Recap: The Walshes are hosting a neighborhood-watch meeting in their living room. The man chairing the meeting is scaring the bejeezus out of all these rich people about how quickly a robbery can occur, and he's doing this because he's a salesman, trying his best to get new customers to subscribe to a home alarm system. Incidentally, it looks as though the Walshes have just signed up. After the meeting adjourns, Mama Walsh chats it up with Mrs. Cooper, a snooty, racially intolerant busybody who lives nearby. Mrs. Cooper whispers to Mama Walsh in a disdain-filled voice that "new people" have recently moved into the neighborhood - and by "new people" she means an African-American family. I'm sure we can all guess who's not coming to dinner at the Cooper house... West Beverly High. As everyone arrives at school in the morning, some unknown person is roving around campus taking photographs. The mystery photographer narrows in on Brenda and Dylan and takes shots of them as they talk about Dylan's mother, Iris. Brenda tells Dylan that she wants to meet her, but Dylan thinks his mother is too much of a crackpot to be introduced to any of his friends. Since the next episode focuses almost exclusively on Iris McKay, I'll be covering her crackpotted ways in my next recap. Until then, let's move on. Brandon enters The Blaze newsroom to find Ahn-drea in a rare good mood. She's looking through a stack of photographs and announces to Brandon that, at long last, they've found a staff photographer. The name of this artistic genius is Robinson Ash III. Neither has met the lad, but Brandon is immediately turned off by the pretentiousness of the name. He assumes the kid must be rich, snotty, and arrogant, which is a reasonable assumption since any teenager who would purposely refer to himself as Robinson Ash III to his high school peers has to be at least somewhat self-absorbed. Ahn-drea tells Brandon to go seek out this kid and tell him that he's hired. 'Cause even though she's the editor-in-chief, she's unwilling to do it because of her self-described "intensity" and her general horribleness at interacting with new people. Even on a good day Ahn-drea is a very odd duck...but at least this revelation proves she's somewhat aware of her deficiencies. Brandon goes to the Tech Room to track down this Robinson fellow. He sees a preppy looking blonde kid and assumes it's him, so when he calls out, "Robinson Ash III?" he's surprised when a short little African-American boy answers back. Since everyone seems to call this kid "Robbie" throughout the rest of the episode, we can assume that the whole Robinson Ash III thing was thrown into the script to self-righteously demonstrate to viewers how even a fair-minded guy like Brandon Walsh can be guilty of stereotyping what a person who has digits after his last name should look like. Shame shame double shame, Brandon. He compliments Robbie on his amazing photography skills, and Robbie tells him how badly he wants to become the next staff photographer for The Blaze. Sounds like a dream come true, except that I'm pretty sure Robbie will become the next volunteer photographer for The Blaze since no one actually gets paid to work on that rag. Later, Robbie is snapping some photos of the school band as they rehearse. Brandon sees him hard at work and comes over to ask how it's going. Robbie goofs around about how he's afraid that the photos won't be very good, or even in focus...and Brandon falls for it and gets laughed at. But then, a few minutes later, when Robbie asks Brandon for a lift home, Brandon gets the last laugh when he pretends like he doesn't want to be seen in the same car as Robbie, when in fact he's totally up for becoming instant best friends with the kid. This show is so adorably cheeseball in the way it tries so hard to tackle complex issues like race relations in America. Mama Walsh rings the doorbell of the "new people's" house and meets Mrs. Ash, who is also Robbie's mother. Mama Walsh hands her a plate of baked goods, and the two women have a friendly chat about the neighborhood. Mama Walsh gives her a pamphlet about the neighborhood-watch and informs her about the recent robberies in the area. Brandon's car. Robbie tells Brandon he's really happy to live in Beverly Hills after toughing it out for so many years in Inglewood, which he refers to as the 'hood. He explains that his family is rich now because his father is the founder/CEO of Papa's Popcorn, a tasty and popular snack. As they pull into the driveway of a swanky white house, Robbie offers Brandon a free supply of flavored popcorn in exchange for rides to and from school. Brandon agrees to the deal, and after dropping Robbie off, he backs out of the driveway. Seconds later he gets his back-end rammed into by a gorgeous young Vivica A. Fox, who plays Robbie's sister. She leaps out of her car and gets all in Brandon's face, blaming him for damaging her brand new car. Brandon wants to follow the proper procedures and exchange information so they can file claims with their insurance companies, but Vivica refuses. She tells him she's going to talk about it with her father, who'll probably slap Brandon with a lawsuit. Geez, Vivica...overreact much? Brandon responds by copping an attitude of his own. He swivels his neck and snipes back that his father is no slouch either (the hell he's not, Brandon) and that when Papa Walsh is done with her, she'll wish she never graduated from driver's training. I'm not sure what Brandon is actually threatening here, but he sure looks funny when he gets hisself all puffed up. The Walsh house. When Brandon tells his parents about the car accident, Papa Walsh tells him he'll pay for the damage. He wants to avoid offending the Ashes, which could call into question the Walsh family's well established track record of their fair and non-prejudicial treatment of people of all races. Plus he wants to keep their insurance premiums intact. Brandon argues that paying for the damage to the cars goes against his strongly-felt principles, but eventually his whining gets shut down by Mama Walsh, who snappishly orders him accept their decision and let it go. But Brandon can't seem to let it go, because he then complains to Brenda about how incensed he is that Vivica A. Fox will simply get away with hitting his car. He fumes at the thought of her at home right now, gloating about it. The Ash house. Vivica is embroiled in an argument with her father, insisting that the fender bender was Brandon's fault and that he should should be sued. But Papa Ash is well aware of her reckless driving habits, and so he doubts her version of events. He also doesn't want her making a spectacle of herself by suing the neighbors, and reminds his daughter that they don't live in the 'hood anymore. He also throws in that one of the reasons they moved out of Inglewood was to put as much distance between her and her deadbeat boyfriend as possible. Papa Ash tells her he's going to pay for the damage to both vehicles, then orders his daughter to go to the Walsh house and tell this to Brandon. Vivica is on her way over to the Walsh house when she runs into Brandon, who is on his way to her house to tell her that Papa Walsh insists on paying for the damage. The two suddenly laugh at the pig-headedness of their respective fathers, and soon their feelings of anger and hostility turn to warm fuzziness. The Walsh house. The security alarm starts blaring in the wee hours of the morning. Brandon isn't able to disarm it, so Mama and Papa Walsh rush downstairs to key in the passcode, but it won't work for them either. After keying it in a few more times, Papa Walsh finally manages to turn it off. Later that morning, Brandon and Brenda are in the '65 Mustang, on their way to school. Brandon turns into the Ash's driveway to pick up Robbie and almost gets into another accident with Vivica. She's on her way to school, though she doesn't go to West Beverly High - she still goes to her old school in the 'hood. Brandon asks her why she doesn't attend West Beverly High, and then the scene cuts out. In The Blaze newsroom, Brandon is recounting Vivica's response to Ahn-drea: Vivica apparently wouldn't be caught dead going to a school populated by so many cashed-up snobs. Hee! Ahn-drea points out the irony of someone who deliberately chooses not to attend West Beverly High, while she herself lives out-of-district and is so desperate to attend West Beverly High that she's doing so illegally. Ahn-drea has a real knack of making everything all about her. She tells Brandon that she finds Vivica's life to be a fascinating story and would love to exploit it in the next issue of The Blaze. Brandon tells her he has no interest in having another conversation with this girl, so Ahn-drea suggests asking Robbie to act as a go-between. West Beverly High. During lunch, Steve sees Robbie taking photographs and remarks to the gang that the kid always has his camera pointed at him. Donna says that he reminds her of a black David Silver, and Brenda blabs to everyone that she thinks Brandon has a thing for Robbie's sister. Brandon finds Robbie and tells him he'd like to interview his sister for an article in the school paper. Robbie's fine with it, but he warns Brandon that Vivica's not so crazy about white people. The Ash house. Vivica calls up her boyfriend, Devo, who works at a low-budget eatery in the 'hood called Tamale Heaven. A guy named Ramon answers the phone, and Devo discreetly tells him he doesn't want to talk to Vivica. Robbie, meanwhile, arrives home with Brandon in tow. Mama Ash sweeps down the large staircase, looking fabulous in a fancy white evening gown. Her husband is being honored by the Chamber of Commerce, so the two of them are going out for the evening. Robbie whines that he invited Brandon to stay for dinner, so Mama Ash suggests feeding him some of Papa's Popcorn. That's a pretty skimpy meal to offer a dinner guest. Back at Tamale Heaven, Ramon passes the phone to Devo, and he reluctantly talks to Vivica. She invites him over to the house since her parents are out for the evening, but Devo is reluctant to show up there because he knows how much her father detests him. Vivica gets angry, challenges him to break up with her, then hangs up on him. This girl is definitely a high-maintenance handful. As she pouts about her boyfriend's lack of enthusiasm to see her, she looks across the room and notices Brandon standing there. The two banter and flirt...and a few minutes later Brandon informs Robbie that he has to bail on their popcorn dinner because he's taking Vivica out for the evening. Tamale Heaven. Devo and Ramon are discussing the exclusive ritziness of Beverly Hills. Ramon encourages Devo to make his girl happy and go over to her house for the evening. He then advises Devo to class himself up by changing his grease-stained shirt and buying her some flowers. The Peach Pit. Brandon is introducing Vivica to the West Beverly gang. They're very friendly...except when Kelly whispers to Brandon how hip it is of him to be on a date with a non-caucasian. How un-hip and condescending of you to make a remark like that, Kelly. Devo is at a pay phone, trying to figure out his girlfriend's address. It's a little weird that Vivica never gave it to him, but OK. Devo has taken Ramon's advice and changed, so he's now wearing a festive, colorful shirt. Also, he went flower shopping and bought a nice-looking bouquet. The Walsh house. Something has set off the Walsh's security alarm again. Mama Walsh is on the phone with the meddling Mrs. Cooper, who immediately called security patrol. After several tries at keying in the passcode, Papa Walsh finally manages to turn it off. He's starting to look steamed about this very loud, defective piece of shit that's probably pissing off the entire neighborhood. Night has fallen, and Devo is ambling down a Beverly Hills street, carrying his flowers. A little dog runs up to him and barks, and he irritably tells it to go away. At that moment, a West Beverly Patrol car rolls up, and two officers step out and stride over to him. They ask Devo where he's going, but then barely listen as he explains that he's visiting his girlfriend but doesn't know the exact address. The two officers then grab him and forcibly restrain him while they falsely accuse him of being responsible for the recent burglaries in the area. The Walsh house. The next morning, Brenda tells Brandon that she liked meeting Vivica and hopes that she liked all of them too. She asks Brandon if the two of them kissed, but he wryly informs her that she already has a boyfriend. Downstairs, Mama Walsh is on the phone with the meddlesome Mrs. Cooper again. She's inaccurately gossiping to Cindy about how patrol officers found a prowler in the neighborhood last night, and that he's a friend of Vivica's. The Ash house. Brandon stops by to find out more about the incident involving the patrol officers. Robbie answers the door, but he's evasive and moody. He tells Brandon he didn't hear or see anything...and that he just wants to forget about the whole thing. When Brandon asks him how his sister is doing, Robbie tersely says "fine" and then closes the door in his face. Papa Ash is admonishing Vivica about the incident last night. She tries to argue that she wasn't even home when it all went down, but he doesn't buy Devo's presence on their street as being merely a coincidence. He accuses his daughter of inviting this "thug" to their house, and is embarrassed about what the neighbors must be thinking. He also hates that she's sneaking around with a high school dropout, and reminds her how hard he's worked to buy a house in Beverly Hills. Mama Ash says she thinks the whole thing will blow over, and that soon the incident will be forgotten. She's right about it being forgotten. In fact, as soon as this self-contained episode is over, the entire Ash family will be yesterday's news. West Beverly High. Kelly and Steve needle Brandon about what happened between him and Vivica after they left the Peach Pit. Steve specifically wants to know if there's any jungle fever happening. It's interesting to note that even though Steve only had about three lines during this entire episode, he still manages to come off as a horse's ass. Brandon irritably tells Steve and Kelly that they should consider getting back together again...and it's not intended as a compliment. The Blaze newsroom. Ahn-drea is complaining about not being able to put the paper to bed without a sports page. Brandon apologizes and explains that he's behind in his sportswriting because ever since he discovered an injustice in his world, he can't seem to get it out of his mind. He's convinced that the West Beverly Patrol officers are loose canons who had no right to detain and harass an innocent person...and then wonders aloud if they're accountable to anyone. Ahn-drea suggests that he talk to the person who was target of their abuse. Brandon doesn't know his name, so he seeks out Robbie to see if he can squeeze that information out of him. Robbie is still being standoffish and just wants to forget the whole thing mostly 'cause his parents are still mad about Devo sniffing around their daughter. But Brandon insists to Robbie that this is a breaking news story and kind of threatens the kid's position as staff photographer if he doesn't help him pursue this to a satisfactory conclusion. Naturally Robbie gets mad and threatens to quit photographing for The Blaze. He then accuses Brandon of being a user, and only seeing him as "the new black kid on the block". I'm not exactly sure what he means by that remark, or why he's so pissed off at Brandon because of what went down with Devo, but I'm going to chalk it up to this being a particularly nonsensically written scene. Brandon's car. Brandon is railing to Brenda about how Robbie basically called him a racist. Brenda just kind of rolls her eyes and challenges him to think about why he's so angry. Could it be that there's a kernel of truth to Robbie's assertions? Hmm...no, I actually don't think so. The Ash house. Brandon intercepts Vivica just as she arrives home. Robbie obviously told her about the newspaper article because she's suddenly all mad and thinks Brandon only went out with her because he wanted to interview her forThe Blaze. But before Brandon can offer any sort of rebuttal, the Walsh's home alarm goes off again. Vivica snidely tells Brandon to rush home because "some negro might be trying to break into his house." I still don't get why there's so much hostility being lobbed at Brandon because of what happened to Devo. The Walsh house. Mama Walsh is on the phone with Mrs. Cooper again, who tells her she's going to call the security company. Brandon arrives home and snaps at his mother that he wants the security alarm permanently disabled. Fortunately, the security rep is at the house with a couple of electricians. They're replacing all of the circuits in the alarm so it won't keep going off. Brandon suddenly gets a bright idea and asks the security rep about the incident that occurred last night, specifically if he knows the name of the boy who was harassed by the officers. He gets the information he needs, and then tells Brenda that he's off to the 'hood to chase a story. The 'hood. Brandon is driving around Inglewood, looking for Tamale Heaven. He finds it, parks his car, and starts walking toward the restaurant. He's immediately confronted by a threesome of tough looking kids. They give him the once-over and advance ominously toward him. At that moment, Devo comes out of the restaurant's back door to throw away a bag of trash. He sizes up the situation, gives the kids a quick lecture, and tells them to scat. Which, of course, they immediately do. Devo gives Brandon a disdainful once-over and assumes he's there to score some drugs. He sternly advises him to return to "his side of the hill", and then goes back inside the restaurant. Brandon trails after him and explains that he's Vivica's neighbor...and asks if he's Devo. He then tells Devo that he's a reporter for his school's newspaper and wants to interview him about what happened in Beverly Hills last night. He notices the horrible bruise on Devo's face and asks if that happened when the cops "jacked him up". Bwahahaha! Devo mocks Brandon's faux 'hood lingo because, yeah, Brandon sounds pretty damn funny when he tries to act street smart. Unfazed, Brandon insists that last night's incident is an important story, but Devo just tells him that he shouldn't feel welcome roaming around alleyways in the 'hood. He then provides Brandon with a brief biography and tells him that he's the only non-criminal of all his siblings, and that he works very hard at Tamale Heaven to make his long-suffering mother proud. He invokes the beating of Rodney King and says that that sort of thing happens so often in L.A. - the only difference in that particular case was that the attack was captured on film. True that. And then, just when all hope for a Blaze exclusive is lost, Vivica shows up at Tamale Heaven with Brenda and Robbie. Brenda was very worried when Brandon left on his mission in the 'hood, so she went straight to the Ashes to ask for help in locating Vivica's boyfriend. Vivica walks over to Devo and hugs him, and asks if he's alright. They both agree they need to talk...but first it's time for some tamales! Robbie has had a complete change of heart and now thinks that Brandon should write the story about the abuse Devo suffered at the hands of the West Beverly patron officers and publish it in the school paper. He even offers to take photographs to accompany the article. The Walsh house. The gang is over, along with Robbie...and David Silver for some reason. Everyone is enjoying the various flavors of Papa's Popcorn. Dylan is reading through the latest issue of The Blaze, and says how great it is. He then reads a few lines out loud from Brandon's "eloquent" article. Mrs. Cooper comes over to express her disappointment at the Walshes for cancelling their contract with the security company. Mama Walsh diplomatically tells the uppity bat to mind her own damn business, and then quickly ditches her 'cause they have company. After closing the door on her, Mama Walsh rushes back to the dining room, where Papa Walsh and the Ashes are seated. The two couples continue to enjoy their delightful visit. Brandon is driving down the street in his neighborhood and encounters Vivica, also in her car. They stop and briefly chat. She tells him she's allowed to see Devo again, and is currently on her way to the 'hood to treat herself to another tamale...wink wink. She credits Brandon's article in The Blaze for helping inspire her father to rediscover his roots. Boy, that Brandon really is one super awesome guy. The two wish each other a safe drive, and that's the last we ever see or hear from the Ash family. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
8 Comments
Recap: It's the first day of school, and we're treated to a Brandon Walsh dream sequence, an idea which the writers shamelessly recycled from The Green Room episode in Season 1. Brandon is lounging at the beach, being groomed and fondled by three adoring girls. He then stares hungrily at a hot blonde woman striding toward him, calling out his name in a sexy, breathy voice. But then her voice slowly transmutes into the shrillness that is Brenda's voice...and a few seconds later Brenda is waking him up to get ready for school. We get a montage of the gang getting ready for school. Kelly is trying on various shoes to find the ones that best go with her jeans and red blazer, Steve can't decide which shirt looks best, and Donna restyles her hair a bunch of times and comes up with a scary looking 'do. Ahn-drea spends her morning sharpening pencils because a) she doesn't have any fashion sense, and b) trying to style her over-processed hair would be an exercise in futility. West Beverly High. Brandon and Brenda pull up in the school's parking lot in the yellow '65 Mustang convertible. They spend a moment reminiscing about their first day of school a year ago, when they had just moved to L.A. and pulled up in Mondale, Brandon's shitty brown car. Brenda's outfit for the big day is a pair of baggy brown pants and a striped shirt with a loosely tied tie around her neck. Blech - I am not a fan of the 'shirt and tie' look on women. Within a few minutes, the twins meet up with Donna, Kelly, and Steve, and they all stop for a moment and stare at the front of the school building with a look of resigned dread. David is in the radio booth, continuing his schtick as "the voice of West Beverly". Scott Scanlon knocks on the window to say hi. He's wearing a very large cowboy hat that he must have picked up during his summer in Oklahoma. Over the air, David announces that the school will be hosting Hello Day, and Brenda suggests to Kelly and Donna that they show a little school spirit for the occasion and do some kind of performance. I've never heard of Hello Day, so I have no idea if it's something the writers made up, or if it's a real thing high schools in the U.S. do. Anyway, Kelly doesn't have any school spirit and therefore has no interest in performing anything on Hello Day...but Donna's totally up for it. Scott enters the radio booth, and he and David get caught up. They start off by asking each other if they scored in the sack, and neither did. Big surprise. David then stares at Scott's giant cowboy hat with dismay and remarks that it's kind of...big. Scott explains that it's a Stetson and that it's supposed to be big. He hands David some country western music CDs, which David also looks at with dismay. Scott suggests that he play some of the songs on his radio show, and David responds by curling his lips with distaste. And so begins the rift between their friendship. Someone on a motorcycle pulls into the school parking lot at the exact same time Dylan rolls up in his Porsche. He stares over at the motorcyclist, mesmerized when the person turns out to be an attractive girl with short blonde hair and dark roots...and a guitar strapped across her back. Dylan smiles to himself and saunters over to her. He remarks that they're both late on their first day of school, and they banter for a minute before introducing themselves. Her name is Emily Valentine, and she's just transferred to Beverly Hills from Marin County. So far she's not thrilled with L.A., so Dylan gets all flirty talking up the great things about L.A. living, then boldly asks her out on a date. Brandon's at his locker when Emily approaches. It looks as though her locker is going to be next to his locker this semester. She complains that the lockers are too small to accommodate her guitar...which they probably are, but I don't get why she has to lug that dumb thing around while she's in class all day anyway. She and Brandon introduce each other, and he assures her that once she settles in, she'll love West Beverly High. He also knows of a place where she can stash her guitar for the day, which turns out to be The Blaze newsroom. They go to the newsroom, chit-chat some more, and Brandon impulsively invites her to a football game. She looks like she'd be totally into it, but before she can answer, Ahn-drea bursts into the newsroom and starts babbling to Brandon in her usual annoying rambley way about all the stories she wants to publish in the paper that year. Brandon cuts her off and greets her with a calm and pleasant "Good morning." Ahn-drea stops, chuckles, and becomes self-aware for about three seconds before she launches into another mind-numbing babble about how she's been in the newsroom since 7:00am, is totally wired, and that she wants this year's paper to be even better than it was last year...maybe even award winning. Be still my heart. She's interrupted again, this time by Emily, who asks her if she can stash her guitar in the newsroom. Ahn-drea tells her it's fine, gives Emily the once-over, and asks her if she's interested in working for the school newspaper. Emily wisely declines. I wonder if anyone besides Brandon can be convinced to work for The Blaze anymore, considering how Ahn-drea somehow gets re-appointed as editor-in-chief every bloody year. Girls' washroom. Kelly, Brenda, and Donna are trying to decide what musical number they want to perform on Hello Day. Donna suggests Addicted to Love by Robert Palmer, but wants to tweak it to Addicted to Sex because that's appropriate for an audience of teenagers and high school faculty members. Brenda reminds Donna that Hello Day is a G-rated event, so the girls resume racking their tiny brains trying to come up with another idea. From inside one of the stalls, someone suggests Addicted to Clothes. OMG, that's brilliant! Emily Valentine emerges from the stall, and Kelly snottily asks, "Who are you?" and Emily responds to her in the form of a question: "The newest member of your group..?" Lunch time. Dylan reminds Brandon how he and Brenda are on-again, off-again...then informs him that he has a date with a new girl tonight. He's planning on bringing her to the Peach Pit, but doesn't want things to be awkward. Fortunately for Dylan, Brandon doesn't seem to really care who he dates...but, of course, he doesn't yet know that Emily is double-dipping. Elsewhere on campus, Brenda, Kelly, Donna, and Emily are eating lunch together and chatting. Emily is curious about what kind of car each of them drives, so Kelly and Donna tell her they both drive BMWs. Brenda is forced to admit that she doesn't own a car 'cause she's still too dumb to get her driver's license. The Walsh house. Brandon is surprised to see Emily hanging out in his kitchen with Brenda, Kelly, and Donna. Emily shares his surprise and asks him if lives there, so Kelly clues her in and tells her that Brenda and Brandon are "the Minnesota Twins". Brenda invites Emily to a Walsh family hosted barbecue just as the phone rings. It's Dylan...calling for Brandon. Emily hears the name "Dylan" and mentions to the girls that she met a tall, slouchy, James Dean lookalike named Dylan that morning. Brenda, Kelly, and Donna exchange knowing looks, but none of them says anything. The Peach Pit. Brandon is waiting tables, getting back into the swing of his part-time job. Dylan and Emily enter the diner and seat themselves at the counter. Nat, who can't seem to mind his own business if his life depended on it, bounds over excitedly to meet the newest member of the West Beverly High clique. As he gushes over the young blonde, Brandon discreetly tells Dylan how surprised he is to see him on a date with Emily...because he has a date with her tomorrow night! The Walsh house. Brenda is gabbling on the phone with Kelly, and Kelly advises her to tell Emily about the baggage of her past/present/whatever the hell it is relationship with Dylan. Dylan's car. Emily and Dylan are parked in the Hollywood Hills somewhere, staring out at the city lights. They kiss, and Dylan tells her that he just broke up with someone, but that they're not really broken up, but not together either. Jesus, Dylan...pick a label and stick with it. He also tells Emily that he's not looking for a serious relationship...but that doesn't appear to be a problem, as she seems fairly agreeable to a casual fling, and leans in for another kiss. The Walsh house. Brandon interrupts Brenda while she's studying to tattle on Dylan for going on a date with Emily and bringing her to the Peach Pit. Brenda shrugs and says that Dylan is free to see whoever he wants, and that she's not going to behave like a jealous person now that he's dating another girl. Say what? What the hell kind of calm, rational response from Brenda is that? As soon as Brandon leaves the room, she gets on the horn with Kelly and confirms to her that Emily "made the first move", which is a totally false assumption on her part because it was Dylan who asked Emily out. West Beverly High. David is in the radio booth, and he has to pee really bad. But instead of just putting on something by Led Zeppelin and taking a leisurely bathroom break, he pulls Scott into the booth and puts him in charge of switching over to the next song. Scott looks delighted to be in charge for the next two minutes or so, since it gives him just enough time to slip in a country western song so he can get it played over the school's PA system. I mean radio station. Brenda is talking to Ahn-drea about how troubled she is that Dylan has started to see someone else. In fact, she was so troubled last night that she almost called Ahn-drea at the Rap Line. Sounds serious. Ahn-drea tells her there's not a lot she can do about Dylan seeing another girl, and Brenda says she understands that...but then says that Emily and Dylan can't possibly be in a serious relationship because she also has a date with Brandon that night. This news, of course, crushes Ahn-drea's soul, and she asks Brenda where they're going on their date. It doesn't matter, Ahn-drea, because Brandon is never ever going to love you, so give it up. Emily runs into Steve in the hallway and tells him she's lost. He helps her find the Tech Room, and they chat and flirt a little. Emily thanks him for his help by kissing her finger and putting her finger on Steve's face. Kelly happens to catch this coquettish gesture and haughtily remarks that there's a name for a girl like that...and then she, Donna, Brenda, and Ahn-drea unanimously agree that that name is slut. There are also words for this kind of bitchy name-calling, which are catty and spiteful. I also find this uppity behavior very hypocritical - particularly of Kelly, who supposedly suffered so much after she was labeled a slut when she got doinked by a popular jock in the woods during her freshman year...as was documented in the Slumber Party episode. David empties his bladder and emerges from the boys' washroom to the sound of a mellow country western song playing over the school's airwaves. He hurries back to his post and starts railing at Scott for trying to ruin his reputation as a dorky deejaying hip-hop wannabe. Scott seems confused by David's anger, but then he always has the same dumb, confused look on his face. Lunch time. Kelly, Brenda, and Donna are sitting outside together, sharing their lunch. Emily comes over and informs them that she can't make the next rehearsal for their Hello Day performance because she has to go to the gynecologist to get a prescription for birth control pills. In hindsight, Emily will wish she had simply told these snide bitches that she had a doctor's appointment and just left it at that. She over-explains that two of her sisters got preggers when they were teenagers, so her mother figures that with Emily it's better to be safe than sorry. Brenda blurts out a bitchy wisecrack before she abruptly stands up and storms off to find Dylan. She's able to track him down quickly and demands to know if he's planning on seeing Emily again...then spills the beans that Emily's going out with Brandon that evening. Dylan looks annoyed and frustrated and says he can't win with her. He reminds her that she was the one who cut him loose and told him they should see other people...and so he did. Brenda snarks that she didn't think he'd start dating someone else so quickly. Brenda then implies that he's only seeing Emily because she's willing to hit the sack with him, which makes Dylan sigh wearily. He tells her that she can't have it both ways and walks away. Run far and fast, Dylan. Brenda is recounting to Kelly and Donna the bleak conversation she just had with Dylan...and how she's unsure if Dylan is doinking Emily, or if he's still in the planning stages. David is wrapping up his radio show for the day and dedicates the last song to a girl who rides a motorcycle. Brenda and Donna look surprised, and Kelly's all, "Wuh?" - obviously put off that she's no longer the focal point of David's pubescent desires. Emily walks over to the bitchy clique and wonders aloud if David was referring to her, and Brenda snaps that all the guys seem to be lining up for her. She then glares at Emily and angrily tells her to have a good time at the gynecologist's...which is silly 'cause who has a good time at the gynecologist's? Stirrups are no one's idea of fun. Emily looks baffled at Brenda's sudden hostility, so Kelly fills her in that Brenda and Dylan used to date for nearly a year. Scott returns to the radio booth to apologize for playing the country western song. David has since mellowed out, and concedes that some of the students actually liked it. Scott invites him to hang out at his house, but David tells him he has dinner plans and can't make it. Scott then tells him he brought back something "explosive" from Oklahoma, and says he wants him to come over soon so they can blow up whatever it is together. The Walsh house. Brenda is being bitchy to Brandon about his date that night with Emily. Brandon doesn't seem to mind being sloppy seconds, so Brenda starts blabbing about how Emily is on the pill. Brandon accuses her of stirring shit up, and says that Emily being on the pill is none of her business. Brenda just sneers that she hopes he has a great time on his date and storms out of the room. She really needs to work on coming up with better snappy comebacks during these contentious interactions. Brandon's car. Emily tells Brandon that she now regrets going out with Dylan. She lays some of the blame on Brenda for not telling her about the history she has with him, but Brandon points out that it all happened so fast. True enough. He pulls into the exact same spot that Emily and Dylan parked in the night before. She teases Brandon for bringing her there so they can make out; he doesn't deny it, and leans in for a kiss. Emily comes clean with him about the Groundhog Day nature of their date, and tells him that she and Dylan also parked here last night. But Brandon isn't upset; on the contrary, he jokes that he won't get points for originality. She chuckles, and they kiss again. West Beverly High. Brandon runs into Dylan and tells him that he thinks Emily really likes him, and now he wants to know where he stands. And by stands, he means: does Dylan like her? And by like her, he means did he doink her the other night? Dylan assures him that he and Emily did not seal the deal on their first date, which would have been incredibly slutty for both of them because it also was the day they met. Brandon looks very relieved to hear this. Scott's house. Scott is showing David his collection of fireworks, all spread out on the patio table. He then pulls out the .22 rifle that his Oklahoman grandfather bought for him. David isn't into playing with fireworks or firearms and gets totally weirded out when Scott aims the rifle toward the sky and pulls the trigger. He gets angry at his reckless ex-bestie and storms off. The Walsh house. It's the night of the barbecue, and Kelly and Donna start the evening by making catty remarks about Emily's presence there. The menfolk, on the other hand, all seem to be quite enamored of her...and Brandon encourages her to play her guitar. This prompts Brenda to sneer, "Oh good, a hootenanny!" And then sarcastically apologizes for being rude. But Emily calls Brenda on her bitchiness - which I found quite refreshing - and accuses her of going out of her way to be rude. She then reminds Brenda that she was the one who invited her to the barbecue, and that she's free to ask her to leave. Brenda haughtily retorts that she wouldn't dream of making her disappoint her swooning fans. Mama and Papa Walsh just stand there mutely and aghast, while Dylan makes a weak-kneed attempt to stop Brenda - but she glares at him icily and snarls at him to stay out of it. Dylan instantly shuts his mouth, but I can't blame him because Brenda has never looked as scary or on the verge of schizzing out as she does at this moment. Emily quips to everyone that she feels like she's in Knots Landing and snaps at Brenda to grow up. Hee! She explains that she was only trying to make friends...but now thinks she shouldn't have bothered. She leaves the Walsh house in a huff, and Brandon glares at his sister for ruining a perfectly good hootenanny-barbecue. Later that evening, in the Walsh kitchen, Mama Walsh admonishes Brenda for her cunty behavior and says she's never seen her act like that before. That may be, but Brenda's uncontainable bitchiness has been steadily escalating for the last season and a half...and it was only a matter of time before she caused an embarrassing scene like this. Mama Walsh says that she thinks Emily is a friendly girl who's just trying to fit in and urges Brenda to put herself in Emily's place. Nice try, Cindy, but Brenda's far too self-absorbed to have empathy for someone who's not her...plus she's being driven mad by thoughts of the sweaty, naked, entwined bodies of Dylan and Emily. Mama Walsh tells her that if she feels this strongly about Dylan, then maybe she should just be with him. She concedes that while Papa Walsh may not like it, ultimately he wants her to be happy. And being emotionally balanced and mentally sound wouldn't hurt either. Brenda goes to Brandon's room and tells him not to hate her. He says he doesn't, but then he has to live with her, so it was probably a wise answer. West Beverly High. David is busy setting up the audio equipment for Hello Day. Kelly, Donna, and Kelly are dressed in form-fitting black dresses and tights, and they all have their hair pulled back. Donna says she doesn't think Emily will show up to do the number after being bitched out by Brenda last night. No duh. Why would anyone show up after being the target of such a venomous tantrum? Kelly wants to cancel their performance, since without Emily as the lead singer they don't actually have an act. She also tells Brenda she doesn't blame Emily one bit for being mad because of how heinous Brenda's behavior was. Brenda finally seems to acknowledge how appallingly she treated Emily, but can't figure out what she should do about it now. Kelly actually has to spell out to Brenda that she needs to apologize. And if that doesn't work, she should beg for Emily's forgiveness. Brenda finds Emily at her locker. Emily is suitably bitchy to her, and I enjoyed that a lot. Brenda admits that she deserves it, and tells Emily that she's sorry and doesn't know what got into her last night. She wants another chance, but most importantly she wants Emily to hurry up and let bygones be bygones 'cause it's Hello Day and they have a show to do! Emily comes around, but only after needlessly confessing that she's still a virgin, even though she's on the pill. Brenda is delighted to hear this because she now knows for sure that Dylan and Emily did not "hook up" in that way. Showtime! On stage, Emily introduces their number, which is the song Breaking Up Is Hard to Do. Emily does the singing - she's actually not half bad - while Kelly, Donna, and Brenda stay clustered together in the background, twisting their hips and chanting dum do dee do dum dum. Judging from their outfits, I guess they didn't realize they wouldn't be parodying Robert Palmer's back-up girls after all. In the crowd, Brandon is standing next to Ahn-drea, who admits that Emily has a pretty good voice, but then wonders aloud if Emily can write. Why bring that up, Ahn-drea? Emily already told you she has no interest in writing for your stupidBlaze. Not everyone shares your exact interests. Scott comes up to David, wearing his huge cowboy hat again. He compliments David on his Hello Day MC-ing abilities and apologizes for freaking him out by firing off his rifle the other day. David tells him he really changed over the summer. Scott doesn't think he's changed all that much, but tells David that he's a big man around campus now...and laments the fact that he, on the other hand, is still a geek. Scott asks David if he wants to hang out next week, and David promises to call, but it doesn't seem as though he really wants to call. He advises Scott to "cool it with the guns". Good advice...if Scott's not more careful, he could accidentally fatally shoot himself at his own birthday party. Dylan is eyeing Brenda appreciatively as she does her hip twists on stage wearing her tight black dress. When they're finished, everyone claps enthusiastically. Afterward, the four girls hang out in the hallway and babble about how awesome they are. After the other girls leave, Brenda and Emily are left, still chatting. They notice Dylan, loitering in the hallway. Emily tells Brenda that Dylan is a helluva guy, and advises her not to throw away what they've got...which is a jealousy-fuelled rollercoaster of a relationship that'll eventually fizzle out during Season 3. Yep, that's worth holding onto. Brenda thanks her and strides over to where Dylan is waiting for her. Dylan's car. That evening, Dylan and Brenda are parked in the same romantic spot where Emily went on her dates with Dylan and Brandon. Brenda tells Dylan that she wants to start over, and admits that she got scared and needed time to think things through. She adds that while they were broken up, she realized how much she missed and needed him, and that what they have is more than physical. They tell each other, "I love you", and then kiss. He assures her that nothing happened with Emily, other than some harmless tongue action. Brenda acknowledges that it was none of her business, and apologizes for everything her psychotic behavior put him through. Dylan doesn't mind...he just seems happy to have this albatross around his neck again - I mean be in a relationship with Brenda again. They kiss once more, and the scene fades out. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: The gang is assembled at the Walsh house, about to leave for a camping trip to Yosemite National Park...and by gang I mean Brenda, Brandon, Kelly, Donna, Steve, Ahn-drea, and David. We learn from Kelly that David is tagging along with them because Jackie, who's currently hitting the sheets with David's dad, made her invite him. As for the inclusion of Ahn-drea, I have no idea why anyone would voluntarily invite her anywhere. Brenda and Brandon are upstairs finishing up their packing. Brandon wants to bring his lucky hat, which Brenda thinks is nerdy. Kelly comes upstairs to complain that Steve is being a dick to Donna because of all the luggage she wants to bring on the trip. She wants Brandon to intervene, so he heads outside to see if he can restore the peace. The Walsh driveway. Steve is admonishing Donna for the excessive amount of luggage she's bringing, and ridicules the shoulder pads that he presumptuously fished out of one of her bags. Yeesh...were shoulder pads really still in fashion in 1991? Brandon successfully mediates the conflict by sweetly suggesting to Donna that she consider bringing only the stuff she thinks she might actually wear...and also that she doesn't need an entire suitcase full of makeup because she's pretty enough without it. Whatever, Brandon. Dylan appears out of nowhere and helps Brandon load up the van with camping gear. He wasn't planning on going on the trip because his mother has just moved back to L.A. from Hawaii, and wanted to make sure she settled in OK...but then she made weekend plans to commune with herself in the desert. Dylan is annoyed about her sudden decision to ditch him for the entire weekend, and complains to Brandon about her endless cosmic mumbo-jumboing. Brandon encourages him to come along to Yosemite, and after a tiny bit of hemming and hawing, he agrees. Brenda is still packing her stuff when Brandon comes into her room to announce that Dylan is coming on the trip after all. He hands his sister a pile of extra clothes to pack for Dylan...and this conversation distracts him from reminding Brenda to pack his lucky hat and hiking boots. It remains unclear why he couldn't just pack these things in his own bag. Steve is getting impatient to hit the road, so Dylan offers to light a fire under Brenda's dumpster to hurry her along. He finds her in her bedroom and helps her zip her bulging bag. She tells him she's happy he's coming, and assures him that their platonic-ness won't be too weird during the camping trip. Finally, it's time to go! The kids all clump together, and each of them sticks one of their arms in the middle of a makeshift circle, and they give themselves a big cheer before piling into the van and heading north. En route to the park, the gang gets detoured by a violent thunder and lightning storm. The highway patrol has closed the roads, so they're stranded at some sort of cabin rental place. Brenda and Dylan are in the rental office, trying to procure lodging for the night while the rest of the group is huddled under a shelter, bickering about whose fault this is. Dylan and Brenda emerge from the rental office with good news and not so good news: they've got the last available cabin (good news), but it has a very leaky roof (not so good news). Everyone crowds inside the little cabin, and David immediately whips out his video camera to begin documenting this disaster in the making. Kelly snaps at him to put the camera away, and he looks around the cabin once more and remarks that there aren't enough beds for everyone. This comment prompts a longing, meaningful look to pass between Brenda and Dylan. Ahn-drea checks out the bathroom and freaks out at the sight of a tiny spider, which Brenda promptly flushes down the toilet. But then Brenda has her own freakout when she notices an empty mouse trap under the bathroom sink. Brandon tries his best to lift everyone's saggy spirits, but abruptly stops when he goes through his bag and realizes that his hiking boots didn't get packed. He gets pissed off at Brenda for forgetting, and Dylan wryly asks if they're having fun yet. No one's having fun, Dylan. Not the gang from Beverly Hills, and certainly not viewers like myself who are currently suffering through a tedious episode structured around non-stop petty arguments. The girls unpack the snacks they brought along and are unhappy to discover that they're soggy from the rain. David adds to the general mood of unhappiness by complaining that no one - including himself, I'd like to point out - thought to bring along a CD player so they could play music. Donna points out that she brought a Sony Walkman, but of course that's useless to everyone except her. Steve announces that he's going out for a beer run and wants someone to go with him. Brandon's on the straight and narrow with alcohol ever since the B.Y.O.B. episode, so he's not interested. Steve asks Dylan, which immediately causes Brenda to rebuke Steve for tempting an alcoholic...and Dylan shoots Brenda the stink-eye and coldly tells her that he can speak for himself. David solves the problem by offering to accompany Steve, as does Donna, who announces that she's suddenly found herself in need of a supply of feminine hygiene products. Brenda apologizes to Brandon for forgetting to pack his lucky hat and hiking boots, but then puts her foot in her mouth when she explains that she forgot because she had to pack all those extra clothes for her Slouchy ex-boyfriend. This, of course, upsets Slouchy and he stalks out of the cabin. Brenda runs out after him and apologizes for making him feel bad, then suggests that they all need to mellow out. They walk toward the vending machine and encounter a dark haired woman wearing a white silk negligee and matching robe. She asks Brenda for a spare quarter so she can get a soda, and the two strike up a friendly conversation. It's the woman's wedding night, and about a minute later her new husband comes out and chivalrously puts his coat around her for warmth. They introduce themselves as Allison and Neil...but Neil is short on chit-chat because he's horny and wants his bride to return to their cabin. Steve's beer run has resulted in failure. Not ready to concede defeat, he gets an idea when he spots an older couple. He approaches them, describes to them his predicament, and slips them $50 to buy some beer for him. They agree, take the cash, and disappear inside the store. Cabin. Brenda and Kelly are playing a mean game of Go Fish. Ahn-drea, meanwhile, is directing Brandon on how best to position logs in the fireplace, which is completely pointless because the logs are soaking wet. Dylan suggests asking the lovebirds next door if they have any spare dry wood, so Ahn-drea and Brandon go to their cabin to inquire. Allison looks happy to see them and invites them in for some hot chocolate...but Neil just looks annoyed at the intrusion. The older couple that Steve had approached to buy beer emerge from the store, rush over to their car, and abscond with Steve's $50. Haha! Allison, meanwhile, is boring the hell out of Brandon and Ahn-drea with the story of how she and Neil met...offering up excruciating details about how they always knew they were meant to be together. But even Neil doesn't want to revisit those memories and shuts up his wife by initiating some frisky kissing action on the couch. Brandon takes this as their cue to leave, but Ahn-drea just stands there like a dimwit, gawking at the amorous couple until Brandon roughly yanks her out the door. Cabin. A nice fire is going, so we'll assume that the newlyweds gave the kids some of their dry wood. Steve is annoyed that he lost his beer money and remarks that he can't wait until he's 21. David agrees and says he hates not being able to do things he wants because he's not yet old enough, and Donna and Kelly chime in about how much it sucks to be barred from seeing restricted movies and getting into cool dance clubs. Brenda tells everyone she's not in a hurry to be on her own, and Ahn-drea's biggest problem about being a minor is that she's not old enough to vote - a sentiment that I found to be suspiciously derivative of The Breakfast Club. The gang then moves on to ponder the meaning of life. Steve doesn't have a clue what it could be, which isn't at all surprising. Kelly suggests that the meaning of life is love and Ahn-drea concurs, probably because of her futile crush on Brandon. Depressed Dylan declares that the meaning of life is survival, and blows off love as a nuisance that just confuses people. Brenda retorts to this obvious insult to their past relationship by invoking the great love that exists between their newlywed neighbors, and says they're lucky to have found each other. By carefully scripted coincidence, Allison knocks on the door at that moment, and bursts in to tell the teens that Neil is a "stupid idiot". She wants to know if they have room in their tiny cabin for one more. Instead of answering, everyone just stares stupidly at each other with wide-eyed expressions on their faces, and the scene fades out for a commercial break...but since I'm watching this on a DVD, the scene resumes about three seconds later. Allison announces to the roomful of underage strangers that she wants an annulment. She explains that she's pregnant and was planning on telling Neil that evening, but learned a few minutes ago that he doesn't want children. That sounds like something you should have discussed with your soon-to-be ex-husband before the wedding...but now that the horse is out of that barn, it's probably something you should be discussing with him right now - not a group of self-absorbed teenagers who have little to no interest in your life. There's another knock on the door and it's Neil. Allison immediately tears up and flees to the bathroom. Neil has no idea what's wrong, other than the sudden realization that he's just married an emotionally unstable freak show. David nearly spills the beans about the pregnancy, but Kelly and Donna shut him up before he can get the words out, and tell Neil that the news is something that Allison should really be telling him. Steve's nonsensical advice to Neil is not to beg for forgiveness, while David decides that it's an excellent time to pick up his video camera and start filming again. When Allison finally emerges from the bathroom, she tells Neil that he's like a stranger to her. A puzzled Neil asks her if it's that time of the month, a comment that makes Allison run back into the bathroom, and me want to punch him in the head. As Neil takes a seat to wait for his crazy ball and chain to come out of the bathroom, the conversation turns to the subject of divorce. Kelly, David, and Steve tell Neil that divorce sucks when you're the kid caught in the middle...but Neil assures them that he and Allison don't intend to have children. Allison hears this, and comes out of the bathroom and starts wailing at him. She eventually blurts out that she's pregnant, and Neil is shocked because he apparently didn't think she could get pregnant. I'm sensing a gigantic communication breakdown between this couple, already dysfunctional after half a day of marriage. Dylan is fed up with their fighting and announces that he's going to hang out in the cabin next door since no one's making use of it at the moment. Hee! Kelly remarks that he's being very antisocial, and Brenda follows him so she can needle him some more and push him completely over the edge. Inside the newlyweds' cabin, Dylan is brooding and slouching on the couch. He tells Brenda that he had to bail 'cause he's not into this couple's psycho drama...and that it serves Neil and Allison right for getting married. Slouchy Grumpy Pants then complains about his negligent parents again and tells Brenda that because of his lousy upbringing, she has no right to criticize him for having a negative, sucky attitude about everything every minute of every day. Brenda tries to convince him that his life isn't totally shitty because he's got such great friends, and there are many girls who'd love to be his girlfriend. Ouch. That's kind of a sore spot, considering her recent dumping of him. Neil and Allison have obviously kissed and made up because they return to the honeymoon cabin looking ready to knock boots. Neil needlessly announces to Brenda and Dylan that he's now OK with his wife's pregnancy because he's got nine months to get used to the idea of fatherhood. But Dylan's unimpressed and gets all in Neil's face, challenging him to consider the damage he'll be causing if he doesn't get used to fatherhood, and then snarks to the deflating couple that he knows what it's like to be born a mistake. Brenda snaps at him to shut it, and they leave Allison and Neil to resume celebrating what's left of their dreary wedding night. Slouchy Grumpy Pants takes off by himself in the chilly night. He finds a giant log to sit on, and pulls from his pocket a mini-bar bottle that he swiped from the newlyweds' cabin and starts guzzling. Brenda returns alone to the leaky cabin to join the rest of the gang, who's settling in their beds/sleeping bags for the night. The next morning, Brandon emerges from the cabin to look for Dylan. After a quick search, he finds him propped up against the big log in a nearby wooded area. He admits to Brandon that he drank last night and puked his guts out...and that there's so much going wrong in his life that he feels like a giant failure. Brandon urges his troubled friend to stop beating himself up, and suggests that a nature hike might lift him out of his depressing mood so he can stop sucking the life out of everyone around him. Cabin. David is filming everyone as they wake up. They're mostly cranky, hungry, and pretend sleepy. Ahn-drea opens the door and exclaims how gorgeous it is outside...but everyone is quickly startled when they realize that the van is gone, and that Brandon and Dylan are nowhere to be found. Brandon and Dylan are hiking near a pretty waterfall, then decide to climb up a steep, rocky hill. They eventually make it to the top, but disaster quickly strikes when Brandon steps forward and starts slipping down the rocky side of the hill. Dylan lays himself flat and stretches out his arm so he can grab Brandon's hand. After a few tense, nail biting minutes (not really) Dylan is miraculously able to reach him and pull him up to safety. Brandon's all dirty, scratched up, missing a shoe, and very shaky. He tells Dylan he thought for sure he was about to die. The two clasp hands in a manly sort of way, officially cementing their friendship for life. Cabin. The rest of the gang is all packed up, but they're antsy and worried about Dylan and Brandon. They breathe a collective sigh of relief when the van finally pulls up. Dylan and Brandon step out and happily greet the gang, keeping mum about the tragedy that almost was. Dylan and Brenda make up for sniping at each other last night, and Dylan encounters Neil and apologizes to him for acting like such a douche about his impending fatherhood. Neil tells him it's OK, and that he gave him and Allison a lot to think about. The gang is now ready to drive to Yosemite to begin their weekend of camping. Ahn-drea goes over to talk to Brandon, and in a rare, but completely nauseating display of affection, he assures her that he's fine and hugs her with so much enthusiasm that he actually lifts her feet off the ground. Brandon really needs to stop sending Ahn-drea these kinds of mixed messages. The kids all clump together to do the cheer thing again, and then off to Yosemite they go. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: At the Walsh house, Brenda and Ahn-drea are trying to decide on which scene they're going to perform together for their final drama class assignment. Ahn-drea remarks how obvious it is that their teacher, Young Elvis, likes Brenda...albeit in a teacher's pet kind of way. Brenda is delighted by Ahn-drea's flattering observation and gets giddy and dreamy-eyed as she lists off Young Elvis's attributes. Ahn-drea cautions her not to get too carried away since he's their teacher, but that's not a problem for Brenda because he's not going to be their teacher for much longer. Summer school lets out in a week! Well...yes, but he'll still be an adult man, and it would be illegal (and gross) for him to encourage any sort of romantic relationship between himself and an underage girl. And Brenda and Ahn-drea are both underage...at least that's what we're being told in the Beverly Hills, 90210 universe. Beverly Hills Beach Club. Kelly and Steve are relaxing on lounge chairs, commiserating about the fact that it's the end of summer. Kelly is complaining about all the back-to-school sales she keeps seeing everywhere, and Steve knows that he must face the reality that his aimless life of volleyball playing leisure is about to come to an end. Brandon comes over to the loungers and excitedly tells Steve that he almost has enough money to buy the '65 Mustang he's had his eye on all summer. Henry then comes by with Brandon's paycheck, which he says should put him "over the top". Brandon peeks at the check and confirms that it will, in fact, put him over the top. Henry feeds off of Brandon's good mood and extols the joys of driving one's dream car. He's a good egg, that Henry. I'm going to miss him when the kids go back to school. Bookstore. Ahn-drea is standing in front of a bookshelf, and for some reason she's reciting lines out loud with a terrible southern accent. She's interrupted by Young Elvis, who happens to be in the store at the exact same time. He starts acting all flirty and inappropriate toward Ahn-drea, and encourages her to start calling him by his first name. Ahn-drea is overwhelmed by the interaction, and after he walks away she looks happy enough to burst. The Walsh house. Brandon is gushing about his dream car to his parents, and Papa Walsh suggests that they turn this into a father-son bonding moment and go pick it up together - but Brandon's not really into the idea and tells his dad that he'd prefer to handle this purchase on his own. Papa Walsh is visibly disappointed, but says he understands. Brenda runs into the kitchen, and Mama Walsh relays to her the message that Dylan called for her from Hawaii. She mutters a thank you before quickly rushing out to get to class. Papa Walsh is surprised by her nonchalant attitude toward Dylan and his long distance phone call. I'm guessing that her sudden disinterest in Dylan has everything to do with her new (but futile) fixation on Young Elvis. West Beverly High. Everyone in the drama class is working in pairs, rehearsing the scene they'll be performing during the final class. Ahn-drea is trying to convince Brenda to perform something from a drama as opposed to a comedy, which is what Brenda would prefer. Brenda finally gives in when Ahn-drea tells her that Young Elvis had suggested that the two of them do a dramatic scene. Minutes later, Brenda struts over to Young Elvis to tell what a good idea it was for him to suggest that she and Ahn-drea perform something dramatic, and he strokes her ego and says that he paired her up with Ahn-drea because he figured she could help the too-tightly-wound brown-noser to loosen up. Brenda blushes nauseatingly and tells him she's flattered...but Young Elvis encourages her to think of herself as talented. What a barf-inducing conversation. Used car dealership. After a long hard summer of working like a dog at the Beverly Hills Beach Club, Brandon is finally ready to make his big purchase. Unfortunately, the car dealer is a sleazy looking degenerate who doesn't exactly give off vibes of trustworthiness. When Brandon hands over his check, Sleazy gives him the keys and then rubs his hands together and laughs all sinister-like. We then get a lot of footage of Brandon driving along the freeway in his new Mustang convertible, wearing sunglasses and looking slick, super cool, and laid back. But his happiness is abruptly ended at a stoplight on Sunset Blvd. When he hits the gas to proceed through a green light, the engine stalls and smoke starts billowing out from under the hood. Brandon then decides that the best course of action is to not call a tow truck or stay with the vehicle, but rather to abandon the car that is now blocking traffic in the middle of a busy L.A. street and take a cab back to the car dealership to complain. He marches up to Sleazy and barks at him that he wants his money back for the car. It's no surprise that Sleazy refuses to hand the cash back over. He claims that the car was in prime condition when it was sold to him, and that any problems with it are his responsibility now. Sleazy then smarmily suggests that the car could probably use the services of a mechanic. That it could, Sleazy. That it could. The Walsh house. A shame-faced Brandon now has to admit to Papa Walsh that the engine of the jalopy he spent all of his summer earnings on needs to be completely overhauled. And no, there's no warranty. And since he left it in the middle of traffic after it broke down, he's now going to have to pay an additional $200 in order to have it released from an impound lot. All of this bad news makes Papa Walsh's head look as though it's about to explode. He rebukes Brandon for caring more about how the car looked than how it ran, and then yells at him for throwing away all of his money. The Peach Pit. Brandon steps into the diner, which is being spruced up with a new paint job, and takes a seat at the counter. His breakfast order is taken by a very crisp and efficient young waitress named Courtney, and a few minutes later Nat comes by to chat. He's happy to see his young ex-employee and tells Brandon that business at the Pit is booming...and that he couldn't be happier with Courtney. Brandon looks dismayed because after losing all of his money, he's going to need his old job back. Young Elvis also enters the diner for breakfast and takes the seat next to Brandon. The two strike up a conversation, and Brandon soon learns that he's the drama teacher at West Beverly, and that he's moving back to Chicago now that the summer semester is over. Brandon tells him that Brenda is his twin sister, and Young Elvis remarks that she's very talented. And underage, Mr. Presley. Don't forget that all of the female students in your drama class are underage. The Walsh house. Brenda and Ahn-drea are in the living room, working on their dramatic scene for class. Brenda offers Ahn-drea a series of tips to improve her acting abilities, and I'm thrilled to learn that their scene involves Brenda's character slapping Ahn-drea's character. Brandon arrives home and interrupts their rehearsal to tell Brenda that he ran into Young Elvis at the Peach Pit. Apparently, he eats there a lot and had some nice things to say about Brenda...but doesn't get into specifics. As Brandon heads upstairs, Brenda snarks that she's going to pry it out of him once she's finished transforming Ahn-drea into a passable actress. The Peach Pit. Brenda is seated at a table, keeping an eye out for Young Elvis. Ahn-drea, who also obviously had the same silly idea, enters the diner and looks around. She sees Brenda and goes over to sit with her, uninvited. Within a few minutes they both spot Young Elvis at the counter, and Brenda invites him to join her...well them, since Ahn-drea refuses to take the hint and skedaddle. The three chit-chat about L.A. and Young Elvis remarks that he really hasn't had a chance to see much of the city. Brenda immediately offers to give him a guided tour that afternoon...and he accepts, saying how great it will be to get a tour from two authentic California girls. Brenda's face falls and she goes, "Two?" She's miffed at having to drag along Ahn-drea, a third wheel on her pretend date. Young Elvis drives a blue pick-up truck and Brenda and Ahn-drea squeeze themselves in the passenger seat of the truck's cab. As they drive around the city, the two girls compete with each other to offer up the most interesting tidbits and anecdotes about the various landmarks and neighborhoods. Ahn-drea is able to one-up Brenda a few times, what with her being such a know-it-all and all. At the end of the drive, Young Elvis compliments their tour guiding and offers to drop them off at their homes. He asks who lives the closest, and Brenda and Ahn-drea simultaneously claim the other does. The Walsh house. Steve is over, hanging out in Brandon's room. Brandon is grousing about the stupid way he blew all of his money on a car that doesn't even have a functioning engine. Steve can't comprehend why Papa Walsh won't just pay for the car to be released from the impound lot, and Brandon's theory is that his dad takes pleasure in watching him squirm. I don't think Papa Walsh is that cruel at heart, but he sure is being a dick about this whole car thing. Surely he could throw a little money Brandon's way to at least help him get the car back in working order. Brandon also complains about needing his Peach Pit job back, but unfortunately super-waitress Courtney may make that impossible. Out of nowhere, Brenda storms into Brandon's room to pull the door to their shared bathroom shut. A few seconds later she slams another door. Uh oh - someone has anger management issues, as well as a need for some attention. Brandon goes to Brenda's room to ask whaddup, and she tells him she's so mortified that she can't even bring herself to phone Kelly to discuss the cause of her mortification. My God, this is serious. Brenda is distraught because Young Elvis dropped her off first...before dropping off Ahn-drea Zuckerman. And she says Ahn-drea's name with complete disdain. When Brandon just stares at her blankly, she explains that this is a devastating blow because she likes Young Elvis...as in likeslikes, and today's disappointing ride home is a sign that he might prefer Ahn-drea over her. Brandon looks at his sister like she's a mental patient and proceeds to point out the following:
Thank you, Brandon. These are all good arguments, but you neglected to mention the most glaring obstacle to a romance between Brenda and her drama teacher, which I will now point out in all caps followed by several exclamation points: IT WOULD BE AGAINST THE LAW FOR A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER TO INITIATE OR PARTICIPATE IN ANY TYPE OF ROMANTIC INTERACTION OR LIAISON WITH ANY OF HIS STUDENTS, AND SUCH BEHAVIOR COULD RESULT IN HIS ARREST!!! Night has fallen, and Young Elvis's truck is parked in front of Ahn-drea's house. The two are inside the vehicle, chatting away. I guess this means Ahn-drea is no longer concerned about the faculty discovering that she lives out-of-district. She starts prattling in her usual annoying rambley way about the dramatic scene she's planning to perform with Brenda, but Young Elvis cuts her off and says he doesn't want to talk about anything school related right now. He reminds her that tomorrow is the last day of summer school, and edges toward the border of Creepy Town when he says he'd like to take her out for a cup of coffee tomorrow night. Just the two of them. Ahn-drea looks surprised, laughs nervously, and says she'd like that. They say goodnight, and he drives home. West Beverly High. It's the last drama class, and all the pairs are getting ready to perform their scenes. Ahn-drea is in the hall, dolled up in a cute floral dress, pacing nervously. Brenda enters the school, and Ahn-drea immediately starts babbling at her, moaning about how terrified she is of doing the scene in front of everyone. She then tells Brenda about what a great time she had talking to Young Elvis before he dropped her off last night. He's so great, and he really gets her, unlike all of her contemporaries at West Beverly...which should be a clue that maybe the problem is her. She then confides in Brenda that she has feelings for Young Elvis she didn't even know she had. Jesus. Brenda, being the scorned one, doesn't want to hear about how Ahn-drea moved in on her territory and tersely shuts down the conversation by telling her she wants to go over the scene again. Brenda and Ahn-drea are now on stage, performing their very dramatic, contentious scene. When they get to the part where Brenda slaps Ahn-drea, she hauls off and gives her an actual smack! Haha! Ahn-drea stares back at her in shock and immediately tears up. Young Elvis and the rest of the class just assume it was part of the show and clap enthusiastically. Brenda stalks off the stage, piss and vinegar radiating from every pore. Ahn-drea runs after her and says that an actual smack is not how they rehearsed the scene. Brenda's inner bitch is out in full force now, and she spitefully accuses Ahn-drea of being a teacher's pet. Ahn-drea gets angry that Brenda is throwing her squishy feelings for Young Elvis in her face, so Brenda raises the stakes of this nasty snipefest even higher and also throws in Ahn-drea's face how tedious it's been all summer to have to listen to her incessant prattling about her feelings for Brandon. Oh, snap! Ahn-drea is so humiliated that she slinks away without much of a retort. That. Was. Awesome!! The Walsh house. Mama Walsh asks Brenda how her scene in drama class went, and Brenda tells her they got a standing ovation...but adds that she was petty and mean, and a supreme bitch. Yes, yes, and yes. But admitting you have a problem is the first step toward recovery. The doorbell rings and it's Dylan...back from Hawaii! All of the Walshes are happy to see him, and he hands out Hawaiian leis for everyone. Dylan asks Brandon about the '65 Mustang, and Papa Walsh blurts out how much of an idiot Brandon was for buying the car without even test driving it first. While I strongly feel that Papa Walsh is being relentlessly douchey about this car debacle, I agree that it's pretty stupid not to test drive a car before buying it, especially when it has no warranty. Later that evening, Mama Walsh gives her husband the what-for about the shitty way he's been treating Brandon. Papa Walsh digs in and whines about how Brandon didn't want to listen to his sage car buying advice, and Mama Walsh snaps at him to get over himself and storms off. Papa Walsh then stares off in the distance, finally looking a little sheepish. Young Elvis's truck. Young Elvis is regaling Ahn-drea with an amusing story about a past acting gig, and she giggles with delight. He then stares into her eyes and calls her beautiful, and says he likes the way she listens to his stories. Naturally this quality would appeal to an immature, self-centered man who prefers to converse only about himself. And now we reach the moment when Young Elvis crosses the line that separates decent folk from the lurid and unlawful...and kisses Ahn-drea on the lips. Almost immediately, he pulls away and tells her they shouldn't do this. You're right, dumbass. You shouldn't be doing this. But then he reverts right back to behaving inappropriately and tells Ahn-drea that he wants to see her before he leaves L.A...and kisses her once more. Blech. Peach Pit. Brandon pays the diner another visit. As always, Nat is happy to see him and takes his order. Brandon tells him that it's his last day of work at the beach club, and then brings up Courtney. Once again Nat tells him how happy he is with her, and that he could never let her go because she's the most wonderful and loyal employee of all the employees who have ever worked anywhere. Finally Nat puts Brandon out of his misery and tells him that Courtney is going away to college next week...and that he's hired! Well, re-hired. Beverly Hills Beach Club. It's the Aloha Party to celebrate - or commiserate about - the end of summer. Brandon is lamenting to Henry about how he blew all of his money on a car that doesn't even run. Kelly pops by to tell Brandon that there's someone who needs to see him in the parking lot. Brandon heads over to the lot and is surprised to see Papa Walsh standing in front of his '65 Mustang. He smiles and tells Brandon that he had the engine rebuilt. He also acknowledges how hard Brandon worked all summer, and felt that he should have something to show for it. Well done, Jim. This totally makes up for you being such a dickwad all episode. Brandon apologizes for screwing things up with the car, and explains to his dad that he wanted to prove he was independent enough to make such a big decision. Papa Walsh admits that what's really been bugging him is that he's been afraid to let Brandon drive again after he totaled Mondale. But he now knows it's time for him to get back into the driver's seat. He hands over the keys, and tells his son to enjoy his car. Kelly and Steve come by and all three get in to take it out for a spin. Ahn-drea's house. Ahn-drea is wearing a very short skirt for her last date with Young Elvis. When he arrives, she tells him that her entire family is out for the evening. He then gives her the good news that he'll be staying in L.A. after all, now that he's landed a job at a private girls' school. And...oh yeah, his girlfriend will be bringing all of his stuff when she moves down from Chicago. Ahn-drea is taken aback by his mention of a girlfriend and gets angry with him for leading her on. He rationalizes his behavior by telling her that he wanted her to learn and grow, and so he gained her trust by painting a picture of who she wanted him to be, but left out certain pieces. What in the hell is this guy talking about?! This is definitely some strange, nonsensical bullshit he's trying to peddle. Ahn-drea tells him that whatever life lessons he was trying to teach her are overshadowed by the fact that he cheated on his girlfriend. Unfazed, Young Elvis calls Ahn-drea an incredible girl, but points out that she's still in high school...and that he's a teacher, so they just can't do this. He admits that kissing her was unprofessional, and a mistake. And illegal. An upset Ahn-drea doesn't want to hear anymore and asks the lying, cheating Lothario to leave. Beverly Hills Beach Club. Brandon tries to convince Donna, Kelly, and Steve to join him while he does the hookie lau, the traditional Hawaiian dance...but they're all reluctant. Brenda and Dylan are elsewhere on the beach, cuddling together under a covered lounger and chatting about his trip to Hawaii. He tells about how he dreamed of her while he was away, and she says that their relationship is still confusing to her...and confesses to going after an older guy. She then sums up this weird conversation by telling Dylan that she's happy he's back. Suddenly Ahn-drea appears in their line of vision, looking downcast and mopey as she walks along the beach. Brenda gets up and goes over to talk to her. Ahn-drea is tearful, and explains that she called over at the Walsh house and learned from Mama Walsh that she and Brandon would be at the Aloha party. Brenda apologizes for her supreme bitchiness in drama class and admits to being jealous that she wasn't the object of Young Elvis's affection. Ahn-drea tells her that Young Elvis isn't the kind of person they thought he was, and that he has a girlfriend who's coming to L.A. to live with him. She also wants to make a pact with Brenda that the two of them won't ever let a man get between their friendship again. Um, OK. I've never gotten the impression that the friendship between Ahn-drea and Brenda was solid enough to be making any kind of pact, but whatever. They hug, and Brenda urges Ahn-drea to come dance the hookie lau with her. As the camera pans away, everyone at the party is swaying to the relaxed Hawaiian music. And that's a wrap for summer at the Beverly Hills Beach Club. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: Drama class is over for the day, and Ahn-drea is stressing to Brenda and Donna about the giant arse she just made of herself...and is worried that Young Elvis thinks she's a total idiot. Apparently, he made her quack like a duck in front of everyone as part of some bogus acting exercise, and now she's paranoid that maybe he thinks she resembles a duck...or some such stupidity. Kelly arrives at the school, looking adorable in a dark blue crop top and matching skirt. She's there to pick up Brenda and then drive over to the beach club where they're meeting her mom for lunch. Beverly Hills Beach Club. Today we get some abbreviated footage of curvy women sunbathing before we're directed to Kelly's BMW pulling into the parking lot. Ahn-drea has tagged along with her and Brenda because apparently she needs to hassle Brandon about something. Brenda and Kelly find Jackie, who's already seated at a patio table and munching on chicken salad. Minutes later, Brenda has a daydream about Dylan running toward her and kissing her as they lay together on the beach. He tells her he misses her before Kelly and Jackie snap her out of her reverie. Ahn-drea apologizes to Brandon for interrupting his work day, but she has an issue of vital importance that couldn't wait. She's recently become acquainted with a ten year old pain-in-the-ass kid named Felix who's in dire need of a Big Brother. Brandon argues that he doesn't have time for this because of his busy work schedule, but since Ahn-drea doesn't understand boundaries, she has all but committed him to the Big Brother program without bothering to clear it with him first. She also informs him that it's only for one afternoon a week until the end of this episode...after that, Felix's storyline will be dumped like yesterday's news. Brandon's good with that and agrees to be a temporary Big Brother. He tells Ahn-drea that he'll go see Felix tomorrow since it's his day off, and she responds with her trademark assholish smugness and says that she knows tomorrow is his day off because she's already checked his schedule with Henry. Gaa..what a self-righteous, presumptuous, pompous, meddling troll she is. As Jackie is lunching with Kelly and Brenda, she breaks a tooth on a chicken bone in her chicken salad. Out of nowhere, a dark-haired man with a receding hairline and glasses appears and rushes over to aid with the dental emergency. He's very flirty with Jackie and because she's been badly craving the company of a man since she went off to rehab during the middle of Season 1, she's totally into it. The man identifies himself as an oral surgeon and sends Brandon on a funny wild goose chase for some crazy glue so he can glue Jackie's broken tooth back together. LOL. He then tells Jackie that he won't charge her for dental work if she agrees to go out to dinner with him. Kelly looks very icked out by the whole interaction and advises her mother to turn down the man's dinner invitation, but Jackie is hopelessly captivated by this helpful stranger. A punked Brandon returns to the table with a tube of rubber cement because he was wasn't able to find any crazy glue. Haha! This gets a hearty laugh out of the dentist, who tells Brandon that he was just kidding about the glue. He then introduces himself to Jackie as Dr. Mel Silver, and remarks to Kelly that since she goes to West Beverly High she probably knows his son, David. Kelly's eyes grow wide with horror, torment, and panic...and she stammers that she only vaguely knows who David is. The Walsh house. Brenda's on the phone talking to Kelly, who is mortified that her mother is about to hook up with David Silver's father. She makes Brenda swear not to tell anyone, then abruptly hangs up the phone so she can go heave over the toilet again. Brandon comes downstairs and announces to his family that stupid Ahn-drea has roped him into becoming a Big Brother to a troubled kid named Felix. Papa Walsh cautions him not to spread himself too thin. Good advice, Jimbo. But tell it to Ahn-drea since she's the one who got him into this thing. Brandon arrives at a low budget apartment complex and meets Felix's mother. She seems happy to meet Brandon, invites him inside the apartment, and calls for Felix. Mom and Brandon chit-chat for a bit, but after a few minutes Felix still doesn't make an appearance, so she bellows out his name before lighting up a cigarette and taking a long drag. Uh oh: bad parent alert! The mom then makes a bad first impression even worse when she starts bitching about what a total deadbeat Felix's father is, and how he got remarried and moved to Phoenix. There's a shocker. Felix finally makes an appearance and greets Brandon with a sullen declaration that everything sucks. No doubt life with a joyless, bitter mother such as his would suck quite a lot. His mom warns him to behave, and discreetly informs Brandon that her son can be kind of a pill. Beach. Brandon is trying to keep up with Felix, who's motoring down the paved pathway along the beach on rollerblades. He's dangerously close to crashing into pedestrians, and Brandon warns him to slow down. When they stop for a break, Felix tells him he hates being a charity case and wants to know why Brandon is hanging out with him. Brandon fake assures him he's hanging out with him because he wants to. Kelly and Donna are sunbathing when Steve strolls over and tells Kelly that he knows tonight is "the big night"...meaning that Mel and Jackie are going out on a date that evening. Steve crudely ponders aloud whether or not Mel will "bag her" on the first date, and Kelly snaps at him to take a hike, and looks like she's going to start retching again. Donna remarks that David really isn't as horribly dorky as he seems - something she discovered when they had to work together on a Romeo and Juliet scene for drama class during the Summer Storm episode. But Kelly insists that the way David stares at her as though she's naked still creeps her out, and she's determined to do something that will derail the budding relationship between Jackie and Mel. Brandon brings Felix to the beach bar for a glass of lemonade, then makes a beeline to the nearest pay phone to call Ahn-drea and blast her about what a foul tempered little nuisance Felix is. Felix overhears his end of the conversation and apologizes for his bad attitude, and goes on to tell Brandon how much he likes the beach club. He asks Brandon if he'd still be willing to hang out, and Brandon tells him he's OK with that. Kelly's house. Mel arrives to pick up Jackie for their date, and he's brought with him a lovely bouquet of flowers. He makes small talk with a perturbed Kelly, then gushes about how much of an idolizing fan she has in David. Jackie makes her grand entrance, looking totally fabulous in a fitted blue dress. She's impressed with the flowers and breezily asks Kelly to put them in some water. Beverly Hills Beach Club. Brandon is busy doing his cabana boy thing while Felix attempts to be helpful...but he just ends up getting in the way. His presence there is clearly starting to annoy Henry...and I'm starting to get annoyed by this tedious storyline, which is swiftly heading into after-school special territory. The Walsh house. Brenda tells her mother that word on the street is that Mel and Jackie hit it off on their date. Mama Walsh is thrilled and remarks how happy Kelly must be for her mother to have found someone nice. Brenda tells her that Kelly isn't so much happy as she is freaking out. And Mel really isn't so nice, as we discover when he cheats on Jackie in Season 3. But Mama Walsh is an eternal optimist and tells Brenda she's confident that somehow things will work themselves out...and then her words blend into another of Brenda's hallucinations about Dylan. He's suddenly standing in front of her, asking if things between them will work out. In a word, Dylan...no. Run far and fast. Brandon brings Felix home with him and introduces him to Mama Walsh and Brenda. Brandon invites him to stay for dinner, and Mama Walsh fits him with an apron so he can help her deep fry some potato slices to make French fries. Brandon pats Felix on the back, and suddenly the kid has a full body spasm and potato pieces go flying everywhere. He repeatedly apologizes, much like a physically abused child would apologize. The Walshes look a little puzzled by his behavior, but assure him that they can always cut more potatoes. Mama Walsh suggests to Felix that he go call his mother and let her know he's having dinner with them. He goes over to the phone, but holds down the switch hook and only pretends to dial and speak to his trash-talking, tobacco addicted mother. Beverly Hills Beach Club. Kelly is sunbathing again, looking very glamorous in a blue bikini and black sunglasses. David approaches and stands over her, blocking her sun as he tells her that he heard their parents had a pretty swinging time last night. Ew. Kelly tells him that's not what she heard, and David goes on about how cool it would be if they became step-brother and and step-sister. Kelly just looks grossed out by the idea of being related to David and decides that she's going to have to do something besides just look nauseated every time someone mentions Mel and Jackie in the same sentence. Kelly's house. Jackie and Mel have just returned from another wonderful date. They both agree they had a fantastic time, and then kiss each other. Mel asks her out again for tomorrow night, but Jackie tells him she already has plans with Kelly...so Mel invites himself and David along. Jackie likes that idea and tells him that he seems too good to be true, and then asks him if there's anything "weird" about himself that he's hiding. Well, if you consider being a serial womanizer "weird", then yeah...there's something very weird about Mel, so get out of this relationship now, Jackie. Mel, of course, doesn't admit to his penchant for cheating on women and just jokes about being an ego-maniacal monster. After he leaves, Kelly comes downstairs to get a post-date summary. To her dismay, Jackie tells her that she had a lovely evening and announces that Mel and David will be joining the two of them for dinner tomorrow night. Kelly is not thrilled by the change in their plans, to say the least. Beverly Hills Beach club. Felix is enjoying hanging out at the club, but he's quickly wearing out his welcome...particularly with Henry. The cheeky little imp has been helping himself to French fries, scamming free sodas from the beach bar, and telling the club staff that he's Brandon's younger brother. At the behest of Henry, Brandon has an uncomfortable conversation with Felix, and ends it by telling him he's going to have to run along home now. As Brandon escorts Felix to the gates of the beach club, he promises to hang out with him tomorrow since it's his day off. In another corner of the beach club, Steve offers unhelpful counsel to Kelly regarding the relationship between Mel and Jackie. His take is that things could be getting really serious, now that they're inviting their children to have dinner with them. He even thinks it's possible that the couple might declare their love for each other right there at the table! Steve is such an idiot. Kelly lapses into another panic attack and asks Steve to advise her on how she can put a stop to this madness...and he suggests that she do her best to scare Mel off. Show this dentist that she's the step-daughter from hell, and that life anywhere near her isn't worth living. Why, that plan is just crazy enough to work! Restaurant. The party of four arrives at a swanky restaurant, and Kelly immediately puts Steve's stupid plan into motion. She starts off by complaining about Mel's choice of restaurant, and then tells Mel that to know her is not to love her. Good to know. Once they're seated at their table, she starts ragging on David and his video camera, accusing him of being a scuzzy voyeur against whom she's contemplating getting a restraining order. Jackie tries to deflect her daughter's bitchy insults and suggests that they order - but Kelly declares that she's lost her appetite. Mel suggests they start with drinks, and Kelly goes completely off the rails, barking about how he should never say the word drinks in the presence of a recovering alcoholic. Jackie snaps at her to shut up, and Mel kicks himself for not using the word beverages. Kelly gets up and storms off and Jackie follows her. She chastises Kelly for humiliating and embarrassing herself, which makes Kelly tear up and tell her mother that she's acting up because she wanted to spend quality time with her post-rehab mother...not share her with some guy. Jackie assures her that they'll spend time together, and the two hug it out. Kelly now feels like a moron for her horrible behavior toward Mel and David, but Jackie is somehow able to convince her to swallow her pride and return to the table. Beverly Hills Beach Club. It's Brandon's day off, and he and Felix had arranged to hang out, but the kid is nowhere to be found. He goes to Felix's apartment complex and finds him sitting at a table outdoors, looking sad and gloomy. Brandon sits beside him and starts scolding him for standing him up...but abruptly stops when he sees a shiner on the kid's face. Felix eventually confesses that his mom hit him, and he also shows Brandon some nasty welts across his back. He looks fearful and wants Brandon to swear he won't tell anyone. Brandon of course can't make this promise, but does tell him that everything will be OK and then gently hugs him. West Beverly High. Brandon drops by the school to talk to Ahn-drea. He tells her that there's a problem with Felix, and as usual Ahn-drea doesn't shut her trap and listen, but instead rambles on and on about how she knows that he's a difficult kid, blah blah blah. Brandon cuts her off and bluntly tells her that Felix has bruises all over him because his mom has been beating him. Ahn-drea doesn't want to believe it and tells Brandon that this is a serious accusation, and that it could end up with Felix being placed in foster care. But she doesn't really know what the right answer is, and neither does Brandon. She does know of a social worker she met at the community center in the Valley, and Brandon tells her he's going to talk about this with his parents. The Walsh house. Kelly is over, telling Brenda and Mama Walsh about her extreme rudeness at dinner the other night. She admits that this silly strategy backfired, and Mama Walsh advises her that when love is meant to be, there's nothing a spoiled teenager with a rotten attitude can do about it. The phone then rings, and it's Dylan. He's in Hawaii, soaking in a hot tub or something near a waterfall and tells Brenda that he still...well, we'll never know 'cause the phone cuts out and the call is disconnected. Brandon arrives home and tells his parents that Felix is getting beaten up at home. They're shocked, and Brandon wonders aloud if he should report the abuse. Yes, Brandon...yes, you should definitely report the abuse. He asks if Felix can stay with them, but Mama and Papa Walsh waver not only because of the self-contained nature of this storyline, but also because a boy at such a young age needs a safe, permanent place to live. Beyond their obligatory sympathy for the kid, Mama and Papa Walsh are fairly useless in properly advising Brandon of the best way to handle this delicate but serious situation. Beverly Hills Beach Club. Kelly runs into David at the beach bar and offers to buy him a soda. She apologizes about being such a bitch at dinner the other night. He says that just because she's Kelly Taylor, she assumes that he's happy about their parents getting together. Well d'yuh, David. I refer you to an earlier scene, during which you said to Kelly, "Wouldn't it be cool if we ended up step-brother and step-sister?" David then starts whining about his parents' divorce and tells Kelly he wishes they'd get back together again. Kelly sympathizes with him and says she understands where he's coming from. She knows how hard it is to realize one's parents are probably never going to get together. They both acknowledge that Mel and Jackie really like each other, then declare a truce and shake on it. Felix's apartment. Brandon shows up to confront Felix's mother. She answers the door and acts all nice until he brusquely tells her that he's seen Felix's bruises and knows she's a degenerate child beater. She denies it and wants him to leave, but he continues rebuking her until she admits that she drank a little too much and hit him - but not that hard. Jesus. She confesses that she sometimes takes things out on Felix when things get too tough. She can't afford counselling, but now that her abusive tendencies toward her own child have been uncovered, she thinks maybe she should get some help. Good idea, Mommie Dearest. Tearfully she tells Brandon that she's sorry, ashamed, and isn't that kind of mother...even though she clearly is that kind of mother. Children's Residence. Brandon pays a visit to Felix, who's staying at a special residence until his abusive-when-drunk mother can get her head screwed on straight. Felix is hostile because he misses his mom...and he's mad at Brandon for ratting her out. He also has hurt feelings because he thought Brandon forgot all about him, but Brandon explains to Felix that he stayed away because he wanted to give him some space. Felix is easily appeased and thanks Brandon, and the two of them walk toward the cafeteria together, chatting about what's new in their lives. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Papa Walsh is having an official meeting with Dylan, discussing the dismal state of his finances. He advises the flat broke teenager to make peace with his mother, Iris, so he can hit her up for some much needed cash. If he doesn't, he runs the risk of the courts stepping in...and this would create a messy situation, not to mention the start of a tedious storyline for viewers. Dylan is reluctant to ask Iris for any money, but Papa Walsh insists...mostly because he doesn't want this slouchy kid living at his house indefinitely. Beverly Hills Beach Club. Brandon is wheeling a big bin of laundry toward a service van when Steve leaps into it. He teases Brandon about whether or not he's ready to lose all of his money in an unauthorized poker game that's being planned at the beach club after hours. Brandon isn't keen on gambling away his hard-earned money, admits to not being that great of a poker player, and informs Steve that he's currently sitting on a heap of dirty, stinky towels that club members have probably used to wipe their anuses and genitals. The Walsh house. Dylan returns to his temporary home and presents Mama Walsh with a loaf of freshly baked bread. She's touched by his thoughtful gesture, but tells him he doesn't have to do things like that. In her gentle, mom-ish way she asks him if he needs any pocket money, but he just gets embarrassed and murmurs that he's fine. During this awkward exchange, the doorbell rings and it's Donna; she and Brenda have plans to go see a movie. At Donna's urging they invite Dylan to come along, but he doesn't want to go 'cause he's too broke to afford it...and too mopey and depressed to want to leave the house. Beverly Hills Beach Club. It's after hours, and Brandon is lurking in the dark so he can open up the game room for Steve and the rest of the poker players. They all file in...and for some unexplained reason, David Silver has also been invited. To move this dud of a storyline forward, we get a montage of the group playing various hands. At one point Steve is doing well, while Brandon isn't doing so well. David is doing very well, but then looks like a mental patient when he repeatedly contorts his mouth as a method of practicing his poker face. The night ends with Brandon winning big, but one of the players totally kills his buzz when he declares that their next poker game is going to have to be for higher stakes. No more of this lame penny ante shit. The Walsh house. Brandon arrives home after the late night poker game and tip-toes upstairs to his bedroom. Dylan is still awake and turns the light on. He's been lying in bed, unable to stop thinking about his money problems, and how he has to call his mother in Hawaii. Brandon tells him all about the poker game and gets his buzz killed for the second time when Dylan says there's no thrill in poker if it's not for real money. But then he backpedals and acknowledges that gambling can be just as dangerous an addiction as drugs and alcohol...and remarks that since he has a predisposition to addiction, he's determined to stay far away from any card playing. For a little while. Beverly Hills Beach Club. The following morning, Henry asks Brandon if he noticed anyone skulking around the club before he left last night. He's well aware that some of the members' bratty kids like to sneak in and play cards in the game room after hours. Brandon looks guilt-ridden and comments that it sounds harmless, but Henry points out that if someone gets hurt, it's his ass on the line. He then tells Brandon to let him know if he hears anything about any illegal card games...and adds that he hates rich kids who think they own the world. Pawn shop. Dylan is hocking his personal belongings so he can generate some pocket money. He lays out a guitar, camera, a watch, and a picture frame. Geez, he must really be desperate if he's hocking picture frames. The pawn shop lady isn't too impressed with his ratty stuff and offers him $275 for all of it. When he asks her what sorts of things generate the biggest bucks, she tells him she prefers electronics like VCRs, TVs, and stereos. Hmm... Beverly Hills Beach Club. Brandon chides Steve for being the mastermind behind the poker game last night, and tells him that Henry knows about it and is pissed. Steve, however, is barely listening because: a) he's one of the spoiled, self entitled brats Henry was grumbling about, b) he isn't burdened with a conscience, so he couldn't care less what the implications for Henry might be, and c) his mind is already on the next poker game. He excitedly tells Brandon that this time they're going to be more like high rollers playing for real money...and they'll also have babes there to serve as eye candy. Brandon perks up and doesn't look nearly as concerned about losing his job or his integrity as I thought he'd be. Instead, he seems rather intrigued by the prospect of playing a high stakes poker game in the company of some pretty ladies. Brenda and Donna are laying in the sun, trying to achieve the perfect tan. Ahh...to be a teenager again and not worry about melanoma. Donna wants Brenda to dish about what it's like having her former lover living in her house, but Brenda tells her that Dylan is so moody and reclusive that they're barely on speaking terms. But deep down she still loves him, and so it hurts her that she can't help him out of his perpetual slouch-funk. Donna leaves to go get a milkshake, and Brenda lays down and falls asleep in the hot sun...and ends up with a scorched back. Ouch. By the time she arrives home, she's as red as a lobster. Supermom immediately comes to her rescue and assures her crispy daughter that she'll whip up an old family remedy that will take the sting out of the burn. I think this during every episode, but Cindy is a waaaaay nicer mommy than Brenda deserves. Dylan, meanwhile, is loafing around the house and ambles into the living room where Papa Walsh is reading the paper. Papa Walsh asks him if he's gotten in touch with his mother yet, and Dylan tells him he hasn't. Jim offers him the use of the telephone and tells him he doesn't want to keep having the same conversation over and over again. I second that. It's getting wearisome watching this beggarly sad sack who suddenly has no home and no funds. Dylan goes upstairs and finds Brandon ironing a shirt to wear for poker game #2. Dylan gets all moody and pissy that he wasn't invited to the game...so Brandon invites him...but then he says he'd just rather just stay in and read. When Brandon leaves for the club, Dylan suddenly starts to look very wistful, as though he might like to go and play cards after all. Beverly Hills Beach Club. Brandon's dressed up in a suit, lurking in the dark so he can let the others in the game room again. The same kids from the other night show up, but this time they're all dressed in suits and hats...and Steve looks pretty comical in a phony mustache. Brenda and Donna join the game, I'm guessing to provide the female eye candy for the players, but that has to be weird and disappointing for Brandon. They play a few hands, chomp on cigars, and ham it up like they're mobsters. Dylan then crashes the party, looking very under-dressed for the affair. Dramatically he tells them to deal him in - which they do, and he gets all intense and serious. The game reaches a pivotal moment when the pot stands at $400, which I suppose is what teenagers would consider to be "high stakes". After a dramatic buildup, David wins the hand and beats Dylan. Naturally this makes Dylan even more sullen and irritable than he was before, and he tells Brandon that he's going upstairs to sit in the sauna for a long sulk steam. Dylan's dour vibe has put a damper on the game, so everyone agrees to cash out and go home. The moment of reckoning arrives the next day when Henry confronts Steve as he's chatting with Brandon at the beach club. Henry asks him, point blank, if he was playing cards after hours at the club last night. Not only does Steve lie through his teeth, but he uses Brandon to give him a fake alibi. When Steve and Brandon ask Henry what's wrong, he angrily walks them over to the game room, which has been burglarized. Duhn duhn duhn! The thieves made off with the TV, stereo and office equipment. Soon after, the police arrive to investigate...and they quickly determine that the burglary was an inside job. This news troubles Henry, and he remarks to Brandon that he almost wishes it had been a forced entry type of burglary. He confesses that he has a police record from years ago. He was hanging out with a group of hooligan friends who were up to no good, unwittingly fell asleep in a car that turned out to be a getaway car, and was charged right along with them for breaking and entering. The detective in charge of the investigation asks to speak to Henry in private. Uh oh. As he's led away, a pissed off Brandon tells Steve that he's now determined to straighten out this mess. Ignoring Steve's self-serving protests, Brandon marches over to where the detective is grilling a shame-faced Henry and admits that he knows more about last night than he let on. Police station. One by one, the poker players are questioned...but none of them seem to emerge as suspects for the robbery. Steve makes an ass of himself when he attempts to name-drop by asking the detective if she knows who his mother is. Nobody cares about your washed up mother's stale acting career, Steve. The detective then asks Brandon about Dylan, who didn't leave the club with the others. That's right, he was supposedly brooding in a sauna. Brandon starts singing like a canary, and needlessly spills the beans to the detective about how Dylan had lost a lot of money in the poker game, but then insists that Dylan wouldn't actually steal anything. Well...prolly not, anyway. The detective tells him she wants to question Dylan as soon as possible. The Walsh house. Dylan makes an appearance at the Walsh house the following evening. He tells Brandon that he slept in his car the night before, and then seems pretty nonchalant when he learns about the robbery at the beach club, and the fact that the police want to question him. Casually he strips off his shirt and goes into the bathroom to take a shower. Brenda then pops into the room to chat with Brandon, who immediately starts grumbling to her about what a messy roommate Dylan is. And then, no doubt completely by accident, he finds a plane ticket to Hawaii with Dylan's name on it, which was purchased that day. Brandon is curious about where Dylan got the money to pay for it and immediately assumes he robbed the beach club, which prompts Brenda to snap at him for thinking their friend could be a thief. At that very moment, the police detective arrives at the house, looking for Dylan. She noticed his Porsche in the driveway, and is suspicious by the VCR, amplifier, and fax machine hidden under a blanket in the passenger seat. Oh no! She wants him to come downtown for questioning right away. Police station. The Walshes are all sitting together in the waiting area. Mama Walsh feels bad that Dylan had to be hauled in for police questioning, while Brandon still remains skeptical about his innocence. Some random police officer passes the foursome and remarks how Dylan is a criminal just like his father. This raises the ire of Papa Walsh, who abruptly stands up and angrily defends Dylan, a move that goes over very well with Mama Walsh and Brenda. A minute later, Dylan saunters out of the interrogation room and looks happy to see all the Walshes waiting for him. Brenda hugs him, and he tells everyone that the police questioning went A-OK. Back at the Walsh house, Brandon gets all bitchy at Dylan again because of his long showers and excessive shampoo use. A mystified Dylan asks what he did to piss off Brandon, so Brandon flat out tells him that he suspects him of committing the robbery at the beach club. Dylan denies being a thief, and explains that he's been pawning his own stuff, and that the electronics hidden in his car are all items from his family's storage locker. As for the ticket to Hawaii, he finally got in touch with Iris and she bought the ticket for him, so he picked it up from the airport that day. Hmm...he seems to have an answer for everything, but that's actually a good thing because we're reaching the end of this blah episode and need to quickly wrap up any loose ends. Beverly Hills Beach Club. David tries to impress Donna with the stack of cash he won playing poker, but she just laughs at him until he feels stupid and leaves. Cheer up, David. You'll tap that eventually. Brandon goes to see Henry, who's watching The Young and the Restless on his balcony. He asks him if he still has a job, and Henry starts blathering about how he could either be ticked off at him for playing cards after hours, or happy that he came forward and told the detective the truth. Clearly he chooses happy, 'cause he tells Brandon he can keep his job, and says that somewhere down deep he's a decent kid. Anyway, turns out that the burglars were the guys who worked for the laundry service we saw at the beginning of the episode. They were caught red-handed robbing another nearby beach club. So there - boring mystery solved. The Walsh house. Dylan stops by Brenda's bedroom to say goodbye before leaving for Hawaii. He's grateful that she stuck by him through all the beach club robbery drama, and wishes her fun times while he's gone. He then goes to down the hall to see Brandon, who apologizes to him for not having more faith in his innocence...and also for being such a little bitch about the shampoo. As a gesture of forgiveness, Brandon presents Dylan with a parting gift: his own bottle of shampoo! With a smirk, Dylan reaches into his bag and pulls out a bottle of shampoo he purchased for Brandon as a replacement. Now that is - quite literally - some good, clean fun. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: As Papa Walsh prepares to leave on a business trip, his family is sitting in the living room watching television. They happen to catch a breaking news story about Dylan's father, who's just been captured by U.S. Marshals and will soon be extradited back to the United States. He's been at large since about the middle of Season 1, and now faces twenty-three counts of federal income tax evasion. Yikes. Papa Walsh disdainfully remarks that it was only a matter of time before the authorities caught "that crook", which prompts Brenda to snappishly retort that he's innocent until proven guilty. As we find out in later episodes, Jack McKay is found guilty for his crimes and gets sentenced to prison. So suck on that, Brenda. Dylan's condo...or wherever he's living these days. Dylan is lying in bed, also watching the newscast about his felonious father. His phone starts ringing, but he lets the machine pick it up. It's Brenda, who leaves an anxious sounding message, asking him if he's OK. Beverly Hills Beach Club. After the obligatory, recycled footage of beautiful people tanning and playing volleyball, we hear a warning over the club's PA system that a nearby tropical storm is causing some large, crashing waves. Brandon is on duty at the club and happens to run into Dylan, who's about to go surfing. He tells Dylan that Brenda has been trying to get in touch with him, but Dylan says he's fine...and that his father has the best lawyers in L.A. Kelly and her mom are hanging out in front of their cabana, and both gals look fantastic in their swimwear. As they check out the male scenery, Kelly zeroes in on a cute little button of a guy playing volleyball. His name is Kyle, and he also attends West Beverly High. Dylan is standing on the beach, staring out at the turbulent waves alongside a surfing dude who has really luxurious, long hair. The dude remarks to Dylan that any surfer who'd go out in waves like that has to be a mental case. Dylan just continues to stare at the waves, and the scene cuts away. West Beverly High. Ahn-drea peppers Brenda with questions about the recent arrest of Jack McKay...like when his arraignment is, and whether or not he's going to post bond. As if this is any of her business. Brenda snappishly retorts that she doesn't know anything, and if Dylan wants to talk to her about his father, he knows he can always call her. When they get to drama class, Young Elvis announces that they're now going to shift their attention to Shakespearean plays. He throws out some general questions about the playwright, and Ahn-drea eagerly raises her hand because she's fucking annoying, but also because she can't seem to control her pathological need to demonstrate to everyone that she's the smartest person in the room. When Young Elvis calls on her, she corrects his pronunciation of her name to AHN-drea when he calls her ANNE-drea...and this prompts an eye roll from Brenda. Bwahaha! One of the plays the class will be focusing on is Romeo and Juliet. Young Elvis surveys the room and assigns Donna the role of Juliet...then selects David to be her Romeo. And this, folks, is how the very first seed of the relentless Donna/David relationship was sown. Beverly Hills Beach Club. Kelly is sitting in front of her cabana, still ogling Kyle as he plays volleyball. At one point during the game, his ball lands near her lounger, and she grabs onto it and makes him come over to retrieve it. She saucily tells him there's a cost for him to get his ball back...and that the cost is private volleyball lessons. Kyle, who really seems like he just wants his ball back, agrees to tutor Kelly in the finer points of volleyball. The Walsh house. Mama Walsh is reminiscing to Brenda and Ahn-drea about how she once played the role of Lady Macbeth (of "Out, damn'd spot!" fame). Mercifully, the phone rings, and when Brenda answers, it's obvious from her end of the conversation that something very bad has happened. When an alarmed Mama Walsh asks Brenda what's wrong, she tells her that Dylan was in a surfing accident and is now in the hospital. Hospital. Brenda enters the Emergency Room area and finds Dylan lying on a gurney. She hovers over him, and he quickly opens his eyes. She explains to him that the paramedics called the Walsh house because they found Brandon's name and number in his car. Dylan smiles weakly and tells her that the crashing waves were awesome, and then remarks how much Brenda looks like an angel. Poor guy, he's obviously still disoriented from the accident...or meds. Brenda tells him he's lucky to be alive, and that everything will be all right...but for now he needs his rest. She returns to the waiting room, where Mama Walsh is sitting. Mama Walsh has discussed Dylan's condition with the doctors, and learned that he suffered a mild concussion and a few cracked ribs. The doctors told her that because Dylan doesn't have anyone at home to take care of him as he recuperates, he'll need to stay in the hospital. This prompted Mama Walsh to volunteer to take him home with her so that he can be nursed back to health in a loving, wholesome environment with a stay-at-home parent. Brenda's response to her mother's compassion is a bitchy, "Dylan and I broke up, remember?" She doesn't think she can stand having him living in her house. Mama Walsh patiently explains that they can't just leave Dylan alone in the hospital, and points out that he's Brandon's friend too. In other words, the world doesn't revolve around you, Miss Self Absorbed. The Walsh house. Mama Walsh is putting the finishing touches on a scrumptious looking dinner for Dylan and asks Brenda to take it to him upstairs - but she refuses to deliver the meal because: a) she didn't want him staying at her house in the first place, b) she has no interest in playing nurse-maid to him, and c) she has a cold black heart with no empathy for other humans. Brenda then pretends to be all confused, and nonsensically bitches about how Mama Walsh was once so adamantly against her and Dylan doinking, but now has him "tucked in" in the next bedroom. She storms out of the house, and I'm wondering if Mama Walsh is as exhausted by her constant prickliness as I am. Brandon's bedroom. Dylan apologizes to Brandon for taking over his room, but Brandon (the good twin) is pretty easygoing about having to sleep on the sofa. Brandon asks Dylan how the surfing accident happened, and he explains that "Tubes started to close out on me" and that he got "Jacked from behind." I'm not fluent in surfer-speak, so I'll just assume that Dylan had a nasty wipeout in some pretty rough waves. Mama Walsh enters the room with Dylan's scrumptious dinner and sets the tray in front of him. He asks if Brenda's home, and Mama Walsh nervously stammers that she went out. He knows that Brenda isn't too thrilled with his being there, and a moment later they're all laughing about how stubborn she can be. Stubborn is really too mild an adjective for Brenda when there are far more accurate descriptors like inhumane, ill-disposed, beastly, malevolent, and selfish. Dylan tells Mama Walsh how nice it is to have a family to be with when he's hurt and needs help getting back on his feet. Later, he discreetly asks Brandon if Papa Walsh is OK with this arrangement, and Brandon tells him he's cool. Dylan quips that Jimbo is a lot of things, but cool isn't one of them. True that. And speaking of Papa Walsh, he calls home from his hotel room in whatever city his business trip is in, and admonishes his wife for inviting Dylan to stay at their house. He thinks she's just asking for trouble, but Mama Walsh argues that he had nowhere to go in a time of need. Jack McKay is in jail, and his mother Iris lives in faraway Hawaii. Hmmm...Hawaii. Living in Hawaii sounds so much better than bunking in Brandon's stuffy little bedroom with a hostile ex-girlfriend next door. Later that evening, Brandon stops by Brenda's room and finds her reading Hamlet. She soliloquizes, "To be a bitch, or not to be a bitch. That is the question." Of course, in Brenda's case the question is more like: why are you always so damn bitchy? Brandon tells her he doesn't think she's been a bitch...but then immediately reverses himself and points out that she hasn't said a word to Dylan all day. Brenda explains that she thought she and Dylan could be friends, but that was before he moved in. He hasn't moved in, dumbass. He's spending a few days at your house to recuperate from an accident. Brandon urges her to say goodnight to Dylan, and Brenda snipes that this is between her and Dylan. Exasperated, Brandon remarks that Dylan was right when he referred to her as stubborn. Brenda stands in the doorway of her brother's room and stubbornly declares to Dylan that she's not stubborn. She sits beside him on the bed and tells him that she's not ready, needs time, has to think things out to be sure of what she wants...blah blah. For some unfathomable reason, Dylan tells her that he needs her to help him get through his latest crises, and goes to far as to say that she's the only person he can trust. What about Brandon? He's not exactly chopped liver in the friend department. Dylan then pulls Brenda toward him, and the two kiss passionately. Brenda's into it for a few seconds, but then breaks away, tells him she can't do this, and hustles out of the room. Later that night, Brenda and Dylan are restlessly tossing and turning in their beds. She gets up and goes into the bathroom at the exact same time that Dylan enters the bathroom. He's wearing long shorts and tape around his cracked ribs, while she's in skimpy pink PJs...and this adds up to a great deal of awkward sexual tension. Brenda tells him he can use the bathroom first, and swiftly exits. Beverly Hills Beach Club. Kyle is finishing up giving Kelly volleyball pointers. She pretends to hurt her wrist, and he rubs it better just before he asks her out on a date for that evening. She happily accepts and proudly prances back to her cabana. Drama class. Brenda is playing the role of Hamlet's Ophelia, and grimly delivers a monologue to the class. When she finishes, everyone claps enthusiastically. We're warned that David and Donna are scheduled to perform a scene from Romeo and Juliet the next day. Beverly Hills Beach Club. Kelly tells her mom that she has a date with Kyle, and gushes about how much she likes him. Jackie whines about being single, so Kelly encourages her to get out there and work it...instead of just sitting by herself in front of the cabana all day. But Jackie isn't sure how to be charming to the opposite sex without getting sloshed and coked up first, so she wisely decides to lay low. Kelly tells her she's very proud of her. In a different cabana, Donna and David are practicing their scene from Romeo and Juliet. Neither of them is terribly impressive, but I doubt the expectations for this drama class are super high. Donna suddenly has a strange, sudden freakout and starts ragging on David for being the worst Romeo she's ever heard. He bites back that she's not a great Juliet. She wails that she doesn't want to be humiliated, and declares that she's quitting...which is a pretty cunty thing to do since it means that David will also get an F for the assignment. The Walsh house. Brenda arrives home from her drama class and finds Dylan lying on the living room couch, watching television. She offers to get him a soda, which leads him to also ask for a sandwich, an apple, a blanket, a book to read...and then finally Brenda herself. The levity of the moment temporarily de-prickles Brenda, and she laughs and mounts him on the couch. They're into some amorous kissing action when Papa Walsh inconveniently arrives home from his business trip. The sight of Brenda and Dylan entwined on his couch (ew!) enrages him and he demands to know what's going on. Brenda springs up and tells him it's not what he thinks, even though it's pretty much exactly what it looks like. The situation gets ugly when Papa Walsh angrily accuses Dylan of taking advantage of their hospitality by dry-humping his daughter in his living room. Papa Walsh continues to rant about his daughter's sexcapades late into the evening, and makes it clear to Mama Walsh that he wants Dylan out of the house within a couple of days. Brenda and Dylan stand in the darkened hallway and stare at each other in mortification. She apologizes for her father's uptight douchebaggery, and he assures her it's not her fault. Beach. Kelly and Kyle are spending the evening together sitting on the beach. He tells that he's always thought she was the hottest girl at West Beverly High...and also that he broke up with his girlfriend because their relationship was getting too serious. Kelly perks up at that tidbit and says she's up for some non-serious fun...and proceeds to strip off her clothes and run straight into the ocean like a lunatic. Kyle just kind of stares at her with a bewildered expression, obviously not interested in joining her. Awkward. A minute or so later, Kelly runs back to shore, wraps herself in a towel, and starts forcibly cuddling Kyle. Unfortunately, Kyle's totally not into it and tells her she's coming on way too strong. Kelly is embarrassed by his cold reaction, accuses him of playing mind games, and tearfully orders him to take her home. The Walsh house. Dylan creeps into Brenda's bedroom in the middle of the night to leave a note by her bedside. She finds the note the next morning and quickly heads downstairs to give Papa Walsh the what-for. She calls him a jerk, accuses him of driving Dylan away, and then storms out of the house to start searching for her ex. Beach. Kyle is minding his own business jogging when Steve suddenly joins him and remarks that he heard all about his hot date with Kelly. Kyle tells him that nothing happened, and that he and Kelly aren't a couple. He then ditches Steve by jogging faster. Shortly afterward, Kyle sees Kelly at the club and tries to talk to her, but she's still embarrassed from the night before and refuses to talk to him. Loitering nearby is Steve, who gleefully observes that her summer fling is over so soon. Kelly tells him to get lost, and it is my strong opinion that Steve really needs to get a life. David finds Donna suntanning and stands over her, blocking her sun. She's still adamant about not doing the scene from Romeo and Juliet with him, but David has an idea how they can both get an A on the assignment. First, though, he wants an apology for her bitchy horribleness the other day, and an admission that she's just as crappy an actor as he is. Hee! Donna concedes pretty easily, and the two go off somewhere to put David's genius idea in motion. The Walsh house. Mama Walsh, Brenda, and Brandon are racking their collective brains, trying to figure out where Dylan might have disappeared to. They've phoned various friends and contacts, but are not having any luck finding him. Nice going, Papa Walsh. Beverly Hills Beach Club. It's very late and Dylan is skulking around the cabana area. He jimmies the lock of one unit and slips inside. He surveys the interior of the cabana with a lighter, then curls up on the couch looking very sad and dejected. He has a flashback to his childhood, remembering how he and his family spent summers at the beach club and how he used to play in the ocean with his father. The memories make him cry...and get me a little misty-eyed, especially the part when his father promised him he'd always be there. The next morning, Brandon is on duty at the beach club, picking up trash after the windy night. He notices an open cabana door and goes inside to investigate. He finds Dylan asleep on the couch and quickly wakes him, warning him that if Henry sees him there, he'll call the police. Dylan gets up to leave, but first shows Brandon some markings on the trim of one of the doors where his parents measured his height. This was the cabana his family used to rent when he was a tot. Kyle tries to talk to Kelly again, and this time he apologizes for being turned off by her skinny dipping antics and aggressive canoodling the night before. He assures her that she's beautiful and tells her he'd like to be friends. Surprisingly, Kelly's totally OK with that and agrees to play volleyball with him later. The Walsh house. Papa Walsh lectures Brenda on how to properly load the dishwasher. She snipes back that she knows how to load a dishwasher, starts crying, and yells at him again for kicking Dylan out of the house. By this point, Papa Walsh has softened on the issue considerably and caves in when he agrees that they'll all take care of Dylan. He explains how tough it's been on him - one minute she's his little girl, the next minute she's doinking a slouchy hipster and taking pregnancy tests. The two hug it out, but aren't able to come to a consensus about whether or not she's still his little girl. She's not, Jim. And blech. Beverly Hills Beach Club. Kelly is playing beach volleyball with Kyle. Steve, who's on the opposing team, is being a real dick in the way he keeps slamming the ball right at Kelly. Eventually it pisses off Kyle so much that he runs right into Steve and knocks him to the ground. Steve shoves him off of him and then laughs at him for not being able to make it with Kelly. Not willing to lose her reputation as a loose party girl, Kelly boldly announces that she was with Kyle the night before and that he was wonderful in every way imaginable. Ew. Even though what she's saying is obviously a complete lie, it's somehow still too much information. Drama class. David's brilliant idea for the Romeo and Juliet scene is to play opposite roles, which means that David is a manly looking Juliet, and Donna is an unconvincing Romeo with hooters. They play it as a comedy, but considering that this play is a tragedy, the scene really isn't very funny...even though the class is laughing heartily. Young Elvis rebukes the two of them for going for the "easy laugh" (if only) and calls the idea of switching genders a total cop-out. Donna of course throws David under a bus and tattles that doing the scene this way was all his idea. Young Elvis wants them to do it again, but this time with the proper genders assigned to the proper roles. Thankfully, it's not a performance we have to watch. Beach. Kelly and Kyle are walking along the beach together. He wants to tell her a secret he's never told anyone...which is that he's a virgin, and that he has absolutely no desire to sleep with a girl. Kelly asks if he's gay, and he says he doesn't know, but that he wishes he were attracted to girls. Kyle - you're gay. Come out of the closet, be happy and comfortable in your own skin, and thank your lucky stars you live in the relatively gay-friendly state of California. Kyle's confusion over his sexuality is good news for Kelly, who can now breathe a sigh of relief that she wasn't rejected by a guy because of her looks, her behavior, or her shallow personality. Brandon runs into Dylan at the club and tells him that it's now OK with Papa Walsh if he stays at the house. Dylan has no interest in returning to the hostile vibe of Casa Walsh, but Brandon tells him that if he doesn't return to the house and continue to recuperate, Brenda will never forgive Papa Walsh. I'm not sure why this is any real incentive for Dylan, but he agrees. The Walsh house. When Brenda arrives home, Mama Walsh tells her that Papa Walsh is having a private talk with Dylan in the living room. The two are discussing Jack McKay, and the reality of Dylan's dire financial situation. At the moment he has no assets, and no cash...just his Porsche. If that's true, then what has this boy been living on since his father absconded the country last season? Papa Walsh can't believe there have been no provisions made for his support, so Dylan 'fesses up that he was supposed to go to Hawaii to live with his mother, who he doesn't like, and who he hasn't seen in three years. Papa Walsh assures him he is welcome to stay with his family until he can get his finances sorted out. Dylan accepts his offer, and Papa Walsh encourages him to reach out to his delinquent father. He also eats a bit of crow and admits to not being very fair to him, but explains how hard it is to watch Brenda grow up. He irrationally treated Dylan so badly because didn't think that any boy would be good enough for his bitchy little princess. Just before bedtime, Dylan pens a letter to his father. He writes about how disappointed he is in him...but that deep down he still wants a father, and hopes that his father still wants a son. Brenda makes a quick appearance in his room, and they both wish each other a good night. Yep...it's just a matter of time until those two kids get back together. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: Brandon and Papa Walsh are sitting at the kitchen table, sharing an early breakfast. As Brandon heads out to catch the 6:30am bus to the Beverly Hills Beach Club, he complains to his father about how he's suffering from job burnout after only a week. He comes right out and asks Papa Walsh if he'd be willing to pay half the cost of the '65 Mustang convertible he's saving up for so he he can quit and enjoy the summer...and Papa Walsh's retort is "Have a nice day, Brandon", so we'll take that as a no. He's really quite tight-fisted with his money, that Papa Walsh. Beverly Hills Beach Club. After the obligatory footage of curvy women tanning, buff guys playing ball, and cute kids building sandcastles, we're directed to a tennis game between two middle-aged men. One of them makes a shot and then starts bellowing that the ball was in, while his opponent insists it was out. The guy bellowing is paunchy and looks like an obnoxious blowhard. As fate would have it, Brandon witnessed the shot from the sidelines and - much to Blowhard's boorish delight - calls it in his favor. As Blowhard packs up his gear, club manager Henry Thomas makes a brief appearance to suck up to this man about what a great tennis player he is. He also gives Brandon a very big wink for calling the shot in his favor, so I guess we're supposed to deduce that he's a rich club member. A blonde waitress named Sandy enters the scene to clear a table and mumbles something I couldn't quite hear about Blowhard's tennis match, then eyes Brandon appreciatively. As names are exchanged, Brandon learns that Blowhard's name is Jerry Rattinger, and that he's a wealthy and successful sports promoter. Brandon introduces himself and tells him that he probably knows his father. Jerry does know Papa Walsh, and remarks that he heard Papa Walsh is considering becoming a member of the Beverly Hills Beach Club. Dylan returns to shore with his surfboard and runs into Brandon, who's setting up beach loungers. Dylan remarks to Brandon that Henry is cool to allow him to "park" his surfboard on the club's property, and they both agree that Sandy is also cool. Dylan goes so far as to call her "exquisite", which I think is a bit of a stretch. Sandy is by no means an uggo - but she's no stunner. She's an average looking girl, and I'm just going to leave it at that. Drama class at West Beverly High. The topic du jour is the "sense memory process". In preparation for the exercise, Brenda has brought to class her mother's winter coat so that she can recreate an incident that occurred in Minneapolis when she was six years old. Apparently she wandered off in a mall, played on the escalators for awhile, and then panicked when she realized she was lost. Eventually she was found and returned to Mama and Papa Walsh, so no real harm was done. Young Elvis instructs Brenda to feel the texture of wet winter wool so that she can more easily recreate the feelings of panic and abandonment that she experienced all those years ago. Brenda puts on the coat in an effort to sensify her brain cells, but thankfully the scene cuts away and we don't have to watch her performance. Afterward, she walks down the hall with Ahn-drea, Kelly, and Donna, saying how it felt like she was forcing out emotions. Her performance lacked just the right amount of hysterical, so she declines Kelly's invitation to spend the afternoon at the beach and instead will go home and work on her sense memory process some more. David, who also happens to be in the drama class, is lurking around Kelly and her pals...as usual. He interjects himself into their conversation and points out that since Brenda's not going to the beach, there's now a space for him in Kelly's car! Kelly looks pained, and the rest of the girls chortle at his chutzpah. But the way the scene plays out, it truly looks like this kid's getting a ride with them to the beach...so kudos to your chutzpah, David! After the group leaves, Brenda shares with Ahn-drea that she's avoiding the beach because she can't handle running into Dylan now that they're broken up. Ahn-drea, likewise, is avoiding the beach because she doesn't want to have a run-in with Brandon after the embarrassing way he declined her offer to let him pop her cherry during the Home Again episode. But then she embarrasses herself all over again by asking Brenda if Brandon has asked about her. No, Ahn-drea. He doesn't ever ask about you because he's not into you. Beverly Hills Beach Club. Brandon and Sandy are getting kind of flirty, chatting about the beach club and some of its members. She's pretty down on rich people from Beverly Hills and remarks that they're a whole different breed than poor slobs like the two of them. The Walsh house. Brenda is on the phone with her grandmother, telling her how much she's enjoying her drama class. As they're conversing, Mama and Papa Walsh are primping themselves for an evening out at the Beverly Hills Beach Club to dine with one of Papa Walsh's new rich clients. Beverly Hills Beach Club. A party for prospective members is in full swing that evening. Brandon is on duty, as is Sandy...and he friskily pulls her toward him and they start dancing together. She's all giggly and flirty, and Henry comes over to fake reprimand them about having fun in public. That Henry is a good egg. A few minutes later, Mama and Papa Walsh arrive at the club with their client, Jerry Rattinger, along with Rattinger's wife. Brandon politely greets everyone, and after a brief but pleasant chat, the two couples go off to find a table. During all this, Sandy looks a little stressed, which is the first hint that something disturbingly grotesque and unholy is going on between her and Jerry. Brandon benignly remarks to Sandy how it's a small world, Jerry being his father's client and all, and Sandy snarks in agreement that it is a small world and then stalks off. This girl has serious mood swing issues. Later that evening, Steve makes an appearance and tells Brandon about the grunion run that everyone's planning to be at. Since I didn't know what Steve was really talking about, I researched grunion on Wikipedia, and learned that they're fish who have the unique mating ritual of coming onto sandy beaches during high tides where they lay their eggs in the sand. Steve encourages Brandon to invite a lady friend along to the grunion run, and by lady friend, he means Sandy...who he's noticed has been checking out Brandon. As work winds down for the evening, Brandon invites Sandy to come along to the grunion run. Unfortunately, Sandy's still on the down-slope of her mood swing and snarks about how rare a grunion sighting actually is...but if Brandon happens to see the fish, he should give them her best. When a confused Brandon explores the reason for her ill temper, he learns that she's all huffy because he didn't introduce her to his parents during the previous scene. For some reason Brandon feels the need to apologize, and explains that he didn't think stuff like that mattered to her. She retorts, "Don't flatter yourself." Good grief - I actually think this girl is even more annoyingly passive aggressive toward Brandon than Ahn-drea is, which I didn't think was possible. Sandy then starts whining again about how much she hates people from Beverly Hills, complains of a pounding headache, and warns him that nothing is likely to make her happy tonight. For some reason, Brandon is determined to hang out with this gloomy puss, and he's finally able to persuade Sandy to go to the grunion run with him and his friends. The Walsh house. Brenda and Brandon run into Papa Walsh on their way to breakfast, and they're curious to know if he and Mama Walsh are going to become members of the Beverly Hills Beach Club. Papa's answer is a blank stare, so I'm guessing not. At the kitchen table, Brandon launches a vigorous inquisition of both his parents, demanding to know why they won't join the club. Why he cares this much about them getting a club membership, I can't imagine. Mama Walsh mumbles something about using the money for their college tuition, and Papa just looks shifty and evasive. He finally admits that he doesn't like the idea of hobnobbing with rich assholes like Jerry Rattinger, and that their professional life should remain separate from their social life. Brenda's inner bitch, which I'm beginning to think is actually a symptom of Tourett syndrome, snaps, "What social life?" She gets a WTF look from both parents, so she apologizes and explains that she can't help herself from blurting shit like that out. It's OK, Brenda - it's all part of your disorder. Brandon is taking his parents' decision not to join the beach club very hard, and derisively asks them if the club is too "Beverly Hills shi-shi" for their Midwestern taste buds...then gets up and storms away from the table. He's off to the beach club, even though it's his day off. I wonder if Sandy's nuttiness is starting to rub off. Beverly Hills Beach Club. Brandon is playing tennis against paunchy Jerry, who's impressed with his agile young opponent and boasts about all the things he could teach a kid like him. Ugh. After the match, they take a stroll together, and Brandon tells him about his dream car, which costs $3,500. Jerry's surprised that Papa Walsh won't co-sign a loan for such a meager amount, and frankly, I'm surprised by that myself. Jerry continues to be creepy and lecherous in the way he checks out bikini clad women with his beady eyes, but then insists to Brandon that he's a very happily married father. Jerry notices Sandy serving a customer and yells in her direction that he wants to order some drinks. He turns to Brandon and asks him if he has a girlfriend, and Brandon stares over at Sandy and tells Paunchy he's working on it. Steve pops by the club to tell Brandon that a group of them will be on the beach that night to watch for the grunions again...but Brandon doesn't really seem as into it this time. A few minutes later he sees Sandy and goes over to say hi, and she rudely answers "bye" and tells him she's going home. Brandon stops her and tells her he's rented a limo, which will take her anywhere she wants to go. This "limo" ends up being a tandem bicycle, which the two of them look sort of funny riding on. They manage to wheel themselves over to a lifeguard tower, where they hang out and enjoy the ocean view. Sandy starts lamenting about how expensive it is to live near the water, and that at the rate she's going, she'll never have a beach house or anything else she's ever dreamed of having. This girl doesn't look a day over eighteen, so I don't really get why she talks about her life like she's well into her twilight years. Brandon and Sandy ride the tandem bicycle back to the club, and Dylan happens to see them. He looks concerned and immediately seeks out Brandon to warn him about getting involved with Sandy. He won't offer any specifics, just insists that she's not the right person for him. Brandon doesn't want to accept Dylan's warning to stay away from this nut-wrench, and lashes back by accusing him of breaking Brenda's heart. Dylan just gives him an exasperated look and then correctly points out that he has that backwards: Brenda was the dumper and he was the dumpee. In the next scene, Brandon runs into Sandy, who's crying and upset. Tearfully she tells him that she can't see him tonight, but promises to make it up to him...then flees. Jerry suddenly appears from a second floor balcony and bellows to Brandon that he's been thinking about the car he wants to buy. The Walsh house. Brandon tells his parents that Jerry wants to loan him the money to buy his dream car. He'll also be working for him, and will get paid double what he's making at the beach club. First he'll be a gopher - but when school starts, he'll be enrolled in Jerry's trainee program to become a junior blowhard. Papa Walsh is skeptical about why creepy Jerry would want to pay Brandon such an inflated salary. Brandon's theory is that Jerry feels sorry for him being a teenager in L.A without a car...or thinks maybe he's being so nice to him because he's always wanted a son. Papa Walsh makes it clear that he does not approve of this arrangement, and sadly remarks that he didn't realize Jerry would go after his son. The next morning, Brandon tells Brenda that Jerry predicted Papa Walsh would put the kibosh on the car loan. He thinks Papa Walsh is being vindictive and doesn't want him to have any vehicle because of how he totaled Mondale. That's silly, Brandon. That accident happened in a self contained episode in Season 1 (B.Y.O.B.), and has no real bearing on the life lesson you're slated to learn in this episode. But Brenda is also skeptical about Jerry's motives and tells her brother it doesn't make sense that he'd want to pay him double for a job that is so ambiguous. During this entire conversation, Brenda has been wearing her mother's old winter coat, and Brandon gives her a strange look when he asks her why the hell she's wearing wool in July. She responds with, "You don't want to know." No, we really don't. So far this "sense memory process" subplot has been a big boring dud, and it's too bad the whole thing didn't end up on the cutting room floor when this episode was being edited. Brandon goes downstairs looking for Papa Walsh, but it turns out he had to leave early for a business trip to San Diego. Brandon gets all bitchy, tells his mother this is "so typical", and is annoyed that he has to wait until that evening to discuss the whole car loan/job thing again. Beverly Hills Beach Club. Jerry tells Brandon that he feels bad about getting between Brandon and his father, and that the smartest thing to do would be to forget about the loan, as well as the job as his highly paid gopher. But Brandon doesn't want to do the smart thing, and all signs point to him taking creepy Jerry up on his offer. Brandon sees Sandy and asks how she's doing. In polite society, a normal person would respond with, "Fine. How are you?" But Sandy is in her usual spirit dampening mood and tells Brandon she's feeling a lot worse, and that he should consider himself warned. He asks if he did anything to upset her, and she replies that it's not him...it's her. Yep, it's her all right. She then goes on to complain about how there's not enough time in the day, not enough money in the bank...and her head is pounding again. I am officially tired of this girl's constant misery and riddle-talk. The Walsh house. Brenda's wearing her mother's winter coat, roaming around the living room calling out, "Mommy? Where is Mommy?" Papa Walsh peeks into the room, and stares at her as though she's having a mental break. She explains to him that this strange little performance is for her drama class, and that she's trying to get in touch with the emotions she had when she got lost at the mall all those years ago. Papa Walsh explains to her that she can't dredge up any bad feelings about that incident because she actually had a really fun time playing on the escalators...until she realized she was lost, that is. Thanks so much for clearing that up, Jim. I'm going to ignore the obvious flaws in your version of the incident. Beverly Hills Beach Club. As Brandon is chatting with Steve, Henry interrupts and tells Brandon that Jerry needs some help in the parking lot. Brandon quickly heads over with Steve in tow. The "help" Jerry needed was to show off his swanky BMW convertible, and he tells Brandon to get behind the wheel so he can see if it's the kind of car he'd like to drive for the rest of the summer. Since he's currently taking the bus, my guess is that Brandon will love the beamer. He then tosses Brandon the keys and encourages him to take a ride up the coast. Um, shouldn't Brandon clear this with Henry first? But just as Brandon and Steve are about to go on their joyride, Jerry receives a message. He looks at it grimly for a moment, and then asks Brandon if he wouldn't mind using the BMW to pick up his wife and give her a lift back into town. Apparently she went somewhere to tan, and then got drunk. Or something contrived like that. Since it appears to be part of Brandon's cabana boy job to ferry around the wives of rich club members, he agrees. Brandon is driving the BMW, and the jaded Mrs. Rattinger is beside him in the passenger seat. She asks him what he thinks of her douchey husband, and Brandon says he's a great guy. She snorts in derision and tells him he doesn't have to put on an act for her. But Brandon continues to play dumb - because in this episode he is acting a lot dumber than usual - and says he doesn't understand what she's getting at. Mrs. Rattinger then spills the beans about Jerry having a mistress, which she suspects is Sandy. Ew. Brandon looks stricken and is suitably grossed out...and since he's kissed Sandy, he now has to think about all the icky places her mouth has been. Beach. Sandy is walking toward the cabanas in a snug fitting red outfit. She's on her way to Jerry Rattinger's cabana when Brandon intercepts her. With total disgust, he tells her to give Jerry back his car keys and to tell him, "Thanks but no thanks." This is also the exact same message he now has for her. Sandy gives him the tired old cliche that this isn't what he thinks it is...though I'm not sure how it's not exactly what it looks like. She then gets all hostile and defensive, telling Brandon that he has no right to judge her when Mama and Papa Walsh still pay all his bills. Well, d'yuh. Brandon's sixteen years old. Parents generally cover their children's living expenses when they're still minors. He then accuses Jerry of being her sugar daddy, and minutes later Jerry appears from the corner of his cabana, having heard their nasty exchange. Brandon gives him the stink-eye and drops the BMW keys to the ground and storms off. The Walsh house. Brandon arrives home that evening and finds Papa Walsh asleep on a sofa chair in the living room...but he stirs when Brandon walks into the room. He tells his son that he's been thinking about car loans and work ethics all day, and sheepishly admits that he didn't join the Beverly Hills Beach Club because he doesn't have the spare cash. He's been struggling financially ever since turning down a promotion in the Home Again episode. That was a pretty dumb decision, but then we wouldn't have Season 2 set in Beverly Hills. Papa Walsh tells Brandon he wants him to have the summer of his life and not have to work like a dog at the beach club, so he gives him his blessing to instead work for Jerry. Beverly Hills Beach Club. Jerry seeks out Brandon and is all sarcastic and bitchy to him about being called a sugar daddy. Brandon, in return, insults his BMW and implies that it's not as good as a Mustang, which is crazy talk...but I'm going to chalk it up to Brandon working through his angry feelings. Jerry laments that he can't be a mentor to Brandon anymore because of all the ugly things that were said with regard to him and Sandy. Brandon accuses him of deceiving and hurting people, and tells him that Sandy has been a nervous, complaining, whining, miserable, cranky wreck because of him. Jerry smugly retorts that as far as Sandy is concerned, his conscience is crystal clear. And then he ominously remarks that Henry is looking for him. Uh oh - it sounds like someone's cabana boy job is under threat. Brandon finds Henry sipping a drink and watching The Young and the Restless on his balcony. He needlessly tells Brandon that he got himself a VCR so he can tape his stories and watch them at his leisure. Brandon comes right out and asks him if he's being fired, and Henry reveals that Jerry did, in fact, order him to be fired. Henry told Jerry he'd consider it, which he did...and promptly decided he wasn't going to do this rude, paunchy man's bidding. "Not everything at the club is bought and paid for", he assures Brandon. In other news, Sandy has abruptly quit her job...and for that we should all breathe one big sigh of relief. Drama class. Brenda is regaling the class with the story her father told her about how much fun she had playing on the escalators when she got lost at the mall. Young Elvis calls this a "giant breakthrough". Brenda then notes how she wasn't afraid to be by herself at the age of six, even though she was in a department store surrounded by strangers. And by that rationale, she feels that there's no reason not to be like that today. And so the breakthrough continues. Beverly Hills Beach Club. Paunchy Jerry is playing tennis with someone who looks like the same poor sod he was playing at the beginning of the episode. In an annoying moment of deja vu, Jerry makes a questionable shot and starts screeching that it was in. Just like before, Brandon is standing on the sidelines, watching. When's he's asked to make the call, he confirms that it was in...and tells a surprised Jerry that he calls 'em like he sees 'em. Sandy is packing up her car, and Brandon walks over to say goodbye. She tells him she's leaving town to go stay with her mother and sister, and spread her misery through a whole new town. Yay! Apparently Jerry told her he loved her, and that he'd leave his wife and children for her...but that was two years ago, and she's no longer hopeful or as gullible. But their dialogue is almost like white noise to me because I'm so icked out by the disturbing mental image of her riding this paunchy man's baloney pony for two entire years that I just - I can't even. Brandon runs into Dylan and offers to buy him some lemonade. Dylan agrees, but he's hungry so he wants some food as well. As the two friends lean against the railing, eating and drinking, they talk about the fucked up affair between Sandy and Jerry. A few minutes later, Ahn-drea and Brenda make their first appearance of the summer at the beach...and Kelly and Donna come by as well. They're laughing hysterically at Steve because apparently the hot young girl he's been trying to bone all week somehow has the hots for David Silver. Later on, the gang spends the evening on the beach, once more hoping for a sighting of the grunion. Brenda and Dylan have a pleasant chat, and she tells him how happy she is that they can be in the same place even if they're no longer doinking. And then Donna, who's standing right by the edge of the water, spots the grunion! The funny looking fish wiggle around, lay their eggs, and everyone cheers. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: Season 2 starts off with a jazzed up opening sequence, and there's a new theme song which is way more hip than the one from the first season. The footage in the opening sequence is also much sexier...lots of beach and bikini shots. Also notable in the opening credits is that the kid who plays Scott Scanlon is now just a guest star...which makes sense since he fatally shoots himself in an upcoming episode. I guess the writers finally figured out that the show had no permanent place for a sexually repressed, dim-witted yokel who had no chance of ever hooking up with one of the A-list gals. The Blaze newsroom. It's 2:55pm on the last day of school. Ahn-drea is standing in front of a giant white cake with the volunteers who worked for the school newspaper that year, and her "thank you" speech is droning on so long that Brandon finally interjects and politely tells her to shut the fuck up already, and cut the damn cake before the final bell rings. Obediently Ahn-drea shuts her pie-hole and wishes everyone a nice summer before they all dig into the yummy looking white frosting. Random classroom. Amid a barrage of paper wads being thrown across the room, Kelly is complaining to Brenda and Donna about how pointless the last day of school is. It certainly is pointless if there aren't even any teachers present to stop the kids from repeatedly pelting each other with crumpled up pieces of paper. Kelly declares that she's ready to have the summer of her life; that said, the final bell rings and all the students spill out into the hallways. David is walking down the hall with Scott, telling him how excited he is to finally be free. He'll be spending the summer at the beach, while Scott will be summering at his grandparents' place in Oklahoma. Bo-ring. David tries to boost his friend's spirits by suggesting that the young female Okies will like him because he's a California stud. I'm going to restrain myself from inserting a joke here about Scott's non-existent stud-hood because he's going to be dead soon...and it's probably bad karma to mock the soon-to-be dead. In another hallway, Kelly is telling Brenda and Donna that she's planning on frittering away her summer by sunning herself in the mornings and playing volleyball in the afternoons. That way she can get a great tan, a great workout, and meet lots of cute guys. Sounds fabulous - why burden yourself with a pesky summer job when you're a self-entitled, spoiled teenager who seemingly has access to unlimited sums of money? Kelly expresses her annoyance at Brenda and Donna for taking a drama class over the summer and tells them that it's unlikely there will be any cute guys in the class. Brenda's inner bitch makes its sudden season debut and snaps at Kelly for always fixating on cute guys when there's more to life, and Kelly shoots her the stink-eye and bites back that it sounds like it's "someone's time of the month". Brenda's bitchitude quickly recedes and she responds that "it is and isn't" her time of the month, and explains that her period is five days late and she's very freaked out. The Blaze newsroom. Brandon wants to clear things up with Ahn-drea before he starts his summer vacation...and by "clear things up", he wants to swiftly move past the embarrassing incident that occurred during the last episode of Season 1, when Ahn-drea offered up her virginity to Brandon when everyone thought the Walshes were moving back to Minnesota. Ew. Ahn-drea regrets how gigantic an ass she made of herself, but then brushes off the whole thing as no big deal. Not wanting to probe the issue with any real depth, Brandon is happy to let it go when she tells him they're now just friends. They wish each other a great summer, and he gives her a chaste kiss on the cheek before making a quick getaway out of the newsroom. Ahn-drea stays behind, looking sad and staring down dejectedly at the remains of the cake. Drug store. Kelly and Donna accompany Brenda as she shops for a home pregnancy test. Kelly asks Brenda if she and Dylan used protection, and Brenda tells her they did...but points out that nothing is 100% reliable. Donna unhelpfully points out that abstinence is100% reliable, which prompts Brenda to snark that it's a little bit too late for that now. Considering that you're in the midst of a pregnancy scare, Brenda, it's a lot late for that now. The Walsh house. Kelly and Donna are waiting for Brenda to take the home pregnancy test in the bathroom. Kelly is reading from the instructions and tells Brenda that blue means preggers, and red means not preggers. Brenda emerges from the bathroom and tells them that her results are green. Donna quips that maybe green means she's expecting twins. Haha! This is the second sassy wisecrack in as many scenes that Donna has made at Brenda's expense, and while I'm enjoying them immensely, Brenda is definitely not amused. Kelly urges Brenda to see a gynecologist - a sensible piece of advice I think she should follow. Brenda flops onto her bed and says that she loves Dylan, but now thinks that whatever pleasure she got out of doinking with him hasn't been worth the stress of worrying that she might be knocked up. The Peach Pit. Brandon remarks to Nat that he's been noticing the tips are getting smaller. Nat explains that the diner always gets a lot fewer customers during the summer months because everyone's at the beach. Steve enters the restaurant, all psyched about the summer. He wants Brandon to go with him to a bonfire at the beach that evening, but Brandon turns him down because he has to work late...and he doesn't want to ask Nat to let him off early because he's saving up to buy a car. He tells Steve he has his eye on a '65 Mustang convertible, and he's talked the owner into holding it for him until the end of summer. Steve advises him to get a more lucrative job during the summer months. Brandon remarks that he used to make pretty good money lifeguarding in Minneapolis, so Steve suggests that he try to get a lifeguarding job at the Beverly Hills Beach Club. He knows the manager there, Henry Thomas, and gives Brandon the man's number and promises to put in a good word. The Walsh house. Brenda asks Mama Walsh how old she was when she first started seeing a gynecologist, and this question raises all sorts of red flags for Mama Walsh, who asks if there's something she should know. Brenda assures her that nothing is wrong, and the topic is immediately dropped when Papa Walsh enters the kitchen to tell her that Dylan has just arrived. Brenda and Dylan are standing outside, talking about Brenda's possible pregnancy. He's freaked out, wondering aloud how this could happen. Brenda is reduced to tears, and says it was a mistake for them to have sex, but Dylan disagrees and tells her it was wonderful. He promises that he'll do everything he can to support and help her out if she ends up pregnant, and that they're in this together. As they hug, she tearfully says it doesn't feel that way. Beach. Brandon is at tryouts for a lifeguarding job at the Beverly Hills Beach Club. He's standing next to a bunch of very tall and buff guys, which really emphasizes his shortness and muscularly undeveloped body. Henry Thomas begins the tryouts by ordering the young men to do a series of sprints. Dr. Strathmore's office. Brenda shows up for her appointment and has brought Dylan and Kelly along for moral support. Donna and her sassy mouth were not invited. Kelly goes with Brenda to check out the examination room, and Brenda is weirded out by the sight of stirrups. The nurse then enters and asks Brenda to provide a urine sample, so Kelly goes back to sit in the waiting room with Dylan. Beach. Brandon's sucky performance during the sprint exercise does not impress Henry Thomas. As a second test, he orders the guys to jump into the ocean then swim to a buoy and back again. Brandon just stares at the ocean in dismay as he tries to catch his breath and keep himself from throwing up. Dr. Strathmore's office. The doctor comes in to see Brenda, who suddenly looks happy after just discovering that Aunt Flow has finally come to town. She apologizes to the doctor for wasting his time, but he's cool with it and tells her that since she's sexually active, she now has a whole new set of responsibilities. Brenda does not look happy to hear that. When she returns to the waiting room, she tells an anxious Dylan that her pregnancy scare was a false alarm. He gives a brief but happy little fist pump, and pulls her aside to ask if the doctor can put her on the pill that day. Brenda immediately gets all hostile and snipes that it would just be so easy for him if she popped a pill...that he wouldn't have to worry about anything. Well, d'yuh, Brenda. That's pretty much the point of taking an oral contraceptive that's 99% effective. Beach. Henry Thomas and the lifeguard hopefuls are patiently waiting for Brandon to swim back to shore. Some of the guys want to jump into the ocean and perform an impromptu rescue, but Henry tells them to hold back. When Brandon finally makes it back to shore, he's good-natured about the experience and thanks Henry for the best workout he's had all year. Henry stares at him for a moment and tells him about an opening for the position of cabana boy, which mostly entails setting up lounge chairs and serving drinks to rich people. Brandon is pleased to accept the offer, but not so pleased when he learns that he'll be expected to start the following morning at 7:00am. He doesn't want to leave Nat in the lurch, but rationalizes to himself that business at the Peach Pit has been slow...so maybe he will leave Nat in the lurch after all. He decides to go for it and tells Henry that he'll report for work at 7:00am. The Walsh house. Mama Walsh is sitting on the kitchen floor, sifting through the trash for recyclables when Brandon arrives home. He tells her about his new job at the Beverly Hills Beach Club, and she kills his buzz when she asks whaddup with his job at the Peach Pit. Brandon says he isn't able to give Nat any notice, but maybe he could offer up Brenda as his replacement. Sorry Brandon, but the writers already used that storyline in the Fame is Where You Find It episode. Also, no one wants to be tortured with a reappearance of Brenda's obnoxious alter ego, waitress Lahw-verne. Brandon goes upstairs to begin a campaign of sucking up to Brenda so she might do him this favor, but forgets all about his ulterior motives when he finds her sitting on her bed looking sad. When he asks what's wrong, she starts babbling nonsensically about how there were things that once seemed so important, but when she went out and did them, she can't remember what she got all worked up about. She then gets into specifics and tells him how she's always wanted to have a cool boyfriend, and to not be the last girl on earth to have sex. She's all out of sorts, regretting that she had sex for the first time at such a young age. Brandon asks her if Mama and Papa Walsh know about her virginity loss, and she says no and swears him to secrecy. He promises, and then wisely figures that it's probably not the best time to ask her about working for Nat this summer. As Mama Walsh is separating out recyclables, she discovers an empty home pregnancy test box and stares at it in shock. In the next scene, Brenda is sitting in the living room with her parents, clutching the home pregnancy test box. She immediately goes on the defensive, accusing her mother of trash spying, but Papa Walsh assures her that they're not angry...they just want to know what's going on. And then he dials down the intelligence level of the conversation and, in a funny sounding halting manner, asks Brenda if there was something she did that might give her reason to believe she could be pregnant if her period was late. Poor stupid Jim. Sarcastically Brenda retorts, "You mean like sex?" Hee! She then admits to her parents that she's been hitting the sheets with Dylan ever since the night of the spring dance...and this news is too much for Papa Walsh, who jumps up from the sofa and starts railing about how this is Dylan's fault. Mama Walsh tells Brenda that there's no way she could be emotionally ready for sex, but that's OK by Brenda, who tells them she no longer wants to be an adult because she can't handle the responsibility of sex. In the midst of this cringeworthy discussion, Dylan shows up at the Walsh house to pick up Brenda for a night out. Papa Walsh is all set to take Dylan out to the woodshed, but a mortified Brenda begs him to say and do nothing. She answers the door for Dylan, still holding the box, and Papa Walsh squeezes out a tight hello before heading into the kitchen with his wife. Neither parent knows exactly what to do about the situation, and Mama Walsh comes to the conclusion that the only real answer is to put all of their hope and trust into Brenda. Boy are they screwed. The Peach Pit. Brandon stops by the diner to talk to Nat, who's very excited to see his young friend. He offers him anything he wants to eat and drink on the house, but Brandon declines and quickly breaks it to him that he just got a job at the Beverly Hills Beach Club...and it uh starts the next morning. Nat's smile vanishes and his face falls, and he starts whining about all the yutzes out there, and how it's hard to find good help and then get them trained so they can properly sling hash. He begs Brandon not to desert him until he can find a replacement, but Brandon sheepishly tells him he's already committed to his new, more appealing job. Nat immediately gives up the fight and grimly wishes Brandon a good summer. And Brandon looks troubled and clearly feels like shit. Beach. Dylan and Brenda are making out in his Porsche, but it's obvious that she's bummed out, so he asks her what's wrong. She tells him that her parents know about them hitting the sheets, and then launches into a recap of their relationship thus far. She feels lucky to have met him, she reminisces about how sexy she thought he was when they first started going out, she fell in love with him, and then trusted him enough to have sex with him. But now she feels like they've crossed an imaginary line, and suddenly things are happening way too fast. She doesn't want to have to worry about condoms, birth control pills, or seeing a gynecologist...and thinks the best thing to do is break up. Dylan thinks she's overreacting out of fear and doesn't want to break up, but Brenda has already made up her mind. The Walsh house. The next morning, Brenda enters her parents' bedroom and announces that she and Dylan have broken up. She over-explains to them that things got more serious than she wanted them to, and that she's not ready for a sexual relationship. Mama and Papa look a little relieved at Brenda's self-imposed re-virginization, but they're also somewhat dazed by the news. Kelly's on the phone with Brenda as she drives her snazzy BMW convertible around L.A. She tells Brenda she thinks she's overreacting, but Brenda explains that she wants to be her own person for awhile. She assumes that Dylan hates her right now, and Kelly tells her this is a bad way to start the summer...but a great hook for a new season of Beverly Hills, 90210. Beverly Hills Beach Club. Brandon encounters Dylan as he's waxing his surfboard and tells him about his new job at the club. He also admits that he had to bail out on Nat without any notice, which doesn't impress Dylan. He bitches about the particular way "you Walshes" dump on people, and then tells Brandon that the beach club isn't worth selling his soul for. This remark makes Brandon stare into the distance and look thoughtful. Drama class. Brenda and Donna are surprised to see that Ahn-drea is in their drama class. Of course, Ahn-drea is less interested in drama than she is in "spicing up" her college resume. The teacher then enters the room and immediately offers a lot of excruciating details about himself that he tells in a very rehearsed sounding performance schtick. Incidentally, this guy is a dead ringer for a young Elvis Presley, which is probably why the actor who plays him was cast in the short-lived TV series, Elvis. When he's finished his oral autobiography, he tells the students that what he just delivered was a tedious and unnecessarily lengthy monologue. He now wants someone in the class to give it a try and volunteers Brenda. Beverly Hills Beach Club. Steve is playing volleyball on the beach, which means we get plenty of looped footage of bikini clad women and buff men wearing sunglasses. Kelly runs over to Steve to start spreading the dish that Brenda and Dylan broke up. Steve isn't fazed by the news and remarks that Dylan is probably happy that she finally cut him loose. If only, Steve. If only. Kelly is dismayed by his cold reaction to the breakup of the century and scampers off in annoyance. Henry Thomas is in his office watching The Young and the Restless. Apparently, he does this every weekday from 11:00am to noon and somehow remains secure in his masculinity. Brandon interrupts his story watching to inform him that he'll need a week off in order to return to the Peach Pit until Nat can find a replacement. He then declares himself a boy of great integrity who cannot dump on his current employer...and that Henry should appreciate his remarkable sense of loyalty. After disdainfully asking "Who is this Nat?" Henry agrees to give Brandon a week and tells him he'd better be worth waiting for. Drama class. Brenda is delivering her monologue, telling the class how she moved from Minnesota to California, met a boy named Dylan, fell in love, made sweet tender love with him, and then kicked him to the curb after things got "too intense". At Young Elvis's prodding, she admits that the breakup has left her feeling sad, alone, and confused. Young Elvis encourages her to embrace all of these feelings because it will make her a better actress. Ahn-drea then asks if they're going to be graded on this exercise, proving that she's completely missing the point of the class. The Peach Pit. Brandon returns to apologize to Nat for deserting him, and assures him that he can resume his job for a week until a replacement can be found. But Nat isn't cheesed off anymore because he's found a replacement. In less than a day. That was remarkably and unbelievably fast. But Nat appreciates the gesture and - sincerely this time - wishes Brandon a good summer. Drama class. When it's Ahn-drea's turn to deliver a monologue, she bores the class with a summary of her various boring achievements. After class, she tells Donna and Brenda how nervous she was...but Brenda lies through her teeth and tells her she did fine. As they walk along, they see Dylan loitering in the hallway. Ahn-drea and Donna discreetly excuse themselves so that Dylan and Brenda can strategically place themselves in front of a baby poster and hash out their feelings. Subtle, show. Dylan feels bad and tells her he doesn't want to be broken up. He tells her that he used to think that breaking up with her would fill him with tremendous relief (a reasonable assumption)...but that all changed after he fell in love and was no longer a loner. Brenda assures him that he can still depend on her, but says they need time apart because they got so close it scared her...and she doesn't want to be scared with him. He tells her he understands, and that time will tell if they're meant to be together. Dylan offers to take Brenda home, but she says she'll walk. They exchange sad goodbyes with each other, and the final scene of the episode ends with Brenda looking teary eyed. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: The gang has gathered together in the hills near the iconic Hollywood sign. Steve is babbling to them about the "once-in-a-lifetime phenomenon" that was the half court shot he made at the Lakers game. He compares that momentous event to their upcoming high school graduation, since it too is something that only comes around once in a lifetime. David, who still has two more exams to study for, wearily tells Steve to cut to the chase. For plot purposes, Steve quickly remarks that he also can't graduate until he gets Mrs. Teasley to officially sign off on his detention, then tells his friends he wants to do something special with all of them. Brandon tells him that his idea - which will remain a dull mystery until the end of the episode - is definitely an inspired one, but doubts they have enough time to pull it off. Steve says he already has all of the supplies that are needed (e.g canvas and paint) and just needs Donna's help with the design work. Donna is concerned that this plan could land them in trouble, but Steve insists that it's important to let people know that they were there, and that they mattered [even though, who cares, and no you don't]. Brenda announces that she's in, and eventually everyone else agrees to carry out Steve's idea. With that settled, they all clump together in a big circle, stick their arms in the center of the circle, fling their arms upwards, and give themselves a cheer. West Beverly High. Excitement is in the air as a crew of extras sets up the stage and chairs for the commencement ceremony. As the band rehearses, Ahn-drea pores over her valedictorian speech...and across the lawn, Donna tells Kelly how wistful she is about high school being over. Kelly, however, says she's more than ready to move on to the next stage of her life. She complains about how unnecessary it is to rehearse the ceremony, grumbling that it's not very complicated to walk to the stage, receive your diploma, and exit the stage. Donna says that as someone who came dangerously close to missing the experience because she stupidly got shit-faced during prom, she's more than happy to rehearse as many times as is deemed necessary. On the lawn, Brandon, Dylan, Tony Miller, and Brenda (who's wearing a long dress) are playing football. The game abruptly ends when Dylan announces that he has to go meet a friend for lunch. Ahn-drea is standing on the stage, looking nervous as she tests the sound system. Gil strolls over and assures her that the microphone is in perfect working order, and then asks her if she'd like to rehearse her speech. She tells him that she doesn't want to sound over-rehearsed then says (and - OMFG - I quote), "Public oratory tends to be most compelling when the confluence of language is unfettered with the constraints of excess repetition." As Gil's eyes glaze over, he kicks himself for initiating a conversation with Ahn-drea as though she were a normal person, then flees. Detention classroom. Brandon pops into detention to visit Steve, who's slumped in his chair. He sullenly tells Brandon that Mrs. Teasley has released all of the detentioners but him, and he's worried that she's not going to allow him to graduate. That would be pretty damn hilarious. Papa Walsh's office. Dylan and Papa Walsh are eating take-out for lunch. They chat about Berkeley, and Papa Walsh compliments him for making the decision to take the SAT again. The topic of Iris comes up, and Dylan expresses his annoyance at his mother for assuming that he's going to blow his millions on stupid shit. Papa Walsh then presents him with a check in the amount of his total net worth; the trust fund is officially his. I'm confused - didn't Dylan already get that check shortly after the trust fund was officially dissolved several episodes ago? West Beverly High. The bell rings for the last time, marking the end of the gang's senior year. David is stressed because he thinks he blew his chemistry exam, but Donna just chuckles to Kelly that he says this after every test. David is also bummed 'cause there's a new "voice of West Beverly" in the DJ booth...which, frankly, I think is long overdue, considering that David monopolized that gig for two solid years. Steve tentatively enters Mrs. Teasley's office. She invites him to have a seat, then starts railing about how every class has at least one irredeemable screw-up for whom punishment has no effect. Steve looks despondent, convinced that he's not going to be able to graduate with his friends. Mrs. Teasley tells him that she thought he was this irredeemable screw-up who she'd simply have to write off...until she realized she had misjudged him. She acknowledges that his grades have improved during the past several months...though, no doubt, that was due to all of the enforced study time acquired during detention. But her real awakening to the possibility that Steve might not be a total lost cause came the day after he won $10,000 by making the half court shot at the Lakers game. It turns out that someone anonymously donated that exact amount of money to the Alvarado Street Summer Camp Fund - someone with the return address of The Hartley House. Mrs. Teasley finally breaks into a warm smile and tells Steve what a wonderful thing it was for him to do. And that it was so easy to be traced back to him. A minute later, Steve is in the hall, jumping excitedly around Brandon as he tells him that Mrs. Teasley offered to write him a recommendation letter to any college he wants...and what he wants is to go to California University with his BFF! He then turns around and kisses some random girl standing by her locker and tells her he's been wanting to do that to her all year. Gross. The Blaze newsroom. Ahn-drea is nervously fine-tuning her valedictorian speech, and wails to Brandon about how awful it is. She calls it pretentious, trivial, and wishy-washy. Well, d'yuh - how else would a speech written by a pompous bore like Ahn-drea turn out? Brandon offers to listen to her speech and give her some pointers, and she effusively thanks him and gives him a giant bear hug. Blech. The Peach Pit. The gang is celebrating the official end of their senior year - except for David, who's slumped over the table in a deep sleep. Donna explains to everyone that he's completely drained from all the studying he's been doing, along with preparing for the senior breakfast. Brandon enters the diner, joins the group, and announces that the senior wills are ready to go, and that they look great. As usual, Nat sticks his big fat nose into a conversation that has absolutely nothing to do with him and asks why he wasn't asked to leave anything in the senior wills. He then pontificates about the items he would leave to various people...if he were, in fact, a teenage boy about to graduate from high school:
Jordan Bonner enters the diner, and Brandon congratulates him on being the valedictorian of his 'hood high school. Brandon tells him that Ahn-drea is at home working on her speech, so Jordan asks him to pass along a message of good luck. Brandon then asks him to look out for Ahn-drea when they get to Yale next year, and to try to keep her from driving herself too crazy. Jordan replies that he would happily attempt that impossible task if, in fact, she ends up going to Yale. Brandon's all, "Wuh?!" and reminds Jordan that Ahn-drea has been dreaming about going to Yale her entire life. Jordan informs him that she's having serious second thoughts about going...then brusquely asks him if it ever occurred to him why she's having second thoughts. He abruptly exits the diner, leaving Brandon to stare contemplatively into space. Nooooooooooo!!!!!! The Walsh house. The twins arrive home, and Mama and Papa Walsh inform Brenda that a packet arrived for her from the admissions office of the University of Minnesota. And it's very thick. Yippee!!!!!!! Kelly's/David's house. As Kelly and David pack up their belongings for their imminent move, Kelly remarks on all the changes coming her way. David philosophizes about how they worked so hard to finish one thing, only to be at the beginning of something entirely new. Yep, it's the journey called life, Davey boy. Kelly compliments David for his metamorphosis into a cool guy from the dork he used to be, particularly when Mel and Jackie first hooked up. Kelly acknowledges that living under the same roof with him has turned out to be pretty fun, and they both agree how awesome it was to get a baby sister out their parents' marriage, short-lived as it was, along with a step-brother/sister. The Walsh house. The Walshes are eating a sumptuous ice cream dessert with fudge topping. They're discussing the pros and cons of Brenda attending the University of Minnesota versus the fictional California University. Brandon is pulling for his sister to stay in L.A. and points out that CU is rated as a much better school...not to mention cheaper. But Brenda is still undecided and just says she wants to keep all of her options open in case Aaron Spelling changes his mind about wanting to fire her. The doorbell rings, and as Papa Walsh goes to answer the door, Mama Walsh asks Brenda if her wishy-washiness in choosing a university has anything to do with Dylan. Brenda derisively retorts by asking her what kind of wuss chooses her college based on where some guy is going? Cue the arrival of Ahn-drea, who ambles into the kitchen and sounds uncharacteristically airheaded when she chirps, "What are ya eeatin'?" Brandon's bedroom. Ahn-drea reads her speech aloud to Brandon, and he looks bewildered by its wordy horribleness. He wonders if perhaps she's trying to conform to an image of what she should be saying, rather than just saying what's genuinely in her heart. Ahn-drea agrees with his assessment, and starts wailing in her usual annoying, rambley, frenetic way about how - at this late date - she can't possibly write a new speech from scratch. Brandon irritably tells her to get a grip, then promises he'll help her with it. She calms down long enough to rhetorically ask him how she's ever going to get through college without him, and he tightly replies, "You'll manage." The two then reminisce about the day they first met...and also when she propositioned him on the carousel during the Home Again episode. After that disturbing flashback, Ahn-drea starts babbling about how maybe she shouldn't try to become a Yalie if that's not really who she is...and suggests that she should stay in L.A. and attend California University with the rest of the Beverly Hills, 90210 cast. Brandon looks aghast at the thought of being stuck in the same university with this socially stunted nitwit for the next four years, and starts babbling gibberish. He orders her to go to Yale and makes it clear that they don't have the kind of relationship she should give up her dreams for. Ahn-drea interrupts his rant and claims that she's only having second thoughts about Yale 'cause it's so expensive, and that she doesn't want to be in hock for the rest of her life. Mmm hmm. Brandon swiftly apologizes for jumping to the "wrong" conclusion. Dylan's house. Kelly arrives to hang out with Dylan. He mentions that he's been reading some literature about California University, and Kelly sighs and remarks that she's not looking forward to another four years of school. The two reminisce about the night they swam in the hotel pool when Dylan officially declared that he chose her over Brenda. After that flashback, the two start going at it on the couch, but then get interrupted by the doorbell. Dylan ambles over to the door and sourly informs Kelly that it's Iris, and Kelly snarls, "Unbelievable!" and rushes to the bathroom to make herself decent. Dylan opens his front door and does not look thrilled to see his mother. She tells him she flew in for his graduation, and he snipes at her for not calling before just showing up on his doorstep. Dylan then calls out to Kelly, and this prompts Iris to make a face and exclaim, "You're still with Kelly?!" Haha! Her comment irritates Dylan further, and he starts bitching at her for not being available after Jack got blown up, and she explains that she was trekking in the Andes at the time and wasn't near a phone. After some more tedious back and forth, Iris tells Kelly that her visit will be a short one, and then stomps toward the door. Dylan bitchily offers to book her a hotel room and picks up the phone and reserves a suite for her. As he's doing that, Iris solemnly warns Kelly to be careful...and that money changes people. Senior breakfast. Ahn-drea is still working on her valedictorian speech while a crew of extras sets up for the senior breakfast. Brandon tells Ahn-drea to give it a rest with her speech, but when that doesn't work, he finds Steve and urges him to go and lighten her up. Steve accepts the challenge, strides over to Ahn-drea, and grabs the speech out of her hands. He ignores her protests and distracts her by asking her if she'd like to know what he left her in the senior wills. When he has her attention, he tells her, "An egg." The two then have a flashback of the U4EA episode when they went to a convenience store to try to exchange an egg for the address of an underground party. After the flashback, the two continue to laugh hysterically about it. Everyone arrives for the breakfast, and the gang sits together at a table. Brenda informs Kelly that she bequeathed to her "the double date from hell", and we get a flashback of the two prepubescent boys who were not the Princeton guys they were expecting. As everyone at the table laughs heartily, Donna tells Brenda that she bequeathed to her some Cerveaux de Veau (veal brains), and then we get another flashback of their trip to fake Paris last summer, when they accidentally ordered veal brains in a fake French restaurant. This leads to more hearty laughter. David stops by the table to give Donna the heads-up that it's time for her to change into her costume for the opening skit. Brenda privately remarks to Brandon that while she loved being in Paris - then pauses to stare longingly across the table at Dylan and Kelly canoodling - she says she can't help wondering what would be if she hadn't gone. Mmm...I'm pretty confident that Dylan would have eventually gotten sick of her unrelenting bitchitude, independent of the Kelly factor. Brandon asks her if she's told anyone about being accepted into the University of Minnesota and she shakes her head. On stage, David and Donna are dressed up as Wayne and Garth from Saturday Night Live...and after a brief, unfunny skit, the senior breakfast officially begins. David's first order of business is to publicly embarrass Steve by calling him to the stage and presenting him with a giant fake key, and telling him that it unlocks every boys bathroom in the school. Womp womp! Donna then introduces David's video diary, which will feature outtakes of adventures experienced by the show's main cast members during Seasons 1-3. The other 99.95% of the student body will, of course, be rudely ignored and alienated at their own senior breakfast. Outtake #1 is from the Camping Trip episode, when David filmed the gang as they woke up in a leaky cabin looking fake sleepy and cranky. While watching this, Dylan recalls how he saved Brandon when he almost fell over a cliff. The two look over at each other meaningfully, and Dylan gives him a subtle, manly nod. Outtake #2 is from the One Man and a Baby episode, when Brenda and Kelly won skydiving lessons in a radio contest. I can't even fathom how video footage of their skydive would even exist - was there a camera crew on the airplane? - or, for that matter, why this footage would be considered an appropriate clip for the graduating class's senior breakfast. Outtake #3 is from "Hello Day", when Brenda, Donna, and Kelly dressed up all in black to be background singers for Emily Valentine...and this prompts Brandon to have a flashback of the day he and Emily met. When he finally snaps out of his reverie, he's startled by the sight of Brenda, Donna, Kelly, and two random girls on stage singing a song about all the girls he hooked up with during Seasons 1-3. It's a mostly cheesy, saccharine little ditty, but further along some of the lyrics get downright weird: Brandon - wants a girl who's dreamy Brandon - wants a girl who's creamy [insert obvious sexual joke here] We then get treated to an embarrassing montage of Brandon's failed relationships over the years. Dylan comes over to sit beside him, calls him a heartthrob, and asks him which of these girls was the nearest and dearest to his heart. Brandon tells Dylan he'd be surprised, then has a flashback of Tricia Kinney, the lithe figure skater from the Fire and Ice episode. I'm definitely surprised he picked her out of the pile, considering how totally forgettable that episode was. When Dylan hears who Brandon's top pick is, he just kind of shrugs disinterestedly. LOL. Outtake #4 is from the Spring Dance episode, and it's shown as a shout-out to West Beverly High's "number one song and dance man". We're then forced to relive the memory of David bopping on the dance floor while he's hunched over, his arms flailing about uncontrollably. Ahn-drea remarks that she never did see the live version of this spectacle, since she arrived at the dance late. Brenda looks pensive, murmurs that she too missed much of the dancing, then has a flashback of her and Dylan moments before they doinked in a hotel room. When she snaps out of it, she stares over at Dylan and Kelly, who are obliviously canoodling. After the senior breakfast wraps up, David mopes down the hall with Donna and tells her how burned out he is. She says it's perfectly natural to feel that way, considering the heavy workload he had all year. He then tells her he doesn't know why he's been pushing himself so hard, since he could have stayed at West Beverly High for another year and been "king of the mountain". LOL. Donna reminds him that he worked so hard in order to graduate with his friends...and also to remain relevant when Beverly Hills, 90210 shifts its focus to California University in Season 4. David moans about how he has no idea what his future plans are...and that it feels as though the gang is breaking up. Would that that were true, David. Would that there weren't seven more seasons of you people being unable to separate and pursue your own adult lives. The Walsh house. Most of the gang is in the Walsh's back yard, working on the mysterious project. Brandon tells them that Ahn-drea is having second thoughts about going to Yale 'cause it's so expensive, and Dylan remarks that since Yale is a prestigious Ivy League school, she should definitely go. Kelly jokingly tells Dylan that since he's so rich he should give Ahn-drea some financial aid, and Dylan immediately shoots her the stink-eye at the mention of his money. She quickly apologizes, and he mumbles that they'll talk about it later. The camera pans over to Brenda, and she does her best to hide her glee at this obvious tension. Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Papa Walsh has arrived home from work and Mama Walsh tells him that the gang is in the backyard...but she warns him not to say anything about the University of Minnesota in front of Brenda's friends. Neither of them knows if this means that Brenda has decided to move back to the Midwest or stay in California. Papa Walsh laments how quickly their kids have grown up, and then he and his wife reminisce about the time they left the twins alone for the first time, and we get a couple of clips from [the B.Y.O.B. episode] when Brandon got thrown in jail for drunk driving. Mama and Papa Walsh bring some refreshments out to the gang, but the gang refuses to let them get a look at the mysterious project, saying it's a surprise. Papa Walsh then gives Dylan a once-over and the two reminisce about the day they first met...and of course this causes Brenda to have a flashback of when Dylan asked her out for the first time. A few minutes after that, Brandon and Steve have a superfluous flashback of when they went out trolling for chicks and picked up two slutty women who ended up stealing Steve's Corvette. Brandon tells Steve that he's come a long way since then, but Steve tells him he has a confession to make. He admits that he made damn sure his "anonymous" donation to the Alvarado camp thing could be traced back to a Mr. Hartley of The Hartley House. This doesn't faze Brandon, and he tells Steve that despite his self-serving motives, donating that money to charity was an uncharacteristically nice thing for him to do. Kelly's/David's house. Kelly orders David to stop moping around. She informs him that they finished the mysterious project at the Walsh house earlier, but he tells her he's way too bummed to go out with everyone later 'cause he's still worried about flunking chemistry. Kelly remarks on how much he's accomplished since the ninth grade, and David tells her that whenever he thinks about that time, all he can think about is his dead yokel friend, Scott. We're then subjected to back-to-back flashbacks of when it became painfully obvious that David and Scott were starting to drift apart, as well as when Scott committed a self-inflicted mercy killing during his birthday party. When the flashbacks end, Donna telephones to see how David's doing, and he tells her he's starting to come around. Dylan's house. Kelly phones to apologize to Dylan about the joke she made earlier regarding financing Ahn-drea's education. He tells her he appreciates the call, then cuts the conversation short. After he hangs up, he walks over to the couch where - ack! - Brenda is sitting. She tells Dylan that all through the senior breakfast she was thinking about returning to Minnesota...and that she wanted to tell the gang about it, but was scared no one would convince her to stay and go to California University with the rest of them. She tells him she's still torn about what she wants to do, so he jokes that she should just flip a coin. She snippily asks him if that's how he chose between her and Kelly, but catches herself and swiftly apologizes to him for her sudden bitchitude. He tells her he realizes that she's really asking if they'd still be together if there were no Kelly in the picture...and he admits that he doesn't know, and diplomatically states that their noxious relationship got "too intense". She agrees that it was a volatile train wreck from the get-go, then has a flashback of when Dylan was so angry after an argument with his father that he smashed a potted plant in front of her. She also recalls that they had some good times, like when they went to Baja together...and this prompts another flashback of when Brenda moved into Dylan's house and Papa Walsh stormed over and demanded that she come home with him. Brenda ruefully remarks that that was the beginning of the end. Brenda asks Dylan if Kelly was the one who had called a few minutes earlier, and he confirms that it was. She then asks why he didn't mention to Kelly that she was over, and he lamely retorts, "She never asked." He then asks her exactly why she came over, and she tells him she wanted to say goodbye in private. He stares at her and asks, "How private?" and the two gaze into each other's eyes longingly until - mercifully - the doorbell rings. Brenda pretends to be relieved and jokes, "Phew, saved by the bell." Dylan answers the door and finds his mother standing there once again. After some obligatory back and forth sniping, she tells him that her bags are packed, and that the cab can either take her to his graduation ceremony or to the airport. Dylan finally lightens up and invites her inside...and Brenda happily greets her and the two women hug. Kelly's house. As Jackie tends to Erin, she tells Kelly how proud she is of her for graduating from high school. Kelly remarks on how big Erin is getting, and recalls that if she hadn't stayed home all summer to spend time with her baby sister, she and Dylan might never have hooked up. The topic of Kelly's biological father comes up, and Jackie derisively refers to him as "an emotional no-show", and huffs about how he should have made time to attend her graduation ceremony. Kelly half-heartedly defends him and says that at least he called. She then has a sudden revelation and declares that she wants to major in psychology when she goes off to California U in Season 4. The Walsh house. Brenda and Brandon are both in front of the mirror, primping for the ceremony. Brenda looks contemplative and remarks on how much they've been through over the last few years. They talk about when they first moved to Beverly Hills, and naturally we get a flashback of the pilot episode when Brenda asks her brother if they're "going to make it here". Brenda acknowledges that he's always been there for her, and she won't ever forget it. They establish that each is the other's best friend and then hug. West Beverly High. The chairs slowly start to fill up, and the graduates are in their caps and gowns, preparing for the official ceremony. Donna tells Kelly how grateful she is to everyone for supporting her during the Donna Martin graduates! protest, which made it possible for her to experience this milestone. David walks over and announces that he just found out he did great on his chemistry exam...and the three share a group hug. Over near the water fountain, Ahn-drea runs into Dylan, who wishes her luck on her valedictorian speech. As Dylan bends over to get a drink of water, he suddenly hears Jack's voice and then actually sees him. He tells Dylan how proud he is of him, says that he doesn't have to go to college on his account...and that he should just do what's right for him. This moment would have been far more poignant if Jack were actually dead...and not alive and well, and living in the Witness Protection Program as we discover during Season 10. The band starts playing, Steve bellows, "It's show time!" and the graduates march toward the stage. Mrs. Teasley formally presents the graduating class of '93, and they all get a standing ovation. Suddenly, Ahn-drea looks distressed, and sinks into her seat. When Brenda asks her whassup, she miserably moans that she lost her speech. Jesus. Brandon leans over and tells her that surely she must have the dumb thing memorized by now, but she just wails that she's a complete and total blank. Yep. As Gil introduces her as the class valedictorian, Ahn-drea starts hyperventilating. Brandon testily orders her to knock it off, pull herself together, and go give her #%*$! speech. She walks over to the podium to address the audience and starts out reasonably OK...but then gets nervous and falters. Brandon groans and tells Brenda that Ahn-drea has lapsed into the "pretentious and trivial" version of her speech. At one point, Ahn-drea draws a complete blank, but then makes a joke about how none of them have the faintest idea of what they're doing at all. The audience assumes it was a joke, so they chuckle, and this reaction encourages Ahn-drea to finally get back on track. She speaks passionately about how West Beverly High has given all of them the tools to face the future, that friendships will last forever, and that no one can ever take away this moment in time. When she finishes, she gets a standing ovation. Blech. I hate anything that validates Ahn-drea. One by one, the seniors are called to the stage to receive their diplomas. As Kelly waits for her name to be called, she has a flashback of when her father didn't show up for dinner as promised, and she later blubbered about it to Dylan at the Peach Pit. When Donna receives her diploma, David has a flashback about when she told him she will not, under any circumstances, put out for him. That was a weird flashback to have on graduation day. When Dylan receives his diploma, Brandon has a flashback to The Green Room episode when Dylan mumbled something about how he and Byron are "mad, bad and dangerous to know". That line still makes me cringe. Just after Kelly is handed her diploma, she gazes into the crowd, looks startled, and begins to tear up. Steve assumes that the ceremony has stirred this sudden emotion, so she explains to him that her father is here. The camera then pans over to a portly middle aged man, who smiles woodenly and bobs his head up and down. Fortunately, he gets recast in a future season. Papa Walsh looks wistful when Brenda receives her diploma...and for some reason he thinks back to when he was especially pissed off about her relationship with Dylan and tells her that one minute she's his little girl, the next minute she's doinking a slouchy hipster and taking pregnancy tests. That storyline still makes me cringe. When Ahn-drea receives her diploma, Gil wishes her good luck at Yale. If only, Gil. If only.. Once the entire class has received their diplomas, everyone gives themselves a loud, "Whoop!" and flings their blue caps into the air. Afterward, everyone mingles and Mama Walsh takes a group shot of the gang. Kelly sees her father and ditches Steve to run toward him for a hug. I guess she's no longer mad at him for his deadbeat ways. Iris and Dylan chat without their usual sniping (thank goodness), and he tells her that he felt Jack's spirit today. Yeah...whatever, Dylan. After that, Mama Walsh takes a photo of Dylan and Iris, and then Iris offers to take one of Dylan with Mama and Papa Walsh. A few minutes later, Kelly scampers over to Dylan and excitedly tells him that she's going to dinner with her mother and her father...and adds that she'll always remember this day because both of her parents were in the same place together without wanting to kill each other. Huzzah! The Walsh house. Dylan comes over to meet with Papa Walsh and tells him how weird people have been acting toward him lately because of his money. Papa Walsh then warns him about how some rich people fall into a trap and lose touch with who they are - but Dylan assures him that that won't happen to him. He then announces that he would like Papa Walsh to put all of his money back into a trust, like before...and Papa Walsh is amazed that he's doing this after all the trouble he and Jack went through to dissolve the trust. Dylan says he's happy getting his regular allowance checks...but will need an advance 'cause he wants to bum around Europe for the summer. He may attend college in the fall, but right now he needs a break from slouching around all world-weary and shit. Late that night, the gang has finished implementing their mysterious project and is camping out in the Hollywood Hills. Ahn-drea announces to everyone that she's decided to throw all caution to the wind and attend Yale, and adds that she wouldn't be the first person to go into debt in order to get a great education. Stop it. Stop tormenting me. Dylan isn't sure whether or not he'll be university bound next fall, but he is sure he'll be in Europe all summer...and this, of course, makes Kelly look put out. Brandon asks Brenda if she's decided yet, and Donna scrunches her face in confusion and asks, "Decided what?" Brenda then makes her announcement that she has officially decided to attend the University of Minnesota, and explains that she finally felt sure of her decision while she was listening to Ahn-drea's chaotically delivered valedictorian speech. She looks pleased when everyone claims they're going to miss her. Dylan then lists all the places he wants to visit during his travels through Europe, and asks Kelly if she has a passport. She looks surprised, happy, and relieved, then gives him a hug and tells him she'd looooove to go. They all wake early the next morning, pack up their sleeping gear, and rush over to their cars. As the song Blood is Thicker Than Water by The Triplets plays in the background, they all drive down the winding hill. When they reach the bottom, they park their cars, and then gather together to look up at the defaced Hollywood sign, which now reads W BEV HI '93. I wonder if you could get arrested for doing something like that? Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! |
Beverly Hills, 90210 homepageRecapper: Isabel K. French
Your contributions help keep the site ad-free
|
|