board will approve her proposal of making condoms available on campus, she wants something to bargain with. She's positively giddy about how "this thing" has gained so much momentum that it practically has a life of its own - and Brandon snaps that she should try getting a life of her own before it's too late. Oh Brandon...it's way past too late for that now. Ahn-drea gets very indignant as Brandon tries to explain that when she gets so caught up with her stupid causes she ends up alienating people who might not otherwise completely hate the sight of her. He derides the "in your face" tactics she favors because they typically just result in preaching to the choir. Ahn-drea snarls that Brandon is "just jealous" because she and John were included in the footage of the news program and he wasn't. Well that's just dumb, and Brandon ignores the childish, idiotic remark and tries to explain to her that sex isn't just about statistics and surveys. There's a whole other part to it that she's clueless about 'cause she's never gotten laid before, and therefore doesn't understand that love isn't a public health issue. Ahn-drea is stricken with embarrassment and barks a caustic "thank you" to Brandon for bringing that to her attention. She then scurries away like a rat. Awesome! On campus the next day, Brenda admonishes Brandon for going off on Ahn-drea about her lack of sexual experience. She explains that the fear of staying a virgin forever is probably a sore subject for Ahn-drea, and that when Brandon brought it up, it must have unleashed a monsoon of her many insecurities. Brandon now feels like shit and assures Brenda that he'll clean up his mess. Donna and David are in the hallway playing kissy face. Ahn-drea walks past them, awkwardly averting her eyes in order to avoid witnessing anything that resembles foreplay. She runs into John, who's worried about the school board meeting that evening because Felice Martin is on the agenda. Ahn-drea half-heartedly calms his fears and assures him that the facts and the votes are on their side. He then gives her the update that a personal journal was submitted to The Blaze...and it's from a virgin! Unfortunately for John, the word virgin is a sore spot with Ahn-drea at the moment, and she flees. She spots Brandon in the hallway, and in an effort to avoid him, she quickly ducks into the girls' washroom...where she runs into Kelly and Brenda. Kelly tells her there's no way in hell she's writing a personal journal about her sex life for the school paper, and then flounces off. Brenda, for whatever reason, is still committed to writing a piece about her fake pregnancy scare from the Beach Blanket Brandon episode. Ahn-drea emerges from the washroom, looking far more stressed coming out than she did going in. She encounters Brandon, who's standing outside the washroom door, waiting for her so he can needlessly apologize. He tells her that he respects her for being obnoxiously outspoken, and that he didn't mean to hurt her feelings by pointing out that she hasn't been doinked yet. Ahn-drea sullenly retorts that while it was hard for her to hear him point out her sexual inexperience yesterday, hearing him now apologize for saying it is much worse. Huh? I don't follow her logic. If Ahn-drea were a normal person, she'd simply accept his apology and move on with her sexless life. Board of education meeting. The school board is voting on Ahn-drea's condom proposal. It's a nail-biter (not really), but in the end it doesn't pass because Sheila Manners, the board member who had seconded the motion at the previous meeting, gives it a nay. Felice Martin mouths "thank you" to Sheila, and later we learn that the two women are best friends. I'm surprised to hear that Felice has a best friend...or any friend for that matter since she always seems so uptight and judgey. Ahn-drea is crushed that her condom proposal was denied, and Brenda also seems really bummed by the meeting's outcome and vows that their voices will still be heard. John, who's still fired up, wants to take some kind of action and suggests setting up a picket line in front of the board of education...while Donna wants to roam the streets handing out condom information packets. Ahn-drea, however, has had all the enthusiasm sucked out of her for one day, and she no longer cares if sexually active teenagers at West Beverly High have easy access to condoms. Of course, they never didn't have easy access to condoms since I'm sure there's a ton of drug stores in Beverly Hills. The Peach Pit. David is seated at the counter, contemplating the best way to seduce Donna. Ew. He asks Dylan what kind of ID one needs in order to book a hotel room. Dylan, however, gets all pissed off when he learns that David is asking him 'cause he's considered to be an expert on the subject because of the hotel room he got so he and Brenda could doink during the Spring Dance episode. Not liking anyone being up in his bidness, he walks away and leaves David's hotel/ID question unanswered. [David: generally speaking, a hotel reservation in the U.S. requires a major credit card, or cash up front.] The Walsh house. Dylan comes by to pick up Brenda for an evening out. He finds her in her bedroom and plants a big smooch on her. As she's flitting around her room getting ready, he pokes around her desk and discovers the personal journal she's in the middle of writing for The Blaze. He freaks out and admonishes her for "kissing and telling", crumples up her journal page, and stalks off. Brenda chases him all the way to the front door and asks him why he's so upset. He tells her he's annoyed that she didn't bother asking him how he felt about her writing something so personal for everyone to read. And since Brenda's only been with one guy at West Beverly, everyone's going to know that the journal is about him. Brenda easily capitulates, tells him she won't submit anything to The Blaze, and steers him back inside the house. West Beverly High. David runs into Dylan and starts rambling incoherently about how Dylan's non-answer to him about reserving a hotel room was just the right thing to not say because he's still waiting for just the right moment to bone Donna. And speaking of Donna, she comes over to tell him that her parents left for Aspen. This means they'll have the whole house to themselves to watch some MTV special together. David and his penis both perk up at this news. The Blaze newsroom. John is coordinating Operation Hand Out Condom Information Packets when Brenda comes in to tell Ahn-drea that she won't be submitting her personal journal after all. She apologizes and explains that Dylan is uncomfortable with the entire school learning all about her fake pregnancy scare. Ahn-drea, who looks like she's still smarting from Brandon's smack-down, is understanding about Brenda's change of heart. Kelly, meanwhile, decides that handing out condom information packets to total strangers is stupid and that she'd rather go shopping. Ahn-drea isn't into it anymore either and tells John she's not feeling well. John looks concerned and suggests taking her to the nurse, but she barks back that she's fine, and that he should go hand out condom information packets with the others. I wonder if she sees the parallel dynamic here and realizes that she's like Brandon, and John is like her: clingy and annoying. After the group leaves, Brandon approaches Ahn-drea to make another unnecessary apology. He tells her that he's tired of feeling guilty, but she points out that her feelings were the ones that got hurt. She really should consider getting over herself and realize that Brandon just put her in her place...which was totally necessary and needs to be done periodically. After spending the last couple of days feeling burned out from all of her condom crusading, Ahn-drea finally cracks a smile and looks as though she's considering accepting Brandon's apology. That accomplished, he heads out with the rest of the condom information packet distributors. Kelly rushes back into the newsroom to retrieve some books she left there by mistake. She's surprised that Ahn-drea didn't go along with the group. Ahn-drea tells her she no longer feels qualified to help educate people about safer sex when she herself has never had any kind of sex. Kelly, who has had sex, and not always under the best of circumstances, tells Ahn-drea that she's much better off being a virgin than being a suspected 'ho...the way she assumes guys often perceive her. She tells Ahn-drea how much it sucks for her to bear the burden of never knowing if a guy likes her because she's easy or because he genuinely likes her personality. Ahn-drea, of course, doesn't have this problem...though it's hard to imagine any guy liking Ahn-drea for her personality. During this conversation, Kelly also dispels the myth that she can get any guy she wants. She admits to Ahn-drea that Brandon shot her down when she propositioned him during the Spring Dance episode. Ahn-drea chuckles with relief and admits that she's still pretty stuck on him. No fucking duh. Ahn-drea leaves the newsroom and finds John in the hallway. He decided not to go with the others, since without Ahn-drea there, he doesn't feel like one of the gang. Well...no, he's not one of the gang. He's not even a recurring character. He reveals to Ahn-drea that the personal journal that was submitted by a virgin was, in fact, written by him. Ahn-drea perks up at this admission and invites him to join her in handing out condom information packets. He says yes, and so she takes it a step further and invites him to the movies afterwards...and John happily accepts. He's actually nice and not that bad looking; it's too bad this budding romance never really took hold, if only to keep her out of Brandon's hair. Donna's house. Donna brings a pizza into the living room for her and David to share. David whips out his wallet to pay for it, and one of his condoms falls out. She picks it up and asks him what it is, and he gets flustered and stammers that he has other flavors - if, by chance, she doesn't like lubricated pink cherry. She calls him a kidder, and he then leans over and somehow misdirects his lips and ends up kissing her cheekbone. After a much more intense kiss that does reach her lips, Donna finally realizes that he's not kidding about wanting to have sex. She then drops the bomb on him, making it clear that he's not going to be getting any. In fact, she's not doing that with anybody. Ever. Well, except her husband, of course - which funnily enough ends up being David in Season 10 anyway. She tells him that her life is complicated enough without being involved in a sexual relationship. This conversation is the genesis of what eventually becomes an endless slog for David until the two finally hit the sheets in Season 7. For the moment, though, the two are happy to remain virgins...and dig into their pizza. Kelly's house. Jackie walks into Kelly's bedroom with a dazed look on her face. She urgently makes Kelly promise that she won't ever have unprotected sex. Kelly looks at her confusedly, mostly 'cause she's not currently having sex with anyone. Jackie looks panicked as she blurts out that she's pregnant. With Mel's baby. Eww! Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: It's the first day of practice for West Beverly High's track team. We get a lot of footage of athletes, including Steve, practicing various track and field events. Across the field, Brandon is interviewing Coach Chapman for the latest sports update he's writing for The Blaze. The coach optimistically predicts that this year's track team will "go all the way"...but when Brandon points out that he said the same exact thing about the football team before they stunk it up on the field all season, Chapman dials down the bullshit and discreetly tells Brandon that the relay team is in need of serious help. When Brandon tells him he used to be on the track team in Minnesota, Chapman encourages him to try out. After the interview is concluded, Steve scurries over to Brandon to ask if Coach Chapman happened to mention anything about him or his relay performance. When Brandon suddenly gets all evasive, Steve correctly guesses that Coach Chapman is unimpressed with his sucky relay running. Steve then looks across the track and notices Kelly and Donna talking to Kyle - of the Summer Storm episode. He immediately gets jealous and wonders aloud what Kelly sees in the little runt. It's too bad Steve doesn't realize that Kyle is nothing more than Kelly's favorite gay. Kyle invites Kelly and Donna to work out with him while he's training for the track team, but neither has an interest in breaking any kind of sweat. After he and Kelly engage in some friendly banter for a few minutes, he runs off to continue his training. Donna tells Kelly she thinks Kyle is very cute, and she's surprised that the two of them never became a hot campus couple. Kelly keeps mum about Kyle's sexual orientation - since it's obvious he's still in the closet - and tells Donna that she and Kyle are just good friends. Walsh family car. Brenda is driving erratically while Mama Walsh, who's riding along in the passenger seat, clings onto the door handle for dear life. Brenda recounts for her petrified mother how it took her a zillion tries to pass her driving test, and bitches about how Brandon won't let her drive his car and teases her about her horrible driving skills. Mama Walsh half-heartedly agrees to admonish Brandon for his teasing...however totally justified it may be. She then has to remind Brenda to make the next turn because it's the street their house is on. West Beverly High. Brandon enters the boys' locker room and is immediately surrounded by a bunch of jocks who are annoyed with him because of the disparaging way he's been writing about them in The Blaze. They all start chanting, "Wed-gie! Wed-gie!" ... and he laughingly tries to invoke freedom of the press, but it doesn't sway the jocks from wanting to hang him on the wall by his underwear. Steve then enters the locker room...and Brandon, who's far too jovial considering he's surrounded by a bunch of guys who want to put their meaty hands on his skivvies, begs him for help. Steve muscles his way toward Brandon, but only to join the jocks in their demand for a wedgie. As they start to close in on him, Coach Chapman enters the locker room and orders everyone to shower and go home. This interruption grants Brandon a reprieve, even though his underwear did get a little bunged up between his butt cheeks during the attempted wedgie attack. The Blaze newsroom. Brandon informs Ahn-drea that he made the relay team. She's pleased and likes the fact that he can now write the sports page as an insider. Brandon, however, thinks this would be an unethical conflict of interest and starts griping about his busy schedule and how he no longer has time to write for the paper. Ahn-drea tells him she understands, and gives him her blessing to quit the paper, even though her blessing was unnecessary and completely irrelevant. She then announces that maybe she'll take over as the sports page editor. Oh joy. The Walsh house. Brenda tells her parents that she should be allowed to drive Brandon's car whenever he's not using it. Before Papa Walsh can open his mouth to reply, she exclaims, "Great!" and tells him they'll announce this unanimous decision to Brandon as soon as he gets home. After Brenda skips out of the room, Papa Walsh remarks that it's actually a reasonable request, but Mama Walsh makes a face and tells him he should take a drive with Brenda before he actually agrees to anything. A few minutes later, Brandon arrives home through the kitchen door, and Brenda suddenly reappears in the kitchen. She lets him know that she, Mama and Papa Walsh agree that she should be permitted to drive his car whenever he's not using it. To everyone's surprise, Brandon just shrugs and says, "OK." He tells her he's fine with it as long as: a) she pays for the inevitable repairs, and b) he never has to take his life in his hands by riding in the passenger seat while she's behind the wheel. Brenda shrieks and excitedly scampers upstairs to call Dylan with the news. Mama Walsh looks concernedly at Brandon and asks him if he's feeling alright. Boys' locker room. Steve is irritated that Brandon has taken his position on the relay team. Kyle inadvertently rubs salt in the wound when he walks by and compliments Brandon on his athleticism and remarks that the relay team has never looked better. Dylan then enters the locker room, and Steve, who's become very paranoid during the last couple of days, is worried that he too wants to try out - but, fortunately for him, Dylan is way too chill and slouchy to get involved in organized sports. As it happens, he only stopped by to admonish Brandon for allowing Brenda to drive his car, since he fears this will be a slippery slope to him being convinced to allow her to drive his Porsche. Brandon defends his sister, claiming that she's not that bad of a driver. Words he will soon choke on. Brenda is driving Brandon's Mustang, and David and Donna are riding along as passengers. At a stop light, David leans forward from the back seat to change the radio station, and this immediately prompts an inane argument between him and Donna. After a minute or two, It looks like Brenda hits the gas pedal to proceed through the light, and rear-ends the car in front of her. She starts freaking out, and the driver of the other car gets out to survey the damage. Brenda apologizes profusely to the woman and admits that it was all her fault. She suggests exchanging information for the insurance claim, but the woman tells her it's not necessary since there's barely any damage. But she agrees to exchange phone numbers with Brenda, just in case either of them "wind up in traction". Brenda ignores this gigantic red flag and returns to the Mustang in search of a pen. Brandon, Steve, and the other jocks are working out in the weight room. A beefy kid named Burke teases Brandon for being a scrawny tyke, so Brandon rejoins by joking that he should start taking anabolic steroids so he can beef up and look more like Burke. The weight room goes silent, and Burke and another jock named Tony Miller - who, incidentally, is the muscle-head who takes Brenda to the prom in Season 3 - stare coldly at him. That wasn't suspicious at all, guys. Coach Chapman suddenly breaks the tension when he enters the weight room to remind everyone that it's time for practice. As the guys file out, Tony storms over to Steve and demands to know if they're being set up. Steve looks totally confused, and Burke informs Tony that Steve isn't "part of the program"...yet, anyway. Burke then lectures Steve about how winning is the most important thing in sports, particularly when scholarships are at stake. After the football team's terrible showing last season, the dumbest of the jocks formed "the power pact", and from what I can tell, it currently includes Burke, Tony, and Kyle. When Steve points out the various health hazards associated with taking steroids, Burke dismissively tells him that it's totally fine because they're using it in a very controlled way. Tony chimes in and insists that they're not going to get hurt. They then tempt Steve into joining the power pact...and this barely takes any effort on their part, particularly after Steve declares he'll pretty much try anything once. The jocks are pleased that Steve is down with "the program", but they're worried that Brandon will find out and blow the whistle on them. That said, Burke opens a bottle filled with steroid pills and passes them out to the "power pact". Steve takes one and stares at it worriedly. The Walsh house. Brenda is sitting at the kitchen table with Donna, wrestling with her conscience about whether or not she should keep quiet about the accident. Donna advises her not to say anything to Brandon 'cause if she comes clean about the fender bender, he probably won't ever let her drive his car again. No...probably not. Brandon arrives home in a pleasant mood and makes a snide joke about how surprised he is that his car is in one piece. Brenda sort of attempts to tell him about the accident - but when he keeps cutting her off, she gives up. The Peach Pit. Kelly has just finished her dessert and is about to pay the check and go home. Steve enters the diner and makes a beeline over to her table. He invites her to stay while he eats, but she can't 'cause she's getting up at 6:00am the next day to run with Kyle. Steve gets all pissy jealous again and accuses her of "doing it" with Kyle, and this angers Kelly. She tells him she's once again reminded of how big of a douchebag he is and why she broke up with him. After she flounces off, Brandon comes over and apologizes for taking his position on the relay team, but then dismissively tells him it doesn't matter anyway 'cause no one from West Beverly High is capable of making the state finals. He then starts whining about how none of the jocks seem to like him, particularly when he makes steroid jokes. Steve immediately gets serious and tells Brandon that he should never ever joke about taking steroids because it's "serious business". But then he backpedals and claims that when steroids are used in a limited way, they're a fantastic way to give athletes a competitive edge. Brandon snaps back that that's the stupidest thing he's ever heard Steve say, which is a pretty bold statement. Brandon lectures him on the health risks associated with taking steroids, and the best Steve can come back with is that Brandon's a know-it-all...and it's no wonder the other jocks don't like him. Later that night, Ahn-drea surreptitiously knocks on the Peach Pit door and is let in by Brandon. It looks like he called her and asked her to come over. Ugh. He tells her that he has a strong hunch that some of the jocks on the track team are using steroids, and she grins and asks him if this means he's back on the paper. It does, sadly, but Brandon is still wrestling with his ethical concerns about doing any secret reporting on his fellow jocks. Ahn-drea empathizes with his struggling conscience, and tells him that she experienced the very same thing when she had to go undercover for the "cafeteria food thing". Wait - what? Ahn-drea went undercover in the cafeteria of the school she attends every day, where everyone knows she's the editor of The Blaze, so she could blow the whistle on a lunch food scandal? Bwahaha! I have so many questions about Ahn-drea's pretend undercover work, but unfortunately the scene ends with no further details. Outdoor track. Kelly is running around the track with Kyle. He likes her company and the fact that he can be his true, gay self around her. Too bad he's not a series regular, 'cause there probably would have been a storyline about him coming out of the closet by now. Boys' locker room. Burke asks Steve if he happened to talk to Brandon about "the power pact". Steve hasn't - well, not in so many words - and he says that while Brandon's probably not going to start popping steroid pills anytime soon, it's doubtful he'd rat them out. Burke wisely remains distrustful of Brandon and warns Steve to keep his mouth shut about the 'roids. The weight room. Brandon is bench pressing, but he's barely able to lift the weights six times. He loudly laments being such a weakling, and remarks to no one in particular how much he wants to get strong fast and asks if anyone can recommend something to boost his performance. Subtle, Brandon. Burke proves to be at least smart enough to realize what Brandon's up to and condescendingly advises him to eat right right, get lots of rest, and drink a gallon of Geritol. He also tells him there are no shortcuts, and that if Brandon's writing an article for The Blaze about performance enhancement, he can quote him on that. Haha...nicely played, Burke. The Walsh house. The phone rings, and it's the woman Brenda rear-ended earlier. She wants to talk to "Brenda Walsh's father" about how she's suffering from a serious case of whiplash after their accident. When he gets off the phone, he sternly admonishes Brenda for not telling him about the accident...and Brenda tearfully apologizes. The phone suddenly rings again, but this time it's for Brandon. From his end of the conversation, it sounds like a very mysterious call. Minutes later, Brandon leaves for a secret meeting at a secret location. Turns out the mystery caller is Kyle, and their secret meeting location is the school's outdoor track. He tells Brandon he's been thinking about his lame attempt in the weight room earlier to obtain a performance boost, and asks him if he's serious about wanting to get involved with steroids. Brandon says he is, but Kyle isn't fooled and tells Brandon he knows he's full of shit, and that it's obvious he's only trying to squeeze out information for a Blaze article. Brandon is somehow surprised that Kyle was able to figure that out, which made me laugh really hard 'cause anyone with even minimal brain activity would be onto Brandon. Kyle tells him that a lot of the guys in the Athletic Department are taking steroids, and that it's getting out of control...but he doesn't want to name names because he's worried that they'll pummel him to death in a fit of 'roid rage. Brandon agrees to protect his anonymity in the article. West Beverly High. Brenda tells Donna that Papa Walsh found out about the accident and has decided that she shouldn't drive again until hell has frozen over. Good call, Jim. In a different hallway, Steve apologizes to Brandon for acting like such a douchenozzle at the Peach Pit the other day. He longs for things to get back to the way they were before they got all competitive with each other. Brandon accepts his apology and tells him he'll see him at the gym. The Blaze newsroom. Ahn-drea is reading Brandon's story on steroid use, and she's stunned by the pressure this anonymous source feels in wanting to be accepted by the other jocks. Brandon tells her that he's now having second thoughts about running the article, which dismays Ahn-drea 'cause they're about to meet with Coach Chapman to discuss the article and get a quote from him. Brandon is worried that he'll be responsible for certain people (e.g. Steve) getting busted for taking steroids, so Ahn-drea offers to be the main contact person for the story from now on. Brandon agrees, and Ahn-drea lovingly caresses his hand and tells him that whatever he wants is OK with her. Blech. The weight room. Brandon gives Steve the courtesy of a heads up that The Blaze will be running a story about steroid use in the Athletic Department. He advises Steve to discard any pills if he has them, and Steve looks worried. Beefy Burke just glares at the two of them. Coach Chapman is addressing the track team with Ahn-drea standing beside him. He's angry to hear about the alleged steroid use and tells them if he had the resources, they'd all be peeing in little plastic cups right now. He also declares that until the steroid users come forward, all practices will be cancelled...the entire track season be damned. Nooo! He then stalks off, and the team slowly disperses. Tony and Burke assume that Steve was the anonymous source who ratted them out, but he denies it. Tony ominously warns him to tell Brandon to watch his back or he just may get another wedgie he wasn't expecting. Brenda and Dylan show up at the house of the woman who Brenda rear-ended. She answers the door wearing a neck brace, introduces herself as Rosemary, and invites them in. Brenda reiterates how awful she feels about the accident, so Rosemary asks her how much influence she has with her father regarding the pending lawsuit. Brenda's all "Wha-at"? so Rosemary explains that she was fully willing to resolve the matter privately, but when she phoned Papa Walsh to try to extort money out of him, he refused and insisted on filing a claim through his insurance company. Rosemary tells Brenda that this leaves her with no choice but to...and then pauses to recover from a fake muscle spasm so we never actually hear what she's threatening. A freaked out Brenda assures Rosemary that she'll talk to her father about making sure she gets compensated for her pretend pain and suffering. The Walsh house. An exasperated Papa Walsh barks at Brenda for standing up for Rosemary, a woman who's threatening them with a lawsuit. Brenda barks back that they should pay Rosemary what they owe her...which really translates to Papa Walsh paying a lot of cash for her stupidity. He calmly tries to explain to his imbecile daughter how insurance companies work, and implores her to understand that she doesn't have the experience or basic intelligence level to understand how things in the world work. In the kitchen, Dylan and Mama Walsh are drinking coffee and wisely staying out of the line of fire. Brandon appears on his way to the Peach Pit, and when Dylan asks him how the track team is going, Brandon tells him it's not at all what he expected. The Peach Pit. When Brandon arrives, he runs into Kelly as she's headed home with a stack of pies for her mom. When he enters the back room, he encounters Steve, who's getting increasingly concerned that the 'roid using jocks are going to kick his face in. Brandon assures him he didn't mean to start acting like a reporter once he made the track team, but when he noticed that things weren't right and started asking questions, he found out more than he thought he would. Steve confesses to starting a cycle of steroids, but then stopped because of the health risks. But he now wants to prove to the jocks that he wasn't the guy who blabbed and asks Brandon to order Ahn-drea, who's pliable because she's so in love with him, to write an article that clears his name. Brandon tells him he can't do this because it might compromise the identity of his anonymous source. This upsets Steve, and he shoves Brandon against a giant fridge and then storms out. As Brandon recovers from the assault, he glances over at the doorway and sees Kelly standing there with her pies. She's shocked by the violent scene she just witnessed, and mumbles something about accidentally picking up the wrong pies. West Beverly High. Kelly shows up at the track the next morning to talk to Kyle. She asks him about all the steroid rumors, and tells him that she's worried about Steve getting thrashed by the jocks because they suspect him of spilling the beans to Brandon. She wants Kyle to do what he can to clear Steve's name, and he agrees to help. Kyle's at his locker when he notices Steve talking to Ahn-drea about The Blaze article. He tells her that the way the article is written implies that he's the source. Burke and some of the other jocks suddenly appear at Kyle's locker, and Burke hits him up for his Spanish homework. They all walk to class together, laughing jovially. Oh, it feels good to belong - even when belonging means hanging out with a band of idiots who think it's sensible to take steroids so they can perform well on a high school track team. Brenda tells Dylan that she wants to go see Rosemary again. For what purpose, I'm not sure. Dylan reminds her that Papa Walsh will blow a gasket if she visits the woman again, but Brenda reminds him that she was the one who caused her neck pain...which apparently means she's now obligated to keep dropping by so she can monitor her healing progress. Dylan tells her that he doesn't care if she goes, but he doesn't want to accompany her there anymore. The conversation between Steve and Ahn-drea is getting heated. He yells at her for refusing to print his statement, and then rants to Dylan about how Brandon and Ahn-drea aren't his friends anymore. He also claims that there's a witch hunt to find the steroid users. At the mention of steroids, Dylan's only remark is that they can shrink a guy's gonads. That they can, Dylan. That they can. He also points out that Brandon isn't a 'witch hunt' type of guy, but rather someone who's always there for his friends. Rosemary's house. Brenda rings the doorbell, but when there's no answer, she walks over to the window and peers inside. She's shocked to see Rosemary in the middle of an aerobic workout in front of the TV. At that moment, Rosemary happens to turn around and sees Brenda looking at her. Haha! Busted! The Walsh house. Papa Walsh is on the phone with his insurance agent, telling him that Rosemary is a giant faker 'cause Brenda saw her aerobicizing through the window. After some investigating, the agent apparently discovered that she's a scam artist who has claimed fourteen accidents in the past three years. Once she even backed into a car so she could initiate a phony claim. Brenda perks up at this information and decides that if Rosemary backed into her, maybe she's not a bad driver after all! Well...no. One thing doesn't necessarily have anything to do with the other. Brenda, of course, ignores all signs pointing to her still being a shitty driver and gets excited about getting behind the wheel again. The weight room. Tony bursts in to tell the guys that Coach Chapman has cancelled practice again, then tells Burke he doesn't think this is just going to blow over. The two muscle-heads sidle up to Steve in the locker room and invite him to take a walk with them. Once they get him outside, they tell him he should take the fall for the "power pact". He needs to confess his steroid use to the coach, and tell him that he was the only athlete who's been using the drug. Steve refuses, and they start roughing him up. Brandon comes upon the scene...as does Kyle, and he yells at Burke to leave Steve alone. Kyle then blurts out that he was the anonymous source in Brandon's Blaze article. Apparently he can't keep living a lie...even though he continues to live a lie as a closeted gay person. The Peach Pit. Brandon is telling Kelly and Steve that the 'roid using jocks were marched to Coach Chapman's office. They were in there for forty-five minutes, but Brandon doesn't know exactly what happened after that. Kelly is concerned about Kyle and gets up to go give him a call when Brenda and Dylan suddenly enter the diner. Brenda proudly announces that Dylan finally gave in and allowed her to drive his Porsche. She's now so buoyed by her boyfriend's confidence in her that she orders Brandon to hand over his car keys so she can take David and Donna to the movies. Brandon looks reluctant, but when he confirms that Dylan will give him a ride home after his shift, he relents and hands his keys over to Brenda. When Brenda's safely out of earshot, Dylan tells him that she badly ground his gears. Big surprise. All of a sudden there's a loud crashing noise outside, and everyone runs out to the alley to see what kind of vehicular carnage Brenda has just caused. To Brandon's great relief, the noise was just a garbage truck emptying the dumpster. Brenda then drives by in the Mustang and waves at them like the clueless dimwit she is...and everyone laughs at the hilarity of assuming that she had totaled her brother's car. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! |
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