Recap: Jo and Blair are on campus, bickering like an old married couple, and Blair finally says she doesn't have time to continue arguing about arguing 'cause she has a class to get to. Jo's like 'whatevs' and heads to the nearby computer lab and sits at a workstation, where she commiserates to the computer about all the squabbling she's been doing with Blair lately. The computer introduces itself as Steve and instructs her to turn on the voice activation feature so she can drone on about her non-hetero relationship issues. Jo tells Steve she really just wants him to provide her with a printout stating that, in all matters, she's right and Blair's wrong - but Steve says that before he's willing to do that, he's going to need her to give him a full assessment of why she feels that way. Steve is definitely far more advanced than any computer operating system I ever thought existed in 1984. Or any decade since. Flashback.. Jo answers the phone and is asked by whoever's on the other end to pass along a message to Blair that 1) the basketball team will be practicing in the gym today, and 2) the Helen of Troy contest that Blair entered has been rescheduled. Jo looks around for a pencil to jot all that down, but can't find one...and promptly forgets about the messages when she gets distracted by Tootie and Natalie. They tell her they didn't get around to buying Blair the Damn Yankees movie poster she wanted them to pick up from the bookstore, so Jo says she'll head over there now and see if it's still available. In the next scene, Jo returns home and reports that the Damn Yankees poster was sold...and that she's off to class and then volleyball practice. Later.. As Jo, Natalie, and Tootie watch TV, Tootie blames Natalie for not buying Blair's poster when she had the chance...and Natalie somehow refrains from reminding her that she too was at the bookstore and had every opportunity to buy the dumb thing herself. Mrs. Garrett scrunches her face worriedly and says they should probably not mention any of this to Blair, and Natalie just rolls her eyes and says she has no idea why they're making such a big deal out of a sold out movie poster. Blair bursts into the room, looking dirty, crumpled, and disheveled in her Helen of Troy costume. She says that when she went to the gym to enter the contest, she was wrestled to the floor by Louis the Lion (aka the basketball team's mascot). Jo sheepishly confesses that she forgot to give her the message about the Helen of Troy contest being postponed...and as Blair shoots her the stink-eye, Natalie and Tootie insist it was nothing more than a misunderstanding. Back at the computer lab.. Steve asks Jo if she purposely forgot to give Blair the phone messages 'cause she secretly wanted to push her buttons...and Jo insists it was an honest mistake - but that she's refusing to grovel to Blair for forgiveness. Flashback.. Jo bangs on the bathroom door and yells at Blair to finish her shower 'cause she has to leave for a meeting in five minutes. Blair emerges a few seconds later and sweetly says, "It's all yours", then gleefully tells Natalie that she ran the hot water for hours so it'd run out by the time Jo needed a shower...and Natalie somehow refrains from wondering aloud how understanding Mrs. Garrett is going to be about the expensive water bill she's about to get slapped with. Downstairs, Mrs. Garrett and Tootie are doing their best to repair Blair's damaged Helen of Troy costume when three Langley guys arrive to pick up Jo for the Student Council meeting ...which seems like an overly contrived reason for three strange men to suddenly be in their residence, but OK. Blair purposely misdirects them to the bathroom upstairs...and Jo's all, "Ack!!" when they walk in on her showering. Back at the computer lab.. Jo tells Steve that Blair deliberately sent the three Langley guys to the bathroom to cause her maximum embarrassment, but luckily the shower curtain effectively hid her naughties. When she says she was determined to get even with Blair, Steve chides her thirst for revenge and reminds her that anger never accomplishes anything. Flashback.. Jo is so embarrassed by the shower incident that she refuses to go out in public without walking in a hunched over manner with a baseball cap atop her head. Mrs. Garrett reminds her that none of the guys actually saw any naked part of her, and Tootie concurs and implores her to kiss and make up with Blair. Jo agrees to call a truce - right after she gets even for the shower incident - just as the phone rings. Whoever's on the other end tells Jo that the Helen of Troy contest is taking place tonight - not in the gym, but in the auditorium - and Jo promises to pass along the message to Blair. Back at the computer lab.. Steve is all, "Fuuuuuuuuuuuck..." and tells Jo he finds all this tit-for-tat talk a relentless bore...and that if she doesn't wrap up this bitchfest soon, he'll have no choice but to force quit whatever application they're using and power himself down. Flashback.. Blair returns home, looking as dirty and disheveled in her Helen of Troy costume as she was earlier - after a second attack by Louis the Lion in the gym (aka where she thought the Helen of Troy contest was being held). It remains unclear why no one on the basketball team thinks to direct her to the correct venue whenever she stumbles upon their practices, or why a mascot is being given free license to violently attack whatever female student happens to cross his path. Jo insists that she left a note on her bed soon after she took the phone message, then tries to get the other Facts gals to vouch for her...but they're skeptical that Jo wasn't seeking revenge for the embarrassing shower incident. Blair glares at Jo, says she didn't see any note atop her bed, and vows to continue their tedious cycle of revenge-wreaking. Blair is sitting on the couch, chortling evilly as she jots down prospective revenge-against-Jo ideas. When she exits the room, Natalie asks Jo if she isn't wary of what Blair could be plotting, and Jo grumbles that she couldn't care less what nefariousness the twit has in the works. Back at the computer lab.. Jo tells Steve that Blair never actually did anything in response to the Helen of Troy debacle, and that she still wants him to print something out that states she's right, while Blair is wrong. Steve asks what exactly her relationship with Blair is...and Jo scrunches her face contemplatively for a few seconds before saying, "We're sort of friends." Steve says he highly doubts that, 'cause friends forgive each other for mishaps and refrain from constantly plotting revenge against each other. He then adds that since neither party seems willing to admit their guilt, the only thing he can recommend is to sever the relationship, then sends that in writing to the nearby dot matrix printer. Bravo and amen to that, Steve. Jo's all, "Wha-a-a-a?", takes the printout, and steps into the hall where she sees an animated looking Blair ambling down the hall with a group of her classmates. Jo smiles after her before crumpling up the printout and tossing it into the nearest trash can. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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Recap: Blair is reading aloud from the Langley College course calendar as she selects the classes she wants to sign up for in the upcoming semester. She says she's very interested in a new course called Gimme Shakespeare, which is taught by a weirdo named Professor Ryan who dresses up like Shakespearean characters and is known for his outside-the-box type teaching methods. Jo says that she too is signing up for that class (shocker) and gushes about how much she loooooves Shakespeare...and Mrs. Garrett stares dreamily into space and says her bucket list includes reading all of Shakespeare's plays, and adds that she's been toying with the idea of going back to school and getting a degree in English literature. The Facts gals urge her to live out her dream of obtaining a post-secondary school education, and Jo suggests she take the first step by signing up for Gimme Shakespeare with her and Blair. Mrs. Garrett points out that she can't just abandon Edna's Edibles...but when Natalie and Tootie promise to pitch in more so she can devote lots of time for study, she mulls that over before shrieking, "I'll dooooooo it!", and everyone's all, "Hurray!" Mrs. Garrett is in the registration line for Gimme Shakespeare with Jo and Blair, worrying aloud that she may have rushed into her return to college. When Jo gets the last available registration card for the class, Mrs. Garrett looks almost relieved and says it's a sign that she wasn't meant to take the class...but a few seconds later, some random student tells the registration clerk that she accidentally received two registration cards - and Blair snatches the superfluous card out of the clerk's hands, passes it along to Mrs. Garrett, and smugly tells her that this is a sign it was meant to be. Incidentally, this seems like a truly bizarre registration process for college classes, since it doesn't look like the clerk is even recording the names of the students enrolling - but then I'm a recapper not a fictional college matriculation expert. On Day 1 of Gimme Shakespeare, Professor Ryan gabbles at the class about his unorthodox teaching methods, and Mrs. Garrett somehow decides it's the perfect time to stand up and giddily tell him how excited she is to be in his class. He gives her an incredulous you shittin' me? look, then rolls his eyes before wryly thanking her for sharing. He then shifts into over-animated gear and frenetically divides up the class into two teams - the Capulets and the Montagues - and starts firing random questions about Romeo and Juliet at everyone, Family Feud style. When he lobs a question at Mrs. Garrett, she blanks out and stares cluelessly into space...and when the impatient professor gives up getting an answer out of her, she stares despondently into space while the scene somberly fades to black for a commercial break. Natalie complains to Tootie about having to put in so many extra hours at the store, and Tootie tells her to stop whining and get on board with her creative initiative of making pastries in the shape of wild animals. Jo and Blair return from class, chuckling about "how cute" Mrs. Garrett was during Gimme Shakespeare...then explain to Natalie and Tootie that the entire class was amused about her adorable lack of knowledge of all things pop culture. Mrs. Garrett enters the store a few seconds later and snappishly retorts that she wasn't trying to be cute, then announces that she's heading upstairs to study. Late that evening, Mrs. Garrett is sitting at a table in Edna's Edibles, poring over Romeo and Juliet. Her narrated inner thoughts reveal how nervous she is about tomorrow's oral quiz, questions her tendency to overdress for class and accessorize with an outdated pearl necklace, and her desperate quest to ace Gimme Shakespeare. The next day, Professor Ryan barks questions at the class about Romeo and Juliet. Mrs. Garrett answers by reciting a direct quote from the play - just before her pearl necklace gives way and the pearls spill across the floor. As she gathers the pearls in total mortification, Professor Ryan tells her to focus less on memorizing Shakespeare and more on understanding the meaning of his words...and she takes her seat, contorting her face into a crestfallen expression as she once again stares despondently into space. Later, at Edna's Edibles, Mrs. Garrett tells Tootie and Natalie to stop making pastries in the shape of animals, then bitches about the overpriced bill they just blindly accepted from the freezer repair man. She then starts railing about the real reason she's upset: she feels like a joke whenever she's in class, can't relate to Professor Ryan's stupid teaching methods, and hates that she doesn't understand pop culture references from the kids today. Blair and Jo assure Mrs. Garrett that she'll feel better about the class in a few weeks, and that sticking it out is worth it if an English degree is something she wants to accomplish. Mrs. Garrett says she hates doubting herself, feels like a total idiot in class, and has sadly come to the realization that she waited too long to to back to college. Jo points out that losing confidence in oneself can happen at any age and urges her to give herself the chance to succeed...but then backpedals and adds that she should just do whatever makes her happy. As Jo and Blair sit [extremely closely!] at a table together and read aloud the last scene of Macbeth, Mrs. Garrett gets a dreamy, wistful look on her face. She ambles over to join the gals for the impromptu study session - I guess signalling that she just reversed her decision from less than a minute ago to drop out - and the three grin stupidly at each other. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: Jo is hanging in a diner with a group of fellow Langley students, along with their photography teacher: a cheese-tastic dork named Sam Hall. Eventually, the students disperse - except for Jo - who finds herself alone with Sam as he natters about photography being an awesomely artistic experience. The camera fades out as the two lose track of time chatting...and two hours later, when the check comes, Sam gets out his wallet and offers to pay for their lunch. Jo argues that he shouldn't be paying for their non-date lunch, and Sam's like, "Of course this wasn't a date. I don't date my students" ... but as the two mull over the definition of a date, neither can deny that what they've doing in this diner for the last three hours seems pretty darn near close to being a date. Natalie tells Mrs. Garrett, Tootie, and Blair that something has been up with Jo lately, namely that she's been on the phone every night while barricading herself inside the closet. Blair says there's a rumor going around campus that Jo is dating her photography teacher, and Mrs. Garrett lightly shrieks, "Wha-a-a-a-a?!" and asks if the college doesn't have rules against that sort of thing (uh, right?). Blair just shrugs and says he's not a full on professor, but rather a thirtysomething TA - just as a radiant looking Jo bursts into the store and says she's soooooo jazzed to learn that a museum Sam recently gushed to her about is located just down the street from Edna's Edibles. Mrs. Garrett gently asks if she and/or the other Facts gals should be concernedly interjecting themselves into her love life, but Jo assures her that there's nothing going on that the writers won't tidily resolve by the time the end credits roll. A few seconds later, Sam enters the store, gets introduced to everyone by Jo, and lays it on thick about the awesome aroma of Mrs. Garrett's freshly baked croissants. He then tells Jo he's going to suggest they do something tomorrow she's never done - go horseback riding - and Jo says she's game and is already sure she's going to looooove the new experience. The next day, Jo and Sam are taking a break from horseback riding in the woods, and Jo thanks him for getting her to experience something she never would have done otherwise. She leaps into his arms to give him an awkwardly over-enthusiastic thank you hug...and Sam gets momentarily discombobulated by being leaped upon and suggests they spend a few minutes walking their horses along the trail. At dinner that evening, Jo tells Mrs. Garrett and the gals that Sam invited her to keep him company while he goes into nature to get close-up shots of insects for his Master's thesis. She asks Mrs. Garrett if she wouldn't mind packing a large lunch for them...and the Facts gals giggle and tease her about how much it sounds like a romantic picnic. After staring at a cluster of insects through a camera lens, Sam agrees to take a break to enjoy all the food that Jo brought along for them. She tells him that spending time with him over the last few days has been very special, and Sam shoots her an intense stare before solemnly agreeing. He then tells her to stand in front of a tree 'cause he wants to take her photograph, then ogles her longingly before leaning in for a smooch. Blair braces herself for a mini-confrontation, then enters the Edna's Edibles living room where Jo and Sam are hanging out. She tells them that while they make a lovely couple, there's been a great deal of tittering on campus about the inappropriateness of their relationship, and accusations that Jo's been getting better grades in Sam's photography class than she'd otherwise be getting. Jo gets enraged and insists she's earned whatever grades she's gotten, then rails to Sam about how much she hates the idea of people talking about them. She says he's the best thing that's ever happened to her and doesn't want their icky-to-watch courtship to end, and Sam's like, "Me neither!" and gives her a smooch. Natalie tells Tootie, Blair, and Mrs. Garrett it's been six days since Jo went out with Sam, and that she can only assume the two have broken up. Mrs. Garrett says she thinks it's for the best 'cause of the age difference between the two...and adds that she thinks Jo unwittingly got in over her head. Cue Jo, who breezes into the room, contentedly whistling as she bustles around the store. Mrs. Garrett asks her how she's doing now that she and Sam are broken up...and Jo gives her a funny look and says she didn't break up with Sam, then explains that he hasn't been around lately 'cause he's enjoying some one-on-one time with his seven year old son, Robbie, who's visiting from Chicago. When everyone's all, "Wha-a-a-a-a?? He has a son?!", Jo says that when Sam's wife died, his parenting skills went so defunct he had to send Robbie to live with his parents in Chicago. Sam enters the store and hugs Jo hello, and the two gush about how much they've missed each other. He tells Jo he had a long talk with Robbie, and the two decided that Robbie would live with him in Peekskill from now on...and that he wants the two of them to meet. Jo looks uneasy and says she's not so good with kids - but Sam urges her to take a chance and assures her that Robbie is going to love her. When Jo reluctantly agrees, Sam's all, "Hurray!" and the two exchange I love yous before indulging in another PG smooch. After photography class, Jo nervously awaits Robbie's arrival and practices various greetings (hi, hey, hello). When a tiny, bowl shaped hairdo-ed boy ambles into the room, Sam introduces him to Jo, then is suddenly called away to take a long distance call. After an awkward pause, Jo asks Robbie how he likes his new school, and he tells her he hates it 'cause the other kids have been making fun of him for dribbling a basketball like a girl. Jo borrows his ball to demonstrate the art of the dribble and how to spin it atop her finger, and Robbie's all, "Wowee!" and says he's open to whatever skills she can pass along to him. Mrs. Garrett has declared it Dutch Day at Edna's Edibles, which means that she and the Facts gals are donning traditional Dutch caps and wooden clogs while serving Dutch pastries to their customers. Robbie is hanging out at the shop with Jo, busily painting a windmill...and when Sam arrives to take him and Jo to lunch, Tootie asks them to pose together so she can take a photograph of the three. Tootie sadly tells Natalie that when she took the photo just now, it occurred to her that Jo, Sam, and Robbie look like a family. She glumly predicts that Jo will probably get married and move out of the Edna's Edibles building, meaning she's going to disrupt the show's winning formula of the four of them living under Mrs. Garrett's roof well into adulthood. Jo is hanging out at Sam's place, playing with Robbie and his action figures. Sam announces that it's time for bed, and in his irksome laying-it-on-thick-about-being-an-indulgent-dad fashion gives Robbie a piggyback ride to his bedroom. Once that's done, he joins Jo on the couch and suggests they go to the movies one night this week...and when the two start smooching, Robbie suddenly appears behind the couch, looks unfazed at the sight of them kissing, and impishly says he needs a glass of water. While Sam pours a glass, Robbie reminds him that this Thursday is parent-teacher night at his school, and that he'd really really like it if Jo tagged along. When Jo points out that she's not, uh, his parent, Robbie shrugs unconcernedly while Sam says he rather likes the idea of her stepping into the vacant mom role...and Jo mulls that over and decides 'sure, what could possibly go wrong with setting this precedent?' Several nights later, Jo and Blair are waiting around for Sam to pick up Robbie so they can head over to the college and attend a Gloria Steinem lecture. When the phone rings, it's Sam calling to let Jo know that he's stuck in a faculty meeting that's running a lot later than he expected. Blair rolls her eyes in frustration and asks Jo if Sam couldn't get someone else to babysit his brat, and Jo irritably says that Robbie's her responsibility and urges her to go on to the lecture without her. After Blair leaves, Robbie enters the room carrying his Simon game and asks Jo to play it with him. Jo arrives at Edna's Edibles and explains that she's late for her shift 'cause she had to take Robbie shopping, then to the hairdresser's. Blair says it's not healthy to be doing this kind of stuff for a kid who's not even her stepson, then rails about how the little jerk is starting to take over her life. Jo insists that she loooooves all the time she spends with Robbie, and Blair says she's well aware of how much it likely means to Robbie. She reminds Jo that, when she was the child of divorced parents, she had lots of experience spending time with her mother's various boyfriends...and when a nice one came along, she started to depend on him and hoped to hell he'd stick around for awhile. Jo insists that that won't happen with her and Robbie, and Blair warns her to be very sure 'bout that, 'cause of how easy it is to break a kid's heart. The Facts gals are about to head out to a comedy show (where the performer slices up a watermelon and throws it at the audience - what?) when Sam suddenly bursts in, orders an emergency box of chocolate chip cookies, and tells Jo that Robbie's having an impromptu party with a bunch of his little friends and for some reason expects her to be in attendance. Jo's like, "Uhh, I have plans tonight", and Sam is all, "Wha-a-a-a? Plans?" and scrunches his face in disappointment - even as he half-heartedly urges her to go out and have fun with her friends. As he dejectedly shuffles out of the store, Jo stares after him with a troubled expression on her face. Jo leaves the comedy show early and returns home to have a heart-to-heart with Mrs. Garrett. She moans about being unable to have a good time having watermelon thrown at her 'cause she felt guilty about missing Robbie's party, and also worried about letting Sam down. That said, she complains about how Sam always seems to count on her whenever it comes to Robbie, and credits Mrs. Garrett for her uncharacteristic lack of expressed judgeyness about her jumping head-first into a relationship with a much older man who happens to be a single parent. Mrs. Garrett suggests that perhaps Sam wants something out of this relationship that she doesn't (e.g. co-parenting Robbie) and that he's probably thinking about making their hookup permanent. After photography class, Jo tells Sam they need to talk. Translation: I don't want to be tied down to a thirtysomething dork and constantly get roped into being some spawn's stepmother when I'm only nineteen years old. Sam apologizes for assuming she was free last night and says he's just going to blurt out where he stands in their relationship: ready for marriage! Jo's all, "Ack!!!" and says she's not remotely ready to consider marrying him, despite her love for him. Sam reciprocates her I love you, but agrees to call it a day with their May-December hookup...and Jo gives him a grateful goodbye hug. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: It's Saturday night, and the Facts gals are riding around Peekskill in Blair's fancy car with Jo in the driver's seat. Blair complains about how lame it is to be cruisin' up and down Main Street and would prefer to go to a movie - but Natalie and Tootie are all into the idea of spending an entire mind-numbing episode cruisin' [without the comforting background noise of a live studio audience laugh track] and ask Jo to crank up the radio so they can sing along. Incidentally, this is the first episode we see of Tootie without her braces. Jo says she has no opinion one way or the other about the writers forcing them to spend the episode inside a car and says that in the Bronx, people with nothing better to do ride around the borough at 15 mph. Blair urges Natalie and Tootie to refrain from openly gawking at men with such eager 'we're available for some G rated fun!' expressions, then says that the best way to attract a guy is to appear disinterested. Natalie implores Blair to get into the spirit of their cruisin' - just as Blair spots Cathy, a sorority girl [who harbors a grudge against her for asking out her fiancé to homecoming] and immediately tries to hide herself 'cause she doesn't want Cathy gossiping to anyone that she saw her cruisin' with three gal pals on a Saturday night. Egads! Tootie gets jazzed when the radio DJ announces a contest to win Abba concert tickets and puts out a trivia question. Tootie bellows, "I know the answer to that!" and asks Jo to pull over before she bursts out of the car and scampers to the nearest phone booth. A few seconds later, she glumly returns after not getting through to the radio station quick enough and snarks that since Natalie borrowed her last dime, she had to resort to asking a bum if he had any spare change. Blair continues to bitch about the inanity of aimlessly driving up and down Main Street, and insists on keeping the car windows closed so they can give other motorists the idea that they're aloof and unattainable....and/or in the process of being transported somewhere. Natalie spots a sexy motorcyclist and giddily shares how turned on she is by a man in leather, then opens her window and screeches, "Hey! Do you need directions?!" - but he just speeds away disinterestedly. Blair announces that a car filled with classy guys is pulling up beside them...but has to quickly take that back when the guys pull down their pants for a full mooning. Tootie studies the naked bottoms and cackles, "I think I know that ass!" - LOL - while Jo hits the gas and needlessly runs a red light. After the commercial break, Jo pulls into a drive-in for a snack break. After placing their order, they spot a lonely aging redhead parked next to them...and are all, "Ack!" when they realize it's Mrs. Garrett. They cluck sympathetically about how sad and depressed the old girl must be if she's spending her Saturday night cruisin' around Peekskill. Mrs. Garrett eventually notices them parked next to her, screeches hello, and tells them she just had a great night at the movies...then introduces them to the silver-haired fox she's currently on a date with. He gives the shocked gals a perfunctory nod before climbing into the driver's seat and driving off...and a few seconds later, Blair runs into her sorority nemesis again and is newly embarrassed at being seen cruisin' dateless on Saturday night. When the waitress brings them the bill for the drive-in snacks, the gals suddenly realize they don't have enough cash...and Jo proposes they beat a hasty retreat, and return in the morning to pay up. Jo advises they lay low at a nearby gas station, while Blair worriedly wrings her hands that someone at the drive-in got their license plate and is calling the cops. Tootie gabbles about about badly she wants to participate in the radio contest and starts singing along to You've Lost That Loving Feeling when it starts playing. Blair joins in and stares yearningly at Jo as the two belt out the lyrics together. Mmm hmm.. Tootie scrambles out of the car to try to be the tenth caller in the radio contest, but returns dejectedly when the phone in the nearest booth turns out to be broken. Jo pretends she can't start the car and says the battery must have drained...and Natalie starts freaking out about being trapped in the middle of nowhere - until Tootie calms her down with a face smack. Jo chuckles and says she was just messing with them, and starts up the engine to aimlessly drive somewhere else. [Holy fucking shit, writers.] Blair lets out a sigh and says she was hoping to meet someone special while cruisin'. Jo tells her she once met a guy while cruisin' in the Bronx...and by met, she means she admired his Trans Am before he took a hard turn off the cruisin' loop and drove off into the night. When Blair suggests they throw in the towel on this wretched boredom and head home, Natalie begs for one more lap around Main Street - just as the radio DJ gives Tootie a shout-out for being the night's most persistent caller. Even though, according to my calculations, she was only able to get through to the radio station once. Tootie shrieks happily, which is where this bizarre episode abruptly ends. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Mrs. Garrett bustles into the store carrying a tray of freshly baked croissants for a hungry crowd of coupon clutching customers, who are rudely demanding their free croissant. When the entire croissant batch get wolfed down as if these people haven't eaten for a week, Mrs. Garrett shrieks that she's officially out of pastry, but that whoever didn't get a croissant can come back tomorrow (Sunday). Natalie and Blair groan at the thought of having to work on a Sunday to feed a bunch of surly freeloaders without Jo's help [who we're told had to rush to the Bronx to tend to her ma after she broke her arm], and Mrs. Garrett sheepishly tells them she thought for sure that people getting a free croissant would buy other stuff while they were in the store. Tootie announces that she's off to meet up with her boyfriend Jeff who's in town this weekend [reminder: he was once illiterate but rapidly learned how to read before getting admitted to college] ... and when Jeff suddenly appears outside the door with a bouquet of flowers, she's like, "Ack!" and runs upstairs to beautify herself. Blair offers to keep Jeff company until Tootie re-emerges, and remarks on how muscular his biceps have gotten. He tells her he's looooving Penn State, especially the no rules college lifestyle. Jeff's college buddy Rich and his girlfriend Ellen arrive at Edna's Edibles to kick off an ill-fated double date with Jeff and Tootie. Ellen recognizes Blair from her European history class, then directs her attention back to Rich and starts smooching him intensely. The two moan about how it's been three looooooong months since they've seen each other...and apparently feel the need to make up for lost time by sticking their tongues down each other's throat in front of a complete stranger. Freshly beautified and adorned in a long gold chain that Jeff once gifted her, Tootie runs downstairs and gives her boyfriend a happy hello hug...then marvels at his muscular physique. Jeff introduces her to Rich and Ellen - and when an amused looking Ellen asks what the hell kind of name Tootie is (bwahahaha!), Tootie explains that it's short for Dorothy. Ellen mulls over that nonsensical connection, then shrugs indifferently while chirping, "Cute." The four settle onto the couches, where Jeff natters about the stress of having to decide what his major is going to be so he can one day graduate. Tootie asks what the big deal is, 'cause she figures that college should be strictly about having fun. Rich laughs in his condescending 'I'm soooo savvy about how the world works now that I've been in college for the last three months' manner, then replies, "I thought so too when I was in high school" and the four shift awkwardly as they contemplate the vast, one year age difference between the three of them and Tootie. The four decide to get their double date going, and Ellen suggests dinner and a movie. Rich is all, "Wha-a-a-a?" and says he thought they were going to a dance club, and Jeff subtly motions to Tootie and says they can do that another time. When Rich is still all, "Wha-a-a-a? But I want to go dancing tonight!", Ellen has to come right out and tell her boneheaded boyfriend that Tootie is under eighteen and therefore too young to be admitted into the clubs. Rich goes, "Ooooh..." and scrunches his face with an unmistakable look of disappointment on his face as the four head out for a forcibly wholesome night on the town. When Jeff brings Tootie home after the date, she tells him she had a nice time with Rich and Ellen...despite them being snootily condescending about her being younger than them. She complains that she had nothing to add to the conversation, and Jeff unhelpfully concurs that, nope, she has absolutely nothing, zip, nada in common with those two. He suggests they meet up for brunch at 11am tomorrow, just the two of them, and Tootie says she likes the sound of that. He gives her a chaste kiss goodnight, stares morosely into space for a few seconds, then opens the door and heads out...leaving Tootie staring after him worriedly. Upstairs in the communal bedroom, Blair begs Natalie to turn the lights off so she can get enough sleep to deal with the Sunday rush of croissant freeloaders...so Natalie finally finishes brushing her teeth, shuts the lights off, and climbs into bed. When Tootie enters the room a few seconds later, Natalie turns the lights back and asks her how the double date went. Tootie glumly says lousy and that they can talk about it in the morning, then turns the lights off. A few seconds later, Tootie turns the lights back on and whines about how shittily Rich and Ellen treated her all evening, and that it seemed to go unnoticed by Jeff. Natalie asks her where Jeff is staying while he's in town, so Tootie says he's bunking with Jeff in Ellen's dorm room while she sleeps elsewhere...and Blair chimes in to say she doesn't buy that for a second, and is pretty sure Rich is shacking up with Ellen so they can romp undisturbed. As Tootie looks a combination of intrigued and dismayed, Natalie gets all wide-eyed and goes, "Wuh? Really? They're allowed to do that??!!" and Blair's like, "They're not allowed - they just do" and says that college roommates with sex on the agenda usually work stuff like that out ahead of time. Tootie is too troubled about her relationship with Jeff to sleep, and at 3:00am she sits at the foot of Natalie's bed and stares contemplatively into space until Natalie senses her presence and asks her whassup with her being awake in the middle of the night. Tootie laments how her relationship with Jeff is still very "high school" even though he's in college now, and that she's going to have to put out...like, for example, the way Ellen does for Rich. Natalie says she's shocked she'd even suggest something so lascivious and urges her to not make a major life decision - at least until she thinks about it some more in the light of day. The next morning, Edna's Edibles is abuzz with more coupon clutching customers demanding their free croissant. Blair takes it upon herself to speed up the process of croissant making by nuking them in the microwave...and, to Mrs. Garrett's surprise, the customers don't seem to notice the difference between freshly baked and nuked croissants. Jeff is putting on his sweats to go out for a run when Tootie stops by the dorm...and he says he's surprised that she's here so much earlier than the agreed upon 11:00am meeting time. She closes the door and blurts out, "I love you! And if you want us to sleep together, it's A-OK with me." Jeff gives her a funny look and asks her why she's suddenly talking about sex, so she explains that now that he's a college man, she gets that their relationship has to move on to the 'between the sheets' phase. Jeff makes an ew face at that prospect and tells her that the two of them doinking isn't going to fix what's wrong...and by wrong, he means he's quickly outgrown their G rated relationship now that he's at Penn State and mingling with a more sophisticated crowd than he was hanging with in Peekskill. He half-heartedly says he's still game to have brunch with her, but Tootie shakes her head sadly and says she'd rather he go on his run so she can sadly leave behind the long gold chain he gave her and then shuffle out of the dorm room dejectedly. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: When Tootie blabs to Mrs. Garrett that Natalie is up to something nefarious this episode, Natalie explains that she's acting all giddy and secretive 'cause she's planning to pepper Jo and Blair with scientifically constructed questions, then submit their responses to a computer dating service that will tabulate the results and match them up with the perfect mates. Tootie rolls her eyes and says she's mostly doing this to prove a thesis for her psychology term paper - but Natalie argues that her only motive is to inject some love and romance in the lives of Jo and Blair, who refuse to publicly acknowledge the non-hetero undercurrents in their friendship that have been crackling just below the surface for the last four seasons. Blair and Jo come downstairs, peppering each other with fast facts for an upcoming exam. Natalie pretends to be merely curious about their interests and preferences as she works her way through the list of scientifically constructed questions, then asks Tootie to snap a photo of Jo and Blair for their dating profile and breezily explains that she just wants to finish the roll. Natalie and Tootie arrive at the computer dating service place to submit Jo's and Blair's completed questionnaires. When a hunky blonde man named Rex Winchester arrives to drop off his questionnaire, Natalie brazenly ogles him and remarks on how surprised she is that such a looker would need a dating service. When the front desk guy steps away to input Jo's and Blair's data into the computer, Natalie steals a glance at Rex's questionnaire and decides it'd be fun to submit her own questionnaire that is closely aligned with Rex Winchester's interests and preferences. Natalie fibs to Jo and Blair about getting them tickets to a Springsteen concert, while Tootie and Mrs. Garrett engage in a barely developed subplot about Mrs. Garrett coaxing Tootie to be her new bridge partner now that her previous one has moved away. When the doorbell rings, Natalie tells Jo and Blair she has an even better surprise for them than Springsteen, then says she engaged a computer to match them each up with "the perfect man". She proudly says, "Meet your dream men!" while opening the door to two nondescript looking dorkboys named Doug and Chip. Doug presents a bouquet of flowers to Jo, who looks visibly pissed off...as does Blair when Chip hands her a box of chocolates. Blair asks Mrs. Garrett to give Doug and Chip a tour of Edna's Edibles [presumably so that she and Jo can kill Natalie without witnesses] ... and once they're out of earshot, a still giddy Natalie explains that she's attempting to prove a theory for her psychology term paper that a computer can help humans find love. And that when she fed their data into a computer, out popped Chip and Doug. Jo snaps that she hates flowers, and Blair gets on that bandwagon and snaps that she hates milk chocolate. Natalie says, if it's any comfort, she too has subjected herself to a computer match-up...and a few seconds later, hunky Rex Winchester makes his grand entrance and brags about driving over in his Porsche. Blair whimpers at not being matched with a richer, hunkier male counterpart, then joins forces with Jo to assure Mrs. Garrett - who looks like she's about to settle into one of her solemn-faced chastisements to scold them about their hostile 'tude - that they have no plans to humiliate two innocents like Chip and Doug by rudely bailing on their date. At the restaurant, Natalie works overtime trying to initiate conversation among the couples, but everyone just stares moodily into space...except Rex, who natters about the salad bar offerings and how it "works" for him. When Chip and Doug escape the table to load up at the salad bar, Blair and Jo complain to Natalie that they're having a shitty time 'cause they don't have anything in common with their dates. Blair tells Natalie it might help if she left, like pronto, and Natalie agrees and orders Rex to take her home. Rex perks up at this development and assumes he has a shot of getting lucky. When Chip and Doug return from the salad bar, Blair explains that the double date they've all found themselves on was a surprise to her and Jo 'cause Natalie took it upon herself to submit their data so that a computer could match them up with their perfect mates. Doug suggests that since they're all out for the evening, they might as well make the most of it...and when Jo proposes they go Dutch, everyone visibly relaxes and begins engaging in fun banter. Tootie stares worriedly at Mrs. Garrett, who's playing cards with an imaginary bridge partner. Over on the couch, Rex is prattling to Natalie about how much he hates eating the same food twice in a row, e.g. he will not eat a turkey sandwich at lunch and agree to a turkey enchilada for dinner. As Natalie stares back at him with bored disdain, he suggests they go whitewater rafting this weekend - but she tells him she's all whitewater rafted out and that it's suddenly waaaaay past her bedtime. He takes the hint and promptly leaves, leaving Natalie to wring her hands about her term paper, since it's clear she can't prove that computer dating isn't a disaster. When she wails about having no idea what went wrong, Mrs. Garrett chides her for thinking that love could be "manufactured by a computer". Jo and Blair return from their double date in good spirits. They tell Natalie that once they got over the awkwardness of being matched up with a couple of dorkboys via computer, they realized that Chip and Doug are actually pretty nice guys. Natalie looks unimpressed and grumbles that nice doesn't equal love, but Blair points out that everyone should be satisfied that she and Jo each made a new friend this evening, in spite of Jo's inherent surliness. Natalie mulls this over and decides she was successful in helping bring about compatible relationships, and points out that friendships are nearly as impactful as romantic hookups. Mrs. Garrett perks up at that notion and says she'd be interested in using scientifically constructed questions to find herself a new bridge partner, then cackles devilishly to herself just before the end credits roll. Weird. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Natalie tells Tootie she's ready for them to head out to the latest Indiana Jones movie, but Tootie says before they go she wants a piece of Jo's homemade pizza. One of Blair's study friends remarks on how fantastic the pizza smells - just as Mrs. Garrett bustles into the room, sticks her snout in the air, then screeches, "Joooooo must be making her pizzzzzzzzzza!" - but then glumly adds that she's on a diet and probably shouldn't indulge in the tasty pie. Jo proudly brings out her pizza, and everyone quickly descends on it and grabs a slice. Jo tells Blair and the three study friends she has over - Ronald, Sally, and Hacksaw - that the pizza recipe is her mom's. [Incidentally, Blair is acting suspiciously canoodly with Ronald, which makes me wonder if she decided to throw in the towel on her long distance relationship with Cliff.] Hacksaw (a stereotypically tall, muscular, rocks-for-brains jock) tells Jo her pizza is so awesome she should sell it, and Ronald concurs and says he'd pay up to $10 for a single pie. Jo perks up at that and contemplates the idea of starting a pizza business - just as Hacksaw gives her $30 as a pre-payment for three pizzas for a fraternity party tomorrow night. Jo and Natalie arrive at the frat house to deliver the three pizzas - and a guy named Victor grabs one of the pies and gorges on it in the most unsightly way possible, then nods his approval and pronounces it great, which...high praise, I'm sure. A few seconds later, the entire frat dives in and grabs slices - and Hacksaw tells Jo that her pizza is so delicious, he'd like to order six more for tomorrow night. As Jo mulls over whether or not she really wants to start a pizza business with no staff, financial resources, or cognitive ability to run a business, Natalie gushes, "You're a hit!", and with her investment of $28 and the $25 that Tootie's been saving (not to mention the fast cash she's already earned from her pizza making), she'll have all the seed money she needs to launch a pizza startup. When Hacksaw abruptly changes his order to eight pizzas, Jo happily chirps, "I'm in business!" The next day in the Edna's Edibles kitchen, Jo and Natalie are busily preparing tomato sauce and chopping up pizza toppings...and Jo proves to be a bitchy slave-driver of a boss by admonishing Natalie for not chopping the veggies properly or stirring the sauce deeply enough. When Blair and Tootie pop in to announce that they're off to go have carefree fun somewhere, Natalie says that she and Jo would appreciate it if they both stayed home and helped them with pizza making. Blair makes an ew face and says she's not interested, so Natalie gives her a pass - but tells Tootie that as an investor, she's obligated to help out in the kitchen. Tootie stares back at her blankly, then quickly gets a clue that Natalie robbed her secret stash o' cash and demands her $25 back. Natalie snaps, "It's gone!", then orders her to quit pouting and pitch in to help get Jo's pizza biz off the ground. Later, Hacksaw arrives at Edna's Edibles to pick up the pizzas - just as a call comes in to place a new order of fifteen pizzas for tomorrow night. Jo's like, "No problem!", and a horrified looking Tootie asks if they're really set up for all that pizza making. Jo breezily assures her they are, and the three gabble excitedly that they're soon going to become so rich and successful that they'll be invited on The Today Show for an interview. Be still my beating heart. The next day, Jo, Natalie and Tootie are run off their feet preparing the fifteen pizzas. When they use up all the sauce, Jo figures 'why not rub a ball of dough inside an empty sauce pan, then roll it out and hope something tasty comes from that?' Somehow the situation degenerates to the point where Natalie gets so flustered she tosses an opened bag of flour in the air...and as flour is raining down on them, Blair saunters into the room to answer the ringing phone. She reports that the frat house just placed an order for twenty-five pizzas for Monday night, and Natalie scrunches her face in horror and says after spending five hours making fifteen pizzas, she sees no feasible way to be a full time pizza maker and still have a life. Tootie concurs, and she and Natalie demand that Jo buy them out of her pizza business. Blair tells Jo she shouldn't feel bad about failing at her debut in starting a small business - but Jo snappishly denies failing and points out that she's made a lot of money so far. Furthermore, she's accepting the challenge of fulfilling the order for twenty-five pizzas, even if she has to prepare them herself. So there. The next day, Jo tells the Facts gals that she was able to finish making twenty-five pizzas via mass production, meaning she used pre-baked pizza crusts, no name sauce, and some sort of synthetic cheese substitute called cheese food. Tootie sanctimoniously points out that she's no longer being honest about the pizzas being homemade and predicts that the frat guys are going to hate them. Natalie shrugs and says that despite no longer giving a shit about what happens to Jo's fledgling pizza business, she's volunteering to help Jo deliver the pies to the fraternity house. Victor grabs one of Jo's mass produced pizzas and devours it in his disgusting manner, and says he loooooves it...even though he's scarfing it down so rapidly that there's no way it's not completely bypassing his taste buds. Natalie tells Tootie she was wrong about the mass produced pizza, and says that Jo's business has tripled as a result. Jo smugly says she'll probably soon be on the cover of Time to honor her remarkable success as a young '80s businesswoman, but Tootie continues to look skeptical. Mrs. Garrett arrives home from her diet club meeting, sees one of Jo's pizzas sitting on the counter, and sneaks a piece. She chews on it for awhile, makes an ew face, and complains to Jo that it's not nearly as "rich and sinful" as it used to be...and that she can taste the freezer burn on the crust. Jo says it's almost her mom's recipe - but that she had to change a few things for the sake of production. Mrs. Garrett's like, "Seriously? It tastes like this on purpose?" - LOL - and Jo agrees that the defrosted crusts and low grade supermarket sauce are sub par ingredients. Blair presents Jo with customized Mama Rose's Original Bronx Pizza boxes, but Mrs. Garrett shakes her head disapprovingly and tells Jo it would be an abomination to associate her sainted mother with the terrible tasting mass produced pizzas she's been cobbling together as of late. Jo argues that they don't taste that bad...but then takes a bite and is forced to admit that, yep, it pretty much tastes like a pile of garbage. Hacksaw saunters into Edna's Edibles and says he's gonna need twenty pizzas for tomorrow night - but Jo's like, "No can do" and says the most she can handle is three. She then gets a dreamy expression on her face and describes in superfluous detail all of the delicious ingredients she plans to use to make the pies...and Mrs. Garrett salivates and cries, "There goes my diet!" before the episode comes to a weirdly abrupt end. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Mrs. Garrett is excitedly bustling around the residence part of Edna's Edibles, delighted that the Facts gals are back from their summer vacays so the five of them can begin slogging it through Season 6 of a show that, IMHO, the writers should have called it quits with after the Season 4 finale. As Natalie gabbles about how annoyed she is with her school schedule and Tootie insists on wanting henceforth to be referred to as Dorothy, Jo wearily shakes her head and remarks on how predictable they all are, griping about the same stupid things at the beginning of every season. Tootie argues that they're not so much predictable as they are steady and reliable...and Natalie says, on the contrary, she has a funny tidbit that shows how out of character Tootie acted just a few weeks ago. This segue ways into a fake flashback of Natalie's/Tootie's summer vacation at a Cape Cod resort. Natalie goes looking for Tootie and finds her decked out in a busty red dress with her hair in a sophisticated upswept 'do as she chats with an older man named Bill Simpson. When Natalie stares at her in shocked incredulity, a startled looking Tootie introduces her to Bill as "my young friend Natalie Green". Natalie pulls Tootie aside and demands to know whassup, so Tootie explains that Bill is the casting director for a local playhouse and that she got all dolled up to show him as a means of showing off her extensive acting range. Bill overhears that last part and says he's looking to cast the role with an innocent looking teenager, which means he won't consider anyone who looks remotely glamorous. Blair and Jo cluck sympathetically at Tootie for not landing the playhouse role, while Natalie smugly says that - unlike Tootie - she knows how to cope with life's mishaps in a far more mature way. Tootie chuckles, says, "Seymour", then explains who Seymour is. Back to Cape Cod.. Natalie is being trailed and harassed by a pre-pubescent chubbo named Seymour. When she snappishly tells him to get lost, he responds by pinching her and pulling out a chair as she's about to sit on. She angrily threatens to strangle him, and chases him around the room as he gleefully scampers out of reach. Back to present day.. Tootie chortles as she murmurs, "So much for maturity", and Mrs. Garrett tells Natalie that clearly Seymour had a huge crush on her. Jo's like, "Speaking of crushes.." and tells the Facts gals that when she and Mrs. Garrett spent a weekend together in Atlantic City last summer, she gained new respect for her as a woman. When the Facts gals look intrigued at the cryptic pronouncement, Jo eagerly starts spilling the beans. Fake Atlantic City flashback.. While out at a ritzy restaurant for dinner, Mrs. Garrett tells Jo she wonders if the cute piano player [aka Gomez from The Addams Family] takes requests, then ambles over to him clutching a dollar bill. When she asks Gomez if he knows how to play Where or When, he flashes her a flirty grin, refuses to accept her money, and begins to play the requested song. After a brief time jump, Mrs. Garrett, along with the entire restaurant crowd, is singing along to Gomez's piano playing. After the song, she thanks him and breathlessly says, "It's been magic" ... to which Gomez coquettishly retorts, "The magic is you." Mrs. Garrett blushingly sashays back to where Jo is sitting, then tells her she's off to primp in the ladies room. Gomez watches her exit and decides that he too needs a restroom break - mmm hmm - and when the camera pans back to present day, Jo titteringly tells the Facts gals that Mrs. Garrett never returned to the lounge. Mrs. Garrett informs the Facts gals that she did, in fact, return to the lounge - but that Jo didn't notice 'cause she was otherwise engaged. Back to the fake Atlantic City flashback.. Jo is sitting at the piano, belting out Feelings [in what I would generously describe as a barely subpar singing voice] while the captivated restaurant crowd is gathered round. When an awestruck looking young man asks her how in blazes she learned to perform like that, she tells the story of how her mom used to take her to the bar she worked at, where the resident piano man taught her everything he knows. She then starts playing/singing It Had To Be You...and the crowd sways along with the melody. Back to present day.. Blair steers the discussion to what she did over the summer...and to everyone's surprise, she didn't spend the last two months shopping in London and Paris. She tells everyone she went to Iowa to spend time with Cliff and his parents, who live on a farm of the e-i-e-i-o variety. Fake Iowa farm flashback.. When Cliff’s dad threw out his back lifting Blair's makeup bag, everyone was asked to pitch in with the farm work. Blair tells Cliff that, completely implausible as it may be, the only outfit she packed for the Iowa trip was a poofy pink, Little House on the Prairie-esque frock...and also makes it clear she's less than thrilled to be expected to help out with anything resembling manual labor. Cliff asks her if she'd prefer to take the first train out of Hicksville to somewhere she can be suitably pampered, and she reluctantly declines and says she'll do her best to pretend to be a good sport. She agrees to milk a cow, then seats herself on a little stool, gently squeezes a teat, and immediately gives up on the task when nothing comes out. Cliff suggests she move away from the cow and instead help him slop the pigs, and Blair somehow decides it'd be more efficient to hand feed them corn cobs...and in the process trips and lands ass backwards into a muddy patch of pig shit. Cliff anxiously asks her if she's OK, and she responds by laughing hysterically at the pig-shitted mess she and her frothy pink dress are helplessly sitting in. Back to present day.. Blair tells the Facts gals she sprained her ankle when she fell in the pig shit, and therefore got to spent the rest of her Iowa visit lounging on the porch with Cliff's dad. When Jo expresses doubt that she was actually involved in the slopping of pigs, Blair provides photographic proof. Jo studies the photos and deadpans about how she can't tell which is the pig and which is Blair...then jokes that she's not so much ridiculing Blair as insulting the pig. Har har. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: Mrs. Garrett bursts into the Facts gals' communal bedroom to shriekingly remind everyone that the painters will be arriving any minute, and that they need to strip their beds and empty the closets ASAP. Blair enters the room in search of her peach pumps and says she's (sorta) looking forward to being a maid of honor and/or bridesmaid in five different weddings this summer, and desperately needs to find the peach pumps that match the peach organza dress she'll be required to wear for one of the weddings. Jo takes a break from the engine she's been cobbling together and says she needs to go buy a valve...and Blair tosses her car keys at her and asks her while she's out if she could please stop by the dress boutique and pick up her peach organza dress. Natalie sorts through a large trunk and comes across Blair's Harvest Queen tiara, an Eastland yearbook, and Tootie's rollerskates...and that last thing prompts a series of flashbacks of Season 1 Tootie rolling around on the dumb things while grinning hammily at the camera and blurting out sassy one-liners. Blair marvels at how gorge she looks in her yearbook photo and reads the accompanying caption that describes her as having "grace, beauty, and a natural talent for leadership". She frowns and says, "Then something happened" ... and we get a series of flashbacks of the something that happened, aka Jo's Season 2 debut and the Facts gals' subsequent arrest at the Chugalug bar. Natalie peeks under Jo's bed and tells Blair she may want to see what's under there...and Blair gets down on her knees and squeals happily as she pulls out her peach pumps. In the process, she accidentally bumps into the table that has Jo's engine atop it, which causes the entire thing to crash onto the floor and fall apart...and some of the littler pieces fall through the heating vent. Natalie pales and reminds Blair that Jo has been working on that engine for two weeks...and as Blair hastily picks up the engine pieces, Tootie contorts her face worriedly and moans, "There's gonna be troouu-ble." Blair gathers up all the engine pieces she can find and does her best to put it back together, then breezily says surely Jo won't notice if some of the pieces are "a tiny bit mixed up". Natalie's like, "Dream on" and says there's no way Jo won't notice that the engine has been reassembled by someone with zero knowledge of engines and get really pissed off - but Tootie says that maybe Jo will be reasonable and not mind rebuilding the engine...and this remark leads to a series of Seasons 2-4 flashbacks of Jo acting like a vindictive tool at the slightest of provocations. Jo returns from her errand with Mrs. Garrett trailing in behind her carrying Blair's organza dress. Blair sheepishly tells Jo she accidentally knocked over her engine and did her best to put the pieces back together...and Jo looks mildly annoyed but says it's no big deal; however, when Blair adds that a few of the pieces might have fallen through the heating duct, Jo goes from mildly annoyed to visibly irked. Blair offers to write her a check to reimburse her for the lost parts, but Jo gets all snappy-bitchy and accuses her of always using money to solve life's problems, then rails about how she's never had to work for anything in her life. Blair gets upset at Jo for not simply taking the damn check to cover the engine's lost parts - just as Jo (accidentally?) flips the organza dress onto the oily engine parts, resulting with the dress getting a giant oil stain. Blair's all, "The fuck..?" and accuses her of doing that to retaliate for the engine...but Mrs. Garrett assures her that the stain can be removed, and that the most important thing is to restore their friendship, preferably before the end credits roll. Jo and Blair both deny the existence of a friendship, and Jo pissily declares that after this season's finale she's moving out of the Edna's Edibles building. After the commercial break, Mrs. Garrett presents Blair with the freshly laundered organza dress that no longer has a stain on it...and says that since this disaster was so easily resolved, it's time for her and Jo to take back all the harsh words they exchanged during the previous scene and be friends again. When Jo and Blair continue to snarl angrily at each other, Natalie implores them to ponder the implications of ending their friendship with this spat...then unhelpfully reminds them that, unlike her and Tootie, they've been at each other's throats since Jo's Season 2 arrival. This leads to a sequence of flashbacks of Jo and Blair exchanging barbs - which, in turn, leads into a series of flashbacks of the various arguments Natalie and Tootie have had over the years. When none of the flashbacks inspire Jo and Blair to kiss and make up, Tootie calls their spat "really dumb" - then suddenly realizes she can't find Jessie (her boyfriend's cat she's been cat sitting) and starts railing at Natalie for not closing his travel cage properly. The Facts gals frantically search the room for the missing feline...who turns up a few seconds later when he's carried in by a wheezing/sneezing Mrs. Garrett, who irritably reminds everyone she's allergic to cats. The Facts gals hurriedly clean up the mess they made of the room during the search for Jessie, sniping at each other in the process. Mrs. Garrett shrieks at them to shut up, then begs them to not let petty arguments ruin their friendships to the point that they're departing for the summer hiatus irreparably pissed off at each other. When no one makes a move to make up with each other, she throws in the towel and mutters, "Who am I to give advice?" and stomps out. The Facts gals are all, "Huh?" and point out that Mrs. Garrett never doesn't interject herself into their bidness...and this leads to a flashback sequence of all the solemn faced heart-to-hearts Mrs. Garrett has had with each of them over the years. Tootie declares that no one is leaving the communal bedroom until all of their contrived disputes have been settled...and Natalie concurs and puts her arms around Jo and Blair, urging them to think about all the flirty, non-hetero fun they've had on the show. This - $%#@!! - leads to yet more flashbacks, culminating with the episode when they all threw paint at each other so they could continue the show's winning formula of the four of them living under the same roof and working in the kitchen to pay off whatever damage they needlessly caused. The Facts gals are all packed up when Mrs. Garrett bursts in to shriek, "The painters are here!" and is pleasantly surprised that the room has been emptied out. Natalie looks alarmed and says they packed up so fast that so much of their stuff got inter-mixed in different boxes...and Blair glances over at Jo with a hopeful expression on her face and [rhetorically] asks, "What's the difference?" Jo agrees and says they'll straighten everything out when they return to film the [OMFG nooooooo!!] Season 6 premiere, and everyone's like, "Hurray!" as they happily scamper out of the room. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Mrs. Garrett is bustling around Edna's Edibles, making sure everything is in perfect order for an imminent visit from her son/landlord Raymond and his fussy wife Doris. She tells the Facts gals she doesn't much care for her shrew of a daughter-in-law 'cause of how miserable she makes her son's life with her constant criticizing. A few seconds later, Raymond and Doris arrive...and Mrs. Garrett rushes over to give her son a warm hug, then air kisses Doris. Raymond glances around and says the store looks great - but Doris scrunches her face disapprovingly and says she finds the lighting to be too harsh. As Mrs. Garrett stares daggers at her, Blair interjects to politely introduce herself...and then Raymond introduces his wife to the rest of the Facts cast. Doris remarks that since they had to come to Peekskill for her cousin's wedding, they decided to "kill two birds with one stone" and also drop by Edna's Edibles to see how everything's shaking there...and Mrs. Garrett puts her frowny face on and says she's always hated that expression, and that she's kinda disappointed that she and her store are not the primary focus of their trip. Raymond, meanwhile, notices a plate of his mother's peanut butter croissants sitting on the counter and starts scarfing them down, prompting Doris to snap, "You just ate!", then informs the Facts cast that her gluttonous pig of a husband likes to shovel food into his pie hole at an alarming rate. She shakes her head disapprovingly and mutters, "Look at him. He'll eat anything." Mrs. Garrett pats her son's stomach and points out that he's not exactly a fat person, to which Doris wryly retorts, "You don't see him with his clothes off." Mrs. Garrett shakes off that disturbing visual by quickly offering to take Raymond and Doris on a tour of the store. Natalie tells Mrs. Garrett she concurs that Doris is a shrew...but Tootie just shrugs and says she thinks Doris is nice looking, and agrees that the lighting inside Edna's Edibles could be a lot better. Jo snarks that they've been doing fine without Doris' advice - just as Doris storms into the room looking visibly upset. Mrs. Garrett and Raymond rush in after her with Mrs. Garrett earnestly clarifying that she didn't call her stupid...she called her idea of freezing milk stupid. As Raymond scarfs down a few more peanut butter croissants, Doris admonishes his bingeing...and Mrs. Garrett shoots her the stink-eye and bitchily says he can start his diet on Monday. Doris is like, "Whatever" and says she's tired from the wedding and is heading back to the inn now. Mrs. Garrett tells Raymond she hates the way Doris constantly picks on him and wishes she wouldn't criticize him in front of her...and Raymond's like, "Right?! She acts like I'm an ogre", then breaks the news that Doris is leaving him. As Mrs. Garrett is all, "Wha-a-a-a-a-a?" at the idea of Doris being the one to call it quits, Raymond says they've tried everything they can think of to work things out, but to no avail. As he moans about how hard it's going to be for him to adjust to living alone - not least 'cause he seems highly unmarriageable for anyone who isn't Doris - Mrs. Garrett urges him to do whatever it'll take to change his wife's mind. After Raymond leaves for the inn, the Facts gals re-enter the room and admit they were all eavesdropping just now. Jo says she thinks Raymond is way better off without the uppity ball and chain, while Tootie clucks about what a shame their impending divorce is. Blair points out that since Edna's Edibles is in both Doris' and Raymond's names, they'll likely split the asset between them, which means that Mrs. Garrett could lose her store. Jo's like, "Ack!" and urges Mrs. Garrett to find a way to coax the ill-suited couple back together so they can somehow save their shitty marriage. Mrs. Garrett has prepared a Hawaiian luau themed party for Raymond and Doris, and explains to the Facts gals that the two once vacationed in Hawaii, and that she's hopeful the happy memories of the trip will help spark something resembling romance between them. When Raymond and Doris arrive, Doris is admonishing Raymond for the crappy job he did parking the car just now. Jo places a lei around Doris' neck, which prompts her to start sneezing...and when she's served a pina colada, she complains that the drink wasn't made with fresh enough pineapple juice. Raymond explains that Doris is allergic to flowers, then sourly adds that when they vacationed in Hawaii, she forgot to bring her allergy medicine - one reason the vacation sucked so badly. Doris argues that it sucked so badly 'cause he ate so much poi that he threw up...and the two start bickering until Raymond storms upstairs while Doris storms over to the store. Mrs. Garrett trails after her daughter-in-law while clutching a bowl of poi and says she doesn't want it to go to waste. Doris tells her she's leaving Raymond...and looks surprised when Mrs. Garrett tells her she planned the Hawaiian luau party in order to help them patch things up. Doris says she always got the feeling she never liked her...and Mrs. Garrett pretends to not have talked trash about her earlier in the episode and says she thinks she's good for Raymond, then urges her to talk to him and sort through their various issues. Doris lets out a bitter guffaw and says that Raymond doesn't so much talk as type out memos...and Mrs. Garrett stares back at her in puzzlement and agrees that that's really weird. Doris explains that the only reason they even went to Hawaii that one time was 'cause Raymond worked out a trade with a travel agency so he could avoid paying taxes...and that he's such an obnoxious, penny-pinching workaholic that the doctor has strongly advised him to get more exercise, lose a few pounds, and take some much needed time off. She puts her sad face on and says she's alone a lot...and that she has a dream of starting a children's boutique - but Raymond won't give her the green light 'cause he considers it too much of a financial risk. Mrs. Garrett scrunches her face confusedly and points out that Raymond was more than willing to gamble on the success of Edna's Edibles by buying the building...and Doris wryly says when his mother is involved it's an investment, but when it's his wife, it's a financial risk. Jo storms into the store, complaining that Raymond is being an annoying stickler about how she does the accounting for Edna's Edibles. A few seconds later, Raymond breezes into the room and chides Jo for not using the correct shade of blue ink for the books...and as Jo silently fumes, Mrs. Garrett calls him out on being a cheap dickwad of a husband who prefers to squirrel money away rather than make his wife happy by giving her the financing to open a children's boutique. Doris gets in on that action and calls him a lousy husband, and that she's been craving a real vacation. Raymond mulls that over and says he'll try to work out a trade with a travel agency so he can once again avoid paying taxes - but Doris is like, "Just pay the fucking taxes!" and says if he's serious about wanting to work on their marriage, he needs to stop issuing memos, be less of a cheap dickwad, and spend more face time with her. When Raymond points out that he's being asked to change a lot of things about his abysmal personality, Doris promises to dial back her haughty 'tude and be a lot nicer to him. With that settled, Mrs. Garrett's all, "Hurray! Now give me some grandchildren", and jokes that children are tax deductible. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! |
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