Recap: As Mrs. Garrett excitedly bustles to and from the kitchen to lay out a delicious looking spread, a bemused Blair asks her why she’s going through all this trouble for an unworthy dumbfuck like Eddie. Mrs. Garrett tells her she's considering this a special occasion, on account of they haven't seen Eddie since the Teenage Marriage double-parter...and when the doorbell rings a few seconds later, she shrieks, "He's herrrrrrrrrre!" Easy there, Edna. Natalie answers the door as Jo races down the stairs in anticipation of Eddie's grand entrance - but the visitor turns out to be Kelly, who dropped by for no real reason [other than to get in some superfluous airtime before she gets canned by the producers soon after the filming of this episode]. When everyone groans with disappointment at Kelly's impromptu pop-in, Blair tells her they're awaiting the arrival of Eddie, and disdainfully describes him as "a high school dropout in a sailor suit". Bwahaha! Natalie chimes in to explain that Eddie is Jo’s ex-boyfriend with whom she nearly eloped in Season 2, and Kelly looks intrigued and tells Jo she didn’t realize she had such a juicy past. Jo grumbles something snappishly unintelligible and barks at Kelly to get lost...which she does, and is never seen on Facts of Life again. Hurray. When there’s a knock at the door a few seconds later, Jo naturally assumes it’s Kelly again and starts muttering about what a pain in the ass she’s being, when - not unpredictably - a grinning Eddie and his distracting overbite are standing on the doorstep. Jo gives Eddie a hug hello, and then Tootie, Natalie, and Mrs. Garrett squeal excitedly as they rush over to greet him. Blair dryly asks him why he’s not decked out in his “little sailor suit” - LOL, I am loving her sass this episode - and he tells her it’s at the cleaner’s, then looks around and gushes about how much he loooooves the new Facts set. Mrs. Garrett promises to give him a tour of the store after they eat, then points at the spread she’s laid out on the dining table. Eddie pulls out a bottle of wine he brought along for the reunion and tells Mrs. Garrett he’s going to open the bottle so that the wine can breathe...and Blair examines it and is pleasantly surprised to see that it’s a French wine from a pretty good year, and also seems impressed that Eddie knows enough about wine to know that it needs to breathe before being served. Eddie tells everyone he’s now based in Brooklyn...and that since he’s on leave from the Navy for a week, he figured it'd be fun to hang around Peekskill and work on rekindling his and Jo's romance. Jo says that’s fine with her, though she’ll still have to attend her classes - and Eddie perks up at that and says he’d be interested in sitting in on her classes so he can see what college life is like. Blair snorts derisively and sasses, “Why? You didn’t find high school interesting enough to stay”, and Eddie tells her that since his last appearance on Facts, he got his high school diploma and also earned a petty officer badge. As everyone gushes over his smarts and general awesomeness, Eddie jokes to Blair that his new and improved self is going to make it as difficult as possible for her to hate him...and then he and Jo canoodle on the couch and agree that his visit is going to be just like old times. Natalie and Tootie gabble happily about Jo and Eddie being lovebirds...and Blair also gets in on that action and teases Jo about being a woman in love. Mrs. Garrett bursts into the room and shrieks about how shrieking de-lighted she is that Eddie is fixing a bunch of things around the store she’s let fall into disrepair. A flower delivery arrives for Jo, and Blair reads aloud the accompanying lovey dovey note that Eddie penned. A blushing Jo heads over to where Eddie is fixing Mrs. Garrett's cuckoo clock and chides him for wasting money on expensive flowers - but then lets out a happy squeal when she sees that Eddie hid a socket wrench inside the bouquet as a bonus gift. Eddie tells her it’s been great spending time with her this week and that he’s soooooo happy she’s in his life...and after an intense-for-Facts smooch, he suggests they go out tonight for pizza and a movie. Natalie reminds Tootie she still owes her $4, and Tootie promises to repay her whenever she gets change for her 10 dollar bill. Eddie overhears the contrived exchange and tells Tootie she’s welcome to rifle through his wallet to break up her 10...and she takes him up on the offer - but soon after opening his wallet, she looks aghast. When Mrs. Garrett exits the room, Tootie stares at Eddie with a crestfallen expression and asks him who the woman in the photo is, aka the one who's dressed in a wedding gown and standing next to him wearing a tux. He hangs his head in shame while admitting that, yep, he is indeed married - but that the marriage is pretty much toast, despite the two of them not being formally separated or divorced. Tootie shrieks in horror and asks him if Jo knows about this, and he says she doesn't...and when Tootie threatens to immediately tattle on him, he begs her not to and promises to break the news to Jo tonight over pizza. A cheery Jo returns home early from her date and mentions to the Facts gals that Eddie had to head back to the city sooner than expected. Blair says she’s so impressed by Eddie 6.0 that she's officially giving Jo her blessing to hook up with this wonderful gentleman...and Tootie snarks, “Gentleman?!” and starts railing about what a deceitful bum he is. She clams up when Jo's all, "The fuck..?" ... but when Blair gets all in Tootie's face about why she suddenly hates Eddie, she blabs about Eddie's marital status, and that he clearly welched on his earlier promise to 'fess up about it to Jo tonight. Jo accuses her of lying, but Tootie points out that she has no reason to lie about something which has zero effect on her life one way or another. Blair reverses her favorable opinion of Eddie and declares him a loser, to which Jo yells, “Butt out!” and storms upstairs. Jo is doing inventory in the store at 3am when Mrs. Garrett enters the room and asks her whassup with her doing inventory in the middle of the night. Jo tearfully tells her she just learned that Eddie is married...and that she learned this, not from Eddie, but rather the Tootie gossip mill. Mrs. Garrett stares at her in incredulity, says it’s mystifying that for an entire week Eddie didn’t say a word about having a wife, then rails, “How could Eddie dooooooooo something like that?!” Jo tells her that, according to Tootie, he's in a doomed marriage and admitted how dickish it was of him to keep the truth from her. She squeaks, “I love him”, but that she has no clue what to do about it...so Mrs. Garrett suggests that perhaps she loves 'Season 2 Eddie' - aka not this jerkwad - just as Eddie happens to walk by the store, see the light on, and knock on the front door. Jo lets Eddie inside and shoots him the stink-eye, and he's like, “Damn...I guess Tootie told you.” He gives her a hangdog look for a few seconds, then tells her the story of his ill-fated marriage: he met his (American born) wife while he was stationed in Italy, proposed to her way too early in the relationship and then stupidly went through with the wedding...and as soon as they returned to the States, it dawned on him that his quickie bride wasn't right for him. Jo admonishes him for not telling her any of this when he first arrived in Peekskill, so he says he couldn’t bear to be rebuffed ‘cause of how much he loves her. Jo glares at him and calls him out on how shitty of him it is to expect her to love him back regardless of who it hurts, then reminds him that love should be about honesty and trust, neither which he's demonstrated this episode. Eddie promises to make it up to her and ask what he should do now, and she tells him to sort through the disaster that is his tattered marriage and maybe come to some kind of resolution with that before attempting to rekindle old flames. He mutters, “I’m sorry”, and she sadly retorts, “So am I.” I am too, 'cause what another dud of an episode to have to recap. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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Recap: Blair and Geri arrive at Edna's Edibles just as the store is closing...and Blair gushes to Mrs. Garrett and the rest of the Facts gals about the awesome performance Geri gave to the Women's Assistance Society. Following what I'll assume was a cerebral palsy-centric comedy schtick, Geri convinced the Society to donate their proceeds from an upcoming charity auction to the New York school she once attended: the now decrepit St. Martin's School for Handicapped Children. Apparently, the Society was so impressed by Geri's passion that they appointed her to serve as chairwoman of the auction...and Geri, in turn, appointed Blair to serve as her assistant. Mrs. Garrett says she'd like in on that action and offers up the services of Edna's Edibles to cater the auction dinner, and Blair announces she'll get the ball rolling by delegating Natalie to draft the donor letter, and Tootie to issue a press release to the local papers. Geri nods approvingly and says she's headed back to New York...and Blair promises to have a full progress report for her next time she drops by. The next day, Blair is on the phone with someone at the local paper while Natalie and Tootie stuff envelopes. Mrs. Garrett enters the room and reminds Natalie and Tootie that they have a shift scheduled, then hustles them into the store part of the building as they bitch and moan about being pooped from all the envelop licking Blair's been forcing them to do. Geri arrives in Peekskill (hours earlier than originally planned), and Blair proudly shows her the donor letters she signed. When an indignant Geri asks her why she signed them, Blair says she figured that the Warner name has far more cache and recognition value than Geri's low-rent last name [which I had to Google: Tyler]. She says she also went ahead and booked the Shrine Auditorium for the auction's venue (instead of the Community Center that Geri favored), and decided on The Gay Nineties as the general theme. Geri reacts to the onslaught of updates by scrunching her face in irritation and chiding Blair for not discussing any of this with her first. Mrs. Garrett pokes her head into the room and informs the two that Mrs. Morris of the Women's Assistance Society is here for the scheduled meeting...and Geri glares at Blair and is all, "Why the hell did you schedule a meeting with Mrs. Morris at a time that I wasn't expected to be in Peekskill?" then complains that she isn't adequately prepared. Blair assures her she has everything under control - just as Mrs. Morris enters the room and brusquely says, "Let's get right to it!" Blair tells her she booked the Shrine Auditorium, arranged for a fleet of vans (courtesy of her father's company) to transport the auction items to the venue, and decided that a Gay Nineties theme might be fun. As Geri opens her mouth to comment, Blair quickly suggests they reinforce the Gay Nineties theme by handing out straw hats and suspenders to the auction participants...and when Mrs. Morris squeals about how much she looooooves that idea and urges Blair to get on the horn asap to place an order for the stuff, Blair smugly chirps, "I already did!" Mrs. Morris nods happily, tells Blair she's done a fabulous job in a very short amount of time, then gushingly calls her a marvel. Once she leaves and is out of earshot, Geri poutishly admonishes Blair for taking over all of the auction planning...and Blair explains that she was only trying to make things easier for her. Geri snappishly retorts, "What am I? An overgrown poster child?" and accuses Blair of taking over for her 'cause she's disabled. She firmly declares, "I'm taking it from here" and abruptly fires Blair as her assistant...and when Blair protests her sudden termination, Geri screeches, "Butt out!" Not long after Blair's firing, the auction planning rapidly turns to shit. Mrs. Garrett complains to the Facts gals that Geri hasn't informed her how many guests are expected to attend the banquet dinner, which means Jo has no idea how many game hens to stuff. On top of that, Tootie is getting inundated with confusing phone calls related to auction planning that Geri, for some cheeky reason, has re-directed from her home phone to Edna's Edibles. Further mayhem ensues when a man wheels a naked David statue into the store and explains that it's an auction item he's dumping here, instead of at the Community Center Geri stupidly forgot to tell people was the drop-off location. As the Facts gals do their best to grapple with that delivery mishap, a florist drops off a roomful of flower bouquets that Geri apparently ordered for the banquet dinner. As a wigged out Mrs. Garrett shrieks at no one in particular to track Geri down so she can get her ass over to the store asap and deal with her mess, Blair smiles smugly in the background. When Geri finally makes an appearance, Mrs. Garrett shoots her a look of utter incredulity and is all, "The fuck..?" and tells her she wants all of this crap out of her store, pronto. Geri assures her she'll take care of it - but then gets sidetracked by all the phone messages Tootie shoves at her. Mrs. Garrett implores Geri to give her a ballpark estimate of how many people she expects to attend the banquet dinner - at the same time Tootie strongly suggests she let two able bodied people (aka herself and Natalie) lend more of a helping hand. Geri gets offended at the able bodied people crack...just as Natalie rushes into the room to inform Geri that she's late for a planning meeting with Mrs. Morris, who's waiting for her at the Community Center. Geri's like, "Oh no!" and rushes out as everyone glares after her in exasperation. To no one's surprise, the banquet dinner goes disastrously...and when the exhausted looking Facts cast returns home, they gripe about being twenty-five meals short. Yikes. Blair smiles smugly and says she figured this would happen, and Jo snaps at her to shut it - but then concedes that Geri's guest count clusterfuck didn't exactly make Edna's Edibles look like an endorse-able catering company. Blair tells Jo that Geri should have listened to her, but Jo snarks at her for taking over all of the planning details, which inevitably pissed Geri off. Geri arrives and glumly says she just spent the last hour apologizing to everyone for her shitty event planning abilities [as well she should], and self-piteously says she can only assume that everyone's thinking 'the crippled girl couldn't cut it'. Mrs. Garrett says the problem was more the chip on her shoulder, along with the dickish way she insisted on doing everything herself. Geri moans, "It's not fairrrrrr.." and says she wanted to prove she could plan the entire auction by herself, e.g. the way Blair could - but Blair points out that she didn't do it all herself, and delegated much of the grunt work to Natalie and Tootie. Geri laments not being able to ever do anything as fast or as adeptly as Blair, and Blair admits she overstepped in her role as assistant chairwoman - but that she should have just told her to back off. When Geri snaps, "I did!", Mrs. Garrett reminds her she didn't tell Blair to back off - but instead told her and everyone else to go away. She adds that the auction dinner was a job she clearly needed help with - and before Geri can snark, "Why? Because I'm disabled?!", Mrs. Garrett shrieks, "Because you're human!" As Geri mulls over that straight talk, Mrs. Garrett suggests they call it a night and get some much needed sleep. And then thank the writers in advance for no longer integrating Geri into any future Facts of Life episodes. Hurray! Sayonara forever, Geri! Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Natalie tells Mrs. Garrett that Tootie is waiting for a call from the Peekskill Playhouse to hear whether or not she got the part she auditioned for, then adds that Tootie's mom will be in town this episode. Mrs. Garrett gushes about how proud Tootie must be of her savvy career mom, who's a highly respected lawyer and law lecturer. (Not so much, as it turns out.) Blair and Jo enter the store with Diane Ramsey after attending Diane's latest law lecture, and Jo and Blair gush about what a super awesome lecture it was. Diane urges Jo to consider applying to law school 'cause of how tough yet honest she is, and Jo mulls that over and mumbles, "I dunno." Apropos of nothing, Blair announces that she needs something to wear for an upcoming punk costume party and asks Jo if she'd be willing to lend her anything from her closet, and Jo scrunches her face in her usual irritated manner and says she might be willing to lend her something...but for a fee. When Tootie arrives home, Diane tells her she's bummed she didn't attend her law lecture...and Tootie pretends she had tried so hard to make it - but, darn it, just couldn't get herself there. Kelly barges in unannounced and introduces herself to Diane as a rehabilitated shoplifter...and then she and Natalie start cackling about their plot to TP a statue at Stone Military Academy for retribution for something or other. Diane chuckles about that being nothing more than some harmless, biodegradable fun, then offers to take the Facts cast out for a scrumptious lobster dinner. Tootie says she can't do dinner 'cause she'll be too busy proofreading a history paper - despite the fact, as a bemused Natalie points out, it's a task that would only take about half an hour. A few seconds later, someone from the Peekskill Playhouse calls to break the bad news to Tootie that she didn't get the part...and Mrs. Garrett gives Tootie a comforting hug as she sadly moans about how performing in the playhouse was supposed to be her summer's main activity. Diane breezily tells her to not be so disappointed and encourages her to focus on other things that make her happy...and an indignant Tootie's all, "The fuck you say?!" and says she's far too upset to go out for lobster and would prefer to spend the evening in, moping around the communal bedroom. Diane shrugs and says she has a lot of work to catch up on anyway, then suggests they get together for breakfast the next morning. Once Diane's out of earshot, Tootie grumbles to Mrs. Garrett about having to get together with her stupid mother for breakfast, then bitches about how she never supports her or cares about what she wants. When Mrs. Garrett insists to the dumb brat that her mother clearly does care, Tootie wails, "She doesn't even know meeeeee!" and flees upstairs. Jo tells Mrs. Garrett she's been reading a book that Diane gave her on civil law, and that she likes the idea of being able to legally threaten people. Blair shows off her "punk" ensemble, which consists of dark sunglasses and a red jumpsuit that has strategically placed rips across the sleeves and pants. I'd probably classify it as more of a 'punk-lite ish? if that' type look. Diane gushes over the questionable punkness of the outfit, then remarks on how she and Tootie somehow missed each other for their planned breakfast. Mrs. Garrett tells her that Tootie called and pretended to be too busy studying at the library to eat breakfast, then says that she and Jeff probably stopped somewhere for a burger. Diane scrunches her face quizzically while murmuring, "Jeff..?" Natalie and Kelly burst in and cackle about how they just TPed the statue at Stone Military Academy...and Natalie accidentally lets it slip that Tootie was there, TPing alongside them. When Diane looks alarmed about Tootie's involvement in the caper, she's all, "Excuse me?", Natalie's like, "Oops, never mind!" and makes a break for the nearest exit. LOL. Later, Diane tells Mrs. Garrett she's irked that Tootie has been dodging her all day, and that she has no idea what's going on in her life, e.g. her boyfriend Jeff. Mrs. Garrett tells her that when her idiot son turned out to be a thief, she learned to ask better questions...and Diane retorts, "Whatever, Edna. I won't stand for my daughter lying to me." Tootie arrives home and tells her mom she missed breakfast 'cause she was at the library, then ran into some gal pals and got further delayed chatting it up with them. Diane stonily replies, "I don't believe you" and haughtily adds that, in some circles, TPing a statue is considered to be a [fairly tepid] form of vandalism. Tootie points out that when Natalie and Kelly were joking about doing it earlier in the episode, she had laughed it off as "biodegradable fun" - but now that she's involved, it's suddenly the crime of the century. Tootie then wearily checks out of the conversation by glumly promising she won't ever TP anything again, then says she's off to her room to get some more faux studying done. Diane tells Mrs. Garrett she didn't want to broach the subject of Jeff 'cause she doesn't want to waste any of her Quality Tootie Time by arguing with her. Mrs. Garrett points out that quality time can involve sniping at one another, then urges her to risk an argument in the hope that it leads to some heart-felt mother-daughter bonding before the end credits roll. Diane barges into the communal bedroom, tells Tootie she's grounded for two weeks for her role in the TPing of the Stone Military Academy statue, and forbids her to date Jeff anymore. When Tootie's all, "What does TPing a statue have to do with Jeff?", Diane tells her she's too young to be in a serious relationship...and Tootie tears up and says that their dates consist mostly of meeting up at the library to study together. Diane chides her for not telling her about Jeff, so she snappishly retorts that it's 'cause she never listens to her, is always hyper-critical of everything she does, and doesn't care about what she thinks or feels. Case in point: not giving a discernible hoot that didn't get get the part she auditioned for at the Peekskill Playhouse. Diane says she had no idea that acting meant to much to her, then further proves Tootie's point by urging her to consider a more stable career choice, such as becoming an entertainment lawyer. Tootie wails, "Stop telling me what to doooooo!", so an exasperated Diane sarcastically asks if she would expect her to be accepting of her choices if she suddenly declared she wanted to jump off a building. Tootie retorts, "I wanna be an actress, not a stunt woman" ... and the quip brings a much needed moment of levity to the tense moment, and the two simultaneously dissolve into laughter. Phew. Looks like this mother and daughter are going to be aw' right. Diane marvels that, despite arguing just now, the two of them still have a [reasonably] intact mother-daughter relationship. Tootie says she'd be far less pissy to her if she had more latitude in making her own decisions...but with the continued safety net of getting bailed out every time she screws up. Diane mulls that over, decides that allowing Tootie to have her cake and eat it too is reasonable, then tells her she wants to be kept in the loop about all the stuff that's going on in her life, even if it's stuff she'd rather not hear. Tootie agrees, then chuckles about how she's starting to sound like Mrs. Garrett...and Diane decides to take that as a compliment and replies, "And you're beginning to sound like my daughter!" before the two press against each other in an emotional hug. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: Blair is cleaning up the residence part of Edna's Edibles with dirt strategically smudged across her face when Cliff drops by to excitedly tell her that he got into a [hospital] internship program in Dallas. Blair gushes, "That's terrific!" - but then quickly realizes this'll probably be his last Facts of Life appearance. Before she can fully process the implications of a long-distance romance with her stripper boyfriend, Cliff urgently proposes marriage and says he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. Blair looks stunned and remarks on how sudden the proposal is, and that she's going to need ample time to carefully weight the pros and cons regarding this life choice. Cliff says he'll give her until tomorrow morning and that he'll stop by at 7am for an early breakfast. He happily says, "I know your answer will be yes, and that we'll be very very happy" ... and Blair stares after him, her face scrunched contemplatively. Blair heads upstairs to bed after discussing Cliff's marriage proposal over the phone with her mom. Natalie announces that she's working on a time capsule for the year 2000, then sticks a tape recorder microphone into everyone's face and asks them to describe what they think their lives will be like, sixteen years from now. Tootie says she fully expects to be "the first lady of Broadway", while Blair just shrugs and assumes she'll be very very happy being married to Cliff, then reminds the gals that she really only pretended to have career aspirations until suitable husband material came along. Heh. Jo chides her for not having bigger ambitions in life and says that any of them can be anything they want, even president. Mrs. Garrett barges in to nosily ask whassup, and Natalie tells her they're imagining what they're lives will be like in the new millennium, then makes everyone stand in a circle, touch hands, and pledge that they'll all meet up at Edna's Edibles on January 1, 2000 to start off the new century together. Which shouldn't be too hard, given that they'll probably all still be living under the same roof. Afterwards, Mrs. Garrett turns the lights off, and the four lumber into bed and immediately drift off to sleep. Blair wakes up in the year 2000 and arrives at Edna's Edibles, the decor of which is a whole lot more beige than it was in the '80s. She grins when she sees a plate of Mrs. Garrett's trademark quiche and croissants on the counter and helps herself - but is quickly admonished from a five foot version of an Amazon Alexa, warning her that shoplifters will be prosecuted. Mrs. Garrett breezes into the shop, not looking a day older than she did in 1984 and decked out in a creme colored blouse and skirt. When Blair robotically chirps that she's "very very happy" with Dr. Cliff in Dallas, Mrs. Garrett excitedly tells Blair that Edna's Edibles has become so successful that she now sells food all over the world and (weirdly) also runs an advice helpline, solo, on the side. She says her company is headquartered in Peekskill - as is evidenced by the huge, '70s style mission control dashboard (with a phone receiver and lots of buttons and switches...but no monitor, interestingly) she keeps positioned in front of a giant world map that's propped up against the wall. Natalie, attired in a poncho and sporting a long fake braid, arrives with Tootie, who has a thick coat draped across her shoulders now that she's become the toast of Broadway (while still sporting the braces she had on in 1984). They greet Blair and Mrs. Garrett and mention that Jo will be stopping by a bit later...and when Blair asks them what Jo's up to these days, Mrs. Garrett devilishly says she'll be very surprised when that tidbit is dramatically revealed. Natalie gabbles about how she's now a successful author and lives on a New Mexico mountaintop with her husband Paul and their seven kids, then whips out a chunky mobile gizmo [roughly the size of twenty iPhones] to show Blair a series of electronic photos of her family. As Mrs. Garrett answers a helpline question from Uganda, Natalie gives Blair a copy of her newest novel on a new-fangled floppy disk (!) and asks what's new in her life...and Blair just parrots, "I'm very very happy." Jo arrives at the shop via rocket-copter (?) and saunters in wearing a crisp white suit, carrying a briefcase, and sporting an ultra fluffy 'do that the Facts stylists must have figured would be all the rage in 2000. She gives everyone a hello hug and reveals to the audience that she's the president of Warner Industries, and that this New Year's Day she's taking a short break from launching various takeovers. Blair nods approvingly, repeats, "I'm very very happy", and suggests they all spend the night together in their old bedroom and talk about old times. Jo declines 'cause she's too busy being a successful businesswoman, while Tootie says she can't possibly stay for a sleepover 'cause she's performing at the White House this evening. Blair perks up at that and asks if she could tag along and help with the set design, like she did during Season 3's Green-Eyed Monster episode. She whips out her Eastland sketchbook and shows Tootie a sample of her high school level creativity, but Tootie shakes her head grimly and says that because she hasn't spent any time over the last sixteen years developing her talent, it's too late. Blair begs Mrs. Garrett to hire her back at Edna's Edibles, but when the decision to approve her qualifications is put to the giant Alexa, it spits back, "Negative. It's too late." As the Facts gals crowd around her and chant, "It's too late!", Blair wakes up to present day 1984, where Jo is telling her to get up if she doesn't want to be late for her breakfast with Cliff. Blair is visibly relieved to be back to the '80s, and gushes to the Facts gals about how wonderfully successful they're all going to be in the new millennium. She then snarls at Jo to stay away from her father's company...and Jo's like, "Er, OK..?" as she scrunches her face confusedly. After a long, hot smooch, Blair explains to Cliff that she's turning down his marriage proposal 'cause of the disturbing dream she just had that emphasized how clueless she is about who she is and what she wants out of life...and figures she'd make a pretty shitty wife if she doesn't truly know herself. Cliff complains that he's going to be very lonely in Dallas, but Blair assures him she'll write and call frequently and that they're definitely still a couple (for the moment). Cliff seems satisfied enough with that, then checks his watch and says it might be too late to go out for breakfast - but Blair cries, "Stop saying it's too late!" and dashes with him out the door. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Tootie tells everyone there's a blurb in the newspaper about a famous movie star, Heather Hunt, enrolling at Langley College. Tootie and Natalie squeal excitedly, Mrs. Garrett looks visibly starstruck...and Jo rolls her eyes in her usual 'I'm so streetwise and world weary' manner and says she can barely muster any enthusiasm about attending Heather Hunt's Welcome to Langley party, and considers it a pesky part of her responsibilities as a member of the board of regents. Natalie and Tootie beg her to pleeeeease get Heather's autograph for them...and when she snarlingly refuses, they tell her they'd settle for a photograph, used cigarette butt, or saliva sample. Jo grumbles that movie stars aren't that big of a deal 'cause it's the stunt doubles who do all the hard work, and Mrs. Garrett chides her indifference and giddily remarks that she could be in the presence of Hollywood royalty if Heather Hunt were to suddenly wander into Edna's Edibles. Jo mutters, "No big star is ever going to walk into this place" - just as Geri ambles in (bwahaha!) and announces that she just got a gig performing for the American Mime Association. Another organization that must be really hard up for live entertainment that has a strong emphasis on self-deprecating cerebral palsy jokes. When she hears everyone blathering about Heather Hunt, she pompously says that she and Heather go way back...specifically to the one time they both did Merv Griffin on the same day. Blair arrives with Cliff in tow...and the two head straight over to the residence part of the building to hash something out. Cliff asks whaddup with her not talking to him all afternoon, so she explains that she didn't much care for the way he introduced her at a medical school lecture as his girlfriend 'cause she finds the girlfriend label "so third grade". Cliff scrunches his face confusedly and says that when she didn't immediately dump him after the strip club fiasco, he figured they were a couple. Incidentally, I wonder if he's still shaking his naughties at Wedgewoods. Blair makes a face and says she has no desire to feel tied down, and would like to sometimes attend parties solo, e.g. Heather Hunt's upcoming Welcome to Langley party. Cliff mulls that over and pretends he's A-OK with that - but only as long as when a guy asks her if she's spoken for, she's inclined to say yes. Party time! Blair is holding court with a gaggle of male admirers when Boots St. Clair strides over in her weird, over-the-top, preppy manner to remark on Blair's popularity with the opposite gender. Cliff - uh oh - makes an appearance at the party, and Blair dully says, "This is a surprise" then pulls him aside to express her displeasure at him for showing up at a party she made it clear he wouldn't be welcome at. Cliff says he didn't think it'd be a big deal to drop by after his hospital shift, so Blair bitchily says she hopes it's clear to him that they're attending this party as two separate individuals. Boots stands in the middle of the room to introduce their guest of honor, who's also been granted honorary membership in Gamma Gamma Gamma...and a few seconds later, a poofy-haired brunette with a phony megawatt smile bounds into the room and chirps, "Hi!" She makes a beeline over to Blair's male admirers and happily mingles with them until Jo lumbers over to welcome her to Langley on behalf of the board of regents...then gives her shit about not doing her own stunt work. Heather sashays over to Cliff and presents him with the back of her hand as if she expects him to kiss it, but he just shakes it and politely says, "It's nice to meet you." Boots hovers over the two like a nosy stage mom, wonders aloud if "this is some enchanted evening..?", then wanders off. Cliff tells Heather he's in med school and just finished a shift at the hospital, and she's like, "That's nice, but let's re-shift this conversation to my fabulous acting career" and tells him she's just been cast as a surgeon who aspires to be a singer. Sounds like a contrived premise for a strictly-made-for-TV type production, but OK. Jo informs Blair that Cliff is having a one-on-one with Heather, and Blair glances across the room at the two and looks visibly annoyed. Tootie and Natalie pepper Blair with questions about what Heather Hunt looked like, wore, and acted like [let's see...a self-absorbed windbag], while Jo taunts her about all the flirty banter that was being exchanged between Cliff and Heather at the party. Blair says it's reasonable that Heather would flirt with a hottie like Cliff - but insists she's not at all insecure about it 'cause she knows how crazy he is about her despite her haughty 'don't ever refer to me as your girlfriend' edict. Boots flounces into Edna's Edibles, along with Heather, who's decked out in a tacky fur coat that's draped around her shoulders. Tootie and Natalie are all, "Squeal!" and fawn over her, while Mrs. Garrett practically curtsies as she welcomes her to her humble food shop and asks her if she wouldn't mind posing for a few photographs. Heather indulges her, then orders a "home cooked meal" for two...and Boots "lets it slip" within earshot of Blair that Heather is planning to [faux] cook a romantic dinner for Cliff this evening. As an oblivious-to-the-drama-that's-about-to-unfold Mrs. Garrett steers Heather outside the shop for more celebrity photo opping, a vexed Blair stares contemplatively into space. Blair is dusting the living room...and by dusting, I mean she's angrily slapping furniture with a towel. Jo correctly assumes she's doing this to keep her mind off of Cliff's dinner date with Heather and offers to treat her to dinner, but Blair says that while she continues to feel the electricity of the non-hetero sparks between them, she's putting a pin in that to lock things down with Cliff. Geri returns to inform everyone that the mime gig went fine, and Jo tells her they have more pressing issues to discuss, e.g. Heather Hunt pursuing Blair's stripper boy toy. When Mrs. Garrett reminds Blair that she made it clear to Cliff that she prefers an open relationship, Blair sullenly retorts, "I didn't think that included movie stars." Mrs. Garrett's like, "OK...well, good luck with that", then heads off with Tootie and Natalie for a night out at the local Heather Hunt film festival. LOL. Jo eggs Blair on to convince her that she secretly wants to "punch Heather's lights out" and urges her to do everything possible to keep the floozy from moving in on her man. Blair mulls that over, decides, "Yep", and rushes out the door. Heather and Cliff are sitting at her dining table, sipping wine while Heather prattles on and on about her fabulous movie star life. Boots drops by to bring some mood music for their date (which was weird)...and a few seconds later, Blair arrives with Edna's Edibles' home cooked food. Heather thanks her and asks her if she knows Cliff, and Blair snippily tells her it's time for a woman-to-woman chat - but before that chat can get underway, a photographer from US Magazine arrives for a photo shoot. Heather's all, "Yay! Publicity!" and explains to a bewildered Cliff that, in order to stay relevant in the 'biz, she promised the magazine she'd let them do a spread on her first week of college. She figured he wouldn't mind posing as her new main squeeze...unless he's dating Blair, in which case she'd just need to borrow him for a few hours. Cliff tells the photographer to keep him out of the shoot, so Boots tells the photographer she'd be happy to pose as 'Heather's best friend', then steers him up to the second floor. Heather raises both of her arms in the air, contorts her lips into an extra wide, phony megawatt smile [not sure exactly who at], and chirps, "Bye!" before disappearing up the stairwell. Blair tells Cliff she's miffed he didn't tell Heather he was her boyfriend...and ignores the irony of her shunning the girlfriend label at the beginning of the episode. She admits she came here tonight 'cause she's afraid of losing him...and explains that she has a deeply-rooted fear of abandonment from when she was abandoned by her many stepfathers. Cliff says that life doesn't have to work out that way, and points out that his parents have been together for thirty-two years. He adds that while there's never a guarantee that a relationship between them will work out, a commitment is the equivalent of saying 'I love you enough to take the risk'. When Blair asks him what a commitment would mean for the two of them, he says it simply means he loves her...and she looks touched and returns his I love you while leaning in for a smooch. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: As the votes for Miss Edibles [the prize for which is getting to sit atop Edna's Edibles' Founder's Day parade float in a formal gown and wave at Peekskillers] are being tabulated, Jo bursts into the store with two of her newest college friends. Blair frowns in puzzlement and is all 'whassup with Jo having her own independent set of friends?' and asks her where she went after class, so Jo tells her that she and group of people met up at Sam's Coffee Shop. Blair looks miffed and says that no one invited her, so one of Jo's new friends tells her that people just show up there after class and don't expect an invitation. Blair looks mystified by the concept of casually hanging out with her peers, then chirps, "How delightfully carefree!" Blair thanks Jo's new friends for voting in the Miss Edibles contest, assumes that they both voted for her, and brags about how she was crowned Harvest Queen three years in a row. Jo's friends are all, "What the hell's a Harvest Queen?" - LOL - then remind Jo about their ice skating plans tomorrow night before heading out. Jo invites Blair to come along to the ice skating outing, but Blair says she's a terrible skater and would prefer that her college-mates not witness the embarrassment of her doing something she's not totally adept at. Tootie invites Natalie to the movies tonight, but Natalie mope-ishly declines and says she'll be too busy studying...even though she's been studying all afternoon, as Tootie sulkily points out. When Natalie goes into the residence part of the set to call her mom, Tootie complains to Jo and Blair that even though it's been six weeks since Papa Green died, Natalie is constantly checking up on her mom. Mrs. Garrett announces that she and Kelly have tallied the votes for Miss Edibles and are ready to announce the winner. Blair fluffs her hair and prepares to smugly accept the honor...when Jo is unexpectedly declared Miss Edibles. A befuddled Blair is all, "Wuh? How is that even possible?" and reminds the Facts cast that she (and not Jo) wins popularity contests. Kelly gives her a quick analysis of the voting trends and tells her that Jo getting most of "the college vote" put her over the top...then asks Jo if she's actually interested in sitting atop a parade float while decked out in an '80s prom dress. As Jo mulls over that ghastly prospect, Blair quickly says she'd be more than happy to step in as the first runner up - but Mrs. Garrett interjects and says that, actually, she was voted first runner up, then pretends as if she doesn't notice Blair's distress while she moans piteously and fake cries. Mrs. Garrett tells Blair she hopes she's not too upset about losing the contest, and Blair haughtily says she has more important things to focus on, then flounces off. Later, a discombobulated looking Blair asks Natalie if she's lost it...and by it she means her essence, her aura. Natalie stares back at her blankly for a few seconds and deadpans, "I dunno", and continues to stare blankly as Blair complains about how her current popularity situation is a total reversal of how things used to be when they were all students at Eastland. Tootie and Mrs. Garrett return from a local box office, where they stood in line for ten hours to get Pat Benatar concert tickets. When Tootie excitedly tells Natalie she got two tickets for them, Natalie grunts that she's not interested 'cause of all the studying she's pretending she has to do. A disgruntled Tootie tells Mrs. Garrett and Blair that she no longer wants to go to the Pat Benatar concert now that Natalie has announced she isn't going - but Mrs. Garrett shriekily tells her she's damn well going after forcing her to suffer in the cold for so many hours. Jo returns home and tells Blair she was just at Maggie Thurston's party...and when Blair gets over the sting of not getting invited, Jo says that everyone kept asking her when she's going to have a party. Blair points out that it's only polite to reciprocate and offers to help her with party planning, then excitedly suggests they use her fancy stationary to send out invitations. Jo makes a 'fuck that' face and says she just wants a small, low key get together, then snarkishly reminds Blair that it's her party and that she'll do whatever the hell she wants. Blair's like, "Fine!" and angrily tells the ungrateful bitch that she will not be attending whatever kind of ratty ass gathering she ends up cobbling together. Jo is nervously pacing the room, hoping that the chips, dip, and extra chairs constitute adequate planning for tonight's shindig. Tootie, meanwhile, tells Natalie she's thinking about sneaking a kitten into the house so they can have a furry pet, but a still-glum Natalie says she's not into it and reminds her that Mrs. Garrett alleges that she's allergic to cats. In the next scene, Jo's party is in full swing. Natalie pops in for a brief appearance, then tells Tootie she's leaving 'cause she has other stuff to do. Tootie complains to Mrs. Garrett that Natalie is being a major drag lately 'cause of her lingering grief from the previous, 'my dad died' episode, and Mrs. Garrett's like, "'Nuff said" and decides it's time for a serious Facts-style heart-to-heart with Natalie. Mrs. Garrett finds Natalie sitting at a table in the store part of the set, having a snack. When she asks Natalie whassup with her lately, Natalie says she's been busy studying...and that she's spending an excessive amount of time on her schoolwork 'cause she really really wants to make her dad proud. Mrs. Garrett points out that he was always proud of her...then tells her the sad story of when her father died: soon afterwards, she went to the movies with a friend, laughed heartily in the theater, but then went home and cried for days 'cause of the impertinence of having a good time so soon after her father's passing. She then puts her most solemn face on and tells Natalie that laughing in the movie theater was her way of letting go of some of the pain of losing her father...and that she realized it was A-OK to get on with her life. Jo enters the communal bedroom to bring Blair a bottle of Perrier and invite her to join the party. Blair asks her why the world seems to have turned on its ass since last season, then complains about how unpopular she is among her Langley peers. Jo concedes that that's definitely true, and Blair sadly acknowledges, "They hate me." Jo points out that no one at Langley knows her well enough to hate her, but then immediately reverses herself on that when she chides Blair for always putting on airs and being an obnoxious bossy boots. She urges Blair to just be herself, loosen up, and not give a hoot about what people think of her. Blair mulls that over, decides to give her advice a try, and agrees to join the party [in the non-party outfit she currently has on]. By this point, the party has degenerated into a boring-as-fuck talent show, and one of the guests is demonstrating magic card tricks with Tootie as his assistant. Blair offers to demonstrate her ventriloquist skills (er, OK..?), then pulls Jo onto her lap (mmm hmm) and pulls her ponytail every time she ventriloquizes whatever "Jo" is saying. As everyone claps and waxes on about how impressed they are with Blair's secret skill, Natalie gets in the game and says she'd like to demonstrate her ability to play music using water glasses. As she sets up for that, Blair pulls Jo aside and warmly tells her she knows how to throw one helluva great party. Bravo, Jo! Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Mrs. Garrett informs the Facts gals that she signed them up to enter a float in the upcoming Founder's Day parade in the hopes of generating publicity for Edna's Edibles. When Jo grumbles about how much she hates parades (along with everything in general), Tootie tells her that no one should hate a parade and that it'll be soooo fun for the five of them to work together as they decide how they're going to construct their float. Natalie suggests they make an edible float made of the more decorative type edibles in the store, and Mrs. Garrett says she looooooves that idea and squeals, "You're a genius!" Blair suggests they feature a float queen - Miss Edibles - and have this ethereal creature ride atop the float in a ballgown and tiara...and naturally volunteers herself for the honor. Jo grouchily tells her to not assume that anyone wants her to be crowned Miss Edibles without first earning the title, then says they should put it to a vote among the customers. Natalie gets a phone call from her Aunt Betty...and after gabbling obliviously about the edible float that she and the rest of the Facts gals are starting to plan, she stops talking, scrunches her face concernedly, and goes, "Is something wrong?" ... then a few seconds later cries, "Wha-at?!!" In the next scene, Tootie, Blair, and Jo are in their communal bedroom, getting dressed in their dressiest dark clothing to attend Natalie's father's funeral. Tootie moans about how shocked she is that Dr. Green kicked the bucket after a sudden heart attack, not least 'cause he seemed fine when she visited the Green household with Natalie a few weeks ago. Jo tells her that a lot of deaths play out like that...and when Tootie rails about how unfair it is to lose a parent before he has the chance to grow old, Jo's like, "Yeah, whatever. We really need to get going now", and quickly ushers her out the door before she can continue her sadness fueled tirade. After the (off camera) funeral, the Facts gals arrive at the Green residence to continue mourning with Natalie, Mama Green, and Grandma Mona. Tootie wrings her hands about not knowing what to say to the Greens, and then they all give Natalie a hug and express their condolences. Natalie, who's strangely upbeat in this scene, remarks to Jo that she thought the funeral service was totes awesome, and Jo politely concurs. Tootie wonders aloud why there are no flowers in the apartment, so Jo explains that the Jewish custom of "sitting shiva" means that during the mourning period there are no flowers, music, TV, or mirrors allowed. Blair gasps in horror at that last thing. As guests continue to drop by with large plates of food, Natalie ambles over to where the Facts gals are milling around and urges them to eat something. She sadly says it feels like her dad is going to come home any minute, then spacily wanders over to the kitchen. Jo and Blair stare after her concernedly and agree that they're very worried about their friend. Mrs. Garrett chats with Grandma Mona about the challenges of raising sons, blah blah. Mona moans about how much it sucks to outlive her son, then decides she'd like to zone out and go lay down for awhile. When Natalie again urges Tootie to eat something, Tootie loses her marbles and shrieks, "You're taking care of everybody! Who's going to take care of you?!" When the other mourners glance over at her with WTF? expressions, Tootie tears up and moans about how horrible it must be to lose a parent so unexpectedly. Natalie remains stoic and chances the subject by suggesting they use decorative looking bread rolls (like the kind someone brought for the mourners) on their Founder's Day float. As Tootie grunts something unintelligible, Blair tells Natalie she's been admiring the lovely artwork throughout the apartment...and the two wander off to closely view an original something-or-other in the next room. Mama Green introduces Natalie and the other Facts gals to Dr. Perkins, a young doctor who considered Natalie's father to be his mentor. Mama Green offers to gift him her husband's vintage leather briefcase - 'cause what the hell's she going to do with it now that he's dead? - but as she heads to the bedroom to retrieve it, Natalie looks visibly miffed and follows her. Natalie tells her mom she objects to the giving away of her father's treasured possessions - but Mama Green says she's not interested in holding onto his stuff, 'cause she doesn't want to prevent herself from moving on. Natalie tears up and wails, "He had no right to leave us like this!" and tearfully asks what she's going to do without him. Mama Green hugs her and assures her that everything will be A-OK by the time the next episode airs. Tootie, meanwhile, is beating herself up about how many times she's stuck her foot in her mouth this episode...and Mrs. Garrett's like, "Um, d'yuh", but then throws her a bone and adds, "The important thing is that you're here." As Mrs. Garrett fixes Mama Green and Mona something to eat, Blair, Jo, and Tootie hug Natalie goodbye and wish her godspeed with swiftly getting through the mourning process. Tootie scrunches her face miserably and says she wants Natalie to come back to Eastland so everything can be the way it was prior to this episode...and Natalie just tears up and stares back at her in mute incredulity. Or maybe I was just projecting my incredulity onto her expression 'cause somehow Tootie still hasn't gotten a clue that Dr. Green's sudden demise isn't solely about what an inconvenience it is to her. Jo assures Natalie she won't always feel this bad, and Natalie says, "I'll take your word for that" ... and this is where the writers decided to abruptly end the episode. Thanks for that depressing installment, writers. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Mrs. Garrett is sitting at the dining table playing solitaire when Jo comes over and asks her where everyone is and when dinner will be ready. Mrs. Garrett just shrugs and absently mutters, "Dunno", so Jo ambles over to the store part of the set, where the rest of the Facts gals and a group of extras have been waiting to yell Surprise! to congratulate her for getting elected to Langley College's board of regents. As everyone cries, "Speech! Speech! Speech!", Jo promises everyone that she'll be the best darn regent Langley has ever seen...then promptly loses everyone's attention when she drones on way too long about all the lofty goals she imagines she'll accomplish at board meetings. When Jo arrives at her first board meeting, she's less than thrilled to run into her fellow schoolmate, Boots. St. Clair. Boots introduces Jo to Steve Garland, captain of the football team, who tells Jo he has no strong opinions about anything budget or issue related and generally falls in line behind the board chair, Ward Beaumont. When the meeting convenes, Ward holds a vote on whether or not they should terminate the college's microbiology department (!)...and the motion is quickly passed when everyone (but Jo) swiftly votes aye. With that settled, Jo tries to steer the discussion toward the recent increase of the student activity fee, but Ward tells her that that item isn't on the agenda. Jo ignores the rules of order and insists that the fee is much too high, so a different board member explains that it needs to be that high 'cause the money is used to maintain the student union building. Jo moves on to her second personal agenda item - recent cuts to the scholarship fund - and Ward explains that scholarship money is always the first thing to get axed when other expenses come up, then gets weirdly excited when he announces that a rich donor named Duke Patterson is giving the college 500K for a new scoreboard. Jo perks up and is all, "Perfect! We can just use that money for the scholarship fund!", but Ward tells her that Duke specifically wants his money to be allocated to an overpriced scoreboard the college really doesn't need, then waxes on about how much the students are going to loooooove seeing the fancy scoreboard all lit up during the next home football game. Jo snaps, "They won't care!", and a visibly irked Ward steers the meeting back to its original agenda. Over at Edna's Edibles, Tootie and Natalie, who have just been appointed coordinators of Jo's busy communications committee, are working the phones and scheduling her many public engagements. A few seconds later, Jo and Blair return home with two volunteers, and the four of them are bellyaching about the inhumanity of Langley College accepting money from a rich donor who insists that his cash be spent on a new scoreboard. Jo decides she needs to summon her growing group of ardent followers for a raucous rally, name-drops herself when she calls up the person who's in charge of room bookings, and bellows at no one in particular that she expects the college newspaper editor to reprint the latest issue so it includes the details of her rally...and she does all this as Mrs. Garrett scrunches her face in dismay. When Jo rails about how ass backwards wrong it is for the college to be wasting valuable resources on a stupid scoreboard, Mrs. Garrett reminds her that she has to work with these people, and that they probably don't appreciate her self-righteously haughty 'tude. Natalie and Tootie are making signs for the anti-scoreboard protest when Jo and her volunteers return, grumbling about how the school paper just published an editorial "hatchet job" on all of the protesting activities her public dissent has invoked. Jo looks over the signs that Natalie and Tootie spent the day cobbling together, scrunches her face irritably, and bitchily snaps at them for not making the kind of signs she had specifically asked for. As Natalie and Tootie stare dejectedly into space, Mrs. Garrett hustles them over to the store part of the set so she can admonish Jo for her cunty, unappreciative treatment of her friends. Jo glowers unapologetically into space - just as Blair bursts into the room to proudly announce that she got five hundred signatures for the anti-scoreboard petition. An unimpressed Jo tells her that petitions are wimpy, and that she's more into the idea of carrying out bold actions that demonstrate the kind of 'I don't take no shit' resolve she brings to the table. As Blair stares back at her in bewilderment, Mrs. Garrett informs Jo that three very large young men have just entered the store and are demanding to talk to her. The three large men - Steve Garland and two others - are Langley football players who are concerned that Jo has been interfering with the annual donations they always get from Duke Patterson. Jo tells them that she and her followers are pissed off that Duke Patterson's donations disproportionately benefit the football team, then dismissively tells them they should forget about getting a new scoreboard. When she mocks them for being stereotypically stupid jocks, the players get upset and start rumbling with Jo's male volunteers, and Tootie snaps photographs of the spectacle. As the anti-scoreboard protest heats up the next day, Blair warns Jo that someone trashed the football players' locker room and that there's been a dramatic rise in on-campus rumbles. Ward emerges from the boardroom to inform Jo that Duke Patterson has agreed to fund a less expensive scoreboard and allocate 100K towards the scholarship fund...then looks as though he expects this to be the end of all the pesky protesting. Jo mulls that over for a few seconds, then scrunches her face in displeasure and snaps, "But it's still a scoreboard!" She riles up her idiot followers by chanting, "No scoreboard! No scoreboard!" ... and when she shoots Ward a smug grin, he glares back at her in miffed exasperation. Jo convenes with the other board members, who are visibly displeased by all the on-campus rumbling that Jo's been inciting. Jo barks about how obscene it is for a struggling fictional college to be spending so much money on a new scoreboard, then says that the rumbling will come to an immediate stop if the board votes to refuse Duke Patterson's money. Another board member wearily agrees to second the motion, and then everyone gets up and unhappily exits the room. Ward hangs back and wryly tells Jo she won...but that once all the anti-scoreboard chanting dies down, she's going to have to explain to her brainless supporters why she turned down 100K for the scholarship fund. He grunts, "See you at the next board meeting" and Jo stares after him with a stricken expression. Blair enters the board room and asks Jo why in blazes she would turn down 100K in scholarship funds. Jo weakly says she didn't want the college to be stuck with a new scoreboard, and Blair's like, "So what if they were?" and admonishes her for being so drunk with power that it didn't occur to her that her followers probably would have been A-OK with a new scoreboard if it meant getting a large infusion of cash for scholarships. Jo stares miserably into space and says she doesn't know what to doooooo...so Blair advises her to admit how badly she screwed the pooch, then risk humiliation by asking Ward Beaumont for a re-vote so they can get the scholarship funds back. Jo stares back at her sheepishly, then makes her way towards the hallway, where her dumbfuck supporters can still be heard chanting, "No scoreboard! No scoreboard!". LOL. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Jo grumbles at Blair and Mrs. Garrett about how much she hates Winter Carnival, 'cause it means they'll be on their feet all weekend waiting tables. Mrs. Garrett points out that it's a good way for them to cash in on bigger tips than usual, but Jo's like, "Whatever" and bellyaches about how Tootie and Natalie managed to worm their way out of the ordeal. Blair reminds her that Tootie's cousin Michael is in town this weekend to check out Langley College...and Natalie decided to tag along with them and drag along her boyfriend Harvey, who everyone thinks is a dullard of cartoonish proportions. Blair tries to coach a scowling Jo on how to be a waitress with a more cheerful disposition - just as Tootie (+ boyfriend Jeff), Natalie (+ boyfriend Harvey), and Michael enter the store. Harvey bores everyone with tales of his sinus problems before rushing off to find more tissue, and Jeff shakes his head in bewilderment and asks Natalie whassup with her wanting to hang out with someone so dull-as-fuck. Michael gets in on that action and invites Natalie out for dinner, and she decides that since Harvey's out of commission with his nose problems, she's free for the evening. Natalie and Michael return to the residence part of Edna's Edibles after their dinner date...and Michael gabbles about Langley college, and tells her that his parents really really want him to major in economics, even though he's much more interested in history. Natalie says that college should be [an expensive source of] fun, then breezily urges him to only make life choices that bring him happiness. Michael stares at her in wonderment as if he's never heard this type of sentiment expressed, gushingly says, "You're really something", then tells her he should prolly get going if he's going to catch his train back to NYC. He thanks her for showing him around Peekskill, gives her a chaste peck on the cheek, and heads out. A few seconds later, Tootie bounds downstairs to ask how the date went, and Natalie says it wasn't so much a date as it was a friendly dinner with her friend's cousin, and leaves it at that. The next day, Blair declares that she's officially sick of Winter Carnival - but an uncharacteristically perky Jo says she's sorry to see it end 'cause of all the extra tips she's been getting. When she asks Blair how much in tips she's earned, Blair has to sheepishly admit that they only add up to six dollars...and everyone chuckles light-heartedly at her expense. This seems like a subplot that maybe should have ended up on the editing room floor. Michael calls and asks to talk to Natalie...and Tootie nosily eavesdrops on the call and gets miffed when Natalie declines an invitation for another outing with Michael and fibs about how busy she is this weekend. Tootie asks her what gives about rejecting her cousin with such a vague excuse, and Natalie says he invited her to a dance in Manhattan and that she turned him down 'cause it's too much of a hassle to travel into the city. When Tootie shoots her a seriously? face, she screeches, "I don't have to explain it to you! I know what you're thinking!" ... and when Tootie continues to stare at her with her face scrunched disapprovingly, she snaps, "Fine!" and grabs the phone receiver and calls Michael back to tell him she'd love to go to the dance after all. The next day, Natalie and Tootie regard each other coldly as they go about their work in Edna's Edibles...and when Mrs. Garrett asks whassup with all the frostiness between the two, Jo explains that Tootie is irked about Natalie dating her cousin. Jo implores Mrs. Garrett to forbid Natalie from seeing Michael anymore - but Mrs. Garrett refuses to stick her nose where it doesn't belong, including initiating any kind of one-on-one, let's all put on our most serious faces type chats. Jo snaps at Natalie to come out of the kitchen, barks at her to quit dating Michael 'cause of all the narrow minded people that exist in the world, and nonsensically warns that where she comes from (the Bronx), anyone who dares date outside their race gets their heads kicked in. Natalie mulls that over, says she needs to get back to her baking now, and disappears into the kitchen. Blair tells Jo she totally gets what she's trying to say, 'cause she knows first hand how racist her snooty country club friends can be...then just kind of throws up her hands as if to say, "Whaddya gonna do?" LOL. Michael calls Mrs. Garrett to give her a head's up that he's planning to send Natalie flowers 'cause he heard she was in the hospital suffering from tonsillitis. Natalie grabs the phone, assures Michael she's fine...then screeches, "Tootie!" and races upstairs to give her friend the what-for. Natalie bursts into the bedroom where Tootie is pretending to study and demands an explanation about her alleged tonsillitis. Tootie says she made up the excuse 'cause she knows that deep down she really doesn't actually want to go out with Michael...and that she's only been accepting his invitations 'cause she wanted to come across as a liberal person. Natalie insists she is a liberal and that her parents raised her to be polite to all the black maids they ever hired to clean their apartment, and that her father made it a point to hire a black receptionist to sit at the front desk of his medical office. Tootie refrains from smacking her for what I can only call boneheaded, wholly-out-of-character-for-Natalie observations and says that these are just gestures that white people like to do, mostly for show. Natalie chews on that for a few seconds and sheepishly admits that, yep, she's pretty sure her mom wouldn't be overly thrilled if she brought home a black boyfriend, and Tootie's like, "Well, d'yuh" and points out that lots of black mothers wouldn't be overly thrilled if their son brought home a white girlfriend...and that she kinda shared that sentiment when her cousin began showing an interest in a white girl, even when that white girl was her best friend. Natalie calls this conversation depressing and says she never figured herself for such a brazen bigot, and Tootie sullenly replies, "Me too." Natalie points out that if she and Michael had the same skin color, no one would even be contemplating about where the relationship was going. Tootie urges Natalie to take things one step at a time...and by one step at a time, she means that the Facts writers are less interested in portraying an authentic courtship between two people who happen to not have the same skin color as they are in quickly crossing off interracial dating from their 'issues of the day' to do list so they can switch gears and focus on a completely unrelated topic in the next episode. Natalie marvels about the fact that she's having a conversation about being prejudiced with someone who's black...even though she couldn't imagine having this conversation with anyone else. Tootie concurs and says she thinks of her as her best friend, not specifically a white person...and the studio audience is cued to clap at the awkward silence that follows, where the writers decided to end this wretched episode. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: When the Edna's Edibles boiler starts making loud banging noises, Mrs. Garrett decides it's time to call in a real plumber and not rely on Jo to fix mechanical stuff she has no business pretending she knows how to fix. Blair sweeps in and announces that she scored second row Baryshnikov tickets...and Natalie and Tootie squeal excitedly at the prospect of seeing their favorite male ballerina up close, while Jo contorts her face with distaste at all the money Blair shelled out for the tickets. As Mrs. Garrett browses through the yellow pages to find a plumber, Jo insists she fixed the boiler as expertly as she recently fixed the hot water heater, and thinks the underlying issue is "air in the pipes". She begs for another chance to look into the boiler's banging issues, but Mrs. Garrett mumbles, "No way in hell" while continuing to browse the yellow pages. As Tootie covers the store, an impossibly cute little blonde boy named Danny Slater ambles in, prompting the studio audience to coo, "Awwwwww.." the way '80s sitcom studio audiences were programmed to do whenever sweet-faced tots were forcibly interjected into storylines. Danny and Tootie exchange cute banter, discuss their mutual interest in Morse code, and he tells her he's a latchkey kid who has to hang out alone every day after school in the apartment he shares with his mom (atop the real estate office next door). Tootie contorts her face all indignant-like and snarkishly asks, "You mean your negligent mother leaves you home alone every day after school?", and he's like, "Uh, yeah..?" and shows her the house key that's attached to his pants with a little retractable pulley thing. Upstairs in the communal bedroom, Natalie is staring lovingly at her framed, black and white photograph of Baryshnikov, telling it she'll be with him soon, blowing him kisses from the audience. Jo rolls her eyes in her usual 'I hate everything' manner and says she couldn't be any less interested in watching a grown man prance around in his underwear. Tootie bursts into the room to announce that Danny is signalling her [for help with his homework] in Morse code 'cause he's not allowed to answer the telephone unless his mother calls using "the signal". She moans about the inhumanity of Danny having to sit alone in an empty apartment until his mother comes home from work - but Jo says it's really not that big a deal, and that she too was a latchkey kid while being raised in the Bronx by her hard-done-by waitress mom. Mrs. Garrett enters the room, prefaces what she's about to tell them with, "Don't freak out, but.." and explains that she called the gas company after the stench of gas in the boiler room became overwhelming...and after the gas company people came and looked into it, they told her it's possible that the entire building (and/or block) could blow up at any moment. The Facts gals shriek in terror, then run around the room like headless chickens in a panic to grab their most treasured valuables (Blair: entire wardrobe, Natalie: framed photograph of Misha). Jo tells Mrs. Garrett she plans to stick around and try to sort out the gas problem herself - but Mrs. Garrett warns that if she doesn't get the hell out this instant, she's going to start screeching uncontrollably in her unbearably screechy voice while beating her with a frying pan. The camera then pans over to Tootie, who suddenly looks alarmed and cries in the annoying hysterical way she cries whenever she finds herself affected by a Facts-manufactured crisis, "We have to get Danny out! He's home alone! No one knows he's in there!" And Mrs. Garrett's like, "Holy fucking egads, Tootie! Let's rush over there right now and do our best to save the hapless boy!" Mrs. Garrett goes to the building next door, knocks on Danny's door, and tells him he has to leave with her right now 'cause of an emergency - but Danny refuses to open the door 'cause of the hundreds of times his mother warned him to never open the door to strangers. A few seconds later, Tootie bounds into the building and implores Danny to come out 'cause he get hurt really badly if he stays behind...and Danny opens the door and casually says, "Hi, Tootie." Tootie sanctimoniously points out to Mrs. Garrett that Danny opening the door for her is the payoff for her (and no one else's) efforts in cultivating a trust-based friendship with the latchkey tot...and Mrs. Garrett somehow refrains from telling her where she can shove her self-aggrandizing sermon and focus on helping her get Danny out of harm's way. An hour later, the neighborhood gets the all clear that the gas leak crisis has been resolved. Phew! Blair returns to Edna's Edibles with her wardrobe, while Natalie clutches Misha's photograph and natters endlessly about how she just cheated death. Mrs. Garrett tells her to stuff a sock in it and do something useful, like take Danny out for some ice cream so he has something fun to do until his mom comes by to pick him up. The plumber informs Mrs. Garrett that he fixed the banging boiler, along with the water heater Jo pooched when she tinkered with it. He then explains to everyone that, easy as it would be to believe that Jo's incompetence was the cause of the gas leak, a nearby road crew was the culprit when they unwittingly broke a gas line. A worried looking Jean Smart rushes into Edna's Edibles, identifies herself as Danny Slater's mother, and asks where her son is. Mrs. Garrett assures her that Danny is fine, and that he's enjoying an ice cream treat with one of the Facts gals. She offers to go get him, then rushes out...and Tootie contorts her face in a judgey expression and tells Jean Smart she met Danny when he came into the store one day, struck up a conversation with her, and told her how he spends his after school time alone in their apartment. Jean Smart gets defensive and says this doesn't mean she's, in any way, mistreating her son, but Tootie haughtily retorts, "Well, no...you're not around enough!" Jean Smart, who somehow feels the need to explain herself to this holier-than-thou twit, explains that she has to work full time in order to stay off of welfare - and Tootie says she doesn't care about the real world predicaments of adults who struggle to make ends meet and rails about how dangerous it is to leave a little kid home alone. Jean Smart says that's exactly why she's drummed it into her kid's head that he's not supposed to answer the phone or open the door to strangers, and Tootie snaps, "That didn't work well today!" then suggests she find [free?] daycare, or leave Danny with a friend who's conveniently home every weekday afternoon and would be happy to babysit. Jean Smart says she's new to Peekskill and that it's not easy making friends, then chides Tootie for not showing up at her door in a Welcome Wagon capacity when she and Danny first moved in. Tootie deflects blame by snappishly pointing out that no one even knew that she and Danny were living next door 'cause she didn't think to stop by the neighborhood bakery and make a grand announcement to the staff regarding hers and Danny's arrival in Peekskill...'cause, yeah, that wouldn't have been weird. Mrs. Garrett brings Danny back to Edna's Edibles, and Jean Smart lets out a relieved cry and hugs her tiny son. Danny explains that he only left the apartment after Tootie warned him he might get hurt if he stayed behind...and Jean Smart assures him it's A-OK, then reluctantly thanks Tootie for potentially saving her son. As she turns to leave, Tootie's bitchitude subsides and she says she'd be glad to look in on Danny in the afternoons, seeing as how they're neighbors and all...and Jean Smart nods in agreement - while whoever's in charge of the studio audience applause meter take a few seconds too long to cue the applause sign before the camera freezes and the end credits appear. Awkward. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! |
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