Recap: There's a hockey practice in progress at the Ice Dome in Beverly Hills. Papa Walsh is the coach, and his ragtag team includes Brandon, Dylan, and Steve, who's the goalie. Steve proves himself to be a really bad skater, which is probably why he got stuck goal tending. Dylan isn't much better and looks pretty wobbly on his skates. In fact, the only player who doesn't look completely out of his element on the ice is Brandon, though that's understandable given that he's a native of Canada...I mean from Minnesota. As soon as the hockey practice ends, a group of figure skaters takes the ice. A pretty girl catches Steve's eye, and he remarks to Brandon that he thinks she's hot. Brandon acts as though he's unimpressed and calls the girl a prima donna. Suddenly this "prima donna" whizzes by and unintentionally causes Brandon and Steve to trip and land in an embarrassing, tangled heap...and she immediately turns around and profusely apologizes for causing them to topple over like a pair of Humpty Dumpties. Brandon gets all rude and bitchy toward her - which is a clear sign that he's totally into her - and soon the two are arguing about which is more strenuous: a four minute skating routine, or one period of hockey. My guess would be the period of hockey. She then challenges Brandon to a race of six laps around the rink, and he accepts...and the two race around the ice for what seems like a really looong time. Everyone in the bleachers cheers them on, and the race ends with Papa Walsh declaring a tie...even though it looked like the figure skater beat him by a few feet. Now that the ice between the two of them is broken (heh, pun intended), they act all chummy with each other, laughing about the race - but the good time abruptly ends when a stern looking man with a foreign accent appears on the scene and demands to know what's going on. He motions to the figure skater - whose name we learn is Tricia Kinney - and is clearly annoyed that the world class skater he coaches was racing around with a strange hockey player at top speed on un-zambonied ice. He admonishes her for being reckless and tells her she could have been seriously injured. When Brandon discreetly asks Tricia whassup with her grumpy ass coach, she explains that everyone in her little figure skating circle is on edge right now 'cause the U.S. finals are coming up. Some flunky then skates over to Tricia and gives her an updated training schedule for the day. Brandon soon catches on that his cute new friend is an elite athlete, and becomes intrigued. He asks Tricia when they can have a rematch, and she tells him that she's usually on the ice by 5:30am every morning. Yikes. The Walsh house. In the kitchen, Brenda is applying a thick coat of makeup on Mama Walsh's face, and there are a variety of cosmetics strewn across the table. It sounds like she's actually trying to sell the stuff to her own mother. Brandon and Papa Walsh arrive home from the rink and announce that the hockey practice went great. When Mama Walsh asks them how she looks after her makeover, the two scrutinize her overly blushed cheeks and wisely say nothing. The next morning, Brandon's alarm goes off at 5:00am. He gets up at the ungodly hour and arrives at the Ice Dome just as Tricia is doing her stretching exercises. She's surprised, but pleased to see that Brandon showed up to watch her early morning training session. She starts blathering to him about how the early morning is the best part of the day for her, but that the pressure and constant training can sometimes get tedious. Brandon suggests a remedy for the monotony: a date with a hockey player! Tricia hesitates, not because she doesn't totally dig Brandon, but because she's concerned that Coach Buzzkill will think it's a bad idea. By this time, the other skaters have arrived for the practice and soon they're ready to take the ice. Tricia asks Brandon to stay and watch, and he promises he will. Moments later, he's standing in the bleachers watching as she practices various flips and twists. Some rink worker comes over to Brandon and mistakes him for the vending machine guy...but when Brandon tells him he's a friend of Tricia's, Rink Guy joins him in observing the skating practice. He refers to Tricia as a cutie pie who possesses "the fire and the ice", as well as a skater who comes along once or twice in a generation. Hmm...based on the footage we see in this episode of Tricia's skating, that's a gigantic overstatement, but since she's just another meaningless, throwaway character in the Beverly Hills, 90210 universe, I'll let it go. Rink Guy asks Brandon if Coach Buzzkill knows he's watching Tricia's training session...and he's asking 'cause normally the coach doesn't like anyone to hang around and distract his athletes. Brandon defiantly tells Rink Guy that Tricia invited him to stay, and he'll hang around until Tricia tells him to leave. Rink Guy applauds his ballsy attitude...at least for now. The Walsh house. It's early Saturday morning, and Brenda tells her mother she's off to a power breakfast with Deirdre, her snooty boss from the clothing boutique. Brenda thinks Deirdre is great, but that's only 'cause she's been filling Brenda's head with some nonsense about how she's got what it takes to be a star in sales. Mama Walsh proudly tells her that this is most likely because she has sales in her blood; her grandfather used to own the largest furniture store in St. Paul and devoted his life to customer service. And speaking of sales, Brenda asks her mother how much of the makeup she wants to buy. Mama Walsh kind of winces, but writes her a check for $20. Restaurant. During the power breakfast, Deirdre expresses her disappointment that Brenda was only able to fleece her mother for a measly $20 worth of cosmetics. Brenda tries to explain that Deirdre doesn't understand the sort of thrifty, style-free mother she has, but Deirdre nails it when she describes Cindy as a wholesome bumpkin from the Midwest who probably wears very little makeup or jewelry, has traditional values, and clips coupons. Deirdre tells Brenda to always remember that she's not just selling products - she's selling a self image. It's also important to remember that this bullshitty sales approach works best on the wealthy, the insecure, and the gullible. Ice Dome. Brandon's in the bleachers, watching Tricia practice her spins and flips when Coach Buzzkill comes over to have a chat with him. He tells him that this has been Tricia's worst practice in a long time and suggests that she's distracted by Brandon's presence in the arena. Brandon gets all pissy and reminds the coach that Tricia was the one who invited him to stay and watch...then brashly tells him that Tricia should be free to decide what she wants for herself. Clothing boutique. Deirdre is busy selling clothes and accessories to customers while Brenda is wasting valuable time hanging with Donna and Kelly, who are just standing around sniffing perfume bottles. Deirdre glances over, which makes Brenda visibly tense, and she's clearly feeling pressure to make a sale. She urges Donna and Kelly to buy something, considering they've been in the store for more than an hour. Donna picks up another perfume bottle and sniffs it, then decides that she likes the scent. She tells Brenda that she'll take it...until she sees the $190 price tag, makes a face, and puts it back down. Brenda tries to convince her she's not just buying perfume, she's buying a self image. But at $190 for a tiny bottle of fragrance, Donna is not convinced she needs a self image. Deirdre, who has witnessed this lost sale, is not impressed. The Walsh house. After a tough day at the boutique, Brenda is seated in the kitchen, drowning her sorrows in a bowl of ice cream. Brandon enters through the back door and looks annoyed to see her sitting there. He just got home from driving across town to pick her up at the boutique, only to discover that she had already left. She apologizes and tells him she "spaced" and decided to walk home. Her day was so lousy because she had been on her feet for eight hours and barely made a commission. She can't seem to sell anything, while Deirdre is so good at it. Brenda then blames their parents, who raised them to be much too nice to succeed in the real world. I find it hilarious that Brenda would actually characterize herself as "too nice". Has she not watched herself during the past two seasons? Brandon suspends reality for the moment and agrees with Brenda's assessment. He tells her that these thoughts also occurred to him while he was watching Tricia practice. Her dedication and drive to be a world class skater reminded him of when he played hockey as a young boy and was called a "wonder whiz" on skates. For some reason, Mama and Papa Walsh didn't push him to become a hockey player, so now he's left to wonder if he could have been one of the greats. Ice Dome. Tricia is at practice, and this time she's decked out in a pretty red skating dress. Brandon is watching, clapping loudly whenever she successfully lands her jumps. It amuses Tricia, but irritates Coach Buzzkill...though understandably so. I can totally see how Brandon's unnecessary presence in the rink would be an annoying distraction for not only Tricia, but for the rest of the skaters too. Clothing boutique. It's been a slow day at the boutique and Deirdre suggests to Brenda that they knock off a little early. David then enters the store, and after studying him for a moment, Deirdre pegs him as a rich kid who has lots of money to burn. She encourages Brenda to get him to spend as much as possible on a self image. Brenda goes over to wait on David, and he starts nattering about how Donna whines that nobody remembers her birthday because it's on December 25, blah blah. Unfortunately, he too was one of the deadbeats who forgot, but he now wants to make up for it by getting her something nice. Brenda immediately starts talking up the $190 perfume Donna was sniffing the other day. David looks aghast when he sees the price, but Brenda tells him that if he wants to make a statement, then price should be no object...and adds that Donna "really flipped" over the fragrance. David is easily convinced, and agrees to buy the overpriced perfume. Deirdre looks very pleased with her pushy young protege. Ice dome. When Tricia exits the ice after her practice session is finished, Coach Buzzkill mumbles something about her needing to get her skating dress altered by a seamstress, and then going straight home to rest up for sectionals. [Note: I Googled "figure skating sectionals" and learned that skaters are only eligible to compete in the U.S. National Figure Skating Championships if they place in the top four of a sectional competition.] Brandon offers to give Tricia a ride home, and she's so thrilled about it that Coach Buzzkill reluctantly agrees. When the two are alone together, Brandon asks Tricia about her relationship with her coach. Tricia shares with him that she's originally from Texas, but is currently training in California and lives with Coach Buzzkill and his wife. Brandon is astonished at her level of dedication for figure skating and says how he feels like he's been wasting his life. Tricia vehemently disagrees with that and points out that he is living a normal life - while she's constantly constrained by her training schedule, and her strict diet. She's never gone to a real school, or had a date. Plus, she's always under so much pressure to succeed. Brandon asks her if she has plans for when her skating career is over, and she tells him that she likes the TV show L.A. Law, so maybe she'll go to law school. The Peach Pit. The gang is gathered together when David presents Donna with her belated birthday gift: the extravagant perfume. Donna unwraps it and is shocked that he spent so much money on her, but David tells her she's worth it. Kelly grabs Brenda and pulls her off to the side to chide her for selling David something so pricey, and Brenda retorts that she doesn't feel bad 'cause she has no soul didn't force David to buy it. And she feels totally vindicated when Donna squirts some of the perfume on her neck, and David leans in to give her a good sniff - but Kelly remains unconvinced and stalks off. Dylan appears out of nowhere and asks Brenda what's wrong with Kelly, so Brenda theorizes that Kelly resents her for getting good at her job. She also brags to him about how great it feels to be improving her skills to manipulate people into buying expensive crap they don't need. Brandon enters the Peach Pit with Tricia and introduces her to the gang. Tricia is very happy to meet everyone and graciously invites them to be her guests at the upcoming sectional competition. They look interested in attending, but then Brandon announces that he has orders from Tricia's coach to get her home so she can rest up. As the two make their way out, Brenda rushes after Tricia to tell her that the boutique she works at sells really cute leotards. Dylan and Kelly roll their eyes as they note how annoyingly aggressive Brenda has become. Figure skating sectionals. The gang is in the audience, watching as Tricia competes. Brenda is noticeably absent; she opted to do inventory at the boutique with Deirdre. It sort of looks like Tricia is skating well, but Brandon tells them that she missed her toe loop...and when she attempts a double axel, she falls on her ass. So much for "the fire and the ice". When the competition concludes, Tricia has placed fifth, which means she didn't qualify to compete in the U.S. Figure Skating Championships. This also means that the skating season is over for her. Coach Buzzkill, who's surprisingly blase about the whole thing considering he's supposed to be a fancy world class skating coach, tells her that these things happen...and then encourages her to take some time off to visit her family in Texas. He leaves the room just as a guilt-ridden Brandon enters. He blames himself for being a distraction for Tricia during her last few practice sessions, but Tricia insists that her dismal performance wasn't his fault. She tells him that Coach Buzzkill suggested she didn't want to do well and progress in her skating career. The upside to her failure is that she now has time to go out on dates. Brandon perks up at this news and gives her a hug. The Walsh house. Brenda is trying to boost her cosmetics sales by giving her mother another makeover in the kitchen, but Mama Walsh totally does not look into it. Papa Walsh kisses her blushed up cheek goodbye before heading off to work. When the twins are alone together in the kitchen, Brandon stares at Brenda with a look of utter dismay and tells her that it seems like she'll do anything to earn a commission. Brenda condescendingly tells him that Deirdre predicted this would happen...and by this, she means that all the jealous haters would eventually come out of the woodwork and resent her for being so goal oriented and super successful. LOL. She tells him that her goal is to buy a car so that she won't have to depend on Brandon for transportation anymore...and then somehow thinks it's reasonable to compare her "drive and dedication" to that of Tricia. Speaking of Tricia, Brandon informs his sister that she'll be stopping by West Beverly High later. Brenda is happy to hear that and asks Brandon if Tricia ever mentioned anything about the leotards she sent over last week. I'm guessing not, 'cause Brandon just gives her another cold look of dismay. The Blaze newsroom. For some insane reason, Brandon brings Tricia into the newsroom to meet Ahn-drea. It seems that Ahn-drea is a figure skating fan and looks a bit star-struck when Brandon introduces the two of them. She asks Brandon if he's doing an interview with Tricia for the paper, so Brandon is forced to clarify that not everything in his life revolves around the stupid Blaze and that he and Tricia are dating. Sort of. Ahn-drea's face falls...and tiny, bitter tears start pricking her eyes. She literally turns her back on them so she can sulk in relative privacy. Brandon, who is either oblivious to her obnoxious brooding or is determined to simply ignore it, invites Ahn-drea to join them for lunch, but she sullenly declines. Brandon and Tricia then beat a hasty retreat from Ahn-drea's toxic orbit and run into the rest of the gang in the hallway. Dylan expresses his sympathies to Tricia for her poor performance at sectionals, and she tells him that she's taking some time off to think about her future as a figure skater. For the moment, though, she's loving being at West Beverly High, which she hilariously refers to as "the real world". The gang then decides it would be a great idea to ply Tricia with fattening comfort food, since up until now she's been on a very strict diet. Everyone makes suggestions about what she should gorge herself on: potato chips, pizza, and ice cream. Donna suggests gum, but that's idiotic. Brandon then concludes that there's one food that is far more gluttonously pleasurable that any other: a burrito. OK...I would have suggested something more decadent like chili cheese fries, but burrito is good too. City park. Tricia is very excited to eat her first burrito...but as she takes her first bite, Dylan completely loses his senses and brings up the topic of the leotards that Brenda so desperately wants to sell to her. A mortified Kelly puts her hand over Dylan's mouth and forcibly leads him away. Shortly afterward, the rest of the gang also disperses, and Tricia tells Brandon that his friends are all really great. She obviously needs to get out more. Clothing boutique. Brenda is about to ring up an order for a rich looking shopper when Deirdre enters the store. She knows the customer, whose name is Joyce and gives her a friendly hello hug. As Deirdre chats with her, she suggests adding a pair of earrings to her already big pile of stuff. This gives Deirdre an excuse to take the order book from Brenda and write it up as if the whole thing was her order. Brenda bluntly asks her what she's doing, so Deirdre slyly directs Joyce to go and pick out a free scarf for herself. Brenda points out that if Deirdre rings up the sale, she'll get the commission, which is unfair because she (Brenda) waited on the woman for over an hour. Deirdre really has no good comeback to this, since her excuse is that she has a car payment to make, and this is just the way it's going to be. She continues to write up the order while Brenda stands there fuming. Ice Dome. It's date night for Brandon and Tricia...and they're spending the evening ice skating. Brandon thinks it's kind of weird that Tricia wanted to come to the rink on their date - it sort of is - but he gamely skates with her, hand in hand, as music plays in the background. After skating for a little while, they hear someone clapping for them. Ack! It's Coach Buzzkill, who has come by to give Tricia some good news. The skating federation has issued a waiver, which means that Tricia will be able to compete in the national championships after all. She's stunned, but thrilled at this unexpected, implausible reprieve. Unfortunately for Brandon, this means that she and Coach Buzzkill are going to have to re-choreograph her program, and they only have five days to prepare...and since there's not a moment to lose, they're going to have to start preparing tonight. Brandon says he understands, and Tricia thanks him for the fun half-date before rushing off with Coach Buzzkill to work on her new choreography. The Walsh house. Brandon resumes his grueling schedule of getting up at 5:00am to go to the Ice Dome to watch Tricia practice. He runs into Rink Guy, who informs Brandon that the practice is now closed to all visitors. When Brandon starts to protest and yammer about what a dick Coach Buzzkill is being, Rink Guy explains that the edict came from Tricia herself. Brandon looks crushed that their three day relationship has come to such an abrupt end. Mama Walsh wakes Brenda and reminds her that she has to go to work soon. Brenda is laying in bed, looking very unhappy. She tells Mama Walsh about how Deirdre stole her $500 commission, and that she wants to quit working at the boutique, but doesn't want to be considered a quitter. Mama Walsh advises her that walking away from a rotten situation isn't being a quitter...and in a rare moment of self awareness, Brenda admits that she knows she's been obnoxious lately. And in an uncharacteristic display of bitchy malice, Mama Walsh encourages her daughter that it's best not to get mad, but to get even. Naturally this puts a fiendish smile on Brenda's face. Clothing boutique. Mama Walsh sweeps into the boutique decked out in a pristine white suit, dark shades, and a silk scarf tied around her head in an odd-looking turban. I think she looks ridiculous, but Deirdre immediately assumes she's in the presence of a wealthy woman who will buy clothes and accessories that will reflect her very expensive taste. She swiftly dumps the customer she's currently waiting on and rushes over to suck up to Mama Walsh. Ice Dome. Papa Walsh is coaching another hockey practice. Brandon is clearly not in a good mood, and when Papa Walsh presses him about it, he snarks that he just wants to quit for the day. Papa Walsh correctly guesses that things didn't work out with Tricia, and that it's bothering Brandon so much 'cause she was special to him. Brandon then asks his dad why he never pushed him into hockey when he was a kid who had so much potential. Papa Walsh reveals something he's never told Brandon before: years ago, he and Mama Walsh had a meeting with the best hockey coach in the Midwest to discuss Brandon's future as a professional athlete. The coach had asked them if they wanted a superstar athlete, or a son. Needless to say, Papa Walsh chose son and tells Brandon he hopes he isn't disappointed with the choice they made. Brandon thanks his dad and heads off to work his shift at the Peach Pit. Clothing boutique. Deirdre is gushing excitedly to Brenda about the huge commission she expects to earn from the wealthy woman with the strange silk turban. Unfortunately for her, Mama Walsh is rethinking each of the items she's picked out. Deirdre tells her that "the girl" (meaning Brenda) will put all the unwanted stuff back...but eventually Mama Walsh opts to decline everything, and then berates Deirdre for being an insincere phony and treating her employee badly. She leaves in a huff, which prompts Deirdre to call her a bitch under her breath. Brenda just smiles. The Peach Pit. Brandon is glumly working his shift when Tricia enters the diner. She tells Brandon she's about to leave for Salt Lake City for the championships, but wanted to say goodbye first. He gives her a sullen goodbye, making it clear that he's angry and hurt about being barred from her skating practice the other day. Tricia explains that she's the one who's driving herself to be the best skater in the world, and that right now she has no time to offer him much. She will, however, fondly remember the burrito she ate in the park and the way it repeated on her. The Walsh house. Brandon, Brenda and Dylan are sitting in the living room with a big bowl of popcorn, watching figure skating. Tricia is competing, and she does very well, which Brandon attributes to her having the "fire and the ice". LOL. Tricia obviously has the ice, since it's underneath her skates...but as far as the fire goes, well that's highly debatable. Immediately after her performance, Tricia skates off the ice and receives a bouquet of flowers and grants a quick live interview. She tells the commentator that between all of her training and sacrifice, she misses the burritos - and when she says burritos, she looks straight into the camera as if to give Brandon a shout out. And then, just like that, the competition is over. Unlike every other figure skating competition I've ever seen, there doesn't appear to be a panel of judges, or final scores. Brandon looks at the television sadly, but assures Brenda he's OK. After all, he had the time of his life while he was with Tricia, who he knew for less than a week. Or so the timeline in this episode seemed to suggest. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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Recap: Steve is on a mission to find his birth mama, and after a sixteen hour bus ride, he arrives in a hick New Mexico town somewhere near Albuquerque. He steps off the bus and chats with a cute girl, whose ear he had talked off about his quest to find his natural parents. She wishes him good luck, Merry Christmas, and hastily excuses herself to greet her mother who has arrived at the bus station to pick her up. The streets and store windows in Beverly Hills look very festive and Christmasy. To my great surprise, Brenda is employed as a salesgirl in a swanky clothing boutique, and she's getting a brief orientation from her attractive but snooty supervisor, Deirdre. After a quick run-through of some basic procedures, they open up the boutique to let the waiting customers inside...and Kelly and Donna are among the shoppers who enter the store. Kelly remarks how much she likes shopping at this boutique, and tells Brenda she's the first of her friends to have a real job. As for Donna, she thinks that Brenda's being employed is "cute". Yes, I suppose it is cute to earn one's own money when one doesn't have rich parents to sponge off of. Brenda starts showing them jewelry so she won't get in trouble with Deirdre for slacking off on her first day on the job. Kelly tells them she's worried about Steve, who has been gone for four days during which no one has heard from him. Kelly now has second thoughts about letting him go, but as Brenda accurately points out there really wasn't anything any of them could have done to stop him. In an effort to cheer Kelly up, Brenda invites her and Donna over to the Walsh house for the evening to help the family trim their Christmas tree. Kelly is shocked that they haven't bought their tree yet, considering it's only two days before Christmas. Brenda explains that it's a Walsh family tradition to wait until the last possible second to pick out a tree. That way they're guaranteed to get the freshest tree...or, more likely, the mangy leftovers. Christmas tree lot. Papa Walsh is explaining to the tree salesman that he always waits until two days before Christmas to pick out their tree. But as Papa Walsh and Brandon - who also came along on this hopeless errand - soon discover, waiting until December 23 to buy a Christmas tree is not the smartest thing to do in southern California. Frankly, I find it to be a very odd tradition just in general. The pickins at this lot are slim, as all the available trees are brown and pretty dead looking from sitting in the sun too long. Papa Walsh tells Brandon they'll go elsewhere and find a great tree, but Brandon looks doubtful that there will be a better selection anywhere else. The Walsh house. Mama Walsh is on the phone with her mother, complaining about the ninety degree weather in Beverly Hills...and she gets very jealous when her mother tells her that Minneapolis is expected to have a white Christmas. When she hears Papa Walsh and Brandon pull into the driveway, she cuts her conversation short and excitedly rushes out to the driveway to get a first look at their Christmas tree - but her excitement turns to dismay when she sees Brandon unloading a very brown tree from the roof of the car. Brandon declares it dead, while Papa Walsh prefers to think of it as merely wilted. Either way, the sight of it dampens Mama Walsh's Christmas spirit. She wants to spend the holiday in wintry Minnesota, but Papa Walsh firmly tells her that Beverly Hills is their home now, and so they need to get used to spending Christmas in the California heat. He also isn't into the idea of traveling to Minnesota every year to celebrate Christmas, which is apparently what they did last year. I guess this explains why Season 1 didn't feature a Christmas episode. Anyway, none of this is really getting through to Mama Walsh, who's now whining about having to cook a big Christmas meal in ninety degree heat. Shortly afterward, Brandon is doing his best to spruce up the tree by spray painting it green. Brenda, who has just returned home from work, asks him what the hell he's doing. Mama Walsh comes over to check on the progress and tells Brandon the tree looks better...but that next year they're definitely getting a fake one. I think that's an excellent idea. In fact, they should so that this year. When Mama Walsh goes back inside the house, Brenda and Brandon remark about how their mother is being crankier than usual as she adjusts to spending Christmas in a warm climate. That evening, Kelly, Donna, and Dylan come over to help the Walshes trim their spray painted, dead tree. In the kitchen, Papa Walsh tries to comfort his wife about coping with Christmas in sunny California, and suggests that they start a new tradition of inviting their kids' friends over for Christmas Eve dinner. I guess this is in lieu of them having their own friends to invite over. In the living room, Kelly is delighting in the Walsh's ornaments and each of their stockings, and her holiday cheerfulness boosts Mama Walsh's spirits so she extends an invitation to all of them and their families to spend Christmas Eve at Casa Walsh. Apparently this is the sort of thing they used to do in Minnesota. Donna, who for some reason showed up in woolen short overalls that come dangerously close to revealing both butt cheeks, has to decline because she and her parents are going skiing over the holidays. Kelly must also decline because she and Jackie are having Mel and David over on Christmas Eve...and Jackie plans on cooking, which won't be a tasty prospect for anyone. Dylan will be at the prison visiting his criminal father, and Steve is still in New Mexico, aimlessly searching for his birth mama. Papa Walsh is surprised to hear that Steve was adopted, and remarks to the gang that he might find it hard to locate someone who may not want to be located. New Mexico. Steve visits the hospital where he thinks he might have been born. It's run by nuns, and he approaches the receptionist nun to ask how he might find a women named Karen Brown, who gave birth to him seventeen years ago. The receptionist nun asks for his ID and disappears into the back office. After a couple of minutes, she emerges with a file...but when she learns that Steve is still under eighteen, she informs him that he can't have access to the hospital file without written authorization from his adoptive parents. Steve argues that he's come a very long way to find his birth mother, and when that doesn't have any effect he pulls out his wallet and offers a bribe to the nun. She glares at him, so he sheepishly puts his wallet away and mills around in the hallway, trying his very hardest to look extremely upset. The receptionist nun breaks down and tells Steve he can look at the file, but it has to remain in the hospital. A grateful Steve opens the folder, quickly jots down a few things and then gives the nun a quick thank you hug before rushing off to find his birth mama. The Peach Pit. Brandon is working his shift while wearing a floppy Santa hat. A disheveled homeless man enters, then sits at the counter and asks Brandon if he can get a free cup of coffee. Brandon obliges him, and when the guy tells him he's also hungry and could use a bite to eat, Brandon asks Nat if he can serve the man some free food. Nat sadly remarks that "it's started early", and by it's he means the sad parade of homeless and hungry people that trudge into his diner for the annual, complimentary Christmas Day meal he offers. Brandon likes the sound of this charitable gesture and tells him he'd like to come to the diner on Christmas Day to help out. Nat then gives Brandon permission to feed the disheveled homeless man, and brings out his Santa suit that's on a hanger. He tells Brandon it's what he always wears on Christmas Day when he's serving up the less fortunate. The disheveled homeless man sees the suit from his seat at the counter and visibly perks up. New Mexico. Steve takes a taxi to the address that was listed for Karen Brown in the hospital's paperwork, but there's no house there anymore. Disheartened, he asks the driver to take him back to his hotel. The Peach Pit. Ahn-drea enters the diner and takes a seat at the counter. Brandon greets her with a "Merry Christmas", and then leans toward her and gives her a full on lip kiss. Gaa! Blech! How about some boundaries already, Brandon?! Ahn-drea orders a piece of peach pie, which leads Brandon to jump to the conclusion that she's depressed. Apparently she only ever orders pie at the Peach Pit when she's depressed. He asks her if she misses school already - hee! - but learns that the source of her depression is the holiday season. Her parents don't celebrate Christmas or Hanukah because they think it's somehow easier to ignore both than it would be to pick one and celebrate it. What a pair of grinchy humbugs. No wonder Ahn-drea has such a messed up, unappealing personality. Brandon takes pity on her and invites her to his house on Christmas Eve, but she declines because she promised to take Grandma Rose to the movies and doesn't think the nattering old bat will want to help celebrate a non-Jewish holiday with the Walshes. Nat suddenly interrupts their conversation to ask Brandon if he's seen his Santa suit. It's missing! In the next scene we see a suspicious looking, disheveled Santa on the street, ringing a bell and wishing passersby a Merry Christmas. Disheveled Santa comes into the boutique while Brenda is working. Her boss Deirdre sees him and tells Brenda she's going to kick out the nut. She then goes up to the guy, calls him a nutcase to his face, and barks at him to leave. He gives her a sad, "Merry Christmas", and Brenda watches him sympathetically as he walks out. New Mexico. Steve is at a pay phone with a big pile of change. He's looking through the local phone book and calling everyone who has the last name "Brown", asking them if they know a Karen Brown. Good luck with that, Steve. Dylan drops by to see Brenda at the boutique before heading to the prison to visit his father. They kiss, and he hands her a candy cane he just got from Disheveled Santa. Dylan is feeling sour about Christmas because of all the people he's witnessed shoving each other in stores. He then presents Brenda with a small jewelry box, and she opens it to find a necklace...at least I think that's what it is. Half of a dangly part is missing on it, but Dylan has it so he can wear it. Brenda dutifully tells him she loves it and gives him a hug. Dylan is off to spend Christmas Eve at the prison, and Brenda is saddened that they won't be able to spend the evening together. She offers to accompany him to go see his father, but he won't allow that. Suddenly, a cranky customer interrupts to bitchily interrogate Brenda about whether or not the store's merchandise will be going on sale immediately after Christmas. D'yuh, lady. What do you think? New Mexico. Steve is still in the phone booth making calls, and he's about to run out of change. During one of the calls, a man abruptly hangs up on him after hearing the name "Karen Brown", and Steve gets the feeling he might know something. Kelly's house. Kelly and Jackie are in the kitchen cooking. Sort of. Jackie's not exactly Julia Child...but she's just excited to be preparing a meal for Mel, and gushes to Kelly that the way things are going with her new man, she may be cooking for him a lot more often. She refers to it as the healthiest relationship she's ever been in and says they still have a lot of passion. I was about to cringe and say "Ew", but then Jackie clarified that they still have a lot of passion about life. The doorbell rings, and it's Mel. He has come, flowers in hand, to tell Jackie that he and David can't come to her Christmas Eve dinner after all because his soon-to-be ex-wife, Sheila, is very depressed and doesn't want David (or Mel for that matter) eating at Jackie's house. Jackie immediately gets pissed off and starts rambling about how she let down walls and even discussed their relationship with Kelly. Mel tells her she's overreacting - which she totally is - and Jackie responds to this criticism by overreacting as she throws his flowers back at him and snarkily wishes him a Merry Christmas. Kelly, meanwhile, has witnessed this ugly scene...and after Mel leaves, she gives her mom a comforting hug. New Mexico. Steve's gut instinct about the hang-up call leads him to Brown's Cafe. He sees an old man behind the counter and asks if this is his place. When he says yes, Steve tells him he was the person who had called earlier. The old man immediately shuts down, so Steve tells him he's looking for Karen Brown because he's her biological son. The old man is then a lot nicer to Steve. He tells him his name is Al, and that he's Karen Brown's father. He invites Steve to join him at one of the tables. Kelly drops by the boutique to commiserate with Brenda about her botched Christmas Eve plans. She tells her how Mel cancelled on dinner so he could spend the holiday with his depressed, soon-to-be ex. Kelly contemplates buying Jackie another present to cheer her up because she doesn't want her to get depressed and start drinking or devolve into a raving cokehead again. Brenda invites her and Jackie to come over for a Walsh Christmas Eve, and Kelly happily accepts. As Kelly makes her way out of the boutique, Disheveled Santa makes another appearance. Deirdre wastes no time telling the old man to get lost, and then calls him a creep. This bitchy salesgirl is definitely getting coal in her stocking this year. Asylum. Brandon arrives at some sort of mental health rehabilitation hospital to pay a visit to Emily Valentine and deliver a Christmas present. Emily happens to be ambling down the hallway just as Brandon is inquiring about her at the receptionist's desk, and she walks over to greet him. He tells her he's tried calling her, but apparently her doctor advised her to stay out of touch for awhile. She starts to apologize for all the kooky, psycho-nut shit she did during the My Desperate Valentine episode, but he stops her and tells her he didn't come for that. The two sit down and spend a few minutes getting caught up on their lives. She tells him that this place is really good for her, and that she may get to go home tomorrow to have Christmas dinner with her family. But as for returning to West Beverly High, she doesn't know if or when she'll ever be ready...or if there will even be a storyline that would warrant her return. Brandon urges her to open the gift. It's his baseball shirt, which she wore without his permission in the aforementioned episode. He encourages her to read the card, which is actually pretty touching because it was signed by the entire gang. She looks moved by the kind gesture, and thanks him with a warm hug. Kelly's house. David comes over to drop off a Christmas present for Kelly. She gets all attitudey with him, but he points out that the cancellation of their Christmas Eve plans wasn't his fault, and that he's caught in the middle of two quarreling parents. He goes on to tell Kelly that he hates how bitchtastic his mother is being about him and Mel spending Christmas Eve with her and Jackie...and that he didn't want to see either of them get hurt. Kelly finally softens, accepts his gift, and tells him to wait 'cause she has a gift for him too. He makes a joke that she should open his present to her in private because it's a vibrator, but then laughs and tells her he's kidding. I sure as hell hope so, David. New Mexico. Al does his best to answer Steve's questions about Karen. He tells Steve that she was very young when she got pregnant and didn't have a husband at the time. Eventually, though, she went off to college in Albuquerque, met a guy named Mulligan, got married...and then - oh yeah - recently died in a horrible car crash. I really think he could have mentioned that detail a lot sooner in his interactions with Steve. Needless to say, Steve looks shocked and bereft to hear about the untimely death of his birth mama. The Walsh house. Papa Walsh is in the living room, playing Christmas songs on his little portable organ. The doorbell rings and Mama Walsh opens it to find Samantha Sanders. Not only is Mama Walsh thrilled to have company on Christmas Eve, she's also a little star-struck while standing in front of this B-list celebrity. The reason Samantha stopped by was to ask if any of them have heard from Steve...but none of the Walshes has. Samantha shares with Mama Walsh that she filed a missing persons report with the police, which was unnecessarily hasty, in my opinion. She regrets allowing Steve to travel alone to New Mexico, but also didn't want to stand in his way in his search for his birth mama. Mama Walsh is optimistic that he'll call, especially since it's Christmas. She then insists that Samantha stay for a traditional Walsh family dinner and refuses to take no for an answer. New Mexico. Al takes Steve to visit Karen Brown's grave. Steve lays flowers by her headstone, and Al tells him about what a tough decision it was for her to give up her baby. Steve then shares that he's never had a grandfather and asks if Al would be his grandfather. Aww, that's sweet, yet kind of impractical...and totally meaningless, since we never see Al on any future episodes. Nevertheless, Al says he would like that, so Steve says he'd like to keep in touch, and maybe even invite him to visit him in L.A. sometime. That settled, Steve is suddenly in a desperate rush to return home in time for Christmas and asks Al to drive him to the airport. It's closing time at the boutique, and Deirdre tells Brenda she did a great job that day. Brenda then starts to head home and comes upon two police officers harassing Disheveled Santa. She intervenes and tells the cops that she knows this man: his name is Santa Claus! The officers inform her that they've received complaints about a fake Santa hassling shoppers in the area. Brenda denies this is true, and the cops for some reason are completely satisfied with her uncorroborated statement, and leave. Disheveled Santa thanks her for the support, and Brenda asks him if he has anywhere to go. It's clear he's on his own, so she invites him to come home with her for Christmas Eve dinner. She can't bear the thought of anyone dressed up as Santa Claus being alone on Christmas Eve. The Walsh house. Brenda arrives home with Disheveled Santa. Papa Walsh is surprised to see their unexpected dinner guest, and is understandably wary of having this strange man dressed in a ratty Santa suit inside their home. Brenda brushes off his concern and tells him the man is harmless. The doorbell rings and it's Kelly and Jackie. Mama Walsh is surprised to see them because stupid Brenda forgot to tell her about their change of plans and that they'd be spending Christmas Eve at their place. But naturally they're welcome to stay...and Mama and Papa Walsh grudgingly allow Disheveled Santa to stay for dinner as well. New Mexico. Every flight to L.A. is booked solid, so Steve approaches the pilot of a charter plane to ask if he can fly him home. The pilot, himself a pseudo Santa with his white beard and red jumpsuit, tells Steve he won't be able to take him...but then has a swift change of heart after Steve offers him a huge wad of cash. He cheerfully flies Steve to L.A. while singing Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer. The Walsh house. Mama Walsh unveils the Christmas turkey, and everyone is thrilled about all the sumptuous food. The doorbell rings yet again and it's Ahn-drea. Blech. Brandon looks thrilled to see her, and puts his arm around her as he ushers her toward the food. I disapprove of these constant mixed messages, Brandon. Prison. Dylan is in a waiting room, sitting alone at a table. Eventually his father is escorted there...and it's Josh Taylor! Finally an attractive, appealing man gets cast as Jack McKay. He's surprised and pleased that Dylan has come to visit him. Dylan brought with him some food, along with books and girlie magazines to keep his father entertained while behind bars. Josh Taylor tells him he didn't expect to ever see his son again, and just assumed he hated him. Dylan assures him he doesn't hate him, but after all the shitty Christmases he's had, he wanted his dad to realize what it felt like to be lonely. Josh Taylor asks Dylan if he's still with his girlfriend, and when he says he is, he is encouraged to go and spend Christmas with her. Dylan insists that he came to the prison be with him, but Josh Taylor assures him that it's OK because even after this brief visit, he no longer feels alone. He hugs Dylan and wishes him a Merry Christmas. The Walsh house. Dinner, of course, was scrumptious...and Disheveled Santa starts handing out Christmas presents. Mama Walsh gets a lovely silk scarf, and Brenda gets earrings from Tiffany's. As the rest of the gang gets presents, Mama Walsh discreetly tells her husband that she suspects Disheveled Santa of giving away stolen loot. The doorbell rings once again and it's Mel and David. Mama Walsh graciously invites them in, and Mel asks to speak privately with Jackie. She's still feeling very hostile and bitchy toward him, but she agrees to hear him out, so the two disappear in the kitchen. Mel starts off by apologizing for blowing it, but he genuinely thought Sheila was in trouble, and felt that he owed it to her to spend the holidays together. However, he now knows that that was a boneheaded idea, and he's determined to break it off with Sheila for good. As for Jackie, he wants to be with her...because he's falling in love with her. This revelation makes Jackie swoon, and the two of them kiss and make up. Kelly comes upon David, who has been eavesdropping on the entire conversation from the doorway. She asks him what's going on, so he gives her a long, drawn out play-by-play of the conversation detailed above. Mel and Jackie then emerge from the kitchen, and glow with happiness as they wish their kids a Merry Christmas. The doorbell rings yet again, and Kelly answers it for Donna. Apparently there wasn't enough snow to go skiing, so she's staying in town for the holidays. David, of course, is happy to see Donna, and the two unwittingly stand in the living room doorway directly beneath some mistletoe...and when Brandon points this out, David boldly kisses her. Samantha Sanders, meanwhile, has enjoyed her evening of feasting and homespun Christmas cheer, but it's now time for her to head home. Papa Walsh asks her if there's anything more he can do, but she says no and remarks what wonderful friends Steve has. Suddenly Mama Walsh yells for her husband to get his ass upstairs. Disheveled Santa has stolen her engagement ring! She starts ranting and raving about how stupid Brenda was to bring a complete stranger into the house who turned out to be a thief. She rushes over to the phone to call the police, and is confused when Papa Walsh swiftly grabs the receiver from her and hands her a small jewelry box. He was going to wait until Christmas morning to give it to her, but given that she's acting like a suspicious lunatic, he's giving it to her now. Mama Walsh opens the box and finds her "missing" engagement ring, which has been reset with diamonds! When Papa Walsh originally proposed marriage, he didn't have a lot of money...but he always vowed to add diamonds to it when he could afford it. Well done, Jimbo. Mama Walsh is thrilled with the upgrade, but now feels like a shit-heel for suspecting Disheveled Santa of thievery. Steve's house. Samantha arrives home, and when she hears noises coming from the second floor, she races up the stairs. She finds Steve in his bedroom, rushes toward him, and gives him a tearful hug. He apologizes for leaving home during the holidays, but he felt like it was something he had to do. Samantha asks him if this mother was everything he expected, and Steve tells her that yes, she was that...and more. He then describes his mother as a beautiful, caring person who created him out of her love...seventeen years of it, to be precise. Samantha tears up, and Steve promises never to leave her on Christmas again. Hugs hugs! The Walsh house. Donna is sitting on Disheveled Santa's lap, which totally creeps me out, and she's whining about how Christmas bums her out because her birthday is also on December 25. She apparently never gets presents that are specifically for her birthday, because they always get mixed in with her Christmas presents. Disheveled Santa starts everyone off with a chorus of "Happy Birthday" in an effort to appease the whiny brat. The doorbell rings for the hundredth time, and Brenda answers it for Dylan. He brought her a rose, and she hugs him and asks how his father is doing. Dylan tells her he's fine, and then greets Mama and Papa Walsh with warm hugs. Back in the living room, Ahn-drea is now sitting on Disheveled Santa's lap, which continues to be extremely creepy, and she's yammering away about all the stuff she wants for Christmas...and also complaining that her grinchy parents don't celebrate the holidays. When she finally shuts her pie-hole, everyone asks Disheveled Santa who the hell he is. He talks about his life in an abstract way, describing his wife as Mrs. Claus, and their children as elves. Apparently when their elves all grew up and moved away, Mrs. Claus continued to make the most splendid Christmas dinner and send gifts to their elves...up until last year. That's when Mrs. Claus died, and it is why Disheveled Santa is all alone now. This year he wanted to pretend the holiday didn't exist anymore...but credits Brenda for taking in a lonely old man and ensuring that he had somewhere to spend Christmas Eve. This act of kindness - which, incidentally, I find so contrary to Brenda's personality the other 364 days of the year - made him believe in the spirit of Christmas again. The doorbell rings AGAIN, and Brandon wryly jokes that he has no idea who it could be since everyone they know is already at the house. Hee! He opens the door and finds Nat and a group of carolers. Everyone at the house is delighted by the carolers, and after a quick song, Mama Walsh invites them in for a drink, so Nat takes her up on the offer. He glances at Disheveled Santa and informs Brandon that he found his missing Santa suit after all. Turns out the busboy had moved it without telling him. So I guess this means that Disheveled Santa either had his own suit, or he's a totally different person from the disheveled homeless man who was in the Peach Pit a few days ago. So...it would appear that nothing resembling a Christmas miracle has actually occurred here. Papa Walsh sits at his little organ thing and entertains everyone with I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas. Everyone sings along, and Donna and David get cozy with each other, as do Brenda and Dylan. Mama Walsh looks over at the window and exclaims that she sees snow! It's fake, of course, and it's coming from a snow making machine that's being powered by Brandon from the driveway. While he's outside doing this, Steve and his mother arrive. He hugs Brandon heartily then tells him he's very hungry. Brandon invites him inside to chow down, and everyone, particularly Kelly, is very happy to see Steve safely back in Beverly Hills. All the guests finish their Christmas song, and I'm suddenly in the mood for an egg nog with a double dose of rum. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: West Beverly High is decorated for the Christmas season, and this episode opens with an announcement by David (from his DJ booth) about the upcoming winter dance. Brenda, Kelly, and Donna are walking together down the hall, discussing how happy they are that finals will soon be over. That settled, Donna changes the subject to something far more pressing: the outfits they're planning to wear to the winter dance. Kelly mockingly tells Donna she should wear a big sign that says even though she's at the dance with David Silver, she's still available. Donna tells her she's being mean, and Brenda laughs at the hilarity of Donna dating a pipsqueak who's a year younger than they are. Donna insists that these snide comments are mean, and Kelly interprets this touchiness as a sure sign that Donna and David are getting close. Donna vehemently denies this and methinks the girl doth protest too much about having a romantic interest in David. In a different hallway, Steve runs into Brandon and asks him if he's going to the winter dance. His answer is no because: a) he doesn't have a date, and when Steve calls that a lame excuse, b) Brandon reminds him of how badly he sucks at all types of dancing. Brandon, in fact, hates dancing so much that he doesn't even like to be in a room where people are dancing. Steve tells Brandon he's thinking of "breaking down" and asking Kelly to the dance, because in his delusional mind she deserves another chance. Brandon points out the obvious, which is that Kelly was the one who dumped him...and that ever since she dumped him, she's never once expressed the desire to resume their romantic relationship. Steve breezily replies that he's forgiven her...for the sin of breaking up with him, I will assume. Steve spots Kelly at her locker, sneaks up behind her, covers her eyes, and does the old "Guess who?" trick. Kelly tells Steve she knew it was him because of his sweaty palms. Ew. He wastes no time coming right out and inviting her to go to the winter dance with him, but she tells him she already has a date. The two enter their history classroom together, at which point Steve arrogantly orders her to break her date, but she refuses. She then drops the bomb that her date is Chuck Wilson, and Steve does not react well to this news. Turns out Chuck is Steve's longtime nemesis, and this rivalry stretches all the way back to when Chuck, a former child actor, played Samantha Sanders' son on The Hartley House. Steve tells Kelly that "Chuckie" only asked her out to piss him off, to which Kelly retorts that he's not the center of the universe...and that every time she gets with a new guy he tries to ruin it. Donna barks at Steve to shut it because the class is about to take their history final. After the exam, Steve sourly tells Brandon that if he fails his history final, it'll be Chuckie Wilson's fault. Brandon asks who the hell Chuckie Wilson is, and Steve jests that he obviously doesn't watch enough television...in particular, cheesy, shit-tastic re-runs from the '80s. Steve's house. Steve plays Brandon a tape of The Hartley House in order to show him some footage of Chuckie Wilson when he was a child actor on the show. According to Steve, he's just as obnoxious now as he was back then - the proof being that he's recently been expelled from every private school in Los Angeles. I guess that explains why he's suddenly attending West Beverly High. After a long, painful clip of The godawful Hartley House, Steve mercifully shuts the TV off. He tells Brandon about how he used to visit his mother at the studio while she was filming, and Chuckie would hit him, bite him, pull his hair, and break his toys. Steve would always get the blame 'cause no one wanted to risk upsetting Chuckie, who would refuse to do his scenes if he got provoked into a tantrum. Even Samantha played along and was always super nice to Chuckie at the expense of her own son. Steve then recounts what Chuckie said to him when he started attending West Beverly: "Watch out, Steve-o. Chuckie's back." Steve took this obvious reference to the doll horror movie as a threat, but Brandon tells him it sounds like Chuckie was just kidding around and thinks that Steve is making a big deal out of nothing. Steve then confides in him that there are plans in the works to put together a reunion show for The Hartley House. Yeesh...based on the clips Steve plays of it during this episode, that seems like a really unmarketable idea. Samantha enters Steve's room, and Brandon promptly congratulates her on the reunion...but she says that the deal hasn't actually been signed yet. However, it's looking good, and the executive producers are thinking they might even be able to squeeze a TV movie out of it. Seriously? Of course, all of this will only be possible if Chuckie agrees to the deal. He'll be coming over to the house for dinner later, and Samantha warns Steve that he'd better be on his best behavior. That evening, the doorbell rings and Steve answers it for Chuckie, who has a lovely bouquet of flowers for the dinner host. He asks Steve if he's planning on coming to the winter dance Friday night, and smarmily says that he and Kelly will be really hurt if he doesn't show. And speaking of Kelly, Chuckie asks if it's true that she's a really great first date, which I'm guessing is code for how likely is it that he'll get laid right after the dance? Naturally this angers Steve, who wants to kick him out for that remark. The two start to argue, but manage to stifle it when Samantha makes her entrance. Incidentally, she looks totally stunning in a smart red blouse and black skirt. Samantha is happy to see Chuckie, who swiftly pours on his schmoozy charm. The Walsh house. Kelly is over at the Walsh house for dinner, and the table is being set for dinner while Brenda provides her family with a general plot description of The Hartley House. She mentions that Kelly is going out with Chuck Wilson, the guy who played the impish little brat on the show. Kelly then tells everyone that she's known Steve and Chuckie since elementary school, and so doesn't want to be put in the position of having to choose between them just because they hate each other. Fortunately for her, Chuckie is yet another of this show's throwaway guest stars, so it's not really a choice she needs to consider for the long term. Steve's house. Dinner is finished, and as Chuck heads out he wishes Samantha good night and cheekily tells Steve he'll give Kelly his regards. Steve's response to his phony regards is a stony glare. After he leaves, Samantha tells Steve he will have to apologize to Chuckie for acting like such a douchenozzle during dinner. This, of course, makes Steve angry, and he accuses her of taking Chuckie's side against him like she did all those years ago when he visited her at the studio. Samantha admits to kissing the kid's ass, but mostly 'cause she's concerned he won't agree to do the reunion show. She tells Steve how much she needs this show...and that if she gets it, his college tuition will be paid for. Steve points out that his father has already agreed to pay for that, which seems to hit a sore spot with Samantha and she snaps that Steve shouldn't rely on his father's promises. Steve apologizes for his rude dinner time behavior, and explains that Chuckie always knows how to push his buttons. Samantha strokes Steve's ego by telling him he's so much more mature than Chuck, and that he should just be nice to the guy. The Blaze newsroom. Some random guy runs in to give Ahn-drea the boring scoop that there might be a Hartley Housereunion show...and since Chuck Wilson goes to school at West Beverly, maybe he'll agree to do an interview for the paper. Ahn-drea and Brandon exchange a look of wry amusement, and Brandon tells the eager lad that The Blaze doesn't run celebrity puff pieces. Right - it only covers hard-hitting school news. Random Guy argues that there's a story here and makes his pitch: kid actors are a weird breed, which is evidenced by the fact that Chuck has gotten himself thrown out of the last three schools he attended. Brandon chides Random Guy for wanting to turn The Blaze into a supermarket tabloid - which is only funny 'cause supermarket tabloid would be a huge step up from the irrelevant, low circulating rag it currently is. To Brandon's dismay, it looks like the idea of doing a celebrity "puff piece" is starting to grow on Ahn-drea. But she muses that such an article takes a certain degree of sensitivity...and so she assigns it to Brandon. Random Guy looks a mixture of deflated and pissed off, and I really don't blame him. Brandon finds Chuck Wilson at his locker and introduces himself. He asks the former child star if he'd be willing to grant him an interview for The Blaze. Chuck is very affable, and the two banter pleasantly. After initially promising that he'd have his publicist send Brandon a press pack, he realizes how pretentious that sounded and instantly backtracks by telling Brandon he's free to be interviewed right now...and so the two go outside to talk. Chuck tells Brandon that he credits Samantha Sanders with teaching him all about acting and the world of show business, and that she and Steve are like family to him. And speaking of Steve, he suddenly strides over and interrupts the interview, looking none too happy. In front of Brandon, Chuck maintains his affable disposition and jokes off Steve's hostility toward him as "sibling rivalry". Steve then tells him he came over to apologize for the crappy way he behaved at dinner last night, to which Chuck snarks that it's obvious he can't seem to help himself...and this leads to the two of them bickering. Chuck accuses Steve of being insecure, but that it's understandable 'cause it's perfectly natural for adopted kids to be insecure. Steve advances on him, demanding to know how he found out that he was adopted. Chuck sneers that he's known about it since he was seven years old, and that everyone on the set of The Hartley House knew. Steve gets so angry that he's powerless to contain himself, and he takes a swing at Chuckie which sends him flying into a lush patch of vegetation where the two continue to go at it. Vice principal's office. Chuck is checking out his shiner in a mirror, sarcastically joking to Steve how great it's going to look on camera. He asks Steve to take the rap for the fight because it's getting increasingly difficult to get acting gigs if he keeps getting into trouble. Steve's response is, "Eat it" so Chuck ups the ante and tells him that if he refuses to take the full blame for the fight, then he'll refuse to do The Hartley House reunion show. Oh no! Chuck then makes a snide remark about how badly Samantha needs this opportunity to revitalize her dying acting career. Steve accuses him of blackmail, and Chuck fully agrees that it is. Later, Brandon is confused as to why Steve is the only one who got suspended, since Chuck was the one who provoked him. Maybe it's 'cause Steve threw the first punch...and the way the scene was filmed, I didn't witness Chuck throwing any punches at all. Steve's house. Steve is sitting on his bed, watching another godawful re-run of The Hartley House. Samantha pops into his room, looking completely gorgeous in a black lacy gown. She's on her way out for the evening, but first wanted to let Steve know that his dinner will just need heating up. She also shares that the reunion show may not go ahead because Chuck is wavering about it. At the moment, Steve doesn't give a crap about the show and tells her that he got suspended from school that day. Samantha gets angry when she finds out it's because he punched Chuck in the face, and now realizes why the kid might not want to do the show. But Steve wryly assures her that Chuck will agree to do the show. His lame blackmail scheme has made sure of that. West Beverly High. Brenda, Kelly, and Donna are discussing the punching of Chuck by Steve. Kelly assumes that the fight was about Chuck asking her to the winter dance, which makes Donna sigh and wistfully hope that one day two boys might fight over her. Well that's just dumb...albeit prophetic, because in Season 6 two guys (Ray Pruit and Joe Bradley) do fight over Donna, and it's nauseating to say the least. The Blaze newsroom. Random Guy now wants to write a story that provides readers with a blow-by-blow of the fight between Steve and Chuck. Brandon happens to enter the newsroom at that moment and Random Guy starts questioning him about what the fight was about. Brandon tells him to give it a rest, while Ahn-drea agrees with Random Guy that this is a legitimate news story. Brandon correctly argues that this is more gossip than news, so Random Guy announces that if no one's going to write the story, he will because the public has a right to know. First of all, no they don't. Secondly, The Blaze is not a real newspaper, so it's hardly like anyone is depending on it to stay informed about anything remotely newsworthy. But this is all a moot point because Brandon ain't talking. He's not willing to jeopardize his friendship with Steve for a faux news article in a pretend newspaper. Steve's house. Steve is once again torturing himself by watching yet another mind numbing re-run of The Hartley House. It's a sickly sweet, vomit-inducing scene with Chuck and Samantha. Chuck wants to know where he came from, so Samantha lovingly tells him how there was so much love between her and his daddy that it created a whole other person. Steve drifts off as he's watching this drivel...and in his dream he suddenly appears in the scene with his mother, and asks where he came from. Samantha describes for him how an egg and a sperm created a zygote, which eventually turned into a fetus...but Steve tells her he wants to hear the "there was so much love that it created a whole other person" explanation that she just offered up to Chuck. Grown up Chuck then appears in the scene and starts taunting Steve about being adopted. TV Steve then orders real life Steve to embark on a journey to go find his biological parents. Real life Steve suddenly wakes up from this extremely weird, confusing reverie and looks thoughtful. The next morning, Samantha enters the kitchen while Steve is glumly eating his breakfast. She tells him she has a surprise for him and leads him out to the driveway where his brand new car is parked! It's a thank you gift for convincing Chuck to agree to do the reunion show. Steve isn't impressed with the car and accuses his mother of being insensitive, and for telling Chuck that he was adopted even before he knew about it. Samantha is shocked to hear this and assures him she never told Chuck about the adoption; in fact, she has no idea how he knows. Steve then drops the bomb that he's going off on a search for his real parents. This makes Samantha get all teary-eyed, and she tells him she's been the best mother she could be. The Walsh house. Still suspended from school, Steve shows up at the Walsh house to gauge Mama Walsh's opinion about adoption. He asks her if she'd be mad if her hypothetical adopted children wanted to search for their natural parents. She tells him she wouldn't be mad per se, but she might be more afraid of losing them. She then turns the question around and asks him to consider that his birth parents might not want to be found. Especially when they learn they sired a bonehead like Steve. West Beverly High. David doesn't yet have his driver's license, so he's forced to humiliate himself by asking Donna if she'd be able to pick him up and drive them to the winter dance. It's either that, or his dad will have to do it. Donna tells him it's no problem for her to drive, and that she'll pick him up at 8:00pm. Brenda, Dylan, Chuck, and Kelly are watching this exchange with amused fascination from afar. Kelly still doesn't know what Donna sees in the little runt, but Dylan defends David as a good kid. Chuck chimes in and says that older women/younger guy hookups are hot right now. After her conversation with David, Donna joins the group and gets some good-natured ribbing. Dylan jokes about the stigma of going out with a younger guy, while Kelly jokes about her getting arrested for robbing the cradle. Donna once more insists that she and David are not dating. Brandon then comes over and asks to speak to Kelly privately. Away from the others, he chides her for still hanging with Chuck even after all the shit that went down with Steve. Kelly, of course, thinks Steve is just jealous about Chuck asking her to the dance, so Brandon fills her in about the douchey way Chuck has been giving Steve a hard time about being adopted. She asks Brandon what she should do, and he gives her a vague answer that she should "just think about it". Sound stage. Chuck is talking with a man I'm assuming is his agent, Norman, about how the studio is a great venue to sign the deal for The Hartley House reunion show. Samantha shows up and remarks that Steve should really be here, since he was the one who got Chuck to agree to do the show. Chuck agrees with that, and the three of them toast Steve with glasses of champagne. Samantha asks Chuck exactly what Steve said that was so convincing to make him agree to do the reunion show, then cuts to the chase and asks him how he found out that Steve was adopted. Turns out Norman spilled the beans about the adoption to Chuck because he was feeling jealous of Steve; it was Norman's best effort to squelch one of the kid's many tantrums on the set. Samantha is enraged at Norman for betraying her trust just to make a spoiled brat feel better, a remark that immediately raises Chuck's hackles. He snarls at Samantha that he was the one who kept the show on their air all those years. (That's really nothing to brag about, Chuckie.) Samantha declares that she's had enough of putting up with him, tells the two of them that she's backing out of the reunion show, and then storms out. Norman and Chuck look upset and call after her, trying to convince her to reconsider. The Peach Pit. Steve is sitting at a table by himself looking glum. Dylan enters the diner, and is ordered by Nosy Nat to cheer him up...so Dylan sits down and gives it a shot. Steve tells him that he was adopted and that he wants to find his biological parents so he can ask them why they gave him up. Dylan cautions him to consider if this is really a good idea, and reminds him what a good mother Samantha has been to him. Steve's house. Steve finds his mother crying in her elegantly appointed living room. She tells him she's not doing the reunion show - hurray! - and that she now knows about how Chuck was cruelly taunting him about being adopted. She apologizes to Steve and now regrets making him be nice to "the little bastard" all those years ago. They hug it out, and Steve starts crying because he's still intent on meeting his birth mother. This, in turn, makes Samantha cry again, and she tells him she's dreaded this moment for so long because she's frightened it might mean she'll lose him. Winter dance. Donna and David arrive at the school in her fancy BMW. They sit in the car for a few moments, talking about the evening ahead. He asks her if she's nervous, and she says she's not...and then he asks her if she feels weird going out with him, and she says she doesn't, since they're not really going out. Ouch. But then she tells him how proud she is to be going to the dance with the best dancer at West Beverly High. Er...OK? David is flattered by the compliment and leans over to kiss Donna. She kind of breaks away from him, but then instantly apologizes. Awkward. Steve's house. Steve tells his mother he doesn't want to hurt her feelings, but he feels strongly about seeking out his biological mother. Samantha gives him all the information she has, which is the woman's name - Karen Brown - and that she was very young when she had Steve, and hails from a little town outside of Albuquerque. Apparently, that's where Steve was born. Steve decides that he has to go there. Tonight. I wonder why Steve wouldn't first hire an investigator to determine Karen Brown's exact whereabouts, or even if she's still alive. Wandering around Albuquerque with no real plan seems like a complete waste of time. Winter dance. Donna and David enter the auditorium. Donna looks visibly uneasy to be seen with her pre-pubescent date, and is troubled that she doesn't see Kelly. Chuck, however, is there, so she reasons that Kelly must be around somewhere. Steve's house. Kelly comes over, and she's wearing a darling red and white coat-dress. She heard about Chuck's adoption related taunts to Steve and figured that the best punishment she could think of was standing him up. Someone sure thinks highly of herself. Anyway, she invites Steve out for a drive, which he happily accepts. As they drive around in her convertible, Steve tells her about his plan to search for his birth mother in New Mexico. Kelly shudders when she learns he'll be taking a bus, and offers to drive him there instead. But he says he needs to leave Beverly Hills behind for this very personal mission. Winter dance. Brenda and Dylan are having a fun time dancing together. She reminds him that he'll be spending Christmas with her and her family. What's this? Brandon has come to the dance after all! Fortunately he's not dancing, just milling around the food table. Ahn-drea then enters the auditorium wearing a puffy, layered v-neck blouse with oversize filmy sleeves...and so far this is the second time she's shown up all puffed up at a school dance. She sees Brandon by the food table and makes a beeline right over to him. Not surprisingly, she starts yammering about the story Random Guy wanted to write for The Blaze, documenting the fight between Chuck and Steve, and agrees that it's nothing more than gossip after all. Brandon is pleased she was finally able to see reason, but suggests that she leave "business" behind for one night. Hee! Ahn-drea invites him to dance, but when he points out that he can't dance for shit, they enjoy some punch instead. Donna and David are dancing, and this is attracting a lot of observers. David is getting all funky with it, flailing his body around and thrusting his tiny hips. Steve and Kelly make an appearance at the dance and, along with everyone else, stare at the spectacle of David's frantic pelvic thrusting. When the song ends, everyone claps and Donna throws all caution and good taste to the wind and gives David a big smooch. She then makes an official announcement to her catty friends that she likes David, as in likes likes, and that it's tough tamales if any of them have a problem with it. Ahn-drea thinks this declaration is sweet, and Brandon seconds that and puts an arm around Ahn-drea. Jesus, Brandon. What have I been saying about giving this lonely, love-starved girl these kinds of mixed messages? Chuck is pissed off when he sees Kelly with Steve and bitches at her for standing him up. She retorts that she doesn't go out with people who hurt her friends, and then flounces off with Steve toward the dance floor. An incensed Chuck tattles to the nearest teacher that Steve is present, which I assume he isn't allowed to be since he's currently suspended. The teacher asks Steve to leave, and the gang immediately rallies around him, urging the teacher to allow him to stay...but Steve concedes, mainly because he has a bus to catch. Chuck taunts him about taking a bus because his mommy took away his wheels, which is a dumb taunt 'cause Steve currently has two sets of wheels that were given to him by his mommy. Steve calls Chuck "a has-been", pretends like he's going to hit him, but then runs his hand through his hair instead. Slick move, Steve. The gang snubs a forlorn looking Chuck as they loyally follow Steve out the door. Bus station. The gang is all there to see Steve off. Ahn-drea has her arm hooked around Brandon's arm as though they're a couple. Boundaries, Brandon! Boundaries! Everyone simultaneously wishes him well on his journey, and they all look very sad...as though he's a soldier going off to war. Brenda tearfully tells him they love him, and Kelly adds that they'll always be his family. They all clump together for a group hug before Steve breaks away and boards his bus. Kelly rushes over to give him a final kiss on the cheek, and then off he goes. Godspeed, Steve! Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: In a hallway at West Beverly High, Emily is walking toward her locker when she spots Brandon...at least a guy who looks like Brandon from behind. She goes right up to him, puts her hands on his neck, and gives him a sensual neck rub. The guy quickly turns around and reveals himself to be not Brandon, though he did enjoy the feeling of Emily's hands on his neck so much that he's willing to be Brandon if it means more of her sensual touching. He informs Emily that he's just been assigned to a new locker, which, not coincidentally, is the one Brandon was using...up until that day. Ouch. That's harsh, dude. In a different hallway, Ahn-drea is surprised to see Brandon stationed at his new locker...and correctly guesses that he switched lockers so he could more easily avoid Emily. In her usual judgey way, she chides Brandon for not being direct with Emily about wanting to break up with her...and Brandon sheepishly admits that he's not an in-your-face kind of guy and prefers to avoid confrontation whenever possible. He should think seriously about growing a pair. Steve saunters over, as do Donna and Kelly...and the three pause their conversation in order to catch David's on-air announcement about a parade float contest. The gang agrees that they want to enter the contest and that the float should be constructed at the Walsh house. That settled, everyone disperses and Brandon happens to spot Emily as she enters The Blaze newsroom. His first instinct is to flee, but Ahn-drea urges him to face Emily and tell her that their relationship is over. This must be one happy day for Ahn-drea, who never likes it when Brandon has a girlfriend who isn't her. Inside the newsroom, one of the student volunteers is reading an anonymous letter that was sent to the school paper. It's the seventh such letter the paper has received, and this one mostly ridicules the rich kids at West Beverly, which I would assume is the vast majority of the student body. Emily comes right out and asks Brandon why he changed lockers, so he mumbles something about needing a locker closer to the newsroom so it's more convenient - but Emily doesn't look convinced. She invites him out for the evening, but he declines and tells her he has to study, so she invites herself over to study with him, but he shoots her down again. Emily looks hurt by Brandon's frosty attitude toward her, but she tells him she understands - even though it's clear from her tone and body language that she does not understand...and is about to gear herself up to channel Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. That was such an awesome movie. The Walsh house. Dylan and Brenda are dry humping on a pair of outdoor loungers. The latest dilemma in their annoying relationship is that they can't seem to take their hands off each other, even in public. Brenda abruptly pushes Dylan off of her and barks, "Time out!" She reminds him that they're supposed to be studying for history class and tells him how sick she is of them making out all the time. She thinks they should immerse themselves in something more intellectually stimulating than kissy face. Something cultural. Like a music concert, perhaps. It's Friday night, and Brandon is at home, working on the computer when the phone rings. He answers it, but the caller hangs up...and a minute later the exact thing happens again. When the phone rings a third time, he snatches up the receiver and angrily barks at who he assumes is the crank caller, but it's Steve calling from the Peach Pit. He's appalled and confused that Brandon is staying in to do schoolwork on a Friday night, so he convinces his friend to come by the Pit, grab a bite to eat, and hang out for awhile. The Peach Pit. Brandon and Steve are sitting at a table, eating Nat's junk food and discussing the Emily situation. Steve advises Brandon to be firm with her about their break-up. Minutes later, Emily enters the diner and makes a beeline over to their table. She calls Brandon on his bullshit excuse about having to study all evening, but he handles it smoothly and tells her he's just taking a break. She then asks to join their table, so Steve voluntarily gets up and leaves, mumbling something about making a phone call. Emily sits next to Brandon and starts rambling about their kismet, so he swiftly blurts out that they shouldn't see each other anymore. In an effort to pretend what's actually happening isn't really happening, Emily apologizes for slipping Ecstasy in his drink and acknowledges that it was a really stupid thing for her to do and that she'd never do anything to hurt him. Brandon remains firm, even after she begs him to forgive her and offers to do anything if he gives her a second chance. He tells her they can be friends...but friends only. After that brush-off, Brandon walks her to the parking lot; when she reaches her motorcycle, she fake exclaims, "Oh my God!" when she sees that her tire has been slashed. She accuses the phantom pen-pal, and then dramatically (and hopefully rhetorically) asks why he didn't also slash her throat while he was at it. Brandon buys her martyr-esque phony act and comforts her with a hug. The Walsh house. Brandon and Mama Walsh are preparing a makeshift bed for Emily in Brenda's room. Emily did such a good job pretending to be frightened over her slashed tire that she was able to convince Brandon not to make her go home to an empty house. She tells him that her parents are away for the weekend...but this ends up being another lie in her intricate network of lies. To put it mildly, Brenda is not happy to have to share her bedroom with Emily. She invokes the Ecstasy incident and warns Brandon that Emily is taking advantage of him, but Brandon hushes her and tells her not to tell anyone that Emily spiked his drink that night. He's worried that she might become an outcast at school, and Brenda reluctantly agrees to keep her trap shut. Sometime during the night, Emily slips out of her makeshift bed and creeps into Brandon's room. She climbs into bed with him, mounts him, and starts kissing him. In his groggy, half-sleepy state, Brandon kisses her back...but when he realizes what's happening, he pushes her away and tells her to leave. She saucily claims that if they make love right now, he won't want to break up with her - and he counters that by saying that in order to make love he has to be in love. Ouch again. Emily agrees to leave the room, but not before she declares her love for him. Brandon starts to look worried, and it's about damn time. The next morning Mama Walsh is in the kitchen, gabbling on the phone with Emily's mother. Emily comes downstairs and when she realizes who Mama Walsh is talking to, she snatches the phone from her and tells her mother about the tire slashing and clarifies that she slept in Brenda's room. When she hangs up, she tells the Walshes that it looks like her parents unexpectedly arrived home early from their fictional weekend trip. Mama Walsh and Brenda exchange a look of skepticism. In the driveway, the gang is busily working on their float. David is - naturally - filming the work in progress, which greatly annoys Steve. David explains that he's required to film their work so they can disprove any accusations that the float was professionally built. Apparently, this has been an issue at West Beverly High in recent years. By the looks of this hideous float, I don't think anyone would actually doubt that it was cobbled together by a bunch of vapid teenagers who can barely swing a hammer. As if to emphasize this point, Donna shows up wearing a cute pair of overall shorts, but tells everyone it's a new outfit and she doesn't want to get any paint on it. Emily emerges from the Walsh house wearing Brandon's favorite baseball shirt, and this immediately catches Brenda's attention...and she remarks to Kelly and Donna that Brandon is going to go ballistic when he sees what she's wearing. Emily says hello to everyone, while Brandon just stares at the baseball shirt, but ends up saying nothing. Ahn-drea strolls over to Emily and compliments the shirt, which prompts Emily to needlessly explain that she spent the night with the Walshes and is wearing Brandon's shirt 'cause she didn't have anything else to put on. She then tells Ahn-drea that she and Brandon got "a little...you know" and Ahn-drea immediately gets jealous and pissy and scuttles away, while Steve and Dylan give Brandon a WTF, really? look. He assures them he didn't lay a finger on her, but doesn't have the heart to be brutal since she's clearly not getting the message. Dylan sternly advises Brandon to dump her and dump her good. Emily confronts Brandon once again and accuses him of avoiding her. Brandon expresses his annoyance that she's wearing his favorite shirt, so she starts unbuttoning it, which exasperates him. He tells her she's driving him crazy...but not in a good way. Violin concert. Brenda and Dylan are at a violin concert, which is their first attempt to culture themselves and curb their amorously immature behavior. Unfortunately, once the violinists start to play, they stare at each longingly, hold hands, and before long they're locking lips. The next day, Brenda recounts to Kelly the failed experiment to keep herself and Dylan from making out in public, so they're going to try again at another concert. What a pointless sub-sub-plot. Elsewhere on campus, Emily apologizes to Brandon for wearing his favorite shirt and tells him she'd understand if he never wanted to speak to her again. He's pretty good-natured about it, and jokes that they have to speak to each other because they both still work for The Blaze. At that moment, some random kid rushes over to tell them that the phantom pen-pal has struck again; another anonymous letter was sent to The Blaze, and this one is even more freakish than the last eight. They all hurry to the newsroom in time to hear Ahn-drea reading it aloud. Basically, it's a threat to burn down the school. Oh no! The Walsh house. The phone is ringing while Papa Walsh tries to make it in the back door in time to answer it...but by the time he does, the caller has hung up. He then looks down at the answering machine and notices sixteen messages waiting. In the next scene, he plays the messages for his family. They're all from Emily, and they're sad, weepy, and one of the calls is a little raunchy. Papa Walsh thinks that Emily is more than a little imbalanced, because she had to have known that the entire Walsh family would likely hear these pitiful cries for attention left on their answering machine. Mama Walsh expresses sympathy because she knows how long a broken heart takes time to mend. Brenda, who is far less sympathetic, compares Emily to Glenn Close's character in Fatal Attraction. Hee! The phone rings again, and it's yet another hang up. A fed up Papa Walsh takes the receiver off the hook. The next morning, Brenda and Brandon are on their way to school when they discover two packages from Emily on their front step. One contains Brandon's baseball shirt, which has been cleaned and pressed. The other is a cake. Brandon is about to stick his finger in the frosting for a small taste when Brenda snappishly warns him not to eat it. Considering that it's from Emily, it could be laced with Ecstasy...or something even more gross. Like dog poop. The Blaze newsroom. Emily brings an old Corona typewriter to the newsroom and tells Ahn-drea that she's giving it to the paper as a parting gift. She's quitting 'cause she blew it with Brandon and doesn't want to be where she's not wanted. Ahn-drea encourages her to stay on at the paper, and for some insane reason invites her to come along to the gang's inauguration/official photo of the hideous float. Emily wavers, but Ahn-drea insists that she belongs in the picture. Elsewhere on campus, Brenda is telling Donna and Kelly how she and Dylan have plans to attend another concert and try their hardest not to exhibit their obnoxious public displays of affection. The trio then spots Emily in the hallway and Brenda starts ranting about how Emily is obsessed with Brandon. Kelly and Donna don't think she's so bad, but Brenda just continues to stare daggers at her. The Walsh house. It's inauguration day for the hideous float. Ahn-drea shows up with Emily, which prompts Brandon to ask her why the hell she brought that nut-wrench along. Ahn-drea lamely explains that she didn't want to leave her out. As everyone poses for the photo in front of a camera with a timer, Emily manoeuvres herself behind Brandon and leans in to kiss his neck just as the picture is taken...and Brandon finally finally snaps. He yells at her to leave him alone and chastises her for not being able to take any of his not-so-subtle hints. Emily's response is that she can't help herself because she loves him, and reminds him that she had her pick of guys when she first arrived at West Beverly - wuh? really? - and thought they had something special. She then offers way too much information when she tells him that she wanted her first time to be with him 'cause he was special, but now he has just made her feel like the slut everyone thought she was. She then finally storms off. For a tiny second Brandon is tempted to go after her, but Steve holds him back. Steve sometimes has his useful moments. Steve is at the Walsh house for dinner that night, regaling Mama and Papa Walsh with the story of Emily's dumping. Mama Walsh once again expresses her sympathy for Emily, probably because her experience raising Brenda has taught her that teenage girls don't always act rationally. And speaking of irrational behavior, the phone rings and it's another hang-up. This time we know for certain that it's Emily, because she's shown making the harassing calls from a phone booth. When she phones again, Steve jumps up and answers, pretending to be a Jersey-talkin' goon from Sal's Pizzeria. A confused Emily hangs up. Papa Walsh and Brandon are amused, but Mama Walsh tut-tuts them for making fun of Emily. She thinks the best course of action is to speak to the nut-wrench's parents. The doorbell rings, and it's Ahn-drea, who wants to show everyone the latest letter The Blaze received from Emily...er, the phantom pen-pal. This time it's a death threat poem against "abusers of love". Hey Brandon, it's for you! Detective Ahn-drea has been doing some sleuthing and discovered that these psycho letters were all typed on the old Corona typewriter that Emily had gifted to the paper. She calls the letters "a cry for help", while Brandon just considers them threats. I think they're illegal and should be turned over to the authorities in case this girl turns out crazy enough to actually burn the school down. The phone rings again, and a fed up Papa Walsh takes the receiver off the hook for the second time in two days. In the phone booth, Emily looks frustrated when she gets the busy signal. Violin concert. Brenda and Dylan enter the concert hall and take their seats. When the music begins, it looks as though they might possibly be able to resist the temptation to paw at each other. The Walsh house. As Ahn-drea, Brandon, Steve and the Walsh parents discuss how best to deal with Emily's troubled soul, Emily sneaks onto the Walsh's driveway where the hideous float is parked. She has a can of gasoline with her and gives it a hard stare. Violin concert. Brenda and Dylan are entranced as they watch the intense soloist. As the screechy violin music plays in the background, Emily is in a crazy rage, splattering white paint all over the float. She then rips the whole thing apart and pours gasoline all over it. We then go back to the concert, where Brenda and Dylan have managed to not tongue each other throughout the soloist's performance. The Walsh driveway. Emily's face and clothes are smudged with white paint, and she's sitting on the gasoline-doused float. She stares down at her lighter, obviously contemplating setting the whole thing on fire. By this time, Brenda and Dylan are on their way back to the Walsh house. When they arrive, they're shocked to see Emily sitting on their trashed float. Dylan notices that it's soaked in gasoline and warns Brenda that the situation is dangerous...and that Emily is clearly "whacked". Emily starts snapping at Brenda for hating her and turning everyone else against her because of her resentment for going on that ill-fated date with Dylan during the Wild Fire episode. Brenda denies this and lies to Emily's face about her still being part of their group...but also points out that since Emily broke Brandon's trust, it's going to take awhile to get it back. She then assures Firestarter that Brandon has an amazing ability to forgive, but that she'll first need to give him his space. It would also help if she stopped destroying property, writing psychotic letters to the school newspaper, and crank calling the Walshes. Emily looks thoughtful, apologizes for almost torching the hideous float, and hands over the lighter, which Dylan promptly snatches. Emily then accompanies Brenda and Dylan into the house...not sure why. Brandon and his parents are shocked to see Emily looking disheveled and smudged with paint. She apologizes for behaving like a total psychopath for the past few weeks - specifically for writing all of those letters to The Blaze, repeatedly calling the Walsh house, slashing her own motorcycle tire, and, most egregiously, slipping Brandon Ecstasy at the underground club. She explains that she went a little crazy - OK, a lot crazy - when she lost him, but mostly she hates herself right now. Brandon urges her to get psychiatric help, which she readily agrees to do in order to give this episode a neat, tidy conclusion. Later that night, Brandon comes into Brenda's room. He and their parents drove Emily home, and they all had a big long chat about Emily's mental deficiencies. Turns out Emily has been seeing a shrink on and off for years, but it didn't take. Brandon theorizes that Emily is a lonely person, but can't stand the thought of being close to anyone either. The two then talk about the damage she caused to the hideous float, and the tenseness of those crazy minutes when Emily was about to set it on fire. Brenda tells him that she was able to get through to Emily by assuring her that she'd always have two friends in Beverly Hills. Wuh? When the hell did she say that? Someone's telling tales to make herself look good...but it doesn't really matter, since like most of the show's guest stars, Emily will mostly disappear into the ether. That is, until she makes a brief reappearance during the Christmas episode...and again during Season 4 with a really really terrible hairdo. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: It's Friday at West Beverly High, and it looks like the romance between Emily and Brandon is heating up. Emily opens up her locker and shows Brandon how she cleared off a shelf for him in case he ever needs extra storage space. Brandon jokes about how sharing lockers is a big step in their relationship, and then gives her a big smooch...as he will do many, many more times during this episode. I'm not exactly sure why Brandon would need to share a locker with Emily when their lockers are right next to each other (as was documented in the Wild Fire episode), but I'm guessing the writers want to bring home the point that these two really really liked each other before their relationship gets abruptly torn apart. Brenda, Donna, and Kelly are walking down the hall together. They're happy it's Friday, but not happy about their lack of exciting plans for the evening. Brenda suggests going to a movie, but Kelly grumps that there's nothing she wants to see that she hasn't already seen. Donna suggests going miniature golfing, but Kelly makes a blech face and snarks that she's been hanging around David Silver too long. Heh. The trio runs into Brandon and Emily, and Kelly asks them what disgustingly romantic plans they have for tonight. Emily tells them she made plans for Brandon and herself, but invites them to come along if they wish. Brenda asks for details, so Emily hands her a small flyer with a drawing of an egg and a street address. She got it from a guy on Melrose Avenue and explains that they have to bring an egg to the address indicated on the flyer, and exchange it for the address of the underground club. Emily describes it as a hip, happening place where "anything goes" and which changes its location every week. In other words, it's a roving paradise for druggies. Brandon is totally up for a night of underground clubbing, just as long as he doesn't have to dance. Kelly, Donna, and Brenda are also up for it, and everyone agrees that they're happy not to have to witness the uncomfortable spectacle of Brandon dancing. Brandon and Emily enter The Blaze newsroom. Brandon tells Ahn-drea all about their plans to delve into the seedy underbelly of the L.A. underground club scene...and in an inexplicable lapse in sanity, he invites her to come along. Ahn-drea asks him if he's doing this to research a Blaze article she doesn't know about, and Emily condescendingly retorts that, no, they're going clubbing for the sole purpose of having a good time. Hee! Ahn-drea, who doesn't understand the concept of fun, tells them she's not interesting in going. Steve suddenly appears in the newsroom and demands to know why he hasn't been included in the seedy underbelly plans. Ahn-drea is leery about the secrecy surrounding the club's location, and suggests it must be 'cause there are illegal activities going on. No duh, Einstein. Emily brushes off the accusation by saying that cops are always busting up places where kids want to have fun, and Steve is so horny that he doesn't care if the club is legal or illegal - he just wants to go so he can pick up loose girls. Brandon, who can't seem to leave well enough alone, keeps trying to convince Ahn-drea to come with them...but she's still not very enthused. It's only after Emily implies that she's too much of a fraidy-cat to come that Ahn-drea suddenly changes her mind and decides she'll come so she can write a story about it. Steve - in his own inexplicable lapse in sanity - asks Ahn-drea to be his date for the evening. He has a misguided theory that if the girls at the club see him with someone, they'll want him more. Poor deluded Steve. Anyway, now that Ahn-drea's on board with the gang's plans to go clubbing, she stares over at Emily and gives her a smug little half smile...which is so unwarranted because Emily is still the more enviable of the two of them since she's Brandon's girlfriend. So if anyone has the right to be smiling smugly it's Emily...at Ahn-drea. Kelly's walking down the hall with Brenda and Dylan, bragging about how her mom is so hip and cool that she'll have no problem telling her she's spending the evening at a sleazy underground club. Apparently Jackie will tolerate anything as long as Kelly doesn't lie to her. Brenda, on the other hand, knows that Mama and Papa Walsh would not be at all OK with her and Brandon delving into the seedy underbelly of L.A., so they're going to have to put their heads together and come up with a convincing lie. The Walsh house. Brenda and Brandon are in the upstairs bathroom, trying to formulate a believable cover story. Brandon suggests telling them they're going out to study for the evening, but Brenda argues that not even their bumpkin parents would buy such implausible horseshit. He then suggests telling them they're going to a party and supplying them with a fake name of the party host, but Brenda doesn't like that idea because she really hates lying to their parents. After a bit more brainstorming, they both agree to tell Mama and Papa Walsh that they're going to see the movie, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. I guess Brenda's OK with that particular lie. Kelly's house. Kelly's in her bedroom, squeezing herself into a pair of tight black jeans when Jackie enters and asks about her plans for the evening. Kelly tells her the truth about going to a seedy underground club...but unfortunately, Jackie just saw an expose on the news about these clubs and learned that they're usually illegal and in horrible neighborhoods. She forbids Kelly to go, even after Kelly argues that back when she (Jackie) was a drunken, coked out wreck, she (Kelly) was able to go anywhere and do anything she wanted without any parental interference. That's a fair point...sort of, but Jackie still refuses to budge on the issue. The Walsh house. Mama and Papa Walsh are deeply engrossed in a television program when Brenda and Brandon come downstairs to announce that they're going out. Jim and Cindy are like, "Whatever", and agree to let them stay out until 1:30am. They're so distracted by their program that they don't even press for more information when Brandon vaguely tells them they're going to "a thing". Kelly's house. Jackie comes into Kelly's room and finds her daughter sitting on her bed in a pink bathrobe, reading. Jackie's going over to Mel's for the evening...and the minute she leaves, Kelly strips off her bathrobe and reveals her slinky clubbing outfit. She's now wearing a different slinky outfit than the one she had on a few minutes ago. It's a black top with lacy sleeves and a black mini skirt. She gathers her purse and keys and then sneaks out to go meet the others. The Peach Pit. Brenda and Brandon arrive at the diner. Before they merge with the rest of the gang, Brenda asks her brother if he's sure about going to an underground club. She suddenly feels like they're going "because Emily said so" which I think is an unfair thing to say. I don't recall Emily holding a gun to anyone's head, forcing them to come out. Nat, who hasn't been getting much airtime in recent episodes, is being very nosy about where the gang is going tonight, so Brandon gives him as vague an explanation as he gave his parents. Nat then reminds him about his early shift in the morning. Steve and Ahn-drea haven't shown up yet, but Emily says they can't wait around indefinitely because they need to exchange their egg before midnight or risk not being able to get into the club. David chimes in to say that he thinks the whole "egg exchange thing" is very cool, which prompts Kelly to roll her eyes and ask Donna why David has to go everywhere they go. Her hostility toward him is a bit weird, considering that at the end of the previous episode (when he was all fucked up about Scott Scanlon's death), Kelly had given him a touching little speech about how it was OK for him to share their innermost feelings with them. They all head out and make their way to the first stop of the evening: a convenience store. Emily goes up to the clerk and and tells him she wants to exchange an egg. The clerk asks for $10, and after Emily pays, he hands over a piece of paper that has details about the location of the underground club. While they're there, the others buy gum, water, and mints...and David jokingly tells the clerk he wants to buy a bottle of whiskey. To everyone's shock, the clerk sells him one. Underground club. The gang arrives at an indoor set that's supposed to look like a parking garage. David is chattering to no one in particular about his bottle of whiskey, and Brenda suddenly gets cold feet about going inside the club. Dylan gives her the low-down and tells her that these types of clubs can be a fun place to dance and enjoy music...but usually there's rampant drug use. After he assures Brenda that he won't be tempted to use any drugs, they both decide to focus on having a fun time and go inside. The underground club looks like what you'd expect a standard L.A. night club to look like...I guess. There are go-go dancers and lots of people walking around with spiked hair, piercings, and leather outfits. David asks anyone if they'd like to share his whiskey, but no one does. Kelly, however, snidely warns him not to get so tanked that he throws up all over her shiny red BMW. That said, David takes his first swig of the whiskey and makes an ew face. That's about right; to most novice drinkers, whiskey is about as tasty as rocket fuel. Kelly is very bummed out that she's single, and remarks about feeling twinges of nostalgia for Steve. Ew. Emily fake commiserates and tells her she knows that life can be depressing without a boyfriend...and then walks across the room to go suck face with Brandon. Weird. Brenda, who overheard the conversation, remarks to Kelly and Dylan that there's something about Emily that rubs her the wrong way. The Peach Pit. Steve and Ahn-drea arrive at the diner long after the gang has left. They're late because Grandma Rose held them hostage with her infernal yapping. Nat passes along a map of the convenience store location, which Emily drew for them on a napkin...but in less than a minute, Ahn-drea spills coffee all over the napkin and completely ruins it. Idiot. Underground club. Brandon and Emily are sitting together, scoping out the club. Brandon is adamant about not wanting to dance and points to a guy who seems to be very popular even though he's just standing around. Emily chortles and informs him that the guy is a drug dealer, and that he's self-identified as such because of the giant "4" on his shirt. It represents the 4 in U4EA (pronounced "euphoria"), a fictional drug name that the writers of Beverly Hills, 90210 invented and then named this episode after. Emily describes U4EA as a "love drug" that rids people of their inhibitions. In other words, it's Ecstasy. Emily and Brandon are joined by Brenda, Dylan, and Kelly. With no current boyfriend, Kelly complains about feeling like a fifth wheel and looks around for any cute, available guys. She remarks on the cuteness of the guy with the 4 on his shirt, but Brandon quickly warns her that the guy is a drug dealer. This prompts Brenda to snicker derisively about how the hell Brandon would know anything about drug dealers. Emily suddenly excuses herself to go talk to an old friend from San Francisco she alleges to have just spotted...but instead she sneaks over to the 4 drug dealer to score some U4EA. Steve's car. Steve is still pissed off at stupid Ahn-drea for spilling coffee all over the napkin map, which has rendered it useless. And since they have no idea where the convenience store is, they're just driving around L.A. aimlessly. Ahn-drea spots a convenience store and thinks it might be the one they're looking for, so she orders Steve to pull over - but when they go inside and repeatedly try to exchange their egg, the confused store clerk just looks at the two of them like they're mental patients and threatens to call the police. Emily returns to where Brandon is sitting and tells him that the girl she spotted wasn't her friend after all...but that she did get something "4 U and 4 me." Brandon doesn't clue in to her drug-speak, so she shows him the packet of U4EA and encourages him to explore any curiosity he might have about the "love drug". Squeaky clean Brandon tells her he doesn't do drugs, and is firm about not wanting to do any tonight. He adds that he doesn't have a tolerance for chemicals, which is true enough when we remember the events of the fateful B.Y.O.B episode. David chooses this moment to stumble over, clearly drunk, clutching his whiskey bottle...and as he rambles incoherently to Brandon, Emily slips away to get some sodas. At the bar, Emily orders two sodas and covertly slips the powdery U4EA into both drinks. She brings them over to where she and Brandon are sitting, and he downs his in one gulp. After that, they kiss passionately. A short while later, Brandon and Emily stroll around the club, and clearly the drug is starting to take effect. Brandon remarks that he feels really good, and really alive. After yet another passionate kiss, Emily asks him if he's feeling "U4-ic". OMFG. I really can't take any more of this fake drug lingo, so from now on I'm just going to refer to the drug by its real-life name. Emily admits to Brandon that she slipped him some Ecstasy, but fortunately he's way too mellow and hazy-happy to get angry at her. All he can manage to articulate is that he didn't want to do any drugs, but she tells him that "what's done is done" and that he should kick back, relax, and wait for the fun to start. The two kiss passionately for the hundredth time this episode. Steve's car. Steve and Ahn-drea are still driving around, looking for the correct convenience store. By now it must be getting late, so I'm not sure why they haven't just given up and gone home. Ahn-drea is suddenly blaming the poor map quality on Emily, and then starts bitching about the way she "operates". She prefaces her self-serving diatribe by telling Steve that she doesn't want to be catty, and then proceeds to bitch cattily about how Emily joined The Blaze just so she could be around Brandon all the time...and how she's a sucky writer and never meets her deadlines. Her complaining only serves to amuse Steve, and he mocks Ahn-drea with a "meow". Underground club. David is annoying everyone with his drunkenness, Kelly in particular. It is now 1:00am, and Brenda announces that she's ready to go home. First, however, she agrees to accompany Kelly to the ladies room. As they walk through the club, they're amused to notice Brandon dancing with Emily. Thankfully it's only slow dancing and he's mostly just swaying. Steve and Ahn-drea are sitting in a parking lot, and Ahn-drea is ranting about what a shitty night it's been and that she just wants to go home. Steve, on the other hand, is still determined to find the underground club, so he's not ready to give up. Ahn-drea rags on Emily some more, and so Steve, who's clearly lost his mind during the course of the evening, encourages her to "get in the game" and go for Brandon...and then maligns Emily for "always being in Brandon's face". The hell? Why on earth would Steve want to unleash a love-sick Ahn-drea on his best friend when he knows full well that Brandon could never be into her?! For the moment we're going to have to put a pin in that, because Ahn-drea has just noticed a guy with spiky hair enter the convenience store carrying an egg. Finally they've found the right convenience store. After getting icked out by the club's bathroom, Kelly is ready to leave. As she and Brenda walk through the club, they notice drug paraphernalia strewn all over the floor, as well as people openly shooting up. This creeps them out sufficiently, so they quickly round everyone up so they can flee the disgusting hell-hole. Brenda is looking around for Brandon, while Dylan escorts a drunken David toward the parking lot...and as soon as David steps outside, he runs off somewhere to vomit. Kelly, meanwhile, is getting very stressed out about arriving home before her mother does, but Donna refuses to leave David stranded in this wretched parking garage. As soon as he's finished retching, Dylan steers him over to Kelly's BMW and shoves him in the back seat so the three of them can leave. Following that, Dylan and Brenda are startled to find Brandon making out with Emily on the hood of his car. For some reason, Brandon has taken off his shirt and then put on his jacket over his smooth, hairless chest. He looks fairly ridiculous. Dylan glares at him suspiciously and rhetorically asks if he's on something. After a somewhat contentious conversation, Brandon refuses to hand over his car keys, so Dylan gives him a wad of cash so he can take a cab home. He then insists to Brenda that the best course of action is to abandon the stoned-out Brandon, which I found pretty dickish and irresponsible. Kelly is stressed about getting home before Jackie so she can pretend like she's been home all night, studying in her bathrobe. She bitches about how David reeks of vomit, and angrily calls him a dork. Donna is confident that Jackie is still at Mel's place, but her theory is proven wrong when they arrive at Kelly's house and find Jackie sitting on Kelly's bed, looking extremely stern and unhappy. Underground club. Steve and Ahn-drea finally arrive at the club. They hear the sound of police sirens approaching, and Ahn-drea rushes to get inside the club so she can witness a drug bust and then write about it in her stupid Blaze. On the way, she runs into a drugged-out Brandon and Emily. Brandon climbs off the hood of his car and falls into a group hug with Steve and Ahn-drea, and then leans toward Ahn-drea for a kiss. Yep, he's stoned all right. She shoves him away, squandering a rare opportunity to receive a kiss, complete with tongue action, from the biggest crush of her life. Emily warns everyone that the cops will be showing up any second to bust up the club, so Brandon starts looking for his keys...but in his spacey state, he has no idea where they are. The Walsh house. It's dawn, and Brenda's in the living room, waiting up for Brandon...who finally drags himself in the door at 6:00am. She admonishes him for violating the trust that Mama and Papa Walsh have in him and asks if Emily is "so important" to him. That's a little hypocritical of her, considering that she too was part of the lie about going to the underground club. Brandon confides in his sister that Emily slipped Ecstasy in his drink, but that once he found out, he was filled with too much mellow loveliness to get angry at her. The drug took away all of his real emotions, and nothing made sense. He then tells Brenda he has to be at work at the Peach Pit soon, and that he's going to call up Dylan to go with him so he can pick up his car. Brandon and Dylan go back to the secret underground club location, and are shocked by the state of the Mustang. It's covered with spray paint, and the doors and front tires are missing. When Dylan hears about Emily slipping him Ecstasy without his knowledge, he describes it as "cold". Brandon agrees and tells him that his relationship with her has been irreparably torn apart as a result. Brandon also knows that there's no way he's going to be able to hide the damage to his car...and he's going to have to bite the bullet and risk Papa Walsh's wrath when he tells him what happened. The Walsh house. The Walshes are having an uncomfortable family meeting at the kitchen table. Papa Walsh is livid about Brandon's night of debauchery, and demands to know what he was doing downtown until 2:00am. Brandon admits that he was too spaced out to drive - not from alcohol, but from the Ecstasy someone slipped in his drink. Papa Walsh is then skeptical of this story and wants to know who it was...but Brandon chooses not rat Emily out. The doorbell rings, and Brenda goes to get it. She finds - guess who! - Emily on her doorstep and bitchily asks her what she's doing here. Emily saw the wrecked Mustang in the driveway and tells her how bad she feels about what happened. Brenda snarks that she doubts Brandon will want to see her, but Emily insists on barging her way into the house anyway. She joins the kitchen klatch and extends her sympathy to Brandon about his totaled car. Mama Walsh asks her if she knows what happened last night, and Emily throws her boyfriend under the bus and tells them that all she knows is that she dealt with "a high Brandon" all night. Brandon assures his father that he'll pay for the damage to the car, since his life seems to be about paying for the damage he inflicts on his vehicles. Brandon excuses himself to get ready for his shift at the Peach Pit, and Emily makes the unwise decision to follow him upstairs. In his bedroom, Brandon warns Emily that he's suffering from a massive headache. She tries to kiss him, but he's unresponsive and shoves her away. Thank goodness all of their passionate kissing is finally over. He reminds her that he'd been pretty firm about not wanting to do drugs, and that he can't ever trust her again. She weakly argues that she thought Ecstasy would bring them closer together, but he snarks that all she got from him was a chemical reaction...and several passionate kisses. She offers to pay for the damage to his car, but he turns her down and makes it clear that he wants nothing more to do with her. Emily gets tearful, exclaims that all she did was make a mistake, and reminds him about all the loving things he said to her last night. To her dismay, he points out that he said those things only because he was high. Ouch. The Peach Pit. Ahn-drea enters the diner and approaches the counter to talk to Brandon. She tells him how worried she was about him last night, and knows that his drugged-out behavior wasn't really him. Brandon doesn't want to talk about it, but asks advice about what to do when "someone you care for proves not to be the person he thought she was". Ahn-drea can barely hide her delight at this new development, and is clearly hopeful that Emily is history. She then takes an egg and frying pan and gives Brandon the annoyingly cliche demonstration of how a fried egg is his brain on drugs. The two scramble it up together, and suddenly I'm in the mood for a Western omelet. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: The students of West Beverly High are attending an outdoor assembly to celebrate the discovery of a time capsule that was created by the class of '41. David is filming the event for a documentary, and naturally he's focusing exclusively on the main Beverly Hills, 90210 cast members while completely ignoring the other 99.95% of the student body. He starts to narrate as he zooms in on Brandon and Ahn-drea, both of whom are sitting on stage along with the faculty. (I think they're sitting up there because of their work on The Blaze.) After that, David shifts his camera into the crowd where Kelly, Donna, and Steve are standing, and spends a few minutes gushing about how super cool and popular they are. That done, he zooms in on Dylan and Brenda, both of whom bitchily roll their eyes and snap at him like he's an annoying paparazzo. On stage, Ahn-drea reminds Brandon that they have long-standing plans to go see Citizen Kane on Saturday night. For a second I got worried that this is supposed to be a real date, but fortunately Brandon is blowing her off because he made plans to go out with Emily that night. He explains to Ahn-drea that he can't be expected to honor a half-hearted commitment he made to her out of guilt more than two months ago. She immediately gets pissy and sulks in her chair, pretending that her heart hasn't just broken into a thousand tiny pieces. Gaa! I will never understand why Brandon continues to voluntarily hang out with such an obnoxious, clingy sourpuss. David keeps his camera trained on the gang, coaxing them to give him memorable sound bytes for the documentary. Scott Scanlon, who's wearing his giant cowboy hat, wistfully observes his former fellow dork interacting with the West Beverly High glitterati. He approaches David and starts yammering about the footage they shot together earlier, but David is too busy with his new A-list pals to talk to him. He snaps impatiently at Scott to shut up and quit bugging him. Ouch. A couple of days from now he's going to feel really, really shitty that he did that. Later that day, a high-strung, middle aged woman hiding behind a tree beckons David over. It's Mrs. Scanlon, Scott's kooky mother. She's planning a surprise birthday party for her son on Saturday night and wants David to help out with the guest list by inviting twenty-five of Scott's closest friends. David tries to beg off by telling her that he can't come because he's MC-ing a dance that night, but she gives him a haughty lecture about how he's Scott's best friend in the whole world and can't not be part of his birthday celebration. David is too nice to tell her that he can not be part of this social disaster in the making because: a) he's no longer Scott's best friend, which means that the birthday boy barely has one friend, let alone twenty-five, b) if my timeline of this episode is accurate, the party is tomorrow, and c) Mrs. Scanlon is very weird, and spending any amount of time in her orbit is bound to be uncomfortable. For the rest of the day, David tries to scare up guests for Scott's party. He begs a girl who used to date Scott in middle school to come, but she turns him down flat and orders him to not speak of her romantic history with Scott. She tells him it's embarrassing, given how big of a loser he turned out to be. In a couple of days, she too will feel really, really shitty that she said that. DJ booth. Scott, still wearing his giant cowboy hat, drops by to see David. In lieu of a greeting, David irritably barks at him to lose the Stetson - but Scott ignores the catty reprimand and reminds David that it's his birthday this weekend. He invites him to come over, but David declines and tells him he's busy. As a concession, he gives Scott free reign in the DJ booth to play whatever he wants. This pleases the yokel, and it's also good news for all the country western aficionados at West Beverly High. The gang is standing around the hallway, looking at a glass display case that contains the various items that were uncovered from the 1941 time capsule. Steve thinks all the stuff in the time capsule is lame, but then he's in a cranky mood 'cause David keeps pestering him, along with the rest of the gang, to attend Scott Scanlon's birthday party. When David strolls over to join their hallway klatch, Steve gives him a preemptive no to the party invitation. Dylan informs David that he can't be there 'cause he'll be surfing in Baja, and Kelly doesn't want to go because she's never actually spoken to Scott before. David strokes their collective ego by telling them that if they made even a brief appearance at the party, it would make Scott's whole life...the day of it he has left, anyway. Donna gamely agrees to go if anyone else will go, but Steve stands firm in his douchey refusal to go, and the gang disperses. David confides to Donna that the only reason he's going to the party is 'cause he feels guilty and obligated, and Donna assures him she'll work on chipping away at their friends' resistance until they're so beaten down they have no choice but to finally give in. The Scanlon house. It's the night of Scott's birthday party, and David is in attendance, wearing a tiny green cowboy party hat and looking glum. So far this party has disaster written all over it, as David appears to be the only party guest who is over the age of twelve. There are a lot of young kids running around the Scanlon house, who I'm assuming are Scott's siblings or extended family members. Mrs. Scanlon comes over to David and irritably asks him why none of Scott's friends from school have shown up yet. David throws it right back at her that since she only gave him one day's notice to rustle up guests for a party that no one has any interest in attending, he can't guarantee that anyone will actually show up. Mrs. Scanlon ignores his subtle jab at her scatterbrained party-planning abilities and barks at him to gather everyone in the foyer. Scott is expected home any minute! To lay the groundwork for the looming tragedy, one of the kids at the party asks Mr. Scanlon if he has any "rad new guns" in his collection 'cause he'd really enjoy doing some target practice. The hell? Mr. Scanlon sternly tells the lad that guns are weapons, not toys. That they are, Mr. Scanlon...so they probably shouldn't be kept, fully loaded, in an easily accessible drawer inside your den that anyone can enter. Mrs. Scanlon marches over to her husband and snaps at him to get his ass in the foyer so he can join the others when they yell Surprise! at Scott. She then turns her attention to David and crabbily orders him to turn off all the lights. I'm really not sure why Mrs. Scanlon can't turn off the lights in her own house...or how she's managed to maintain a marriage with such an obnoxious personality. With the party guests all gathered in the foyer, the front door opens and everyone yells, "Surprise!" But it's not the birthday boy; it's Brenda, Donna, Kelly, and Steve. Yay! They came! Mrs. Scanlon, who clearly doesn't understand the social significance of their presence, barks at them to move away from the doorway so that everyone can be ready for a re-do when Scott enters. Steve already wants to leave, but Brenda forbids it. She reminds Steve - in front of Scott's entire family - that his presence at the party was the only reason that Brandon was willing to show up. Classy, Bren. Just outside the Scanlon house, Brandon and Emily are strolling up the sidewalk. Brandon notices that the lights in the Scanlon house are off and correctly deduces that Scott hasn't yet arrived for his big Surprise! They quickly look for a bush to hide behind, but at that moment a car pulls up and Scott bounds out of the vehicle. He seems pleasantly surprised to see Brandon and Emily milling around his house and asks them what they're doing there. Brandon struggles to formulate a plausible lie, and the best thing he can come up with is that he and Emily are walking her non-existent dog. But it doesn't much matter, because at that moment the front door bursts open and all the young kids spill out yelling, "Surprise!" Scott hugs them and looks happy about the surprise party, but admits that he figured something was up when he saw Emily and Brandon on his street. David comes outside to tell Scott that the A-list clique is inside, and Scott is so overcome with joy to learn that Kelly, Steve, and Donna have all graced his party with their presence that he exclaims, "Far out!" As everyone heads back inside, Mrs. Scanlon lets it be known to David that she's not impressed with the deadbeats he invited to the party. She complains that they ruined the Surprise! and that none of them even thought to bring birthday presents. David doesn't bother explaining that their very presence is the present. When Donna comes outside to fetch David, he starts railing to her about how Mrs. Scanlon should be thanking him for saving the party instead of criticizing his friends, none of whom would have even shown up tonight if she (Donna) hadn't found some way to blackmail them into it. The scene takes an awkward turn when the two realize that Scott has been standing behind them, listening to David's diatribe. Ouch. He looks hurt and scuttles off. Steve, Emily, and Brandon are wearing the green party hats, doing their best to look as bored as possible. Emily asks Brandon how long they have to stay, which leads to Donna's concern about her friends' growing boredom. She warns David that everyone's getting antsy and that the risk of them bolting at any moment is high. David tells her he needs them to stay put at least until after the birthday cake is served...but his fragile hopes are swiftly dashed when Mrs. Scanlon bustles into the room carrying a big stick and announces to everyone that it's time to limbo. This proves to be too much for Steve, who springs up from the couch and heads toward the door to make a break for it. His swift action starts a chain reaction among the rest of the gang as they all move toward the nearest exit. Scott tries to explain to his socially inept mother that this it crowd doesn't want to do the limbo, and David makes a desperate, last-ditch effort to prevent a mass exodus by ordering everyone to assemble themselves in a line...and reluctantly they do. Donna puts on a cool '90s beat, and for a precious few minutes, everyone is having fun grooving to the music. Well, almost everyone. Emily discreetly whispers in Brandon's ear, and the two of them disappear somewhere. Suddenly Mrs. Scanlon interrupts the dancing and intrusively announces that it's time for birthday cake. Scott, in his good-natured way, argues with his nutty mother that he was just getting into the dancing, but she retorts that they have to serve the cake now 'cause the younger kids have to go to bed soon and she doesn't want them to get "off schedule". Scott should look a whole lot more mortified than he does, particularly since Brenda and Kelly are openly chuckling at Mrs. Scanlon's embarrassing wackiness. A second later, Kelly wonders aloud where Brandon went. Mrs. Scanlon enters a bedroom with one of the kids and is shocked to find Brandon and Emily sitting on the bed, making out. Shock turns to fury, and she banishes the two lovebirds from the party as a punishment for setting a bad example. This gives the rest of the gang an easy out, and they all make plans to head over to the Peach Pit. David, however, decides to ride out the evening at the Scanlon house. Time for birthday cake! Mrs. Scanlon scolds David about not having any matches on hand to light the candles. Sigh. Scott offers to get some and heads over to his father's den. As he's searching through a bunch of clutter, he comes across the key to a desk drawer...and out of curiosity he unlocks it and finds a loaded handgun. He picks it up and studies it in fascination. Meanwhile, in the living room, Mr. Scanlon has located some matches, so Mrs. Scanlon barks at David to go get Scott so they can light the candles and cut the cake. Obediently, David ambles over to the den and is shocked to find Scott with a gun in his hand. For some inane reason, Scott starts twirling it around his finger, which totally freaks David out. He yells at the yokel to stop fucking doing that, but all that does is make Scott twirl the gun in an even more maniacal fashion. The gun suddenly goes off...David dramatically covers his ears, and seconds later he's staring over at Scott's fatally wounded body in horror. West Beverly High. The students are attending an outdoor assembly in memory of Scott. Brenda remarks to Dylan that she can't believe Scott is dead, and Dylan's like, "Who the hell was Scott?" LOL. Elsewhere on campus, Kelly tells Steve she thinks that Scott's untimely demise has somehow given her the flu...and Scott's ex-girlfriend from middle school, who now feels guilty about being such a bitch when she turned down David's invitation to the party, approaches Donna to ask where David is. Donna tells her he didn't come to school today. He's still too traumatized. A teacher makes a funeral announcement and tells everyone that grief counselling is available for anyone who gives a rat's ass that Scott is now dead. Ahn-drea tells Brandon that they should create a special full-page memorial insert for Scott in the next issue of The Blaze. The Blaze newsroom. When Brandon finds out that Ahn-drea intends to write an article that rails about the issue of gun control, he accuses her of using Scott's tragedy to get on her stupid soap box. She bitches back that a loaded gun should not have been accessible in a house full of children, and Brandon counter-retorts that they should focus on an article about Scott's life. Emily unhelpfully chimes in that it might be awkward if Brandon were to write it, since the two of them had gotten kicked out of the Scanlon house on Saturday night for making out in one of their bedrooms. This, of course, pisses off Ahn-drea, who snaps at Brandon that she'll cover the funeral. Brandon insists that he wants to do it, and promises not to bring Emily along. I'm really not sure why anyone needs to "cover" Scott's funeral since The Blaze isn't even a real newspaper...and Scott was an ordinary teenager, not a public figure. Funeral. David is standing outside the church, appropriately dressed in a dark suit. Donna meets up with him and informs him that Kelly was feeling too sick to come. David tells her that he was asked to say a few words about Scott during the ceremony, but since he hadn't been close to Scott for almost a year, he has no idea what he should talk about. Suddenly, an overwrought Mrs. Scanlon barrels over and clings onto David. She introduces him to people as Scott's "bestest bestest friend in the whole world" and makes a pronouncement that his memory will be kept alive by those who loved him. The Walsh house. Brandon is at home, studying, when Dylan comes downstairs and stops to chat before he heads out. Brandon tells him he's happy that he and Brenda are "tight" again, and that Scott's death has made him think about his own close brushes with death. He concludes that someone "up there" must like him. Dylan challenges this theory, asking him if it means that this someone "up there" didn't like Scott. If he's referring to the producers of Beverly Hills, 90210, then no, it's pretty obvious they didn't like Scott. But I also think the writers didn't really know what to do with the character of Scott Scanlon once David had permanently ditched their friendship and established himself as a member of the West Beverly A-list. West Beverly High. David is walking down the hall looking very sad. He runs into Dylan and Brenda, who ask him how he's doing. He then runs into Steve, who asks him how he's doing, whether or not he saw the gun go off...and if so, was there blood? Steve is such a horse's ass. David tells him he doesn't want to talk about it, then continues down the hallway and runs into Kelly. She apologizes for not making the funeral, and asks if it was creepy. Right after that, David runs into Brandon, who informs him that he wants to conduct an interview with him and get photos for a special memorial insert in the next issue of The Blaze. David agrees to do the interview the next day and enters the DJ booth. He finally loses it when Donna stops by to check on him, and complains to her how sick he is of everyone asking him how he's doing. Elsewhere on campus, Ahn-drea is reading her article on gun control to Brandon while Brandon is staring hungrily at Emily. Haha! The Walsh house. Brenda is third-wheeling it on the living room couch with Brandon and Emily. When the two start getting frisky with each other, Brenda abruptly announces that she'll be at the library, and high-tails it out of there. Brandon tells Emily he thinks he might be feeling some survivor's guilt regarding Scott's death and asks her if they should be in mourning...or something. Emily answers by pointing out that they're alive, and a few seconds later they start kissing. I guess that's a no. West Beverly High. The next day, David's dad, Mel, drives him to school. He's being a very supportive parent, encouraging David to give himself time to get over the trauma of witnessing Scott's fatal shooting of himself. I really like Mel when he's not a philandering douchebag. Mrs. Scanlon appears on the school's campus, looking for David. She's tearful and rambley and wants him to come by the house so she can give him some of Scott's things, and he reluctantly agrees. Afterward, he heads toward the DJ booth and experiences an almost exact repeat of the previous day, when everyone asks him how he's doing. Donna raises his ire when she asks him if he's still doing his morning radio show. He snaps that he's late because he got held up getting to the DJ booth on time because everyone's been in his face, expressing their concern. It looks like he's starting to lose it a little bit. The Blaze newsroom. Brandon and Emily are kissing and giggling, and the flirty spectacle proves to be too much for Ahn-drea to bear, so she flees. Brandon notices her hasty departure and runs out after her. He tells her that David wants to postpone the interview, but Ahn-drea is inflexible about their firm deadline and threatens to drop the memorial insert altogether. What the hell did poor dead Scott ever do to you, you catty witch? Brandon wants to know what is wrong with her and asks her if she's still mad because he didn't go to the movies with her last weekend. She admits that she feels like yesterday's news every time "she" (meaning Emily) comes around, and that it hurts. God...I have never been so tired of one girl's relentlessly lingering crush on a guy who couldn't make it more clear that he's not into her. The Scanlon house. Mrs. Scanlon is looking through old photos with David, reminiscing about family trips. She's starting to get a little squirrelly and insists that David take Scott's toys and mementos. David gets snappy with her, and starts yelling about how Scott accidentally shot himself in the stomach because he liked playing with guns. Well that's interesting. For the past few months I've been recapping about how Scott shoots himself in the head. I guess I stand corrected. Needless to say, Mrs. Scanlon does not react well to David's outburst and rushes out of the room looking distraught. West Beverly High. David is editing the video footage he shot at the beginning of the episode. Donna enters the room and he's bitchy to her once again. This finally ticks her off, and she sternly reminds David that if it weren't for her friendship and acceptance, he'd still be regarded by the gang as a dorky wannabe. David wisely tempers his bitchiness and graciously thanks her for her concern and tells her that he just wants to get back to working on his documentary. As he continues to edit, he comes across the footage of the mock interview he conducted with Scott the week before. It looks like they had a lot of fun clowning around that day, and David stares at the monitor, stricken. Brandon is walking down the hall, his arm around Emily when Ahn-drea tries to avoid eye contact by rushing past them. Brandon ditches Emily for a moment and hurries to catch up with Ahn-drea to tell her that he feels bad about her feeling bad. Ahn-drea tells him that she just wants him to be her friend (if only that could be true), and reminds him that he has to finish his interview with David today so they can put this issue of The Blaze to bed. DJ booth. David isn't in the mood to give Brandon an interview, and he's snide about the memorial insert. For some reason the microphone inside the booth is on, which means that everyone in the school is able to hear their conversation. When Brandon points this out, David says he doesn't care. He laments the fact that Scott shot himself, and admits he dropped the yokel as a friend 'cause he wasn't anywhere near as cool as the series regulars. He complains how everyone is acting like they're his new best friend, constantly asking him how he's doing now that Scott's dead. He then concludes his meltdown by telling Brandon it doesn't matter what he writes in the school paper, or what anyone says about someone when they're gone. What matters most is how you treat them while they're still alive. Sniff...watching that scene always makes me very verklemt. David leaves the DJ booth, and a bunch of students are loitering nearby, staring at him curiously. Ahn-drea approaches him and tells him that what he just said was very brave. Kelly and Dylan assure him that he should feel free to be honest if he's not really OK...and that they'll still be his friends. The Scanlon house. David drops by to give Mrs. Scanlon a videotape of the mock interview he filmed with Scott. Mrs. Scanlon, who is notably much calmer in this scene than she's appeared all episode, looks pleased to see him and invites him inside. He politely declines and tells her he has plans to do something special that night. She then hands him something which belonged to Scott. Spoiler: I correctly guessed that it's Scott's giant cowboy hat. West Beverly High. The sun has set, and the gang is putting together their own time capsule. Ahn-drea puts in a copy of The Blaze with Scott's memorial insert. Steve puts in a Corvette keychain. Brenda puts in a Minnesota Twins t-shirt...and Dylan puts in a jar of surfboard wax. I predict that when all this shit gets dug up in fifty years, the people who find it are going to be mightily disappointed. David adds Scott's cowboy hat to the capsule, and they close the trunk to ready it for its burial. After that, they all hold up sparklers, and David toasts his soon-to-be forgotten dead friend with, "This one's for you, Scott." Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: This is the first Halloween episode of the series - yay! - and to mark the special occasion, we're treated to several minutes of footage featuring carved pumpkins with scary faces and screaming noises in the background. At West Beverly High, Brandon encounters Ahn-drea while she's drawing faces on tiny pumpkins. She sanctimoniously explains to him how she's planning on giving them away to disadvantaged trick-or-treaters in the Valley. I'm pretty sure the kids would just prefer candy. Brandon attempts to get into the Halloween spirit by grabbing a carving knife and stabbing it into a large pumpkin. This elicits a giggle from Ahn-drea, and a blech from me. I know Brandon doesn't mean to, but I really think these types of interactions only serve to send the love-starved Ahn-drea mixed messages. It is therefore a very good thing that the rest of this episode is completely Ahn-drea free. Scott drops by the DJ booth to ask David about his Halloween plans. David tells him he has a gig putting together dance tapes for the big Halloween party, which will be held at a brownstone mansion. All the cool kids in Beverly Hills will be attending. Scott, of course, is too much of a dork to get invited to that party so he'll be spending the evening hiding behind bushes in preparation for the annual egg fight. David warns him that the police will probably be on egg patrol that night, but Scott isn't worried and tries to convince David to join him. David passes; he'd much rather go to the cool kids' Halloween party. Emily Valentine runs into Brandon, who's carrying the pumpkin he stabbed. Like Scott, she wasn't cool enough to get invited to the Halloween party. She's very surprised to find out that Brandon, who is cool enough to get an invitation, has no interest in going. He explains to her that parties are too much of a hassle, he doesn't drink and he dances like a white guy...so what's the point? There is none. Emily and Brandon part ways after wishing each other a flirty "trick or treat". Brenda and Donna are carving pumpkins, trying to come up with ideas for their Halloween costumes. Unlike Brandon, they are planning to attend the party. Kelly joins them with a pumpkin of her own and tells them she's bummed out 'cause she just got stood up, and therefore doesn't have a date for the party. Shortly afterward, Dylan and Steve stop by to gather everyone together so they can all head over to Hollywood Costume, a celebrity-centric costume rental place. Hollywood Costume. After browsing through the many racks of costumes, Steve picks out a Zorro outfit for himself. Dylan, however, can't get his slouchy self into the Halloween spirit, so he's unable to find anything that appeals to him, and this annoys Brenda immensely. Kelly has found something she likes, and has decided to model it for her friends. It's a very skimpy outfit with dangly things on it, which sort of looks like a corset teddy. That said, I'm not clear what it's a costume of...unless she simply plans on going as a scantily clad teenage 'ho. Brenda disapproves of the racy costume and calls it "a bit much". Kelly blows off her criticism and tells her that Halloween is the one night of the year they can dress up and look slutty get a little crazy. Donna, meanwhile, has found a costume for herself, but it's already packed up in a garment bag 'cause she wants to keep it a secret until she reveals it at the party. Dylan has finally found costumes for himself and Brenda: Bonnie and Clyde. Fortunately, Brenda is happy enough with his choice...or maybe she's just relieved that Slouchy finally came around and succeeded in choosing something. The Walsh house. Mama Walsh is readying a big bowl of raisin packets to hand out to trick-or-treaters. Brandon tries to explain to his wholesomely clueless mother that raisins are a shitty treat to give out to kids on Halloween and that she's taking a huge risk in getting their house egged or TP-ed. Mama Walsh insists on dispensing a treat that's healthy, and Papa Walsh chimes in about how raisins are "nature's candy". Someone please ship these two hopeless bumpkins back to Minnesota. The doorbell then rings, and it's Dylan dressed up in his Clyde costume. He pulls a fake gun on Brandon, but then temporarily slips out of his Clyde character when he glances over at the bowl of raisin packets and stares at it with disbelief and dismay. Brandon loudly announces to "Bonnie" that "Clyde" is here, and so Brenda makes her entrance in her Bonnie costume. But before the two can go on their merry way, Mama Walsh declares this to be a perfect photo opp and makes them pose together for a picture. Halloween party. The party is in full swing, and everyone in attendance is wearing a pretty decent costume. Brenda and Dylan show up with "Zorro" Steve, who wonders aloud where Kelly is. Brenda informs him that Kelly had to make some last minute alterations to her scanty costume. Donna is at the party, and she's dressed up as a mermaid...but an extremely tight fishtail makes it literally impossible for her to walk...or move. Would anyone really make a costume like that? Suddenly there's a commotion, and some of the guys at the party start whistling and hooting. It's for Kelly, who has just made a grand entrance in her teddy corset get-up. Incidentally, it looks completely different from the one she had on in the costume rental place. She's wearing a sheer black, backless cloak over it, and has a wand in her hand. With one thigh completely bared, she smugly surveys the roomful of partygoers, clearly enjoying their horny reaction to her teeny-tiny costume. Brenda stares at Kelly, agape, and then swiftly pulls her aside to ask if her mother has seen what she's wearing. Kelly dismissively tells her to lighten up, and then declares that she's dressed up as a friendly witch. Nope...she doesn't look anything like Glinda, who was always fully clothed in her puffy pink gown during her scenes in The Wizard of Oz. Brenda challenges her to think about whether or not she wants guys leering at her all night with their tongues hanging out...and after contemplating it for a moment, it seems that Kelly is very much OK with that. Brenda warns her that she's looking for trouble, but Kelly pooh poohs her grandmotherly concern and retorts that she knows how to take care of herself. The Walsh house. Brandon is dressed up as Dracula, helping his mother dispense the small boxes of raisins to disappointed trick-or-treaters. Halloween party. Since Donna's ridiculous mermaid costume has rendered her immobile, she's rooted to one spot, making weird facial expressions and fidgeting around. I realize that Donna's antics are supposed to provide us with comic relief, but she just looks like a mental patient. Kelly, on the other hand, is proudly strutting around in her skimpy corset, clarifying to people that she's a friendly witch. Steve complains to her that the costume leaves nothing to the imagination...while David, who's lurking nearby, tells her she looks great. But when he asks her for a dance, she turns him down. David also has problems getting another girl to agree to dance with him, so he leaves the mansion to go outside. He runs into Steve, and the two reminisce about the Halloween egg fights of yore, and how much fun they were. Bushes. Scott is hiding in the bushes with his dozens of eggs when David stops by on his way home. The two hang out and talk about old times, which is very poignant considering that the next episode is the one where Scott accidentally blows himself away. The Walsh house. Brandon is still unashamedly handing out boxes of raisins to dissatisfied trick-or-treaters. His next visitors are two little ghosts, and in an attempt to scare them, he covertly inserts some plastic teeth in his mouth. When he turns around again, he sees Emily standing behind the little ghosts. Turns out the kids are her niece and nephew. What an amazing coincidence that she'd end up at Brandon's house! Mama and Papa Walsh make an appearance to say hello, and one of the kids has to use the bathroom. Mama Walsh takes charge of the situation, which gives Emily and Brandon a chance to chit-chat and flirt with each other some more. Halloween party. Kelly is mingling among the partygoers when she's approached by a guy dressed up as Robin Hood. He compliments her witch's costume and invites her to go for a drive and whiskey binge...the key to every girl's heart. Kelly bitchily turns him down flat, which pleases an eavesdropping Brenda. Apparently, Brenda has it on good authority (Dylan) that the Robin Hood guy is a major sleaze. That settled, Kelly stands alongside Brenda as they scan the room to scope out cute and available guys. Kelly quickly becomes intrigued by a guy in a cowboy costume and tells Brenda she wants to meet him. The Walsh house. Emily's niece and nephew are all peed out and ready to resume their trick-or-treating. Emily invites Brandon to come along with them, and Mama Walsh encourages him to go. The kids also really want Brandon to come with them, so he agrees. Halloween Party. Kelly chats up the cowboy at the buffet table. He's a very weird guy, and the two have an inane conversation in fake southern accents. They call each other feisty, and once he finds out what her costume is supposed to be, he refers to her as "a little witch". This, unfortunately, does not raise any red flags for Kelly. The Walsh's neighborhood. Emily and Brandon are strolling along the street with Emily's niece and nephew as they trick-or-treat. The two get lost in conversation and suddenly realize the kids are nowhere to be found. Panic sets in as they frantically call out the kids' names. In the next scene, they find a police cruiser and explain to the officers that two kids are lost, but the officers seem pretty unconcerned about the fate of two potentially missing children and don't offer to do a whole helluva lot to find them. Halloween party. Kelly and the creepy cowboy are dancing together. Elsewhere, everyone is staring at Donna as she fidgets around in her immovable mermaid costume. Steve strides over to her and asks her why she always does stupid shit like this, then invokes the giant hoop skirt dress she wore during the Spring Dance episode. Donna lamely says she thought it would be fun to be a mermaid, and Steve tells her that she'd be better off if she just tried to be herself. This would probably be more relevant advice if they were anywhere other than a Halloween costume party. On the street, Emily and Brandon are still frantically looking for the missing kids, and David is still hanging with Scott in the bushes. They're both waiting for the egg fight to begin, but it doesn't look like anyone else is showing up. The Walsh house. Brandon and Emily return to the Walsh house, greatly relieved to discover that the kids have been there the whole time. They're having fun, horsing around with Papa Walsh in the living room. Apparently, when they got lost they immediately returned to the last house they remembered, which happened to be the Walsh house. Boring crisis averted! It is now 11:00pm, and David and Scott are still hiding in the bushes, waiting for an egg fight that's clearly never going to happen. David laments that the 'good old days' are over, so Scott suggests salvaging the evening by egging the next car that drives by. Within seconds a car approaches, but David and Scott hold their fire when they realize it's Brandon's '65 Mustang. Brandon and Emily (who's in the passenger seat) spot the two and momentarily stop to chat. Emily complains about there not being a good egg fight on Halloween, and they laugh mockingly as Brandon pulls away. David and Scott then throw their eggs in a feeble attempt to pelt the Mustang. What a waste of perfectly good eggs. Imprisoned in her mermaid costume, Donna desperately needs to use the can. When Brenda approaches her, she falls into her arms and begs her to help her get to a toilet. Donna cries that she hates her costume, so Brenda takes pity on her and steers her toward a bathroom. Kelly remarks to the creepy cowboy that she's a bit hungry. When she tells him she'd like a piece of chicken, he responds by shoving a quesadilla in her face. She then tells him she'd like to go somewhere that isn't so crowded, so naturally he takes her to one of the mansion's bedrooms. Once they're alone, he starts creeping her out almost immediately...asking her if she has a boyfriend, and if she likes to play make-believe. Things go from weird to unnerving when he shuts the door and locks it...and repeatedly ignores Kelly when she insists that she wants to return to the party. He tells her that she clearly wants to be in a locked room with him, otherwise she wouldn't have come. Creepy then tries to kiss Kelly's hand, but she snatches it away and gives him a definitive no. He responds by apologizing for his rude manners and asks her to forgive him...and shortly afterward he advances on her, grabs her, and roughly throws her onto the bed. As Kelly is struggling, crying for Creepy to get off of her, a door opens and Brenda and Donna step inside. This is a different door than the one Creepy locked, so I will assume that it was the door leading to/from the bathroom. Donna and Brenda mistakenly think that Kelly is in the midst of a fun romp with a cowboy, and it's only when Kelly shoves him off of her and runs crying into her friends' arms that they realize something is very wrong. Brenda snarls and calls Creepy a bastard, then opens the door and barks at Dylan to get the hell in here...and a few seconds later, Dylan enters the room, along with Steve. Brenda points at Creepy and tells them that he attacked Kelly. The best retort Creepy can come up with is that he and Kelly were both "into it" until she suddenly wasn't into it and then started lying about being into it. Steve is enraged by the attempted rape and wants to pounce on Creepy, but Dylan holds him back. The two easily haul Creepy out of the room, and then out of the house altogether. Kelly tearfully tells Donna and Brenda that she feels like an idiot for dressing so sexy. She explains that Creepy misled her about his intentions 'cause he seemed like such a nice guy while they were hanging out by the food table. Mmm, no. It never looked like this guy had his head screwed on right. Brenda being Brenda chooses this vulnerable moment to tell Kelly, "I told you so". Dylan, who's been standing in the doorway listening to their conversation, explains to Kelly that a guy always has a choice of not making a girl do something she doesn't want to do...and so Brenda swiftly changes her tune and half-heartedly assures Kelly that the attack wasn't her fault. The Peach Pit. Brandon and Emily are seated at a booth together. She thanks him for helping her find her niece and nephew even though he didn't actually do anything to find them. The two banter nonsensically, and Emily admits that she purposely brought the kids to his house to trick-or-treat 'cause she knew he'd be home and wanted to run into him. Brandon looks visibly pleased by her confession, and the two decide to make an appearance at the Halloween party after all. Halloween party. After the attempted attack on Kelly, the gang gathers together and starts to head out. Kelly thanks Steve for standing up for her and gives him a warm hug and a chaste kiss. The group then runs into Brandon and Emily just as they're arriving. Since it's after 11:00pm, and most of the gang doesn't want to stay at the party any longer, everyone agrees to head over to the Peach Pit. Brandon and Emily give each other a knowing smile and gamely agree to return from whence they just came. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: Ahn-drea is having a disturbing dream that she's roaming the halls of West Beverly High in her birthday suit. Everyone is staring, pointing and laughing at her...but she doesn't realize she's naked until she runs into Brandon, who points at her mammaries and asks her why she forgot to get dressed that day. At that moment, a blaring alarm goes off, and Ahn-drea wakes up in a cold sweat. I'm also in a cold sweat because I now have to recap an episode that's structured almost entirely around Ahn-drea. Blech. The next scene shows a city bus driving along a busy L.A. highway, which serves a reminder that Ahn-drea's daily commute from the Valley to West Beverly High is a long and arduous one. Like I care. When Ahn-drea arrives at school, she heads straight to The Blaze newsroom, dismayed by the sight of Brandon and Emily chatting and flirting with each other. Haha! In yer face! Brandon rushes over to Ahn-drea to inform her that he took it upon himself to submit one of her articles to The Times High School Journalism Competition. She immediately freaks out and reminds Brandon that this kind of exposure could lead to the discovery that she lives out-of-district...which ultimately means she'll get kicked out of West Beverly High. If only. Brandon calmly assures her that he used her grandmother's address for the contest entry, and points out that since no one from the competition has gotten in touch with her, it's unlikely she won. The Peach Pit. A pretty blonde girl is seated at the counter, doing her best to give everyone the impression that she's waiting for someone. Steve approaches the counter to get some change for the jukebox, and he catches the blonde girl's attention. She eyes him curiously for a moment, then follows him over to the jukebox where she starts chatting him up. She introduces herself as Christine and complains about how the person who was supposed to give her a ride home hasn't shown up. Steve easily succumbs to Christine's vapid charm, and gallantly offers to give her a ride home. Christine is very grateful and insists on buying him something to eat, but then immediately rescinds the offer because she has to rush home and watch a re-run of her favorite show: The Hartley House, starring Samantha Sanders. What an unbelievable coincidence. Steve's house. Steve and Christine are lounging on his bed together, watching the Hartley House re-run. Wow...that was fast. Christine lays it on like manure about how Samantha Sanders is her favorite actress, and that she can't believe Steve is her son. Steve, however, has zero interest in talking about his mother, 'cause his brain is currently being controlled by his penis and he's making every effort to round second base with this girl. Eventually Christine gets the hint, stops yapping, and dutifully starts French-kissing Steve back. West Beverly High. A distraught looking Ahn-drea rushes up to Brandon in the outside corridor, but before she can get a moment alone with him, Mrs.Teasley comes upon them to congratulate Ahn-drea for winning the Times competition for her Blaze article. Mrs. Teasley tells her that the district public relations office will be sending some flunky named Mr. Kramer over to her house this afternoon so he can get some background information on her for their newsletter. Ahn-drea visibly pales...and once Mrs. Teasley is out of earshot, she has a meltdown and babbles at Brandon about how worried she is that her idiot grandmother is going to blow it for her. Grandma Rose's apartment. Ahn-drea and Brandon drop by to give Grandma Rose a heads-up about her out-of-district school situation. Hey - Grandma Rose is the mother from My Big Fat Greek Wedding! but she's far less likeable on this show. Grandma Rose is a clueless, self-absorbed Jewish woman who insists on prattling nonsense to anyone who'll listen or can't get away fast enough. In this scene, she's prattling to Ahn-drea and Brandon about the groceries she just bought...and before Ahn-drea can get a word in edgewise, the doorbell rings. Fortunately, it's just a few of Grandma Rose's cronies who dropped by the apartment to play a game of Kalooki. The cronies gush over Ahn-drea, and make the embarrassing assumption that Brandon is her boyfriend. She wishes. After exchanging a few quick niceties with the old ladies, Ahn-drea manages to pull her gabbling grandmother aside so she can warn her that any moment a Mr. Kramer will be stopping by to interview her about an article she wrote for The Blaze. She adds that they need to give Mr. Kramer the strong impression that she lives in the apartment. Grandma Rose gives her a cold stare and replies, "But you don't live here." Ahn-dea reminds her grandmother that she did allow her to use her Beverly Hills address so that she could enrol at West Beverly High, but Rose blows that off by saying she never wanted to get involved. She self-righteously tells Ahn-drea that she won't reveal to Mr. Kramer the truth about her living arrangements...but if he asks her a direct question, she'll sing like a canary, even if it means Ahn-drea will get thrown out of West Beverly High. I can see where Ahn-drea inherited some of her more douchey personality traits. Mr. Kramer is conducting his home visit, glancing around the apartment suspiciously. He asks Ahn-drea where she sleeps, and she tells him on the couch. When he probes further and asks if it's a pull-out couch, Ahn-drea says yes at the exact same time Grandma Rose says no. Mr. Kramer glares at them skeptically and abruptly terminates the home visit. Ahn-drea knows she's screwed, and sadly challenges her grandmother as to whether or not she wants the best for her. Grandma Rose retorts, "Not if it means schlepping on a bus for the pleasure of cavorting with rich kids." Ahn-drea unwittingly opens a big can of whoop-ass when she points out that Grandma Rose once assumed a different identity...but that was in Nazi Germany when she was trying to avoid being sent to the gas chamber. Grandma Rose doesn't take kindly to this comparison, to say the least. The Peach Pit. Steve and Christine are seated at a table together, making a sickening spectacle of themselves as they flirt and play kissy face. Kelly, who's seated with Donna at another table, is revolted by the display...yet she can't seem to stop herself from glaring at the canoodling couple. She bitches to Donna about how much she dislikes and distrusts Christine and thinks the girl has no class. Steve, meanwhile, asks his conniving lovebird if she wants to get together on Saturday night, but she tells him she already has plans. However, when he produces two REM tickets for Saturday night, she squeals excitedly and immediately cancels her fake plans to free herself up for the concert. The phony exchange is too much for Kelly, who can no longer bring herself to stare daggers at the two of them. She gets up and storms out of the Pit. West Beverly High. Ahn-drea is walking down the hallway with Brandon and Dylan, idly listening to the two as they make plans to go dune buggying over the weekend. They run into Steve and ask him if he wants to go, but he tells them he'll be busy taking Christine to the REM concert. Kelly, who's standing nearby, overhears this and loudly declares how nauseating his relationship with Christine is. When Steve starts sniping back, Kelly says she'd rather discuss the matter in private. For some reason, Steve wants everyone to hear about how Kelly hates Christine 'cause she's not rich enough. He then sticks his foot all the way in his mouth when he defends Christine by saying, "It's not like she lives in the Valley" which, of course, offends Ahn-drea, who's dirt poor and does live in the Valley. Ouch. As Steve tries to recover from his faux pas with a half-assed apology, David Silver bounds over to tell Ahn-drea that Mrs. Teasley is looking for her. Duhn duhn duhn! Vice Principal's office. Mrs. Teasley is reading part of Mr. Kramer's report to Ahn-drea, which states that he is unable to complete the profile for their newsletter because he doesn't believe Ahn-drea really lives with her grandmother. Mrs. Teasley informs a rattled looking Ahn-drea that she has no choice but to initiate a formal inquiry, which means that an investigator will be assigned to make a house visit and verify that Ahn-drea does, in fact, live at her grandmother's Beverly Hills address. She adds that she's not worried about any of this because up until now she has totally bought into Ahn-drea's story about her living arrangements. It's funny that as Mrs. Teasley is saying this, Ahn-drea looks visibly nervous, frightened, and seconds away from jumping out of her own skin. Afterward, Brandon is waiting around for Ahn-drea while she talks to her grandmother on a pay phone. After she hangs up, she tells Brandon that Grandma Rose is letting her move in this weekend. She then breaks down and blubbers about how she doesn't know if she can go through with this. Brandon tells her he feels bad for submitting her article in the competition, which he probably should since none of this would be happening if he'd minded his own business. But now that his actions have led to Ahn-drea facing possible expulsion, it's hard to get too mad at him. REM concert. Steve and Christine arrive at the concert hall in a swanky limousine. They march past a long line of people waiting to get in, passing David Silver along the way. I assume that Steve was able to wrangle special passes or something. Grandma Rose's apartment. As Ahn-drea and Grandma Rose make up the couch for bed time, they carry on an inane conversation about the merits of wearing a bathrobe versus not wearing a bathrobe. Ahn-drea apologizes for bringing up Grandma Rose's World War II assumed identity the other night, and her apology is accepted. The phone then rings and it's Ahn-drea's mother. After the call, Ahn-drea and Rose get into an argument about a conflict that exists between Grandma Rose and Ahn-drea's mother. Meh. I find it hard to get remotely interested in this sub-sub plot because a) we've never even seen Ahn-drea's mother and don't know for sure she exists, b) the source of their friction has never been adequately explained, and c) any peripheral storyline involving Ahn-drea is guaranteed to be a bore. REM concert. After the concert, Steve and Christine leave the hall. She immediately starts bitching at Steve for not scoring backstage passes, and David doesn't help matters when he runs over to them and brags about how he got autographs from all the band members by sneaking backstage. Christine shoots Steve the stink-eye, then directs her vitriol at their "stupid limo driver" for being late. She orders Steve to not tip the lazy slacker just as the limo pulls up to collect them. Once inside, Steve hints that he'd like to get it on in the back of the limo, but Christine isn't into it because she's still pissed off at him for no logical reason. In an attempt to elevate her dark mood, Steve offers to take her jewelry shopping, which prompts Christine to instantly perk up and coo about how generous he is. They exchange insincere I love yous, and she's now totally open to getting it on with him in the limo. Steve presses the button that raises the privacy screen between them and the driver so that he can't watch their hanky panky. As if he'd want to. Ew. West Beverly High. It's lunch hour, and the gang is in the process of assembling themselves under a tree. Steve strolls over and mentions that he and Christine have plans to go out with Dylan and Brenda. Kelly snidely asks if this is a double date and scornfully calls it "schmushy". For someone who claims to have no interest in schmushing Steve herself, Kelly really is acting like a catty, jealous ex-girlfriend. Steve gets mad at her bitchy comments and leaves, so Kelly asks the group if she's the only person who can see through Christine for the phony she is. Well, yes - but then no one besides Kelly appears to be interested enough in Steve's life to study Christine long enough to assess the deficiencies in her personality and then warn him he's dating a gold digger. Ahn-drea, meanwhile, is spaced out and looks very sad. Now that she has to live with her douchey grandmother, she doesn't get to see her family anymore, has no privacy, and worries that she'll have to change schools. She's terrified that Grandma Rose, the walking time bomb, is going to blow it with the investigator. Donna candidly asks Ahn-drea if attending West Beverly High is really worth all this hassle, and this sparks a huffy lecture from Ahn-drea about how none of them realize how good they have it, and how they're all rich and spoiled, blah blah. After some minor probing by Brenda, Ahn-drea reveals that the main reason she's so upset is that no investigator with a brain is going to believe she's anything but an overnight guest at her grandmother's apartment. Kelly perks up at this revelation and offers to help fix Ahn-drea's problem by giving Grandma Rose's apartment a makeover! And so, after school, Kelly, Donna, and Brenda come over to the apartment and rearrange Rose's tacky furniture, then replace her old lady wall hangings with a Dirty Dancing poster. Yep, now it totally looks like a teenager lives there. Things get a little weird, though, when Brenda makes a complimentary remark about a photo of Ahn-drea and her mother, and Grandma Rose reacts by making a face and stalking out of the room. The Walsh house. It's double date night, and Brenda and Dylan are in the kitchen preparing dinner. Brenda remarks to Dylan that she's never seen Steve so happy...since up until now he's either been hung up on Kelly or chasing bimbos. I find it amusing that Brenda is implying that Christine isn't a bimbo. A few minutes later, Steve and Christine enter the kitchen, and Christine is disappointed to learn that they'll be eating in. She likes being waited on (no duh) and doesn't like doing all the grunt work necessary to prepare a meal, and/or wash the dishes afterward. Not that it's likely she'll volunteer to pitch in with either task. She and Brenda take a break from the kitchen to go upstairs to sift through Brenda's closet. They start chatting about clothes and shopping, and Christine points at the chic black dress she's wearing and tells Brenda that Steve bought it for her. For her next gift, she wants Steve to buy her a pair of diamond earrings...and for the gift after that, she'd like him to treat her to a trip to Hawaii. Mmm...Hawaii. That would make a sensational gift. Brenda is taken aback by the brazen opportunist standing before her, and she points out to Christine that she really hasn't known Steve very long. Christine invokes the movie Pretty Woman, and compares herself and Steve to Julia Roberts and Richard Gere, so naturally Brenda reminds her that Julie Roberts was playing a prostitute. Christine's retort is, "Yeah, but she looked great, don't you think?" That she did, Christine. That she did. This inane conversation raises Brenda's hackles enough to accuse Christine of using Steve. And speaking of Steve, he chooses that exact moment to enter the room. Christine announces to him that she wants to leave, and then pissily storms off. Brenda strongly advises Steve to let this gold digger go, and tells him that Christine openly admitted to using him. Steve doesn't believe Brenda, calls her a bad friend, and tells her that he plans to see a lot more of Christine. What a dumb bonehead. Grandma Rose's apartment. Ahn-drea is in the living room, talking to her mother on the phone. Grandma Rose suddenly breaks out the vacuum cleaner and starts vacuuming the carpet so that Ahn-drea has to cut her call short. As soon as Ahn-drea is off the phone, she asks her passive-aggressive troll of a grandmother to stop vacuuming so that they can have an adult conversation about all the bad blood that exists between her and her mother. Grandma Rose starts railing about how Ahn-drea's mother has no respect for her, which upsets Ahn-drea so much that she starts packing her things. She tells Grandma Rose that she's tired of living this charade and doesn't care anymore if she gets busted by the investigator. Right now she has to leave for school, but she'll be back that afternoon to pick up the rest of her things. Grandma Rose finally looks like she feels bad about her shitty behavior and tearfully pleads for Ahn-drea to come back - but to no avail. The Blaze newsroom. Ahn-drea is on the computer, composing her letter of resignation as editor-in-chief. Yay! Hurray! Woot woot! Brandon enters the newsroom, sees what she's writing, and asks her what happened. Ahn-drea tells him that she's going to leave West Beverly High willingly...which inspires Brandon to impulsively offer to let her live at the Walsh house and use their address in order to legally attend their school. I don't really think that's his call, but fortunately it's a non-issue because she flatly turns him down. She tells him she was just starting to feel like one of the gang...and that she now knows there's a lot more to them than their clothes and cars. (Really? There is?) With her dreary out-of-district problems still unsettled, Steve enters the newsroom with a crisis of his own. He tells Brandon that ever since Brenda told him what a shameless user Christine is, he's been seeing her in a whole new light. Turns out she's obsessed with money! He's disappointed in her, and regrets that he fell for her because of a desperate need to cling onto any cute girl who's willing to look past his unsightly white boy 'fro and give him some canoodling in the sack. Jewelry store. As Steve and Christine browse the inventory of the jewelry store, Steve invites Christine to guess which trinket he bought for her, and naturally she selects a pair of exorbitantly priced diamond earrings. He says no and then presents her with a box...and upon opening it, she's disappointed to find a modest looking bracelet that is clearly on the cheaper end of her preferred jewelry budget. She looks at Steve grumpily and complains that it's not special...which finally makes Steve feel disgust for her shallow greediness. He declares that he doesn't want to give the bracelet to her anymore, and accuses her of pretending not to know who he was the first day they met. She unwittingly verifies this assumption, so Steve abruptly says goodbye to her and wishes her a nice life. Good job, dumbass. The Peach Pit. Steve enters the diner and sits at the counter. Brandon, who's there working, mentions to him that later on he's going to be helping Ahn-drea move back home. Steve goes over to the jukebox, where Ahn-drea is brooding, and wallows to her about his breakup with Christine. He then asks Ahn-drea if she likes him, and her hilarious response is that underneath his rude exterior is a little boy who likes to have fun...and that he's kinda cute. Steve acknowledges that he needs to work on acting in a less obnoxious fashion, and apologizes to her for his insulting comment about the Valley. He then pleads with Ahn-drea not to leave West Beverly because she's needed at the school. She thanks him for his kind words, and he proceeds to push his luck by asking Ahn-drea if she thinks he's sexy. Since they both burst out laughing, I'll take that as a definitive no. Grandma Rose's apartment. A downcast Ahn-drea enters the apartment and finds her grandmother in the living room chatting it up with the investigator, who is a young-ish, much more pleasant looking person than Mr. Kramer. It looks like she's concluding her home visit, because she gets up, gathers her things and tells Ahn-drea that she'll be following up in three weeks...and that her report will be favorable. As soon as she leaves, Ahn-drea hugs Grandma Rose, who tells her that she should be able to go to school where she wants. Doesn't seem like the West Beverly district school board would agree with that. Ahn-drea now tries to resolve the conflict between her mother and grandmother, and goes over to the phone. She dials her home number and hands the receiver to Rose. After opening the conversation with whiny complaints about her various aches and pains, Rose begins to have a civil chat with Ahn-drea's mother. The Peach Pit. The gang is crowded around a table, and they're all admiring the giant "Good Luck" cake that was purchased in Ahn-drea's honor. They ordered this for her when they thought she might be leaving West Beverly High. Sigh. Kelly looks across the diner and notices Steve moping by himself at the counter. She goes over to talk to him, and he apologizes for not listening to her and taking her advice about Christine. Kelly offers to help cheer him up by accompanying him to a movie. He takes her up on it, and the two of them head out. Ahn-drea, meanwhile, cuts into her celebratory cake and shares it with her rich friends. I guess this means she's here to stay. Blech. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: It's the end of a school day at West Beverly High, and Brandon runs into Emily Valentine, who he hasn't seen since the Wild Fire episode. The two have a friendly chat and quickly catch up on their busy lives. He tells her he's on his way to meet Brenda to take her over to the Department of Motor Vehicles, where she's scheduled to take her driver's test for the third time. Emily grins and asks him what Brenda's problem is - which could be interpreted as a loaded question, but I'm pretty sure Emily means 'what is Brenda's driving problem?' as opposed to 'what is Brenda's general personality problem?' Brandon chuckles and reveals that his sister has problems with parallel parking...and that she's so hopeless that all the practicing in the world hasn't helped her improve. In another hallway, Brenda is walking with Donna and Kelly. She's carrying on about how freaked out she is to take her driver's test, and tells them all about a recent dream she had in which she's driving a transport truck that she has to parallel park. Brandon comes over, interrupts her hand-wringing, and tells her that he's ready to go, and that Dylan is meeting them out front. Apparently, Slouchy is tagging along to the DMV for moral support. A stressed out Brenda leans into a group hug with Kelly and Donna, who do their best to mumble a few half-hearted words of encouragement. DMV. Brandon and Dylan anxiously look on as Brenda takes her driver's test, which for some reason is being conducted in the parking lot of the DMV. Is this really how prospective drivers are tested in Beverly Hills? Brenda seems to be doing pretty well, which isn't saying much considering the fact that she's not driving in any actual traffic. She does, however, get visibly nervous when the instructor asks her to parallel park between a pair of pylons. Brenda stupidly blurts out that she always blows this part of the test. The instructor, who seems like a bit of a kook herself, encourages Brenda to visualize the car being parked "like a snake slithering across the ground". Magically this visualization technique works, and Brenda manages to successfully park the car between two pylons without knocking either of them down. Yay! She passes her test. The Walsh house. Over dinner, Brenda is regaling her family with the riveting tale of her driver's test. Mama Walsh is so full of pride that she offers to prepare a celebratory dinner on Friday night for Brenda and all of her friends. Brenda accepts her mother's offer, then turns her attention to another matter. She boldly suggests that since Papa Walsh helped Brandon buy his '65 Mustang, she should now be entitled to drive the car half of the time. Brandon makes a loud "Errrr!" noise and points out that Papa Walsh didn't help him buy the car, he merely helped him get the engine fixed. Brenda then whines that she can't be without wheels, so Brandon suggests she get a job and buy herself a car, the way he did last summer. Brenda doesn't like the notion of expending any of her energy working and tells him it isn't up to him...even though it kind of is up to him. Her nonsensical retort also highlights her stubborn aversion to getting a job and earning money to pay for the stuff she wants...as opposed to sitting back and getting everything handed to her simply because. During this exchange, the phone rings and Mama Walsh gets up to answer it. It's Cousin Bobby! Mama Walsh sounds delighted to hear from her nephew. After a quick chat, she hangs up the phone and returns to the table. Brenda wants to know if Bobby called to congratulate her on passing her driver's test - and I'm not confident she's kidding. Mama Walsh informs the family that Bobby is considering transferring to UCLA and wants to come visit them. This news causes Papa Walsh to furrow his brows and look concernedly at his wife, and his reaction is the first clue that something is amiss with Cousin Bobby. Brandon, however, seems oblivious to the strange undercurrent between his parents and immediately exclaims how awesome it'll be to have Bobby in California; it's been years since he's seen his favorite cousin. West Beverly High. Kelly is pestering Brenda for details about her college age, hunky (..hopefully?) cousin. In particular, she wants to know if he's available. Brenda is clearly uncomfortable talking about Bobby and abruptly shuts down the conversation by telling Kelly he's not her type. Yep, something is definitely amiss. Brandon's car. As the twins drive home from school, Brenda tells her brother that she feels as though they abandoned Bobby when they moved to California. She then remarks how weird it is to grow up with someone, only to have them suddenly disappear from their lives. Sort of like all the friends they made during self-contained episodes of Beverly Hills, 90210 and then never ever see again. As soon as they pull into their driveway, a basketball soars over the car. We then get our first glimpse of Cousin Bobby...and see that he is in a wheelchair. He's been playing basketball with Papa Walsh and is apparently kicking his ass. There's an unmistakable mood of enforced gaiety during this scene, brought on by the way Papa Walsh over-compliments Bobby's amazing basketball skills, and the overly enthusiastic greeting he gets from Brandon. When Bobby sees Brenda stride toward him to give him a hug, he calls her "gorgeous" and "a real woman". And if that isn't blechy enough, he makes a quasi-creeptastic remark to Brandon that if he and Brenda weren't first cousins...and then his voice trails off. What I think he meant to imply was that he'd be into tapping that. If he and Brenda weren't first cousins. Which they are. So ew. Hours later, Bobby and Brandon are sitting together in the living room, getting caught up on their lives. Bobby's a bit surprised that Brandon hasn't turned into a typical California, brain-fried surfer dude. Brandon laughs and tells him about his embarrassing surfing attempt in The Green Room episode. The conversation then turns to girls, and Brandon dishes about Emily, the girl he's currently sweet on. Bobby encourages him to go for it, and admits that he's totally interested in meeting some California babes of his own. This comment makes Brandon suddenly look very sad, and he brings up the subject of Bobby's accident. Bobby, however, is not in the mood to discuss his disability, or the accident that caused it. He takes off his shirt, pulls a blanket over himself on the couch and tells Brandon that he had a long trip and needs to get some sleep. In the master bedroom, Mama and Papa Walsh are talking in hushed voices about Bobby and the ramifications of him moving to California and attending UCLA. Papa thinks that Bobby is pretty self-sufficient, but Mama is concerned he might be too much of a responsibility for them to take on. She's sad about Bobby's injury, but also relieved that it's not Brandon sitting in a wheelchair...since it so easily could have been. I guess there's a lot we don't know about Bobby's accident. The next morning, the Walshes come downstairs and find Bobby cooking up a big breakfast for everyone. Everyone gushes over the food and falls all over Bobby, over-thanking him for his thoughtfulness. After this cringe-worthy love-fest, Brenda and Brandon head over toward the Mustang to get to school. Brandon tells his sister he's going to do something crazy and let her drive - but Brenda passes on the offer. She tells him she'll drive when she has to drive. I don't know what that means exactly, but it is a complete180 from the other night when she was so annoyingly adamant about "needing wheels" and becoming part owner of Brandon's car. West Beverly High. David is doing his "voice of West Beverly" schtick in the DJ booth when he sees Donna walk by. She gives him a flirtatious little wave, and he immediately bolts out of the booth, runs after her and asks her if she wants to go to a movie that evening. Donna tells the over-eager boy she'd love to go, but can't because she has plans to attend a big dinner at the Walsh house. Oh yeah...the celebratory dinner for Brenda and her new driver's license. Donna suggests to David that they go to a movie another night, and he seems agreeable to that. Kelly approaches Brenda at her locker and asks her what time tonight's dinner is. Brenda looks at her blankly; clearly she's forgotten all about it. Donna comes over and asks Brenda if it's OK to bring David to the dinner party. A horrified Kelly asks "Why?" so Donna has to awkwardly explain how he invited her out to a movie and she had to turn him down because of their plans. Kelly derisively asks her if she's dating David Silver, and then turns to Brenda with eyebrows raised and a funny look on her face. Brenda doesn't like the idea of David coming to the dinner and tells Donna there may be "too many people". Kelly tells Brenda she's looking forward to meeting Bobby, and Brenda decides it's time to come clean and tell her friends about Bobby's accident and subsequent disability. Kelly and Donna say they're sorry to hear about his paralysis, which prompts Brenda to bitchily snap that Bobby doesn't need their pity. Furthermore, if they're going to act all weird around him because he's in a wheelchair, then she'll just cancel the dinner altogether! Scenes like this always make me marvel at how Brenda and her inner bitch manage to keep a single friend...let alone friendships with two well-connected A-list gal pals, plus a boyfriend. The Blaze newsroom. Ahn-drea hovers over Brandon and asks him what time the big dinner is. Ugh, Ahn-drea's also invited? Brandon informs her that the dinner is at 7:00pm, so she asks if she can bum a ride with him. He answers by suggesting that she ask Brenda to pick her up, because sooner or later she's going to have to break in her new driver's license. Heh. If I didn't know any better, I'd think that Brandon has just used his sister's poor driving record to avoid being alone in a car with Ahn-drea. Emily Valentine enters the newsroom and announces that she's taking a journalism class this semester and wants to gain some writing experience by writing for the school paper. A smitten Brandon immediately offers to let her help him write the sports page, but Ahn-drea, who is jealous, petty, and intent on keeping Emily as far away from Brandon as possible, assigns Emily to cover boring PTA meetings instead. Emily politely concedes, telling Ahn-drea, "You're the boss". Gaa! I really cannot wait for Gil Meyers to join the faculty of West Beverly High in Season 3, 'cause he gives Ahn-drea the heave-ho from her position as The Blaze's editor-in-chief and awards it to Brandon...and it is so super awesome to watch her meltdown. The Walsh house. Bobby is playing basketball with Brandon, Dylan, and Steve. Kelly makes her appearance and immediately catches Bobby's eye...but he barely has time to flirt with her, 'cause a minute later, Brenda, Donna, and Ahn-drea also arrive. They're a bit late because they had to go pick up Ahn-drea, and Valley traffic was heavy. Of course, it was Donna (not Brenda) who did the driving, which prompts Brandon to lecture his sister about how it's time she started driving. She snaps at him to leave her alone. Later that evening, the gang is playing charades in the living room. Kelly is trying to mime "The Naked Gun", which Bobby correctly guesses. Now that her turn is over, Kelly looks for a place to sit down, and Bobby uses the opportunity to invite her to sit on his lap. This seems like a weird thing to suggest to a girl he barely knows, but Kelly doesn't seem to think it's at all strange. She goes over to him, lowers her caboose on his lap, and puts an arm around him. Mmm hmm. Hours later, the party breaks up. All of the guests, except for Kelly, head home, and Brandon and Brenda announce they're tired and want to go to bed. This leaves Kelly and Bobby alone together. On her way out of the living room, Brenda glares at Kelly and bitchily wishes her a good night. Bobby joins Kelly on the couch, and the two have a friendly chat. She politely inquires about his accident, and he confirms that there's no real chance of him walking ever again, but that he's grateful he didn't end up a quadriplegic. He swiftly changes the subject and invites her to go horseback riding with him tomorrow. She accepts, and the two indulge in some harmless kissing action before she says good night and goes home. As the camera follows Kelly out the door, we see that Brenda had been spying on the two of them through the bannisters of the staircase like a creepy voyeur. The next morning, Brenda wakes Brandon to tell him that she's worried about Kelly and Bobby hooking up. She doesn't think it's possible for a superficial Barbie doll like Kelly to be genuinely interested in a disabled person, and worries that Bobby will get his heart broken. Brandon tells her he's not really worried, but then goes downstairs to talk to Bobby. He finds his cousin on the phone, reserving horses for the afternoon. When he finishes, Brandon warns him about Kelly's general flakiness with boys and urges him to take it slow it with her. Stables. Bobby gets help mounting his horse, but once he's in the saddle he looks like a pretty confident rider. He rides alongside Kelly, while Brenda and Dylan ride together. Brandon is slow to mount his horse and brings up the rear, looking nervous and not in very good control of his horse. They probably should have started him off on a pony. As they trot together, Kelly invites Bobby to come along with the gang to a house party that evening. She warns him that there'll be mostly high school kids there, but he tells her he wants to go because he knows she'll be there. Uh oh. Someone's crushing. House party. Bobby and the gang arrive at the house party. Bobby looks up at the house, which is kind of perched atop a hill, and looks dismayed by all the concrete steps that lead to the front door. Brandon, Dylan, and Steve take charge of the situation and lift him and his chair and carry him up the hill. The party is in full swing when they enter the house. Brenda and Dylan disappear to dance together, while Brandon and Steve go off in search of drinks. Some random girl fake stumbles over Bobby's wheelchair and ends up in his lap and spills her entire drink on his shirt. After that, everything pretty much goes downhill. A long-haired stoned looking guy points to the wheelchair and rudely asks Bobby what happened to him, and as Bobby tries to maneuver around the house, he finds stairs in every direction. A scrumptious piece of eye-candy strides over to greet Kelly. His name is Tal, he's the host of the party, and an old friend of Kelly's. [Mmm...Tal. Why have we never seen this golden-haired hunk before, and why is he not a recurring character?] Tal asks Bobby if he can get him anything, and the now surly Bobby tells him he wants a beer. Tal regretfully informs him that his parents have a strict no-alcohol policy during his house parties. That settled, he turns his attention to Kelly and asks her to dance. Kelly looks hesitantly at Bobby, who stiffly gives her the go ahead. Kelly hands him her purse to hold, which is pretty hilarious, and flounces off to dance with her sexy friend while Bobby sits in his wheelchair, watches the two of them on the dance floor, and looks sad. When Steve comes over, Bobby asks him to tell Brandon he's not feeling well and wants to leave. A few minutes later, Kelly finishes her dance and returns to retrieve her purse from Bobby's lap. Bobby suddenly shifts into self-deprecation mode and talks about how not fun it is to go to a party with him...unless, of course, he were to get drunk and start doing wheelies. That probably wouldn't be any fun for anyone except him. Bobby then squashes any possibility of a romance with Kelly by telling her how great it was to meet her, that she's sexy and looks great when she dances...but that he realizes she couldn't possibly be interested in him romantically. He then goes slightly further off the rails and starts raving about how dating a guy in a wheelchair is a novelty that soon wears off, because sooner or later she's going to want to dance with her boyfriend. Kelly looks confused and stricken by Bobby's angry onslaught. Brandon and Steve come over and Bobby tells his cousin he wants to leave, but that he'll take a cab home so the rest of the gang can stay and enjoy the party. Brandon dutifully goes off in search of Dylan so they can carry Bobby back down the front steps. Steve suddenly channels Brenda's inner bitch and glares at Kelly, snarling, "Nice work, Kel." And then Brenda herself appears and bitchily asks her what she did to crush Bobby's soul. Kelly tries to explain that the evening took a bad turn when he got a drink spilled on him...and that after her dance with Tal, Bobby started acting really dickish toward her. But she insists to Brenda she didn't mean to do anything to hurt him. The Walsh house. Brandon and Bobby are in the living room, talking about what happened that evening. Bobby admits that sometimes he tries to pretend like everything is normal, but then realizes how people must see him. He feels like a drag to everyone, and doesn't believe a woman will ever want to get serious with him, which is why he blew off Kelly during the party. Brandon tells him that that's self-defeating, which it definitely is...but at least they're finally having an honest conversation about Bobby's disability instead of maintaining the annoying facade of fake joviality they've been doing up until now in the episode. Bobby tells him he doesn't understand how difficult it is to be in a wheelchair. He still imagines he can walk, and wonders why this had to happen to him. Brandon then reveals the missing piece of the storyline puzzle by recounting how, three years ago, the two of them went skiing together. They were on a steep hill and Brandon dared Bobby to take the jump, which he did, and hit a tree. Jesus...he's bloody lucky he didn't die instantly. Brandon feels guilty about it, which he probably should, but Bobby tells him not to blame himself. He doesn't want to lose Brandon's friendship by burdening him with the hardships of his disability. Brandon then says that from now on they don't have to go on pretending that everything is perfect...which would mean a lot more if Bobby didn't just disappear into the ether the same way so many other characters from other self-contained Beverly Hills, 90210 episodes have done. The next morning, Bobby is in the kitchen cooking breakfast for everyone again. The doorbell rings and he goes to answer it. It's Kelly, and she wants to talk. They retreat into the kitchen and he offers to make her some freshly squeezed orange juice. Kelly gets right to the point and tells Bobby how unfairly she thinks he treated her last night. She says she likes him and has fun with him. Bobby accuses her of only liking him as a friend, and she's like, "Duh, dude. I've only known you for two days." Kelly then tells him to lighten up, and not expect a girl to give him a lifelong commitment when they first meet. That said, she does admit to thinking about whether or not she could see herself with someone in a wheelchair, but that she knew it wasn't something she could figure out in her head. However, she is hurt that he didn't give her the benefit of the doubt...because she was really just thinking about how much she likes him. Bobby finally does lighten up, and a few seconds later Brenda and Brandon enter the kitchen after shamelessly eavesdropping on their entire conversation. Mama and Papa Walsh also make an appearance, surprised to see Kelly at the house so early. Papa Walsh sees the breakfast that Bobby made and tells him he'll definitely be a welcome addition to the Walsh household if he decides to move to California and attend UCLA. Bobby diplomatically tells his uncle that if he does, in fact, get into UCLA, there's no way in hell he'd want to live at Casa Walsh with all of them. He'll live in the dorm, or get an apartment of his own. Now that Bobby's visit is almost at an end, Brandon asks him what he'd like to do today. Bobby has a great idea: watch Brenda drive a car! The camera then cuts to the next scene, where the four of them are piled in the '65 Mustang with Brenda behind the wheel. She's very nervous about putting the car in reverse, and the four of them almost get hit by a passing car. She manages to make it out of the driveway, but then hits the curb before eventually shifting into drive. License or no license, there's no way in hell this girl should be operating a motorized vehicle. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: This episode opens in a seedy pool hall, where Dylan has been spending several hours shooting pool. As he settles up at the bar, the bartender compliments him on his much improved billiards skills. Dylan is flattered by the compliment, then needlessly mentions that he has to get home and have dinner with his mother. The man chuckles and remarks that he didn't know Dylan was such a mama's boy. That's kind of a leap. Eating a meal with one's mother does not a mama's boy make. West Beverly High. The gang is eating lunch outside, and everyone is trying to coach Dylan on the best way to deal with his mother, Iris. Supposedly she's extremely difficult - even though she really isn't. Dylan's mostly just mad at her for leaving him when he was six years old, which is understandable. Kelly advises him to be honest and tell his mother how he feels, while Donna thinks the best course of action is to tell Iris what he thinks she wants to hear and then just quietly do whatever he wants. Steve concurs that Donna's suggested method is the best approach because parents are generally pretty oblivious. Except, of course, for Mama and Papa Walsh, the home-grown Minnesota bumpkins who represent the gold standard for parenting. Dylan mumbles about how he's totally bummed out because he can't handle a 24 hour, live-in mother. He gives Brenda a chaste kiss, then gets up and slouchily slinks off somewhere so he can mope in private. Once he's out of earshot, Brenda tells the gang she's very worried about him; he's been ditching a lot of school lately and acting really moody. When Steve accurately points out that Dylan is always moody, Brenda insists that Iris is the one responsible for his most recent wave of moodiness. She hasn't met the woman, but says really sarcastically that she "can't wait". Likewise I'm sure, Porcupine. Economics class. The teacher is handing back an assignment for which the students had to develop a portfolio of profitable stock options. Steve and Kelly did very well, while David's picks were losers. But the student who had the most well rounded portfolio with the highest return was Donna...as in Martin. Everyone, including Donna, is like "Wuh?" The teacher then gives Donna an even more swelled head when he compliments her special knack for choosing the most lucrative stocks. Steve, meanwhile, is so pumped up by his faux earnings that after class he tells David, Donna, and Kelly they should invest in stock, like for real. David isn't willing to risk what little cash he has, and Kelly and Donna look unsure about forking over money for something that isn't a sure thing. Steve points out that if Donna had actually invested cash in the stocks she identified in the assignment, she would have made a bundle. As Donna mulls it over, Kelly advises her not to be stupid. Ouch. Ever since Donna discovered that she has a learning disability in the April is the Cruelest Month episode, she doesn't react so well to people calling her stoopid. Suddenly she's motivated to prove her smartness to her skeptics, which ironically are her closest friends, and tells Steve she's totes up for some real life stock purchases. Brenda and Dylan are walking across the school's parking lot together. Brenda is babbling nonsense to make the point that Dylan isn't listening to a word she's saying...and instead of this being a cue for her to shut her pie-hole, she starts nagging at him for not wanting to open up about his mom problems. Dylan apologizes for being so spacey, and the two climb into his Porsche for the drive home from school. When they arrive at Casa Walsh, Dylan is aghast to see Iris's car in the driveway. Wryly he remarks to Brenda that his mother is probably reading Mama Walsh's palm. At the kitchen table, Iris is showing Mama Walsh how to feel the pulsating of the earth by rubbing the palms of her hands together. I tried that, but the only thing I felt was really warm palms. Mama Walsh, who seems very grateful to have an exciting new friend enhancing her humdrum life, enthusiastically rubs her palms together and pretends to feel the earth move. She's all, "Whoa!" which pleases Iris enormously. LOL. Brenda and Dylan enter the kitchen, and Dylan bluntly asks Iris what she's doing here. Iris explains that when she called the Walsh house in an effort to track him down, she and Mama Walsh got to talking - and before she knew it she was invited over for a mother-to-mother bonding session. Brenda bitchily asks Dylan if he's going to introduce her to his mother...but before he gets a chance, Iris springs up from her chair and runs over to Brenda. She gushes about how her psychic powers have revealed to her that Brenda is strong-willed, loving, and intensely loyal. Naturally Brenda agrees with this assessment, even though pigheaded, loathsome, and self-absorbed are far more accurate descriptors of her shitty personality. Mama Walsh asks Brenda to help her set the table because she has invited Iris and Dylan to stay for dinner. Dylan immediately looks grumpy - well, grumpier - at the prospect of having to eat across the Walsh dinner table from his mother. Bank. To prepare for her stock market shopping spree, Donna withdraws all of her savings and closes her bank account. Not sure why she had to completely close the account, but OK. Kelly is at the bank with her, grumbling about how stupid she is to throw away her hard-earned money on such a risky venture. There's that word stupid again. Donna looks hurt by the name-calling, and after the teller hands her her cash, she gives Kelly a frosty look and flounces away angrily. The Walsh house. During dinner, Iris is grousing about how much L.A. has changed since she moved to the tranquil paradise that is Hawaii. She definitely prefers Hawaii to L.A. and describes to the Walshes the awesomeness of her "tree-house at the top of a pineapple mountain". That sounds...imaginary. Like something out of a children's nursery rhyme. Dylan rolls his eyes, clearly weary of listening to Iris blather on about "paradise". Papa Walsh decides to jump head-first into this one-sided conversation and inquires about what sort of work Iris did in Hawaii. She tells him that she sold t-shirts on the beach and then joined an archaeological expedition. But mostly she spent a lot of time just mellowing out. She then gazes intensely at Papa Walsh and tells him how Hawaii is a great place to drop one's inhibitions, suggestively suggesting that if he ever went there, he should grow a beard and swim naked. Ew and ew. She then tells the Walshes that Hawaii really mellowed out Dylan...but Dylan swiftly argues he wasn't so much mellowed out as bored out of his gourd. When Iris wants to share what a psychic once told her about Dylan, he makes it clear he has no interest in being the next topic of conversation and abruptly leaves the table. Brenda quickly follows him, and the two talk outside. He complains to Brenda that Iris is driving him to the brink of madness...but Brenda tells him she doesn't think Iris is really all that bad and suggests that she's just trying to be a mom. Brenda then brings up their recent camping trip, and throws it in his face what a killjoy he was during that weekend. She reminds him that all he did during the entire episode was whine and bitch about how little Iris cares about him. Suddenly the front door opens, and Iris steps outside and tells Dylan it's time for them to go home. She hugs Mama Walsh goodbye, and bids Brenda adieu by calling her "a magical young lady". That Iris really likes to talk some bullshit. Dylan says goodnight to Brenda, promises to call her later, and grimly trudges behind his mother. As the Walshes clean up the dinner dishes, Papa Walsh tells his family he thinks Iris is eccentric. Brenda calls her flat out weird, while Brandon and Mama Walsh agree that her kookiness is somewhat charming. Brenda then spoils the levity of the moment when she points out that it really only matters what Dylan thinks of Iris...and it's not good. Dylan's house. Now that they're alone, Iris tells Dylan what she really thinks of Brenda...which is that she has "an extremely negative aura". D'yuh. Talk about a giant understatement...but it's immensely rewarding to know that someone in the Beverly Hills, 90210 universe - even if it's just a recurring character - is clued in enough to see through to Brenda's inner bitch at first glance. Iris chalks up Brenda's sour disposition to her being a "scorp"...a sign, incidentally, that isn't astrologically compatible to Dylan's sign. All of this trash-talking about his girlfriend pisses Dylan off, and he barks at his mother that their relationship is none of her business...and to further punctuate his displeasure, he gets up and storms out of the house. Pool hall. Dylan shows up to shoot some pool and blow off steam. And by blow off steam, I mean drink himself silly. He orders a beer and chases it with a shot. The bartender informs him that a skid named Falcone wants to play him for money. Dylan is into that idea and rapidly binge drinks his entire mug of beer. West Beverly High. Brandon and Ahn-drea are in The Blaze newsroom, about to put the paper to bed when Brenda bursts in to share her distress about Dylan "flipping out". It's the third day this week he's ditched school, and Brenda has no idea where he goes. Brandon is unsympathetic about Dylan's propensity toward drunkenness and tells his sister that Dylan's truancy is his problem. Ahn-drea is slightly more sympathetic and advises Brenda that all they can really do is be good listeners when he's ready to talk about his mom problems. She then nosily asks if Iris is really that bad, and Brandon says no at the exact same time Brenda says yes. Brenda insists that Iris is a "space case", while Brandon maintains that she's merely a little flaky. Brenda then sternly reminds Brandon that Iris is so nuts that she's taking their mother to a mind gym that day. Hmm...a mind gym. Sounds like a place where people go and imagine they're working out. Mind gym. Iris and Mama Walsh are barefoot and decked out in their mind gym workout gear. They enter a private room and recline on cone-shaped lazy-boy type chairs. They each put on a pair of dark shades, which launches some sort of simulated faux LSD trip inside their heads. Groovy. The Peach Pit. Brenda and Dreary Dylan are sitting at a table together. At the counter Nat asks Brandon why Dylan is more morose than usual, so Brandon tells him he's having issues with his mother. Back at the table, Brenda rebukes Dylan for skipping school and causing her to worry. When he insists he's fine, she snaps that he doesn't look fine. She then reminds him about an important trigonometry test coming up that they need to study for, so he agrees to come over to her house later and hit the books. For now, though, he has somewhere to be, and grouchily staggers off in the direction of the seedy pool hall. Mind gym. The faux LSD trip is over, and the brains of Mama Walsh and Iris have returned to their default lucidity. They sit at a table and a mind gym waitress serves each of them a disgusting concoction of ginger, garlic, and orange. Iris tells Mama Walsh that she comes to the mind gym a few times a week - I'm guessing she has a mind gym membership. (Thank you folks! I'll be here all week!) She likes to regularly chill out from the stress of dealing with her uncommunicative, surly son. She remarks that she knows she can't erase her mistakes of the past...but is now determined to do something about the future. The Peach Pit. Donna and Steve enter the diner and seat themselves at the counter. Steve fake orders an elaborate celebratory meal from Nat, then explains that he and Donna bought stock that's already gone through the roof. Donna, however, is ready to sell and bank her earnings. Steve disagrees with that idea and insists on letting the profits ride. Like the horse's ass he proves himself to be in every episode, he remarks that while Donna may look like a dumb blonde, she's really the wizard of Wall Street. Pool hall. Dylan is chugging more beer and shooting pool. Falcone, a greasy young hustler, approaches him and challenges him to a game. The Walsh house. Mama Walsh, who's still under Iris's Svengali-like spell, serves her family some overly spicy Pakistani take-out for dinner. The grub makes Papa Walsh tear up, and Brenda declares that it's inedible then accuses her mother of "going off the deep end". Dramatic much? Brenda then launches into another whining session about the evils of Iris, and how she needs to lighten up on Dylan. Mama Walsh stands up for her new BFF and bravely retorts that Dylan doesn't exactly make things easy for Iris either...and Brenda counter-retorts that Dylan's so wound up he's liable to snap at any moment. Pool hall. Dylan is shooting pool with Falcone, and he's on a winning streak. Falcone looks pissed off when he loses the game, and unhappily hands over $500. A cocky Dylan takes the pile of cash and guzzles the rest of his beer. The Walsh house. It's the middle of the night when the doorbell rings. Brenda rushes downstairs and finds a sloshed Dylan on her doorstep. He drunkenly leans toward her for a kiss, but she's repulsed by his booze-laden breath, and shoves him away. Dylan staggers inside and heads straight for the Walsh's liquor cabinet. He's annoyed that Mama and Papa Walsh don't stock the kind of scotch he favors, so he pours himself a glass of something else...I'll assume it's whiskey. Brenda is furious at his rude, drunken behavior and eventually orders him to get the hell out of her house. After a few gulps, he puts his drink down, gives her a dirty look, and snarls that he can't count on her. He lurches toward the door...and probably gets behind the wheel of his Porsche before drunkenly weaving the streets all the way home. Nice job, Brenda. Brandon's room. Brenda enters Brandon's room to tell her brother about the drama that just occurred downstairs. She asks Brandon if he thinks she screwed up by throwing Dylan out, but he assures her that she didn't. Brandon then comes clean with Brenda about Dylan's mini-bender during the Camping Trip episode. He says he didn't want to make a big deal about it at the time, but Brenda snaps that it IS a big deal, and that, like everything else, it's all Iris's fault. Brandon points out that life is a bit more complicated than relentlessly scapegoating Iris for Dylan's bad behavior. He tells her that Dylan needs to be held responsible for his inebriation issues. West Beverly High. The economics teacher is talking to the class about stocks, specifically the issue of holding and selling. Donna turns to Steve and whispers to him that now that they've tripled their money, they should sell - but he disagrees. The teacher interrupts their private conversation and asks them to share what they're discussing, so Donna tells the class that people who make a profit off the stock market shouldn't get greedy. After class, she announces to Steve that she's taking an honest profit and getting out. Steve tells her not to be stupid, which marks the third time Donna gets called stupid during this episode. All of this bitchy name-calling makes her even more determined to follow her instincts and sell her stocks. Brenda and Kelly are standing in front of their lockers when Dylan saunters over. He kisses Brenda good morning and apologizes for his drunken house-call last night. Brandon leans toward Dylan and sniffs him, remarking how much like a stenchy brewery he smells. Incidentally, today is the day of the big trigonometry test, and Kelly makes a wisecrack about how boozed-up Dylan will probably ace it. Angrily he tells her to shut up, and Kelly barks back that the only thing worse than a drunk is a mean drunk. True enough. Dylan would be so much more enjoyable to watch if drinking mellowed him the fuck out. Dylan gets pissy, decides he can't deal with school that day, and stalks off. Kelly urges Brenda and Brandon to not get sucked into Dylan's addiction problems and just let him hit rock bottom. Brenda's reluctant to stand by and let Dylan hurt himself, but Kelly - who went through exactly this kind of shit with her ex-druggie mom - insists it's actually not helpful to try to save him. Brandon manages to stop Dylan before he drives away in his Porsche. He grabs the keys and tells Dylan that he'll drive him anywhere he wants to go. Not surprisingly, he tells Brandon he wants to spend the day at the seedy pool hall. Pool hall. A dismayed Brandon observes Dylan as he drunkenly shoots pool with Falcone. Brandon's shocked when Falcone tells him he's already won back the $500 he lost from Dylan the previous night. Brandon tries to persuade Dylan to leave and warns his wino friend that Falcone is playing him for a chump. Walsh house. It's 10:30pm, and Iris is over at the Walsh house, worried that Dylan is still out somewhere, carousing. She confides in Mama Walsh that sometimes he doesn't come home until well after midnight, and that last night he didn't come home at all. She suspects he's drinking again and is at her wit's end with his moody, slouchy demeanor. In the meantime, Brenda arrives home. Mama Walsh and Iris ask her if she knows where Brandon and Dylan are, but she has no idea. She tells them she knows Dylan has been drinking, but that today Brandon refused to let him drive. Iris grumbles that maybe Brandon should have refused to let him drink - a remark that unleashes a fury-filled response from Brenda's inner bitch. She snaps at Iris, telling her she has no right to criticize Brandon when he's been there for Dylan, unlike her negligent ass. I don't usually side with Brenda's inner bitch on any issue, but I have to agree. Mama Walsh tries to smooth everything over and assures Iris that if Dylan is with Brandon the Boy Scout, then he's fine. Pool hall. Falcone wins the pool game, and Dylan tells him he wants a chance to get even. Falcone refuses and just wants Dylan to pay up what he owes. Dylan admits that he doesn't have the money on him...and as soon as the words leave his mouth, a bunch of Falcone's hooligans surround Dylan and Brandon. A few minutes later they're taken outside, and Brandon is physically restrained while Dylan gets the crap beaten out of him by the hooligans. When they're done thrashing him, Falcone warns him that he wants his $800 by tomorrow. The hooligans go back inside the pool hall, and Brandon helps Dylan stagger to his feet. The Walsh house. It's 1:00am and Mama and Papa Walsh, Iris, and Brenda are worriedly waiting in the living room. Brandon arrives home with a bloodied-up Dylan, who immediately gets into an argument with Iris about staying out late once again. He rants about how he can't respect her because of the way she walked out on him when he was six. Meanwhile, the Walshes discreetly disappear to the kitchen to give them privacy. Brandon assures his irked father that he wasn't involved in any drinking or pool hustling - he was just trying to keep Dylan out of trouble. Papa Walsh tells him he no longer feels any sympathy toward Dylan, and thinks that the slouchy lad has deeply rooted problems that are too far beyond their coping abilities. He also tells Brenda he doesn't want her to hang out with the troublemaking lush until he has a better grip on his life. Living room. Iris is at a loss with how to handle her boozy son. She tells him she loves him, but he doesn't buy it. He gets up and walks out of the house, leaving Iris to rant to Mama Walsh that "this is ridiculous". It is ridiculous. And tiresome. We're not even halfway through Season 2 and I'm already tired of all the screen time that gets devoted to Dylan's ongoing alcohol problems. Iris whines that she doesn't know how to be a mother, and Mama Walsh says it's not possible to figure out motherhood in one month...but insists that Dylan still needs her. Iris finally admits that because she walked out on Dylan, she doesn't expect him to forgive her, and that she doesn't deserve to be part of his life. Outside the Walsh house, Brenda relays Papa Walsh's edict to Dylan that she's not allowed to see him until he gets his head screwed on straight. She tells him she doesn't want to lose him, and Dylan hugs her, promising all will be aw right. West Beverly High. Before class, Steve runs into Donna and Kelly and bitches at Donna about the shoe company they invested in, which burned to the ground. He now regrets listening to her and her stupid ideas. That's a total of four stupids lobbed at Donna this episode. She haughtily tells him he should have listened to her when she advised him to sell, and reveals that she sold her stock right after he called her stupid the other time. She points out that she made a lot of money, and that he shouldn't ever call her stupid again. Dense, dumb, or half-witted are still on the table, however. Dylan's house. The next morning, Iris makes Dylan a big tasty breakfast. He feels bad about his outburst last night and apologizes for blurting out that he has no respect for her. She tells him he's entitled to feel that way and knows she can't make up for all those lost years. She wants to be there for him, but finally accepts that he doesn't need a full-time mother. She tells him it's obvious that he can take good care of himself, which is both funny and ironic since his face is still bruised up from his drunken adventures the night before. Iris deduces that the best thing for her to do is abandon him again give him his freedom. However, before she leaves, she hands him a big check. Turns out when she split with Jack, he gave her a lot of money to stay out of Dylan's life, but she never spent a penny of it. She's now going to hand it over to Papa Walsh so he can set up a trust fund, which will allow Dylan to become an emancipated minor. She tells him to make a good life for himself, and that maybe the two of them can build a relationship based on something real...and if all goes well, maybe someday he'll want to call her "mom" instead of the less maternal Iris. The Walsh house. Iris arrives to say goodbye and thank the Walshes. She hugs Mama Walsh and asks her to take care of Dylan. Brenda apologizes to Iris for snapping at her last night, and they both agree that Dylan is not an easy guy to love. He's also not an easy guy for me to watch on my 50" flat screen TV when all he does most of the time is look miserable and drunkenly stumble around As Dylan loads up the car with Iris's luggage, Brandon tells him that when he returns from the airport, there's someplace they have to go. Dylan assumes he means to the seedy pool hall so he can pay Falcone the money he owes him...but the someplace Brandon is referring to is the place Dylan once took him when he needed a friend: an AA meeting. You are wise, Grasshopper Brandon. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! |
Beverly Hills, 90210 homepageRecapper: Isabel K. French
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