Recap: Blair complains to Kevin about how bored she is 'cause she and the gals neglected to make interesting plans for their spring break, then implores him to go somewhere fun with her - but he declines and says he promised Mrs. Garrett he'd do some stuff around the store while she takes a hiatus during this two-parter. Tootie lumbers into the store still wearing pyjamas and gets admonished by Jo for wasting her entire spring break sitting in front of the TV. A few seconds later, Natalie rushes in and exasperatedly informs everyone that her grandmother just called to suggest that she invite her gal pals to stay at her vacant Fort Lauderdale condo during spring break...and offered this when the week is half over. Blair perks up regardless and offers the use of her father's private jet, and points out that Kevin can keep an eye on the store while they're away. Tootie loves the idea...as does Jo when she's assured by the gals that the trip isn't going to cost her anything. The four arrive at Grandma Green's Fort Lauderdale condo, settle onto the plastic covered couch, and discuss their evening plans to cut loose. A youngish blonde guy emerges from the second floor...and when the gals are all, "Mmm...who's that?", Natalie introduces him as Ben the building manager and good friend of her grandmother's. Blair makes it clear she considers him very far beneath her station in life and sassily informs him that her father has tons of money. Ben rolls his eyes derisively and asks her what she does, and she smugly retorts, "Spend it." Ben quips, "What a grind" to which she replies, "It's a living" - even though it's the opposite of that - and makes an ew face when Ben tells her he's a full time handyman. She asks if there's any chance he's doing that while attending college and aspiring for a higher earning career, and he's like, "Uh, no" and heads out. I'm going to safely assume that the open hostility between these two was just a TV trope-ish prelude to them being secretly intrigued by the other while masking an insatiable desire to hook up in the near future. The gals arrive at a nightclub called the Red Claw, where Tootie and Natalie manage to sneak in without having to show their fake IDs to the bouncer. When the waitress comes by their table to take their drink orders, Tootie orders a whiskey sour. Young and the Restless '80s hunk Michael Damian - OMG! - and his unspeakably poofy mullet hair - OMFG! - take the stage, and soon he starts crooning in Jo's direction. He somehow decides he likes what he sees as he checks out Jo and the baggy red onesie she decided was a good look for a night out, and ambles over to the gals' table. He creepishly hovers over Jo as he throatily belts out his "hit" ... and when she makes no move to laugh, groan, or even grimace at the cheesy hilarity of getting hit on by Dreamy Danny Romalotti, he grabs her by the hand and pulls her onto the stage. A pretty blonde guy, meanwhile, seats himself beside Blair and smaltzily calls her "a vision of beauty", then introduces himself as Morgan, a well-pedigreed snoot who's studying pre-law and comes from a highbrow family. Tootie merrily orders drinks for everyone before announcing that she's throwing an impromptu party at Natalie's grandmother's condo...and everyone's all, "Kewl!" as they follow her out the door. The condo is soon filled with whoever had been clubbing at the Red Claw, and Tootie giddily remarks to Natalie what an awesome party they've unwittingly thrown. Morgan continues to woo Blair and suggests they find somewhere quiet to hang out, but Blair's like, "No can do" 'cause it's obvious that, despite how good he looks on paper, she finds him to be an insufferable dud. Michael Damian leaps atop the couch that Jo's sitting on and tells her how impressed he was by the extraordinary dancing ability she demonstrated after he pulled her on stage...and Jo blushes and jokes, "Anyone can breakdance." Natalie, meanwhile, circulates among the partygoers, yells at two guys playing catch with a couple of her grandmother's knick-knacks, and makes it clear how stressed she is about hosting so many strangers in a condo that doesn't belong to her. Ben drops by, looks dismayed by the volume of partygoing, and tells Natalie he's going to each condo unit to board up windows in advance of the - surprise! - hurricane that's roaring toward Fort Lauderdale. Morgan is laying it on thick to Blair about how gorgeous he finds her when Ben suddenly bursts into the kitchen to board up the windows. He eavesdrops on Morgan as he brags about his he plans to practice corporate law 'cause it's the only kind of law that'll pay him what he's worth...and when Ben makes a snide remark about his low value, Blair looks visibly amused. Jo blushingly tells Michael Damian she's puzzled about why he's chosen her - a tomboy on the mannish end of the spectrum who decks herself out in shapeless onesies - to fixate on, and he shrugs at the totally reasonable observation and says that underneath his pretend rock star persona, he's just a regular dude [with a big side of dork baked in]. He then decides to regale her with another song...and gets all edgy with it by fist pumping - LOL! - and bobbing his mulleted head - LMAO! - to the beat. Blair, meanwhile, crawls away from Morgan and complains to Jo that despite him being everything she thought she wanted, she really can't stand the sight of him. She then crawls straight into Ben and pretends she was looking for an earring. Ben tells Natalie that the storm has been upgraded to a hurricane and that all the partygoers in her grandmother's condo should stay put until after the storm passes. A stressed out Natalie grabs the mic from Michael Damian [thank you!] and announces to everyone that a hurricane is about to bear down on them, and they all react by wooting happily. LOL. Blair asks Ben if he could use some help checking on the other condos...and when he says he can handle it himself, she insists that she really really wants to help. He accepts her offer and the two depart the condo just before the camera pans over to some stock footage of a violent looking hurricane. Eeeeeek! Thanks for reading! 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Recap: Blair is admiring her lovely reflection in her compact mirror as she practices Italian...and gets embarrassed when Jo and Kevin sneak up on her and chuckle at the self-absorbed spectacle. She explains that she was practicing her Italian 'cause her new beau Nick is on his way over, and apparently he looooooves the way she rolls her Rs. When Kevin’s all, "Huh?”, Jo explains that Blair and Nick recently fell in love in Italian class...and Kevin shrugs disinterestedly and tells Jo he's super stoked about their plans to go to a Gloria Steinem lecture (her idea), after they go to a movie about surfers (his idea). Mrs. Garrett complains that her freezer is on the fritz, and that the repairman isn't willing to come fix it on a Sunday...which doubly sucks 'cause she has dozens of cheesecakes from a cancelled order that need to remain frozen. Tootie suggests they unload the cheesecakes by selling them in the store, and Natalie perks up at that idea and offers to pitch in. Nick arrives at Edna's Edibles and babbles about how hard it was to decide on what to bring Blair as a trinket - flowers or chocolates - and decided 'why not buy her some Muppet bookends?' Er, OK. He asks Mrs. Garrett why she's so visibly stressed out...and when she tells him about the freezer/cheesecake situation, he offers to buy one of the cheesecakes. Blair pulls Jo aside and gleefully tells her he's doing this strictly to be a nice guy 'cause she well knows how much he hates cheesecake. Nick tells Blair they need to hang around for his friend Steve 'cause he's dropping off some class notes, then swiftly changes the subject and urges her to roll her Rs for him. Blair purrs something - we'll say rrrrrrruscello - and Nick is all, "Mmm...I am soooo turned on right now." A few seconds later, he gets a call from Steve to tell him he'll be over any second now, so Nick "admits" to Blair that Steve's not so much dropping off notes as he is borrowing some much needed cash. As Blair happily ponders the generous nature of her new beau, Andy arrives at the store and offers to help Mrs. Garrett and the gals with the cheesecake crisis by posting signs all over downtown Peekskill. Natalie drags Father Donovan into Edna's Edibles to report to Mrs. Garrett that he somehow lost a big batch of desserts while driving to a church bazaar. He asks her if she has anything to sell him, and she happily shrieks, "I have plenty of cheeeeeeesecake!" LOL. Blair and Nick are playing Battleship to kill the time while waiting for Steve to turn up. Andy, meanwhile, returns to the store wearing a Let Edna show you a little cheesecake! sign with a rendering of a sexy version of Edna wearing a bikini (!) and tells a reluctant Tootie it's her turn to publicly humiliate herself by walking around town with the offending sign strapped onto her. Mrs. Garrett says she's not entire sold on the idea of advertising cheesecake by having minors parade downtown with signs that depict her decked out in skimpy swimwear, but does nothing to stop a reluctant Tootie from putting on the sign and lumbering out for her shift. Blair tells Nick she's annoyed that they've spent so much time waiting around for Steve to show up to collect his loan, and says they could have spent the day having fun with Jo and Kevin. A few seconds later, Jo and Kevin return from the surfing movie - just as Jo overhears Nick leave a phone message for Steve Hartman. She scrunches her face concernedly, makes a beeline over to where Blair's sitting, and tells Blair it's unlikely that this Steve fellow needs money 'cause the only trouble he could be in is...then pauses and silently taps the side of her nose while nodding knowingly. Blair stares back at her blankly and asks, "Sinus trouble?", so Jo spells out that Steve Hartman is "the campus connection" for those who like to dabble in cocaine...and Blair's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" and stares back at Jo in horror. Blair steers Nick into the living room area and tells him that Jo just dropped a bombshell on her, namely that Steve Hartman is a drug dealer...then asks if it's true. Nick's like, "Yep!" and openly admits that he makes buys from Steve every now and again. An incensed Blair's all, "Wha-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a?!" and gives him the what for for ruining their entire day by making her wait around with him for his drug dealer to show up - but, more importantly, for neglecting to mention that he's a druggie. Nick says he didn't tell her 'cause he figured she'd overreact, then insists he has perfectly legitimate reasons for doing coke: he needs to get by on four hours of sleep a night so he can keep up with his full course load, play football, run track, be a member of student government, and work for the college paper. Yeesh. He explains that he's unnecessarily overextended himself 'cause he's trying to get a future together and not let her down. After babbling that nonsensicalness, he self-piteously throws his hands in the air and goes, "What else can I do?" and Blair firmly retorts, "Stop." Nick says he can't/won't do that 'cause there's far too much at stake...and that while he doesn't totally hate the feeling that washes over him whenever he snorts a little blow, he's mostly doing it so he can stay on top of his many commitments. Blair points out that such regular drug use is surely hurting him, but he breezily assures her that he's very responsible, aka not the type of guy who "gets caught up in this stuff" - despite being caught up in it enough to make his girlfriend wait around with him for hours just so he can score his latest fix. When he asks Blair if his coke use changes anything between them, she stares sullenly into space and says, "I don't know." Andy pops into the room to inform Nick that he has a phone call, and Nick's all, "Wooooo hoooo!" and races across the room to go answer it. LOL. By the end of the day, all of Mrs. Garrett's defrosted cheesecakes have been sold, mostly 'cause she lowered the prices to such a ridiculous degree that the net profit ends up being a meagre $5.00. She parcels out the share of the earnings - $1.65 each - to a dismayed Natalie, Tootie, and Andy. Blair wryly tells Jo that Nick has been waiting around the store all day for his drug dealer to arrive, then wails that she doesn't know what to dooooo. Jo gives her a funny look and says it's not complicated, then points out how stupid and destructive coke is. When Nick saunters over, Jo bitchily asks him if he's given any thought to how a drug deal going down in Edna's Edibles could impact Mrs. Garrett's business...and when Nick gets annoyed at being called out for using Edna's Edibles as his drug/money transaction venue, Jo mocks him for dabbling in something that he's in way over his head with and for supporting the dirty system of illegal drugs. After she storms off, Nick tells Blair that Jo is way off base, then laughs off the idea that Mrs. Garrett could, in any way, be negatively impacted by a drug deal going down in her store. Blair tells him she doesn't find any of this amusing, and resents the fact that he made the Facts cast an unwitting part of his drugging. She stalks across the store, defiantly turns the sign on the front door to closed, and says she's no longer willing to wait around with him in the hopes that Steve will finally get around to dropping by to top off his coke supply. She implores Nick to attend the Gloria Steinem lecture with her...or frankly do anything that doesn't involve a drug purchase, but he tightly says, "I can't tonight" and goes outside to pace the sidewalk as he continues to patiently wait for the elusive Steve, who - for whatever reason - didn't seem to regard selling drugs to Nick to be very high on his priority list that day. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: The Facts gals are bustling around the store when they're distracted by a cute blonde guy - swoon! it's Shaun Cassidy's real life brother, Ryan! - who comes in looking for his father. He introduces himself as Kevin Metcalf and explains that his father, Ted, is an old friend of Mrs. Garrett's from Appleton, WI, who's planning to drop by the store unannounced to surprise her. Kevin has a reverse brain fart when he suddenly realizes he's a full day early and tells the gals to pretend he wasn't here. On his way out, he bumps into Mrs. Garrett as she arrives...and when she asks the gals who that blonde cutie is, they keep mum - until Tootie can keep the secret no longer (LOL) and blurts out, "His father is coming to see you." Mrs. Garrett's all, "Wuh?" and asks who his father is, and Jo says they'll spill the beans as long as she pretends to look surprised when Ted Metcalf comes calling. Mrs. Garrett scrunches her face confusedly and says the only Ted Metcalf she knows is her ex-high school sweetheart, who she dumped like yesterday's news before eloping with a vacuum salesman. [Hee! That's a fascinating tidbit about Edna's past I don't recall ever hearing before.] She sheepishly tells the gals she didn't have the heart to break up with Ted to his face, so she sneaked onto his doorstep and left the pin he'd given her when he officially asked her to go steady. She then breezily waves a hand in the air and says she assumes that since Ted has a grown son, he's been happily married all these years and wouldn't be harboring any kind of grudge against her. The next day, Ted arrives at Edna's Edibles...and he and Mrs. Garrett shyly say hello and agree that the other looks terrific. As they sit on the couch and get caught up on the last several decades of their lives, Mrs. Garrett learns that Ted fled to Paris after his dumping, studied art, and became a sculptor. She congratulates him on doing something so surprisingly exciting with his life, then sheepishly apologizes for giving him the dumperoo in the coldest manner possible - but he just beams and says it was the best thing that ever happened to him. LOL. When Mrs. Garrett's all, "Wha-a-a-a-a-a?", he explains that if she hadn't so callously dumped him, he would have continued living his boring life in boring Appleton and taken over the running of his father's boring hardware store - instead of jetting off to Paris, studying art, and becoming a sculptor. He tells her he got divorced ages ago, that his son Kevin grew up with his mother in California, and that he's deeply annoyed Kevin appears to have no ambition beyond working as a ski instructor. He says that he and Kevin are planning to vacation in Canada for a few days, then abruptly decides he should get going now. After his hasty departure, Tootie and Natalie rush into the room to find out how the reunion went...and Mrs. Garrett admits that she's disappointed Ted didn't ask her out - but a few seconds later, Ted pops back in to invite her to dinner. The next day, the Facts gals tell Kevin that his dad and Mrs. Garrett have been gone for nearly three hours...and Kevin chuckles and remarks on how happy his dad has been ever since the two reconnected. Ted and Mrs. Garrett return to the store, bicker lightheartedly about how he ruined her snow angel, and announce to the gals that Ted has decided to postpone his trip to Canada with Kevin so that he can take Mrs. Garrett instead. Blair raises an eyebrow and goes, "Without a chaperone?" [I honestly couldn't tell whether or not she was asking that jokingly] , and Mrs. Garrett gleefully says they're not going to need one 'cause they're getting married. Tomorrow! As Blair plans the quickie wedding, Tootie waxes on about how romantic it is for Mrs. Garrett and Ted to be leaping into a marriage decades after dating in high school. Natalie worries that she's rushing head-first into something ill-fated, while Jo worries that she won't be able to adjust to saying a new name: Mrs. Metcalf or the preferred shortened Mrs. M. A few seconds later, Mrs. Garrett enters the room looking for her something borrowed, tells the gals about Ted's touching proposal while they were making snow angels, then gaily shrieks, "I'll see you in the morning!" as she scampers off to bed. As various friends and customers (?) stream into the residence to attend the hastily thrown together wedding ceremony, Ted tells Jo and Blair how irked he is at Kevin for being late, especially since he has the rings. He then rails about his idiot son always being late for every damn thing...and when he decides he can bear it no longer, he abandons his post at the makeshift altar and rushes off to look for Kevin. Mrs. Garrett is in the gals' communal bedroom, dressed in what looks like a snugly fitted green bridesmaid's dress. When Natalie pops by to check in on her, she babbles about her and Ted's honeymoon plans: Toronto, Montreal, and then Saskatchewan to see the caribou. Interesting variety. Natalie tells her they all like Ted [except for the dickish way he talks shit about his own son behind his back], then asks if maybe she's rushing into marriage. Mrs. Garrett retorts with a firm no, but admits she'd have the very same reservations about this quickie wedding if she weren't her. She explains that she's operating purely on instinct, and doesn't want to express concern to Ted about the speediness of this wedding 'cause she doesn't want to risk losing him a second time. Natalie concedes that she generally has pretty good instincts, and the two hug. Kevin arrives with the rings and gets an earful from his father about his tardiness. Jo snaps at Ted to knock it off, and Kevin explains to his dad that he's late 'cause he stopped by Langley College to register for a couple of courses. Ted perks up at that and gives him an approving hug, then announces that he's going upstairs to have a one-on-one with his bride-to-be (not). Ted finds Mrs. Garrett looking through her old high school yearbook, and the two sit side by side and reminisce about their friends and teachers of yore. She gently asks him if they're rushing into marriage far too quickly than what is reasonably sensible, and he's like, "Well d'yuh" and says he was merely going with the flow to keep up with how rapidly things move in the '80s. Mrs. Garrett suggests they slow down and hit the restart button on their relationship by going steady for awhile, and he's like, "Can do" and shyly says he'd like to present her with something...and by something he means the high school pin he presented her with [prior to her dumping him and running off with another man]. Mrs. Garrett looks touched by the sweet gesture, and plants his lips with a big smooch. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: The Facts gals are hanging with Andy, who's bummed that he's being forced to stay with them (aka under Mrs. Garrett's shrieky supervision) while his mother's out of town for a few days. The gals point out that he's only eleven years old and therefore can't be left alone unless his mother wants to be charged with child neglect, then assure him they're all going to have a blast watching The Wizard of Oz. Natalie idly peruses the newspaper and is all, "Ack!" when she spots the obituary of Art Jackson, aka the jazz singer/restaurant worker she and Tootie became friends with last summer. Andy looks intrigued and pleads, "Tell me more!" - LOL - so Tootie begins regaling him with a boring recap of the friendship she and Natalie struck up with Art Jackson, the jazz musician-turned-waiter they met while working in the same Poconos resort restaurant. Fake flashback.. Natalie and Tootie are getting run off their feet as they wait and bus tables in a Poconos restaurant. Tootie tells fellow waiter Art she's worried that if she doesn't make it as an actress she'll be working a minimum wage type job like this forever, and Art wanks her about how special she is and that she can accomplish whatever she sets her mind to. Their dorky supervisor, Carl, appears out of nowhere and snarls at them to talk less and work more, and Art tells him to go pee up a rope and throws it back in his face about how short-staffed the restaurant always is. Later.. After the dinner rush, an exhausted Natalie, Tootie, and Art are slumped around a table looking half asleep. Jo and Blair enter the restaurant after a day of swimming and playing tennis - just as Carl enters the room, perks up at the sight of the two "super-babes", and announces that he's about to perform his comedy routine for whoever hasn't yet had the good sense to flee the restaurant. He asks Art why his act didn't seem to fly last night, and Art says he needs to do a more thoughtful job of reading his audience and delivering what they want. Tootie looks impressed by that answer and asks him how he knows so much about gauging the mood of an audience, and he just kind of shrugs and mumbles something unintelligible. Tootie and Natalie stop by Art's cabin before their next shift...and quickly see that he's not there. Tootie remarks that there's so much more to Art than he's let on, and that she's going to use his secrecy as free license to rifle through his drawers. She finds a box filled with photos of Art posing aside various music legends - Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald - and sees that many of them signed the photos and affectionately addressed him as Art Jazzbeau. Natalie implores Tootie to put the photos back and not risk ruining their friendship with Art, but Tootie just stares contemplatively into space and wonders aloud why in blazes Art would give up a stimulating music career to wait tables in the Poconos. Back to present day.. Natalie tells everyone that Tootie became obsessed with uncovering all the deets about Art's defunct music career. Tootie concurs, then gushes about how kind Art was to them, and how he inspired her to continue her pursuit of acting. Fake flashback.. Art is helping Natalie and Tootie serve coffee to the restaurant patrons when Jo and Blair drop by after an afternoon of lounging by the pool. Carl appears out of nowhere to gabble at Jo and Blair about his next comedy act, and they shrug disinterestedly and are like, "We really don't give a shit, Carl." Tootie asks Art if he's at all into music, and he just grunts something non-committal and wanders off. Natalie snaps at Tootie to leave him alone and points out that if he wanted to talk about his past life as a musician, he would. Art obliviously wanders back and suggests that the three of them spend their next day off at a lovely nearby lake. Art, Tootie, and Natalie return to his cabin...and Art says he's dismayed that the lovely lake he used to take his wife to somehow got drained and replaced with an amusement park. Tootie brings up the topic of music again, then stupidly blurts out, "Jazzbeau!!" and Art glances over at Natalie with a bemused 'the fuck?' expression on his face. Natalie sheepishly admits that she and Tootie - but mostly Tootie - were poking around his room the other day and just happened to stumble upon his box of photographs. Art explains that Jazzbeau was a nickname someone gave him when he was just starting out as a jazz singer...and that he no longer had the heart to continue performing after his wife became terminally ill. Tootie gushes about how exciting the life of a jazz performer must have been and that she'd loooooove to hear him sing - but Art says that while he's flattered by her strange fascination with his past life, he has zero interest in performing just 'cause she wants him to. Natalie assures him they're A-OK with that, then urges Tootie to shut it and stop aggravating the poor man. After the after dinner rush, Tootie begs Blair and Jo to invite Carl to go dancing with them in order to free up the stage for the night from his grisly comedy routine. Jo and Blair are like, "No way in hell!" before changing their minds and reluctantly agreeing to take the dork off of her hands... and Carl smugly accepts their invitation and interprets it to mean that he's going to have to figure out which of the two super-babes he's more into. After the three head off to the dance club, Tootie tells Art there's a performance slot available now that Carl has bailed out - but Art firmly tells her he doesn't sing anymore, doesn't want to sing anymore, and that he really just likes being an ordinary guy with an ordinary job. When he explains that he considers it progress to give up one thing in life for another, Tootie scrunches her face confusedly and says she simply can't get her tiny brain around his decision to no longer want a career in showbiz. Art shrugs indifferently and says he doesn't give a rat's ass whether or not she understands his life choices, and Tootie apologizes for meddling, then announces to the handful of people left in the restaurant that there won't be any kind of entertainment after all. As Tootie laments to Natalie how shittily she messed up, Art unexpectedly takes the stage and tells the smattering of onlookers that, upon further reflection, he's going to perform some jazz one last time. Tootie's all, "Hurray!" ... and as he starts singing, the small audience bobs their heads to the beat as they woot and cheer him on. Back to present day.. Tootie and Natalie stare wistfully into space and wax on about how awesome Art's performance was, then add that they kept in touch with him for a few months after the summer. Tootie picks up a pair of scissors and cuts out the obituary from the newspaper before staring down at it sadly. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Mrs. Garrett is eating dinner with Tootie (the only Facts gal who showed up for dinner), and is railing about the lack of courtesy that everyone (but Tootie) demonstrated in not bothering to call and let her know they wouldn't be home for dinner - especially after she prepared a Chinese food feast for five. Jo bursts in and explains that she got held up at the library and couldn't get to a phone...and a few seconds later, Natalie arrives and sheepishly admits to Tootie that she totally forgot about their plans to go see a movie. Tootie sassily declares that she's off to see Karate Kid by herself - but Mrs. Garrett's like, "Uh, nope" and forbids her to ride the bus alone at night. Blair arrives home with a blonde hottie named Chaz, prompting Tootie to remark to Natalie that ever since breaking up with Cliff, Blair has been on a dating frenzy. When Blair's watch alarm suddenly goes off, she gives Chaz the bum's rush out the door, then tells Mrs. Garrett and the Facts gals that she's off to change for her next date. Mrs. Garrett tut tuts her for not letting her know she wasn't going to be home for dinner - and then Natalie piles on and tells Blair she was a whole lot nicer when she was engaged to Cliff. Blair snappishly retorts that since she never actually got a ring, she never considered it an official engagement, then storms upstairs to change her outfit. In the communal bedroom, Blair excitedly gabbles to Jo about her busy dating schedule, then asks Jo to share her notes for the economics class they're both taking. Jo chides her 1) for bugging her while she's trying to decide on a major, and 2) for skipping so many classes lately. She asks Blair what she's planning to major in - dating? - And Blair chuckles and says that that sounds like a perfect idea, considering her gorgeously overfluffed '80s hair. Natalie tells Tootie that since she's now a senior - unlike Tootie, who's somehow only a junior - that she's very stressed about how her permanent file at Eastland is going to affect her future. [My guess, Natalie, would be: not in the slightest.] Tootie makes a face and tells her she's being way too paranoid - just as Blair's date #2, a blonde hottie named Ron, arrives to pick her up. Mrs. Garrett gently reminds Blair not to stay out too late 'cause it's a school night, and Blair condescendingly chortles and calls that "so high school". When Tootie gets offended and asks her what the hell that's supposed to mean, Blair smugly explains, "In college, every night is like Saturday night." The next morning at breakfast, Jo is making tiny cuts to her sausage and explains that she's doing this 'cause she's contemplating becoming a surgeon and figured 'why not get a jump start on practicing my slicing skills?' Mrs. Garrett scrunches her face concernedly and says she's worried about Blair 'cause she still hasn't returned home from her date with Ron - just as Tootie totters into the room wearing high heels and bright yellow tights as part of her school uniform ensemble, which...yikes. Mrs. Garrett's all, "Holy fucking eye sore" and orders her to go back upstairs and change into her regular socks and shoes. Blair finally returns home and says that she and her group of friends decided 'why not drive all the way to Boston for coffee?' Mrs. Garrett shrieks that her behavior isn't acceptable, then orders her to come straight home after class...and when Blair's like, "No can do" 'cause she has another date, Mrs. Garrett snaps, "Oh no you don't!" ... and Blair counter-snaps, "Oh yes I do!" LOL. Mrs. Garrett glares at her before shrieking, "You're grounded!" and Blair reminds her that she's her landlady, not her mother or guardian...and that she'll be home whenever the hell she feels like returning home. So there. Tootie tells Natalie that she's still miffed at her for bailing on their movie plans the other night, but then immediately back pedals and says she's now over it and offers to steal her permanent file from Eastland. Natalie declines the offer and says that committing theft isn't the answer and that she needs to let go of this 'barely functioning as a subplot' subplot. Mrs. Garrett enters the bedroom to hand out the new work schedule, and laments how quickly the four of them are changing. A few seconds later, Blair and her latest squeeze George enter the room with Blair swept into his arms...and Blair gigglingly explains that they're playing Gone With the Wind. Mrs. Garrett puts on her most serious stink-eyed expression and sternly reminds her about the strict 'no men upstairs' rule. Blair rolls her eyes and points out that everyone's fully dressed...but this only incenses Mrs. Garrett more, and she asks Natalie to please escort George back downstairs so she can give this hussy the what for. Once George is out of earshot, Blair bitchily tells Mrs. Garrett that she expects to be lectured on house rules, and Mrs. Garrett's like, "Ya think?" and chides her for being rude, inconsiderate, and downright nasty. She adds, "It's not the Blair I know" - but Blair sourly replies, "Sure it is" and says that Jo's always telling her what a self-centered turd she is. Jo's like, "Well duh" and asks her if she's been so upset lately 'cause Cliff dumped her...and Blair stares sadly into space and clarifies that she was the one who dumped Cliff, and that she feels like a horrible person for falling out of love with such an intelligent, adorable man. She says she didn't want to hurt him, then mournfully asks, "What kind of person could doooooo that?" ... and Mrs. Garrett nods approvingly and says, "An honest person" and points out that it's better to dump him now, instead of divorcing him ten years and several children from now. Tootie bursts into the room and urges Mrs. Garrett to punish Blair appropriately - and Blair concurs and says that, indeed, she deserves some kind of punishment. Mrs. Garrett admits that she was wrong to try to ground her, given that she's an adult woman now...and when Blair looks alarmed and asks what this means in terms of who's going to take responsibility for her mishaps, Mrs. Garrett gives her a sober looking 'you got this, girl' type nod says that from now on she's going to have to stand on her own two feet, given that she's an adult woman now. After that, she half-heartedly promises to be around if she ever needs to talk. As Blair and Jo head downstairs to work in the store, Tootie asks Mrs. Garrett what would happen if she were to pull the same stunts Blair's been pulling this episode. Mrs. Garrett says she'd definitely be grounded, and concedes that, yep, there are two sets of rules given that she (Tootie) is a high school teenager, while Blair is a twenty year old college student. Tootie whines about that being unfair, blah blah, and Mrs. Garrett sighs wearily as the two amble across the room and out the door. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Mrs. Garrett gets off the phone and shrieks, "I got it!!" ... and by it she means a catering/hosting gig for the upcoming after-theatre-awards-ceremony-party. She giddily points out that the exposure could mean more business for Edna's Edibles, then decides she's going to need to hire a big strong man to help out with lifting heavy boxes, etc. during the prep for the party. Natalie promptly writes up a 'man wanted' sign, which hastily gets posted on the front door. Seems like a somewhat vague way to recruit for temporary employment, but OK. Natalie tells Tootie she has a brilliant idea for a one-woman play for Tootie to perform at the theatre awards competition: a long, rambling monologue by a woman trapped in a barrel. When she explains that it's an avant-garde type idea that one could describe as 'a metaphor for life', Tootie makes an ew face and says she absolutely hates the idea. A prepubescent boy enters the store, introduces himself as Andy Moffett, and tells Jo he's responding to the 'man wanted' ad...and preemptively says that what he lacks in size and muscularity he makes up for in smarts and a strong work ethic. He implores Jo to hire him 'cause he'll do absolutely anything, and Jo smirks at his desperation and jokes, "Can I have your phone number?" Andy happily obliges and says he really needs this job 'cause he's saving up for his first date, and Jo's like, "Er, OK..?" and steers him into the kitchen to introduce him to Mrs. Garrett. Tootie tells Natalie she wants to write her own play for this year's theatre awards competition and hopes she isn't offended. Natalie shrugs amiably and says she's A-OK with that, and Tootie's like, "Yay!" and scampers upstairs to get started on her literary masterpiece. Andy holds open the Edna's Edibles door while Jo and Blair struggle to carry a heavy box and large sack of potatoes inside the store. When it dawns on Andy that he's not actually performing the 'man wanted' duties he was hired for, he offers to carry the stuff into the kitchen...and the Facts gals gush about what a great addition to the cast he'll be. Jo looks over the contract that Mrs. Garrett signed with the theatre company and points out that she's only earning 50 cents per pastry...and when Mrs. Garrett's all, "Wha-a-a-a-a?!", Blair tells her to chillax 'cause she negotiated the contact in such a way that she'll make up for that shortfall by overcharging on champagne and napkins. Tootie informs Natalie that she finished writing a one-woman play about Eleanor Roosevelt and would like her to read it over and offer her opinion. Natalie starts reading, quickly decides she doesn't want Tootie hovering over her while she reads, and beats a hasty retreat to the bedroom. Natalie sneaks into the kitchen and tells Blair, Jo, and Mrs. Garrett that she read Tootie's play and thinks it's by far the worst thing she's ever read. Blair advises her to avoid hurting Tootie's feelings and just say she looooved it, while Mrs. Garrett urges her to be diplomatic but honest. A few seconds later, Tootie enters the kitchen and excitedly asks Natalie what she thought of her play, and Natalie candidly says that while she loved the title and the non-plot structure, the rest of it was the shits. After the commercial break, Natalie says that the play's dialogue needs a whole lot of polishing 'cause of how stilted and downright stupid it is. Tootie contorts her face into a poutish expression before snarking that she's taking her play to Jo and Blair to see if they're willing to offer a more favorable opinion of her shittastic writing abilities. As Tootie and Natalie help Mrs. Garrett prepare food for the theatre party, Tootie bitchily accuses Natalie of being jealous of her for writing a terrific play on her own. When Jo and Blair enter the room, Tootie asks them what they thought of her play, and Jo wisely says she hasn't read it yet, while Blair breezily replies that she loooooved it. Tootie shoots Natalie a smug grin and flounces out, and Natalie sourly thanks Jo and Blair for making her look like the bad guy. Blair retorts that she should have expected an angry reaction from Tootie 'cause she told her something she didn't want to hear. Tootie is rehearsing her grisly play for the theatre competition that evening, and Natalie claps loudly, says she re-read the play, and is now claiming she looooooves it. Tootie skeptically mulls that over as she holds up two fugly dresses with loud patterns and asks which is more Eleanor Roosevelt...and when Mrs. Garrett points out that Eleanor was the subdued type and probably wouldn't have worn either dress, Tootie rolls her eyes and murmurs to Natalie that clearly Mrs. Garrett doesn't understand theatre folk. Andy arrives at Edna's Edibles with a crookedly painted White House backdrop for Tootie's one-woman play performance. Natalie blurts out, "It stinks", while Tootie says she loves it despite its obvious hideousness...so then Natalie amends her opinion and says, "It stinks in a good way." LOL. Andy beams happily and tells Tootie he also made some tree cutouts...and once the two are out of earshot, Mrs. Garrett chides Natalie for lying to Tootie's face and pretending to like her play. Natalie points out she's being forced to pretend 'cause Tootie has too thin a skin to grasp the concept of constructive criticism. Theatre party! As Mrs. Garrett serves hors d'oeuvres to the theatre crowd, she overhears one of the guests skewering Tootie's atrocious play. Blair and Jo circulate around the room, pushing as much champagne and napkins on the guests as possible so that Mrs. Garrett can maximize her earnings...and a few seconds later, Blair pulls Natalie aside and tells her that everyone is mocking Tootie for the unintentionally hilarious Eleanor Roosevelt spectacle they just witnessed. Natalie finds Tootie sulking in a corner 'cause of how suitably mortified she is by how hard the audience laughed during her death scene. LOL. She says she now fully realizes how terrible her play is - then rails at Natalie for revising her original opinion of the dreck and telling her it was good. Natalie growls in exasperation and admonishes her for not being more willing to listen to her suggestions, and points out that when she makes it as a famous actress she's going to need a friend who's willing to be brutally honest with her. Tootie mulls that over and grudgingly concurs...and the two raise their glasses of champagne and toast, "To Eleanor!" A customer tells Mrs. Garrett that her prepubescent assistant told her she could order a quiche in the shape of the Star of David for an upcoming bar mitzvah...and Mrs. Garrett hastily says, "Can do!", then shoots Andy an appreciative look as she rips up the 'man wanted' sign. Looks like the imp is here to stay. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: It's Christmastime in Peekskill, and Mrs. Garrett is getting into the spirit of the holiday by giving away free pastries to everyone who steps foot in Edna's Edibles. When Jo chides her for needlessly giving food away, she explains that she's merely following the tradition of her mother, who insisted on giving to the poor - even though they too were poor. Jo's like, "That's nice. Now stop it 'cause it's hurting our bottom line." Blair breezes into the store and announces that she and her snooty rich friends have decided to put on a Christmas show for the Nickelby Home for Boys, and excitedly gabbles about how the lads are going to get a show they'll never forget. A few seconds later, the snooty rich friends arrive and tell Blair that they booked a jazz band for the after-party, aka after they're done their good deed...and Mrs. Garrett scrunches her face disapprovingly and remarks on the unseemliness of spending Christmas partying to jazz music at a country club. A few hours later, Blair returns home looking discombobulated. When everyone asks her whassup, she says she just learned that the Nickelby Home for Boys is less a home for boys than it is a prison for grown men - LOL - and that she and her friends are so skeered to perform there that they're going to bail out by telling the assistant warden they're all sick. Jo angrily retorts that convicts (like her dad once was) are people too, and that it's important for them to know that someone on the outside cares about them. Blair points out how cruel it'd be to parade a lovely blonde such as herself in front of a bunch of horny inmates who have zero chance of hooking up with her, and Jo rolls her eyes and challenges her to get out of her comfort zone and come face-to-face with the type of people she's been sheltered from up until now. When the assistant warden arrives to pick up Blair and her snooty pals and give them a ride to the prison, Blair tells him there's been a mixup, namely that they thought the prison was a home for young boys and that they're too skeered to sing and dance in front of a group of hardened criminals. The assistant warden assures her that the men will be well supervised, but Blair firmly says it's a no-go. As the assistant warden nods glumly and shuffles dejectedly towards the door, Mrs. Garrett perkily offers to bring the inmates some Edna's Edibles fruitcake. Jo perks up at that and says she'd be willing to entertain the men by playing Christmas songs on the piano...and then Natalie and Tootie agree to come along and do their best to perform something halfway interesting. Blair's all, "Wha-a-a-a??" at her castmates' sudden interest in entertaining convicts with a Christmas show, and reluctantly agrees to tag along. Mrs. Garrett and the gals arrive at the Nickelby prison...and everyone (sans Blair) huddles together to flesh out the content of the impromptu Christmas show. As Mrs. Garrett plays the piano, Jo and Natalie step onto the stage dressed up as Scrooge and an elf and perform a holiday duet, which the inmates really get into and enthusiastically clap along with. Afterwards, the three run backstage, high five each other for the awesome performance...and then Mrs. Garrett wrings her hands nervously about Act 2: her solo rendition of Oh Holy Night. Edna starts personally greeting each of the inmates before getting snapped at by some of the more impatient inmates to get her ass back on stage and put on a show. With Jo on the piano, Mrs. Garrett belts out Oh Holy Night, and the men woot and cheer appreciatively. Tootie follows with a festive Christmas medley while decked out in a pretty white dress. When she finishes with a sassy flourish, the inmates cheer and chant, "More! More! More!" and the Facts gals scrunch their faces anxiously at the realization that there is no more show to offer. Blair sighs deeply and offers to perform, sadly conceding, "It's my turn." She somberly shuffles on stage, clasps her hands demurely in front of her, and croaks I'll Be Home For Christmas...which seemed like an insensitive choice to perform for prison inmates, but OK. Jo accompanies her on the piano as the rest of the cast comes out to join them, and the men - who I can only assume are mostly convicts with hearts of gold - sway in their seats and cheerily sing along. LOL. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Tootie and Natalie are busily cleaning the store while Mrs. Garrett is being tutored in algebra by a prodigy nerd-child named Craig. Mrs. Garrett explains that she failed algebra in high school and decided 'why not retake it decades later?' so she can be all 'in yer face!' to the mean-spirited teacher who failed her, even though he's surely dead by now...or if alive would likely have no memory of failing a shrieky redheaded teenager. Natalie glares suspiciously at Craig and tells Tootie she's pretty sure that the pint-sized genius is up to something nefarious - but Tootie points out that he's just a kid and therefore unlikely to have an ulterior motive other than wanting to earn some cash for a tutoring gig. A few seconds later, Jo enters the room wearing Blair's watch and says she's borrowing it 'cause she needs something to use as a stopwatch for an exam and can't seem to find her own watch. Natalie plants various toys that would appeal to young boys around the living room and pronounces that if Craig shows zero interest in all of them, she's calling the government. Blair returns home after a shopping binge - just as Jo bursts in stinking of BO after playing a vigorous game of basketball following her exam. Blair notices the watch she's wearing and remarks that it looks a lot like her watch, minus the crystal, and Jo's like, "It is your watch...and oops, I broke it during the basketball game." She takes it off and hands it to Blair, who fiddles with it for a few seconds before crying, "It's not working! You broke it!" Jo's all, "Oh well" and reminds her she has a dozen other watches, and Blair shoots her the stink-eye and points out that she's not even considering the possibility that the watch holds special meaning for her. Jo confirms that, nope, she couldn't give even the tiniest of rat's asses about the broken watch and invites her to break something of hers...and when Blair snarks that she would if she owned anything worth breaking, Jo retorts with a dismissive eye roll and and goes upstairs to shower. When Craig is a few minutes late for his tutoring session with Mrs. Garrett, Natalie offers to take over for him - but then Craig arrives a few seconds later and suggests that Natalie join the tutoring effort 'cause of how well she understands Mrs. Garrett and can put her in the best mood possible to be tutored. Natalie perks up at the nonsensical flattery and eagerly agrees to pitch in. Blair tells Jo she wants to discuss her broken watch again in order to get her to fully grasp that 1) she was wrong to take the watch without asking, and 2) she's a shameless jerk for not apologizing for breaking it. Jo makes it clear that, yep, she couldn't give less of a shit about breaking her watch...so Blair nods sadly and says, "Then I have nothing more to say" and motions at a cute blonde man who's been on standby at the entrance of Edna's Edibles. He enters the shop and hands Jo a subpoena to appear in small claims court...and Jo reads it over and chuckles 'cause she assumes it's a prank - but promptly stops chuckling when she realizes she's actually being summoned to court for her shitty disregard of Blair's damaged property. Jo enlists Tootie to pretend to act as her lawyer in small claims court, so Tootie tries to school Jo in the art of looking sympathetic to a jury...and by jury, I mean a menagerie of stuffed animals that Tootie has gathered together and placed on the couch. Jo snappishly argues that she feels zero remorse for breaking the watch 'cause of how self-centered and spoiled Blair is - but then admits that she finds the notion of going to court scary, 'cause where she comes from court usually translates to jail. When Tootie suggests she simply apologize to Blair for her misdeed, Jo refuses and stubbornly declares that she won't back down out of a fear of serving jail time. Natalie enters the room, sits with the jury of stuffed animals and declares Jo guilty, then implores Jo to just talk to Blair and settle the stupid matter out of court. Blair returns home and haughtily announces that she's not dropping the case as long as Jo continues to act such a dickwad about destroying her property, and Jo chortles and says it's such a weak case she's confident the judge will toss it out. Court day! After Jo and Tootie express surprise that the small claims court has no jury, Blair begins to explain The Case of the Broken Watch to the judge. A few seconds later, Mrs. Garrett rushes in and shriekily interrupts the proceedings to urge Blair and Jo to sort out the matter by talking it through...prompting the judge to order her to shut it and sit down. Natalie is sworn in as a witness for the plaintiff, and says that while she hates taking sides, she can't deny the fact that she witnessed Jo borrowing Blair's watch without permission. After she flees the stand, Jo confesses to borrowing the watch - but then admonishes Blair for blowing the whole thing out of proportion purely out of spite. Blair denies acting spiteful and complains that Jo has no respect for her things 'cause she's rich...and adds that Jo's lack of respect for her things translates to Jo's lack of respect for her. The judge mulls that over with a glazed over expression before adjourning for lunch. Blair explains to Jo that she took her to court 'cause of how hurtful it was that she clearly didn't care about her feelings...and treated her as though she didn't deserve any consideration just 'cause she's well-to-do. Jo, who's finally summoned the decency to look sheepish about breaking a watch that didn't belong to her and therefore had no business using, tells Blair she has so much expensive stuff she likes to be flashy with that it's hard to not be resentful of how privileged she is. Blair admits that, yep, she can be braggy and flamboyant...and Jo puts her serious face on and apologizes for breaking her watch the way she should have just done at the beginning of the episode to spare us the inanity of watching this pointless storyline escalate to an appearance in small claims court. Jo offers to pay for the watch - but when she learns it's worth $300, offers to buy Blair a cup of coffee instead. Blair's like, "Deal!" and the two exit the courtroom, their arms tenderly wrapped around each other's waist. Mmm hmm.. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: As the Facts gals bustle about the store, they notice that Mrs. Garrett's secret admirer has left her a single red rose for what's now the third day in a row. Mrs. Garrett giggles blushingly, while Blair urges caution and points out that this person could be a lunatic. Natalie breezes into the room and reminds everyone about the job interview she had with the Peekskill Press yesterday and warns how bummed she'll be if she doesn't get it. A few seconds later, her new boyfriend Brian drops by to say hey and arrange for them to meet up at his workplace, the local ice cream shop, at 5pm. He says he's eager to hear whether or not she got the job, gushes, "You're the greatest!" and heads out. Natalie giddily tells the rest of the Facts cast how lucky she is to have snagged a college freshman who made the Langley wrestling team, and says she assumes he's with her 'cause of how perpetually upbeat and jokey she is [whereas I'd be more inclined to chalk it up to Brian's dorky inability to attract a college-age female]. At the ice cream shop, Brian asks Natalie if she'd like to accompany him to a wrestling match so he can check out his competition, and she perkily agrees and says it sounds like an awesome way to spend the evening. A customer recognizes Brian as a member of the wrestling team and warns that he's going to be up against a muscular guy nicknamed Goliath...and when Brian looks alarmed at the notion of wrestling anyone nicknamed Goliath, Natalie waves her hand dismissively and assures him he'll do fine. Tootie drops by the shop to pick up some gelato and tells a secretly anxious Natalie she has no update about any incoming calls from the Peekskill Press about whether or not she got the job. Mrs. Garrett has now gotten roses ten days in a row, and is so flattered by the attention that she can't bring herself to throw out the ones that have dried up. A few seconds later, Natalie ambles into the room and glumly informs everyone that she didn't get the newspaper job and is pretty despondent about it. Mrs. Garrett's all, "Fuck the Peekskill Press" and vows to cancel their subscription, then suggests to Natalie that she and Brian spend the evening in instead of going out to a movie. Natalie says she doesn't want to make a big deal out of her bad news to Brian 'cause she's worried that if she lets him see anything other than her perpetually perky demeanor, he'll want to end the relationship. When Brian arrives to pick up Natalie for their date, she beams fake happily while greeting him hello. He asks her if it's OK for them to stay in tonight, then says he's feeling pretty down after a lousy wrestling practice and getting chewed out by his coach - plus he's freaked out by having to compete against Goliath. Tootie interjects and says the mood hasn't exactly been jubilant around Edna's Edibles lately...and when Brian's all, "Wuh?" and asks Natalie if something's wrong, she tells him she didn't get the Peekskill Press job - but that she's completely A-OK about it, and to prove it she gives him her trademark squinty-eyed grin as she gaily refers to herself as The Unsinkable Natalie Green. Later, Natalie breezily assures Brian that Goliath really isn't all that big - but Brian scrunches his face worriedly, then asks if she'd like to have some coffee and rail about how dispirited she must be about not getting her dream job. Natalie shrugs and tells him it's no big deal, and Brian stares dejectedly into space and says, in that case, he'll head back to the dorm now. He gives her a peck on the lips, tells her she's special, then opens his mouth again as if to add something...but stops and stares sadly into space. After he dejectedly shuffles off, Blair emerges wearing her bathrobe and curlers in her hair and chortles about her willingness to hide out in the kitchen until the coast was clear, 'cause she couldn't risk a male seeing her looking less than her best. Natalie's like, "Er, OK..?" and says she feels soooooooo shitty about not getting the Peekskill Press job...and Blair concurs that indeed it is shitty, but assures her that other opportunities will come along. Natalie stares at the phone, wills it to ring, and moans that Brian hasn't called her for four long days. Mrs. Garrett's like, "'Nuff with your problems" and excitedly announces that she finally met the secret admirer who's been leaving her roses...then sheepishly admits the guy's a cheese salesman and that leaving red roses are part of his company's ad campaign. She informed him she was happy with her current cheese supplier - but after enjoying some flirty banter, has a date lined up with him later tonight. When Natalie complains to Tootie about Brian not calling her, Tootie urges her to open up to Brian about how mopey she's been lately. Natalie's all, "No way!" and says she's too afraid she'll lose him if she were to suddenly drop her 'I'm so bubbly all the time!' schtick whenever she's in his presence. Natalie eventually decides to follow Tootie's advice and stops by the ice cream shop to ask Brian if he's giving her the cold shoulder. He shrugs unhappily and says he's been assuming that since she won't share her true feelings about anything, she must not be interested in him. Natalie hangs her head in shame and admits that, yep, she was deeply bummed about not getting the Peekskill Press job - but assures him that her emotionally constipated type attitude in not wanting to express her true feelings about it has absolutely nothing to do with how much she likes him. Brian chides Natalie for joking around all the time and says there are times he wishes she'd put her serious face on so he can get to know the real her. Natalie mulls that over and warns him that she has the full range of negative emotions any regular person might have - anger, anxiety, depression - and that at times it's not pretty. Brian says he's totes OK with that, then confides that he's had so much anxiety about her seeming disinterest in him that he chewed his fingernails to the quick...and she's all, "Ack!" at the sight of his gnarled fingers and assures him she likes him a lot before the two hug it out in a PG embrace. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Jo arrives at Langley's campus radio station with Natalie in tow, ready to start the night-long shift required for the Radio Management class she's taking. Her professor storms in, snarks at her about her incomplete log reports, warns her that she's falling behind in his class...and that if she doesn't shape up immediately, he's going to flunk her. Once he's out of hearing range, Natalie stares over at Jo in alarm and reminds her that if she fails the class it'll mean losing her scholarship, but Jo breezily retorts that she's not worried about that in the slightest. Natalie heads off for an night bowling tournament - just as Victor, Jo's DJ partner, stumbles in. When it's clear that he's inebriated past the point of being remotely functional as a DJ, he admits to getting shitfaced during a frat initiation, and that he forgot to bring the keys to the record cabinet. Jo's all, "The fuck..?" and calls Edna's Edibles to leave an urgent message for Mrs. Garrett and the Facts gals to gather up as many records as they can carry and rush them over to the campus radio station. Victor, who seems wholly unconcerned by the chaos he's caused with his binge-drinking, promptly falls over in a useless drunken heap. Jo rushes from the announcer's booth to the record player to re-announce and replay the songs from the only album she currently has available - just as Mrs. Garrett, Tootie, and Natalie rush in with a stack of records. Blair saunters in a few seconds later and tells Jo she really really needs to talk to her about Brad...aka, the latest guy she's been seeing, even though last I heard she was supposed to be committed to Cliff, her stripper-turned-med-student boyfriend who moved to Dallas last season. Jo brusquely says she's too busy to counsel her on account of she and the rest of the Facts gang need to run around the radio station like headless chickens to announce the song titles/artists before racing back to the record player to put needle to vinyl. Following that, they take turns reading aloud various news and weather briefs...and Tootie approaches DJing like an acting exercise, which irks Jo to the point that she eventually barks at her to get lost. Victor, meanwhile, regains consciousness long enough to fumble around and break the record player, and everyone's all, "Ack!" and starts panicking about how they're going to provide entertainment for the radio listeners [who are, by this point, too despondent to reach the dial to switch stations] without the ability to play music. Natalie decides 'why not take up as much airtime as possible pretending to be a news anchor who's talking to multiple reporters out in the field?' ... while Tootie haphazardly launches a talk radio show to give relationship advice. She advises her first caller to dump her shithead of a boyfriend...resulting in the shithead of a boyfriend calling the radio station to threaten to "straighten out" the idiot who just advocated his dumping. Mrs. Garrett takes the 1:00am shift and urges women to think about the consequences of hitting the sheets with their boyfriends...then quickly decides that this is an episode less about the perils of premarital sex than it is the merry bedlam of the hapless Facts cast trying to keep a radio station going with zero interesting content, and happily lets Blair take over the mic to report the latest Langley sports news. Tootie wigs out to Natalie about how terrified she is that the angry dumped boyfriend might follow through with his threat to straighten her out, and says she's going to preempt a possible attack by stacking what looks like empty boxes in front of the door. Later, everyone takes a souvlaki break and lets the souvlaki deliveryman take to the campus airwaves to fill some airtime. When Jo remarks that they only have one hour left in her shift, Natalie and Mrs. Garrett offer to do a movie review. Blair settles on Tootie to unload her latest boyfriend troubles, which are that Brad left her waiting at a party while he went to get them drinks and chat with his ex-girlfriend. Tootie points out to Blair that she assumed the worst and didn't give him a chance to explain...then suggests that she go on the air to apologize to Brad for her haughty 'tude. Blair mulls that over, decides 'sure, why the hell not?', and issues a public apology to Brad for bitchily jumping to conclusions. Natalie is wrapping up the shift by reading aloud the latest newspaper comics (you heard me) just as Brad arrives at the station to tell Blair how much he appreciated her apology. Victor, meanwhile, awakens from his drunken slumber and stares around sheepishly, and Blair offers to give him a lift home [instead of depositing him onto the nearest curb like I would have had no problem doing]. Jo tells everyone she's grateful for their help...and they wrap up the idiocy of what passed for a Facts of Life Season 6 episode by belting out the national anthem. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! |
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